Lessons learned from a personal ad

[MarkInTx]

Some of you newbies who are writing to ladies really ought to give them a little credit.

I have heard men get pissed off because a woman wrote back and said she was not interested. But, honestly, if the woman writes back at all, she's a pretty sweet gal.

Have any of you ever placed a personal ad?

I have.

I got about 100 emails. And I got at least twice that many letters over a six months period. (The ad only ran three weeks... responses came in for a half of a year...)

Of them, I didn't have one person write me that I was interested in. Maybe only three that were close.

Let me tell you... that gets depressing.

Every time you open your mail and see eight envelopes, you think: "Great!" And then, one by one, they all disappoint.

It is VERY hard to write these ladies back and say I'm not interested.

It is FAR easier to just do nothing.

So if someone writes you back with a form letter saying, "perhaps we can correspond" don't take it as a bad sign.

I agree... if you have written three letters, and her responses are never anything more than boiler-plate paragraphs... move on. Or, if she is calling you "My Beloved, my darling!" after two... just wait for the hook.

But it would probably be instructive for you to place your own personal ad, and get an idea of what these women are dealing with.

It might make things easier to understand...

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Lessons learned from a personal ad, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 19, 2002

I was luckier, I got almost 400 responses but I was new to letter writing and blew it on the follow up.  I didn't send pictures when I wrote them back, I didn't express much enthusiasm for some of the girls (heck, she was a 21 years old) and I sent emails to agencies and didn't put the girls name in the subject line.  On the last one the girl said it was her friend's email and it was very likely an agency.  I ended rejecting 95% of the girls but had to cut off any responses to girls.  Some of the girls sent ridiculously romantic letters and others were just silly and came off as real dorks.  I did have that one girl built better than Pam Anderson, but she looked too good.  

I think my ad might have gotten a wider circulation and that was part of it.  I think that there's more men for RW to chose from now, so the response rate might be down.  Club Prima once showed an ad where this guy, who was pretty average got over 1000 letters.  I think the girls had no choice then.  I had to call it all off last year because of an illness in the family and started back this year on a whim.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: Lessons learned from a personal ad, posted by BubbaGump on Jan 20, 2002

In my case I don't have any kids.  Kids are going to knock down your response rate some.  There are some real hot RW/UW that have kids and are not meeting with much success too.  I think some have just given up after so many years.  I know, I met some of them in St Pete and they'd been trying a long time.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Lessons learned from a personal ad, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 19, 2002


It should be noted, for those of you who followed my trip last year, that Maria answered that ad.

And she was a very pretty and very sincere person. (Not "the one" but a near miss, and made my trip to St. Petersburg unforgettable...)

SO, I am not saying that personal ads are not the way to go.

My whole point was that if you have done one, you will understand a little of what the women on the other end go through. And its even worse for them...

To put this in persepctive... remember that for all of the "equality" talk, men are far more prevalent users of the internet. And American men most of all.

When I was on matchmaker.com last year, the membership was about two to one men vs. women. But a woman's profile would be browsed over a thousand times in a two month period, and would receive hundreds of emails from men.

Contrary to that, a man's profile might get two hundred hits, and he would get --MAYBE-- ten unsolicited emails.

Men are MUCH more aggressive in dating --period-- and more so when he can hide behind an internet screen, which lessens the fear of rejection.

So you must know that these attractive women on the interenet are getting deluged with emails.

You need to keep this in mind when A) you write, and B) when you plan your initial strategy.

I have heard men advocate going to Kiss.com and getting addresses for free.

I'm not at all sure this is a good strategy. If women's addresses must be bought -- and they're STILL getting 500 responses... how many do you think the women are getting when their addresses are free to anyone who can use a browser?

Do what you want to... but understand the numbers...

Personal ads are better than purchasing addresses. Going over is best of all.

But everyone has to do what they can afford...

[wsbill]

... in response to Lessons learned from a personal ad, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 19, 2002

This is very interesting...

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Post what your  ad said, posted by wsbill on Jan 20, 2002

I have no idea. It was in Russian!

I did the first cut of it, and then Jack wordsmithed it down.

I am not sure what the second ad said that was different, but I think that somehow Jack put in a line that said (somehow tactfully) that I was used to dating beautiful women.

[BarryM]

... in response to Lessons learned from a personal ad, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 19, 2002

What regions did you target? Smaller cities or big ones?

-blm

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Where was your demographic ?, posted by BarryM on Jan 19, 2002

First personal ad was in Odessa. Bad results.

Second one was in St. Petersburg. Much more carefully worded ad, and it did produce a much smaller, and better, response.

FWIW, Jack's comapny placed both ads for me.

He changed the wording in the second ad. It helped...

[BubbaGump]

... in response to First one was Odessa, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 20, 2002

Place your ad through European Connections or A Foreign Affair and it will get wider circulation.  Then arrange private travel through Jack.  I'm thinking about using him because I'm considering women all over Ukraine.

[BarryM]

... in response to First one was Odessa, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 20, 2002

whats going on there. What time of year were the ads placed?
Maybe Jack needs to work on research demographics for some of the ads. Odessa and St. Petersburg ladies may not care for newspaper ads. I wonder if smaller cities would get a better response. It may be that internet ads would work better in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Kiev, and Odessa were it is more prevelant.

-blm