wanting out of fsu

[thesearch]

... in response to Then go meet her, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 19, 2002

I am with 100% relative to the chemistry issue. After you find that the chemistry is there you have move to the next step to evaluate the really important issues above and beyond this that make a relationship last.

[Dan]

... in response to wanting out of fsu, posted by greg2 on Feb 18, 2002

Isn't it a conundrum? On the one hand, we need to meet a lady that is open and willing (at least) to consider leaving their home, family and all that they've known, for a new start in another country. On the other hand, if the lady expresses that desire too strongly, we consider it a 'red flag.'

I am not saying that to dissuade or to encourage. Only that what she has written suggests to me that she is a realist, has identified what is necessary (from her current perspective of national and world events) to insure that she and her daughter enjoy a better life. I see nothing the least bit unusual or put-offish in that.

Greg, you open your post by saying that nothing in her message overly concerns you. I agree with that view.

You also offer that she has a daughter and has been quite forthcoming with you about her desires, wishes and plans. I hope you are reciprocating.

She has made it quite plain that she is beginning to build plans around the possibility of something working out with you. It sounds like you are being equally honest and forthright with her about your plans and interests. Your further challenge (it seems you already know this) will be to balance between being completely honest with her about your intentions and plans - while at the same time recognizing that she may elect a more expeditious route to a better life.

Best of luck with it.

- Dan

[greg2]

... in response to Reality Check . . ., posted by Dan on Feb 18, 2002

Time will tell all I suspect. All I have to do is meet her and let us see what there is. I do prefer her honesty in her intentions.

[johnE]

... in response to wanting out of fsu, posted by greg2 on Feb 18, 2002

Greg,

My first impression is that she is being very honest. BIGTIME plus. Sounds alot like my wife in fact. She, my wife that is, made it perfectly clear that she was willing to change her life. Too leave Russia. She also made it clear that she had many opportunities to do so. Meaning foriegn men that is. Although I didn't actually realize this until we sat down one afternoon and began reading all her letters from other men. And yes, being financially cabable of taking care of a "family" was VERY important. But, so was love. The TWO had to go hand in hand. She wasn't willing to to meet, marry, and move to the other side of the planet strictly for money. There had to be love. She had to be "in love". Nor would she marry and relocate her and her son only to be dirt poor as well. Once again, she could have married some very wealthy men. Much wealthier than me. That's for sure. But, she married for love. AND, she knew that I could take care of a family as well. There's a balance here. At least that's the way I see it. But, once again, the love factor was every bit as important as the financial one. For me, my wife was very candid in what she wanted. She was very candid from the very beginning in fact. And she wasn't going to compromise. I appreciated this very much. I appreciated her honesty. I still do.

John

[greg2]

... in response to Re: wanting out of fsu, posted by johnE on Feb 18, 2002

John,

I am sensing that this lady is like yours. I will find out.

[RickM]

... in response to wanting out of fsu, posted by greg2 on Feb 18, 2002

Guess if you put the shoe on the other foot...
Can't blame a person for wanting to better their lives...
Isn't that the American dream...

[greg2]

... in response to Re: wanting out of fsu, posted by RickM on Feb 18, 2002

Yes and Rick,

She wants something and so do I. We are both willing to look to another country for what it has to offer. So, how could I think that what she is doing is wrong. She is being honest about it which is preferable.

[DE]

... in response to wanting out of fsu, posted by greg2 on Feb 18, 2002

Yep, she makes it pretty clear that her intent is to get out with her daughter.  I did not think that it is so easy for them to just pick up and go to Germany or Switzerland?  I'm sure if it was so easy, many would be doing this rather then trying to develop a relationship with a foriegn man.  What kind of work would she be doing?  Or do you suspect that this is a way for her to put pressure on you to shet or get off the pot?  Can't blame her really since at her age, she will not have this opportunity much longer.

Greg, you're a better man then me because I'd rather believe that she would rather live her life in her country then settle for a guy just to get the heck out of dodge.  Now, I'm not saying the she is "settling" for you, but it would sure make me wonder if I were in your shoes since her motivation to escape is pretty compelling.  Personally, I'd tell the women what my plans are in regards to visiting and tell her if that isn't soon enough for her likes, then I guess a women is got to do what a women has got to do!  Put the ball back in her court.  Don't be forced into "saving" her.  On the same hand, don't be misleading her if you don't have plans already on making a trip to meet her.

Glad I'm not in your shoes on this one.  Good luck to ya!

[greg2]

... in response to Re: wanting out of fsu, posted by DE on Feb 18, 2002

It is not that I necessarily think that she is just wanting to get out and go with just anyone. She says she is being selective and thinks I am worth meeting. Remember - she says she has had a lot of letters. If you saw her picture you could appreciate this. I just think that she is being very honest.

Yea I do sense she is just trying to put the pressure on me right now - I do not blame her. She is interested in me and wants to find out soon if there is anything that might come of it. Yes, I would not write to a lady and not go see her - but not sure when I will be able to - this year for sure but when?

[jj]

... in response to Re: wanting out of fsu, posted by DE on Feb 18, 2002

The way i see it if you are plannintg a trip then let her know.  If you are at all interested in meeting her then also let her know.  If you anre interested in knowing more about thye Germany/Switzerland thing ask for more information.  Communication is the MOST important thing when trying to pursue a long distance relationship.  Along with Trust, understanding and honesty.

[greg2]

... in response to Re: Re: wanting out of fsu, posted by jj on Feb 18, 2002

You have and another mentioned questions about the Germany option she mentions. I think I will ask her about that.