Be careful what you wish for. - 8

[BrianN]

Things are going so well with us after two days that I'm getting stupid again... suspicious.  What's wrong with this picture?  I had my own special love and want for this woman for so many months, and now there's no turning back - I'm falling like a rock.  But it's not the same.  Not the same woman.  Who is this wonderful lady?  We go to the internet cafe, and after I've finished with my daily business, I decided to pull up the prompt translator just to see what I could find out.  She could speak passable english, but... just maybe...  

I wrote to her, that I was wondering what she felt now, after only two days, that things were going so well and I was puzzled because she had said so little about anything other than just wanting me and we were loving the heck out of each other...

I got my answer immediately.  Giving her the keyboard, and reading my mind as she only knows how, she so quickly and eloquently typed out in Russian, "If you think I play with your emotions, then maybe  you should wait for two or three days and then you can decide what is best".  Oh jeez.  There it was.  That was the direct, hard-hitting, no-nonsense woman that I had been writing to for more than 11 months, and had nothing but pure love and happiness with for two days, with a virtual shut-off of communication because of what?  Interpreters.  None around.  It takes me at least two days to begin to realize that this isn't a dream, that she's the hottest woman I've ever had in my life, and an exact duplicate of myself in all of the right departments.  It wasn't just me that was suprised with her, but her... that was so unbelieveably suprised with me... how I could be the exact dupe of what she dreamed of for so long.  She never believed in the marriage agency, she thought it was a scam just to get her money... but yet, it's happening, for real.

She's a nut out in public, just like me.  We're walking down the street, and I turn my head to give her a quick kiss, and it turns into the best pda you ever saw.  Older Russian men give us thumbs up sometimes when they see this and say "Good people!"... Lena's happy.  Wow.  She doesn't care about anything, and she's not bashful.... kiss anywhere, hug anywhere, same level of affection that I want... we talk about everything, other russian women, ex's... old loves...  I wanted to make a photo journal of sorts of beautiful russian women in Novosibirsk with my camera and she stops me when one's too fat.  She takes pictures herself....  

One of proudest moments was when she kisses me on the street, grabs my chin, looks straight into my eyes and says "my beautiful man, no man has ever kissed me on the street like you because they are afraid of what other man think of them...  I love you for this, you are the only man for me"..

Over time, we had on and off talks about our 11 month relationship and reminisced about our emotional ups and downs - and how close we came to splitting up in email.  

One part that really got to me, was when she said "I was hope you like me when you come here.  If you don't, I don't know what I would do".  I almost fell to my knees and cried when she said that, and realized that she had already made up her mind on me months before I was 100 percent sure, (which was now) about her.  

Even now, I still can't even begin to figure out how to express my gratitude other than to just be myself.  We laughed, we cried a lot....

one time she said, "I can't cry, I'm strong woman", but when I found her in the bathroom, tears were streaming down her face and I told her that I loved it, and wanted her to be "herself" like this always with me...  she cried even more.  Elena is so happy she found a man that would allow her to be herself, and accept her for all that she was, her strengths and weaknesses.  

There has been nothing but tears of happiness for us both.  Neither of us had yet to figure out how to cope with our good fortune of meeting each other from so far away.

We still haven't...

[Phillip]

... in response to Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

BrianN, you should email me at phillipfallon@nospam.com.  Do you live in Atlanta?  That's where we live.  As a matter of fact, my wife worked for the agency that you used, and she knows Olga.  She remembers parts of your story, though I'm not sure if she was working there at the time.  She doesn't remember speaking to you, though.  Maybe we could get together.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by Phillip on May 31, 2002

Her name Tanya?  24 yo?

[Phillip]

... in response to hmmm, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

No, Tanya is married to the owner's son.  My wife's name is Fallon, but she did do some interpreting work on conference calls.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: hmmm, posted by Phillip on May 31, 2002

Ok, well I hope that it's not the same tanya!  She was interested in my friend from quebec about 8 months ago, among other guys that is...  lol.  

Nope didn't know Fallon, the first time I think I talked directly to anyone was in July or August (?), and it was Tanya... then later Olga always translated because Tanya wasn't helping out that much at the agency anymore.

I'll be in touch with you shortly regarding other stuff.

Thanks.

[thesearch]

... in response to Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

Nice, sounding all very good. Congratulations

Great Posts

Thanks

[Phillip]

... in response to Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

BrianN,
    I had a similar experience with my dream girl (I mean, the roller coaster of emotions and the love-at-first-sight rush of pure energy).  My advice?  Marry her.  NOW.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by Phillip on May 31, 2002

The most interesting part Phil, was realizing that I had to deal with almost two separate versions of the same woman I had come to know.

If you looked through our emails over the last year, you'd see what I mean.  It's like... dang... how to explain it...  she's so stinking intelligent, and not afraid of confrontation when she see's a red flag herself. When I was with her I was dealing with a woman that could speak "workable" english enough that we could carry out conversations, but without any of the depth we had before using a translator.

A sophisticated thinking woman is a real turn on for me, and that is what I thrived on for 11 months.  Then when I got there all of her sophistication vanished.  But when I got her on prompt, or with a translator, it was so bizarre
that the sophisticated intelligent, and thinking woman with a penchant for emotional expression was sitting right there next to me... wow.  

To this moment, it has got to be one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had in my life.  I'm so used to dealing with english speaking Asian women for the last 20 years that this has become more fun than I thought it ever would be.  So unique.  

The craziest part of all of it, was that Lena thought that this process would never happen and she would never meet a guy that would enjoy or appreciate her every thought or concern.  That's why she's so crazy about me.  Good thing no other crazy americans met her before I did.

Ok, I've about worn this thread out and I'll shut up.  It's just been great to talk about it all and get it off my chest because I got no where else to vent this great @#$%.

[robobond]

... in response to Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

BrianN, Jack, chuck12, KenC.  I'd like to see a lot more intellegent conversations like this on this forum.  As my Scottish grandfather used to say, "you are (all) a scholar and a gentleman."

Thank you very much.

[Jack]

... in response to Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

Brian,

 I am happy for you. Now I would hope that you as you proceed, you are sure of your choice and the path you take.

 First I think we need more post's such as this. No scam, only smiles and happiness. Second, I think more guys ARE becoming educated, more guys are making smart, informed, experienced, choices.

 And lastly, is this the woman for you?  Let me play the devils's advoate here. Let me be, as Drew baby would say anyway, the bad guy here.

 Brian each and every Russian woman is different. There may be a tendecy for more Russian women to do one thing, and a lesser amount of Russian women to do what the majority does not do. So all Ruusian women, all American men are and will be different. Does not make anyone, or anything one does, as being right or wrong (excluding the extremes).

 I can only speak and make comparisons to what you have stated to my own mexperience, and to a lesser extent, from what I am told and have learned from a great deal of other men.

 There are some aspects of what you have written me that do concern me, and I am pulling for you, hoping the best for you, but as I say, let me take the roll of the bad guy amoungest all the well wishers (which I am one of).

 Brian, my own experience is that most Russian women I have been exposed to where VERY hesitiant to kiss in public. Holding hands was one thing, and kissing privately was another, but very few ladies cared for kissing in public to this man they had only known for a few days. The majority of ladies I meet were more on the bashful side which I kind of liked. On the other hand, I found ladies who may not have been so sincere or real, were a little more to kiss in public, be a little less bashfull. A little more focused on living in America.

 Brian, for this lady, after only a few days to say, I love you, you are the only man for me, is a bit sudden, only in my opinion.

 Everything you write looks wondeful and right out of a storybook fairy tail. Such events, such relationships, do happen, I know of a few personally and the couples could not be more in love. It does and will happen, let there be no mistake about that!

 Now Brian, is this the very first Russian woman you have ever met?  Or have you previously been able to see and visit, get to know, other Russian ladies?

 All the joy and happiness and feelings you wrote, I had the same, I felt the same as you after meeting my very first Russian lady. Your post's brought back so many happy memories and feelings from my own first meeting of a Russian woman. She was the one for me. I felt I loved her and she loved me. The little tears of joy coming down Svetlana's cheeks were also very emotional. As I left Moscow, she was going to be my future wife.

I guess I was in-deed a very lucky man that I had made a committment to meet a second lady in another city on my very first trip.

 The next week as I meet and spend the week with Veronica, it was deja-vu, the same thing, the same joy and feelings as the week before. WOW, was I a lucky man. Can you imagine that, after writing these two ladies for five and six months each, how lucky I was to have been able to meet the very two best Russian women for me in all of Russia.

Now the big problem, which one of these ladies would I choose to be my wife?

 Brian, I have seen all types of senerios in this wonderful pursuit. My only, my best advice to you, if this is the first, and only Russian woman you have ever met, You owe it to yourself, you really should meet a few more Russian ladies. I often wonder about the men who met and marry the first and only Russian woman they ever met (and MANY do) how they will now go thru the rest of there life and always wonder, 'I wonder what would have happened if I had of met another, or a few more Russian women?' How can we make such an important choice without being able to compare other Russian women, how do we know that this is the best Russian woman for ourself if we never had another Russian woman to compare her too?

 I hope for your happiness and don't want to seem like the only wet blanket in your party of well wishers.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by Jack on May 31, 2002

First off, you're a little "un-armed" because I haven't let you in on the whole story... just the good sheet.

I know for a fact, that there's a lot of women over there I'd have a blast with, on the same playing field, and would actually have just as good a time as we did.  But there's one reason for this....  

Look everywhere, and you see the straight, solid, emotionless faces on all of them.  They've been programmed through culture to be like this, and when given a method to escape that modus operandi, some may jump at the chance, (as lena did), and others may be a lot slower to.  I actually met a few others for seconds, (went to the local kiosk to buy stuff), and when I explained I was american... those faces went from cold steel, to smiling so softly.  Even their shoulders dropped from attention. I knew what they were thinking, and I felt really great having that much of an effect on a woman in a matter of seconds.  And they would have been whoooooo!!!  (lol fantasy land).

There were a LOT of women that I was interested in for the first two years of playing around in this field, but there's only one thing that would really satisfy me, and that was to have the emotional and mental balance that I needed.

Second, and the crux of the problem, is that I'm a single parent to a crazy funny-asz 16 year old mentally retarded daughter that crawls around upstairs in the house all day playing with papers and boxes and stuff.  She's really nothing more than like a 1 year old baby that never grew up. (she still feeds out of a bottle too, and prefers to be alone most of the time, spending hours in the bath or jacuzzi is her favorite thing to do, and she is pretty much a trouble free kid...)

I had all of this in my profile, and it seemed as if some read it, and others (probably scammer/surfers), didn't even look at it at all.

So, after the first letters with Lena, I discovered that she had just moved out of a job where she worked for three years in an orphanage with retarded kids.  Her cousin Anna, (who is in the family pic), is 20 years old, also a little "not all there", who must be taken care of probably for most of her life by her parents also.  Before I even started down this path with anyone, I had to make sure that they knew exactly what they were getting into.

But you know what?  Lena was the only woman that was honest with me about it.  No bs.  She said that while she had worked with kids like this in a more professional capacity for several years, she did not know how she would feel towards my daughter as a step-parent; and she wouldn't know this until she spent time with her.  

This was the primary reason why I kept such a long, tight string on this, and we exchanged over 800 expensive emails probing each others thoughts and emotions to try to eke out every single mechanism that each other had before I actually took the time to go all the way over there.  But no sht, I almost dumped her in March because my radar sensitivity was set to such a high level, that my tolerance for misunderstandings had become almost zero.  That was the reason that I went, because I had to see for myself, if THIS woman was for real.... and if things were there physically, and if one on one compatibility was going to be a problem.

So, yes, my journey was 100 percent intentional, one woman oriented.  To a woman that had lived the life of a divorced fsu wife - with no where for emotional release.  When she found out how free spirited I was, and accepted her and treated her the way she wanted to be treated, we just totally clicked and the rest is history.

I've had other women here in the states that would like to be with me, but I know I'm either too much, or not enough for them.... (been there and done that).  So, in this light, I don't need to cruise through a lot of women to make a decision on whether I might've met the right one, or second guessed myself later because I met the wrong one, I just do it, and then let the cards fall where they may.

If she discovers after she arrives here, that she can't handle it, then I'll happily send her back home, and chalk it up to just another day in my life - (this wouldn't be her fault after all).  However, if she is able to work with this plan and be satisfied, I will NEVER EVER wonder, what if... I had chosen that gorgeous 40 yo from Dnepropetrovsk that I originally had my sights on early last year, or... even another lady I had eyes for in Novosibirsk.  

So there you have the "real" story... In all honesty, I'm 100 percent satisfied with what I've got, and don't need anymore.  Hell, I can fantasize about the neighbors wife just as good as any other guy can - and play "what if", but I don't think I'll have to... (not too much anyway, he'll be too busy fantasizing about mine)...  lol.

bd.

[BrianN]

... in response to Ok, the complete story then....., posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

If I didn't have life's circumstances on me as I do now, I would do exactly as you suggest, as it would be a little bit more natural to experiment since I would have a lot more "open ended" options.

I do value your opinion, even if you seem to be like an LP on the edges sometimes.

Cheers and thanks for the best wishes.

I know I'm going to need whatever I can get... and if you've got any other tips based on what I've told you now, I'd be quite appreciative of them.

Thanks again.

bd.

PS:  I (we) will be there at the next tex/rus bbq thing next year if we're invited.  I've got relatives and friends from there and the timing of May/whenever works for me. Besides, I wanna meet the blm and check his ID!  (LOL!).

[Jack]

... in response to Last mention of this Jack...., posted by BrianN on Jun 1, 2002

Brian,

  There is no cookie-cutter form or method, no right or wrong way for everyone to go about this most woderful pursuit. As we are all individuals, many will take different approachs. Each and everyone of us must pursue this search for our Russian dream bride in the manner that is most to the individuals liking.

  With over eight years of this being part of my daily life I see many trends and deal with percentages a lot. The percentage of scammers out there, the percentage of ladies most guys meet before finding the right one, the percentage of wrong address's sold by Anastasia, AFA, Firstdream, European Connection, etc, the percentage of guys not making there flight arrival into Kiev or Moscow, the percentage of guys who will lose there luggage,the higher percentage of guys who will lose there luggage on LOT flights,etc, etc, etc.

  I base a lot of what I do and recommend to guys based on what I think there highest percentages are to meet the type of lady they are seeking with what the clients have to work with. I know how I feel guys will be more successful because I see it EVERYDAY.  Everyday in some part of the FSU there are at least two or three guys who are meeting several ladies as a result of our several months of work and prepartions. Almost everyweek I will have a man contact me who is about to go overseas and not realizes he was being scammed by the one woman he was going to see until the last moment. Today I have a 49 year old school teacher from New Jersey in Odessa seeing about 9 ladies who up until a week ago he never knew they existed. Today I have a 41 year old business owner from California who is in Moscow today visiting ladies who knew nothing about one week ago. He also, for the last two months was going to see one lady and as he was about to come see her, she suddenly has become un-available (can you say scam!).

  I have never met, or know of, one man who took his time, met several Russian ladies chose a wfe and got scammed. I do not know of one such case. On the otherhand I know of many, many men who met one lady, married her and there was of course major problems later. I will also say I know about 7 or 8 couples now who are happliy married and they met the one lady, never meeting a second woman.

 It will happen and I am pulling for you, and will offer you all the support and care I can in anyway I can help you. All I am saying is the percentages are much higher for problems in these marriages where the man only met one (or two) Russian women.

 You do have a very unique situation that no one knew about until you described it to us with your daughter. Based on what you have said about this woman, and her understanding to your situation, you have almost nothing to lose by going forward, as you are doing, and hoping for the best, as we will be doing for you.

 See you next Spring and I am sure BarryM will be proud to meet you as I will be.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Be careful what you wish for. - 8, posted by Jack on May 31, 2002

No problem Jack, was wondering where you went off to... lol.  (btw, bruce had some nice words to say about you when we met him at akademgorodok last Saturday).

My only serious red flag was two days into it, it was seemed too fast initially.  We also went to a separate interpreter and had another discussion about this.

I spent the whole time with her and her family... including getting incinerated at her brothers dacha in his sauna, spent the night there.... got the royal treatment from everyone including Igor me one of his lada's to drive the whole time I was there.  BTW, she don't need me, my money, or my house, or a visa.  She just wants a man that loves and respects her.  Lena's got a good job, she owns her own house, and has a nice family.  I can't even begin to replace the latter.... we had a long talk about this too.  Even she was honest enough to tell me that she doesn't know how she'll react to leaving everyone and everything behind that she's known all her life.

My problem isn't that I haven't had enough women, I've actually had too many.  (You couldn't figure it by my looks though

Like I said, I am not interested in seeing many russian women.  Only need one.  Was looking for a compatible mental and emotional connection that actually worked first and foremost, and whatever was attached to it, just came with the package.

I had written to a few others in the first few months, but I don't "do dating", and I don't play the field.  Same thing with women here in the states, just like the women in other countries I've been to.  Find one, and have fun getting to know one another.

I don't mind taking risks, and weighing the benefits and possible results of my actions, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Ummm... there was one other very specific issue regarding this relationship that I don't think anyone knows about here... (I briefly mentioned months ago), and even while there are no guarantees in my relationship as it stands now, even after she gets here, at least I'll be satisfied that I did the best that I can.  Can't ask for more than that.

Thanks,
bd.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Re: Be careful what you wish for. - ..., posted by BrianN on May 31, 2002

Brian,
On showing affection in public: When I first met my wife she was too shy to kiss me goodnight in front of the taxi driver.  We had to go into the apartment for a smootch.  After my second trip, we were running through the train from Moscow yelling how much we loved each other.  There are no rules.  Best of luck to you.
KenC