A little more on infidelity in Russia

[RW]

... in response to A little more on infidelity in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Dec 11, 2001

Tootsie,

you know harem would be even better idea... After all, he probably would get tired of  mistress too and will want something knew for self-esteem. I can only imagine how much stronger it will make the marriage!!!

On a serious note, and to add something to the ideas you posted - I have to disagree with you. My first reaction was that you gonna be kidding. I definitely do not think it is mistress who saves the marriage. If it IS the case it's either wife or husband, depending on situation who agrees to forgive/forget and move on. But everything has its price and sooner or later it all will surface again. It is not something to be proud of and yes, many women in Russia are facing it and have to think it is normal as they do not have any choices.

The same as "true love" topic it is a discussion which will never come to any conclusion, so I am not going to post much. I just don't want people to think that the idea of infidelity being good to marriage is something accepted by all Russian women, the same way as that crazy idea about prositution. Unfortunately, people with poor values have louder voices and all that "junk" comes flying around everywhere. I guess people who do have strong believes, caring families and morales, just keep it to themselves as they know it is something to value and not to share in public.

Sincerely,

Russian WIfe

[Tootsie]

... in response to infidelity, posted by RW on Dec 11, 2001


or “In quite lake there are devils”:).

You know, although you have extremely low voice I don’t envy your husband if one day he decides to stray .

As for my personal opinion I don’t know whether infidelity can strengthen a family or not but if my husband (if I ever get married) decides to stray and I learn it I know for sure that after that he will have to spend lots of money to strengthen his health and I hardly believe he will ever manage to recover it completely. LOL.

Relax and take care,

Tootsie

[Dan]

... in response to infidelity, posted by RW on Dec 11, 2001

That was an excellent post RW. I particularly agree with you about the people "with poor values and louder voices." While I don't care to stand in judgement on anyone - I am often aghast when I see some of the typical 'guests' on shows like Jerry Springer and others (I see them so seldom I cannot recall the names - isn't there a Ricky Lake or something like that also? --smile--).

When I see these programs, I always feel embarrassed for these people - yet they obviously feel no shame nor self-consciousness about putting on a public display some of the most abhorrent acts that I can imagine.

I don't know where these people come from, but it makes me feel ashamed to think they are from the same country, cities, schools, etc. that I am from.

FWIW

- Dan

[juio99]

... in response to infidelity, posted by RW on Dec 11, 2001

She never said she agreed with these ideas.  She is just telling what she heard on a TV show.  At the end of her post, she even repeated again that she was not for infidelity.

JR

[RW]

... in response to Why are you 'disagreeing with Tootsie', posted by juio99 on Dec 11, 2001

"But still maybe there is something true about it… What do you think?".....

That was the comment I disagreed to. I don't think there is anything true to it. That's all.

[juio99]

... in response to Re: Why are you 'disagreeing with Tootsi..., posted by RW on Dec 11, 2001

Thanks for your clarification.  Sorry to have 'jumped' on you.   JR

[juio99]

... in response to A little more on infidelity in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Dec 11, 2001

Tootsie, you said, "new impressions he needs (phsychologist say it’s even more important for a man than sex)."

Sorry, but I don't understand the definition you are using here for 'impressions.'  Can you furnish a synonym or give more about the context so that I may ascertain what is meant by 'impressions' in this particular case?

If it is something that is 'important for a man' I want to be sure I am getting some of it!!

JR

[MarkInTx]

... in response to A little more on infidelity in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Dec 11, 2001

For once, Tootsie... I can't agree with what you said.

In fact, I found it hard to agree with almost anything in the post (Highly unusual....)

First off, I find myself being attracted to older women as each year passes. If I could find an attractive woman my age with the values I think are important -- you'd better believe I would be happy settling down with her.

In fact, one of the things about Bill Clinton's affair with Monica that amazed me most was that Monica was just a couple of years older than his own daughter! I found that disusting. True, my daughter is only eight. But when she is sixteen, I doubt I will be tempted to shack up with an 18 year old...

My ex-wife is 6 months younger than I am. I still think she is one of the sexiest women I have ever met. Yes, her skin shows the signs of a 40 year old.. and she mothered 2 children... but she works out every day, and has a certain something that always turned my head whenever she walked into a room.

As for affairs helping marriages -- an affair will only help a marriage if it was a marriage that was based purely on sex-appeal, and physical attraction.

But, a marriage that is that shallow is not worth having.

If I need an affair (or my wife does) to "save" a marriage... I have to wonder what I am saving...

IMHO

[JohnG]

... in response to A little more on infidelity in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Dec 11, 2001

Tootsie,

The points you raised are certainly worth merit. But in actuality, it would be a very difficult balance to maintain. Consider these points:

If the man truly is a family man and really loves his wife, he may cheat on her for a while, but eventually guilt will set in and problems will develop.

If the love between husband and wife has grown weaker as a result of his loss of sexual appetite for her, and he finds a good partner for a mistriss, eventually he will want to spend more and more time with his mistriss. Sex will convert to love, or the illusion of love, and he will want a divorce.

If the man wants to keep his family intact and continues to cheat for purely sexual reasons, eventually he will make a mistake and his wife will suspect he is having an affair. He may even get caught or be seen by a mutual friend.

I believe the ONLY time a mistriss on the side will work is if the man is so skilled at multitasking that he can live two separate lives and keep them from intermingling with each other and remain emotionally detached from his mistriss. Even then this will soon prove unsatisfying for the mistress because of the inevitable desire for growth in the relationship.

And, speaking from practical experience, in my first marriage I had a much stronger sexual appetite than my wife. She would refuse to have sex with me unless she herself wanted it, which was rare. This led to arguments and bad feelings, a deteriorating marriage. I got real lucky and found a younger woman who was willing to have sex with me anytime I wanted with no strings attached. At first, this seemed to be the cure for the problem. I was getting all the sex I needed and my family was staying together. This went on for about 2 years. I remember this very clearly. One evening I was sitting down at the dinner table with my wife and two children. Suddenly I was gripped by the idea that, despite how this picture looked, there was something wrong with the picture, and it was me. I came to feel like I didn't belong there. A short time later I filed for divorce, and my mistriss remained just that, a mistriss. Nothing more serious ever developed with her.

In short, I don't think cheating or keeping a mistress is ever a good idea.

[RayInAz]

... in response to Re: Consider this..., posted by JohnG on Dec 11, 2001

As for me, I have never cheated on a woman, and never will. I was married to a woman for 5 and a half years that was just as you say, no sex unless she wanted it. She cheated on me in the end. I dumped her ass on the spot. 6 years now and I can put it behind me, she killed 11 years of my life, any man or woman who cheats on their other half is a fool looking for a way out of the marriage.

RayInAz

[DR]

... in response to A little more on infidelity in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Dec 11, 2001

I think the situation, as you present it, is both short-sighted and narrow-minded.  Unless both parties are willing to play the 'game of infidelity' equally and with full knowledge, this would never work.  Even with full knowledge, if you truly love someone how do you justify sharing them?  

Now, if such a perverted situation were to occur, and I wouldn't put it past some of those crazies in SoCal (just kidding), then it wouldn't be much of a marriage, now would it?  A marriage hinged upon bilaterally pardoned and permissive infidelity is more of a marriage of convenience...which isn't a 'marriage' at all.

As I see it, if a marriage isn't working on a certain level, you have to meet with your partner to find the right solution together.  If you can't find the solution together and are in serious need of an arbiter, then perhaps you and your spouse were a bit careless at some point(s) in your marriage.  With reference to carelessness, in this view, the decision to indulge in extramarital affairs are then somewhat 'logical' or predictable...because an affair would be one of the expected destinations for careless people.  My two cents.

Cheers...
DR

P.S., Tootsie, you always provide stimulating topics.  Good job!