... in response to A story, any thoughts?, posted by Philb on Mar 2, 2002There could be a few interpretations of her actions. Of course, the first is that she is not as serious as you might have thought, and that she is still in active seacrh for someone. However, it is also just as likely that the seriousness of your visit, and the seriousness of her intentions with you, and your intentions with her, caused her to want to "test the market" one last time, before she makes any decisions.
It can be helpful to evaluate the strength of your relationship in very honest terms. How deeply have the two of you gone is dicussing you lives together. Does she ask you good questions about your life, your work, your attitudes? Does she seem to be as interested in your feelings, as you are in hers? Does she express affection spontaneously?
If you feel that the two of you have a good connection emotionally, and psychologically, then she should be comfortable answering a non-threatening question such as, " I am very serious about you. Do you still feel the need to search. I saw a new ad for you, and wanted to know what this meant." Ask her in a calm tone, and then evaluate her answer. Give this matter time to work out; she may not be ready to respond carefully. She may respond with, "don't you trust me? Why were you searching my name?" If she's hostile in her response, her defensiveness might suggest she's not being honest with you.
What she says to you may not be as important as how she says it. It is natural for men and women, as they are about to make definitive plans, to test the market, just ever so slightly. We all know this feeling. It's a way of testing the seriousness of one's feelings, sometimes.
Finding her on these sites is a bummer, no doubt. Work through this, and see how she responds. Good luck.
