Any Russian step-moms out there?

[Mike]

My wife has been reading some Russian web sights and asked me to find out what the experiances has been for the guys here that are raising children with the aid of a Russian wife. We are more interested in those relations that are more then lets say a few months or one year, because that would not be a good representation as it is possible the true character hasn't surfaced yet. Thanks for any replies.
Mike

[SteveM]

... in response to Any Russian step-moms out there?, posted by Mike on Jan 31, 2002

We both had one son when we got together, and things were very tricky at first.  Mine was quite awful, and both of them were used to be only children.  But after a few months, they became like glue with each other.  It took a couple of months longer for him to accept my wife, but now he loves her very much.

While the initial reception stung her and caused problems between us, she has been really great for him.  Doing stuff as a family has been one of the best parts of our marriage.

Now, this may be a different situation than marrying someone who has no children of her own.  Of course that was an option that as a long term full time single father, I wasn't interested in pursuing--whether she was American, Russian, or otherwise.

Hope this helps...

Steve M.

[ChipShot]

... in response to We have been together 1.5 years, so..., posted by SteveM on Feb 1, 2002

I'm also a single Dad...

It's interesting how I can't seem to muster any enthusiasm for any of the divorced Moms here in my city.

What I perceive in the FSU (Russia & Ukraine) is a sense that some very decent, intelligent women married some rather neglectful guys, had a child, and then filed the simple papers and got divorced. None of the awful baggage as is here.

I can't always explain why I'm drawn to the FSU, but a lot of it has to do with the idea of starting a new family with a lovely woman and her child, also looking for a new start, without all the entanglements of ex-husband, visitation, etc. Plus, women with a child the age as mine ( all seem to be in there late 20's to early 30's. I'm 39....I like the numbers...

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Single Dads, posted by ChipShot on Feb 2, 2002

I am in almost the VERY same boat.

The reason I am looking abroad is to find a young mother without having to get entangled with the Ex. I would NEVER take a man's child away from him. But in the FSU, all of those guys have abandoned ship... it makes it very appealing.

BTW, I know what you mean about the age thing. I am 40. My last three girl friends (AW) have been 28, 30 and 32. I can't find a 40 year old woman to get serious because their kids are usually 16 or older, and they are getting ready to face an "Empty nest" and are looking forward to "me time." None want to get involved with a guy who has a kid in second grade.

So, I've been dating ten years my junior here. Looking for a 28 to 30 year old in the FSU is not a stretch for me at all.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to I couldn't agree more, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 2, 2002

BTW, for those idiot trolls...

All three of my past girlfriends here were gorgeous. One was even a part-time model. If I were after were "eye-candy" I sure wouldn't have to go 7000 miles to find it.

But I want the whole package: Looks, culture, and attitude.

I sure haven't found that here...

[Dan]

... in response to Any Russian step-moms out there?, posted by Mike on Jan 31, 2002

But we haven't yet crossed the year threshold.

What would you like to know??

- Dan

[Mike]

... in response to Yes, One Lives Under My Roof . . ., posted by Dan on Jan 31, 2002

It seems that 90+% of women on a forum for Russian women married abroad complain of one of two things. A man asking her why she doesn't get a job, and the raising of step-children. Seems that because RM will leave forever and stay out of her life and they expect us to be the same way. We wanted to see if this is a place where these women gather, or if this is something everyone experiances. The sad part is I suspect they never say anything to their husbands, but just complain on there??? I do know of one RW that treats her step-child as if it was hers, but from all the constant complaints it appears she is a rare person???
Mike

[Rags]

... in response to Re: Yes, One Lives Under My Roof . . ., posted by Mike on Jan 31, 2002

Must be a bunch of whiners with too much time on their hands. I know that my wife would have welcomed raising a step child. I have accepted her child as my own (something her biological father has never done) and she would gladly do the same for me.

As far as wanting to work goes, that was part of pre-engagement agreements. HER decision not mine. I told her that she would not have to work if she just wanted to stay home and raise our (her) daughter. She told me that she would not be happy staying at home and definitely wanted to work as soon as her English skills permitted.

We were at Micky D's the other day and a young Hispanic lady waited on us. After we left, I commented to V that her English was better than the girl at the register. She very seriously asked me if I thought that she could get a job there. I was flabergasted. I told her that I would find her a better job than that as soon as Dasha was in school.

[Mike]

... in response to Re: Bad Forum info, posted by Rags on Feb 1, 2002

Sounds like you are one of the lucky ones! My wife speaks good English and went to work once she found a job that was dignified, but told me ( in a nice way )that she wouldn't raise my child if I had a small one. I have custody of my son but he is 15 and prefers to stay mostly with my parents who live down the road a few miles ( where he gets everything he wants )but if he was to stay with me she wouldn't care because he is more like a grown up, but if he was very young and required constant supervision then she would of never came here. I swear this forum makes it look like FSU girls are always complaining about these topics! I'm glad you have such a good women, but doubt you will ever know how she would react until you were in that position. I was surprised that my wife admitted to this! ( I still think she is the greatest )But lets face it, if you're going to find a lover and leave everything behind would you want the job of raising another womans child?
Mike

[WmGo]

... in response to Re: Yes, One Lives Under My Roof . . ., posted by Mike on Jan 31, 2002

that the vast majority of FSUW *want* to work outside the house. This is what I have read in many places and what all of the ladies I have either corresponded with or met in person have told me. As a matter of fact, I cannot think of one that did not want to have a job - which I have come to realize would be a good idea.

Now you advise that FSUW on the referenced forum actually complain that there AM asks them why they don't get a job???

Is this just a few who make such a complaint?

Cabin fever not good.

[Mike]

... in response to I thought, posted by WmGo on Jan 31, 2002

Yes many want to work if they can make good money, but their dream ( it seems ) is to have children and not work, but only raise children. Now that in itself sounds fine, but the truth is many men can't afford to do this and provide the luxeries that they want to go with it. In many of these complaints these women have no kids at all and because he asked her " why don't you find a job?" they instantly freak out that they will not be full time housewive's when the time may come. For example one lady wrote:

I am married to an American and when he was leaving for work I asked him for some money to go shoping and while he was giving me the money he said why don't you find a job. I think I am pregnant and now after he said this to me I'm thinking of getting an abortion, blah blah blah. She receaved many suggestions that was in her support.

This is the kind of things typically posted, or they complain about step-children. One lady wrote of how her husband has a daughter that is a little high strung and they live in a studio apartment. She then goes on to say when the child visited for a week she thought the week would never end. Now the situation is the child needs to live with the father ( after being passed around from one relative to another ) and she says there is no room and they both work,blah blah blah. I will note that some FSU responded that if it was her child they would find room!

[WmGo]

... in response to You can only make conclusions based on w..., posted by Mike on Feb 1, 2002

Interesting.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Any Russian step-moms out there?, posted by Mike on Jan 31, 2002

Mike,

If you get information, could you pass it along.

Assuming I find an RW/UW, she'll be a step-mom, too. I would be interested in any advice those who have been through it might share...