Hey all... me again...
Someone wrote me and asked me to distill what I learned. I tried. But ... you know me... I'm not so good at distilling.
So... I'm going to spin this off into separate threads.
First off, let me stress: I went one time. Yes, that (sadly) separates me from the crowd of guys who have never gone over, and are never going to... but it doesn't make me an expert. But, I'll tell you about some of my working theories -- some of them are bound to be controversial... but, hey, it's a holiday weekend... what else are we going to do?
Working Theory Number 1:
THE PROBLEM OF SCAMMERS IS HIGHLY OVER-RATED.
I think that way too much time is spent worrying about scammers. Now, I know that some of the vets will disagree. We have all heard the horror stories. But, as my daddy used to say: "A Fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place."
Fact is, very few guys who have taken the time to read the board have gotten scammed -- AFTER joining the board. In reality, I think that all you need to do is read the posts here, and apply them with common sense, and you will see a scammer coming a mile away. I honestly think that most reports you've read about scammed men were either A) Made up (yes, Virginia, trolls love to post fake scam reports) or B) Naive guys who never bothered to read this board. If you believe what you read on the "commercial" page of (some) of the marriage agencies about how hot desireable women love old fat Americans, and can't wait to come over to be domestic slaves for you -- then you probably go Ford.Com to get advice about what car to buy, too.
For the record, there are levels of scammers. The most common are the: "I use this agency, and I am poor... please my dearest, can you pay them for me so we can continue talking?" You can see these a mile away. And no big deal even if you get sucked in. You're out maybe the price of movie and a dinner, and a lot wiser.
Then there are the bigger scams that get you after you go over and meet the lady. These are much more expensive lessons. They usually end up in you "buying" jewelry or something, and then having the love of your life disappear on you suddenly. Bascially, you ended up with a hooker, guys. She played you, got paid, and then split. The only difference between her and the hooker you can rent in Vegas is in Vegas there are no illusions... so, actually, if you think about it... which is better? And, depending on the jewelry you get sucked into buying... it still might be cheaper than a Vegas hooker.
I don't mean to make light of it. I'm again saying that honestly, if you've done your homework, you shouldn't get taken in. But, as PT Barnum said, there's a sucker born every minute -- and it seems like half of them are getting tickets to Russia...
Then, there is my favorite scammer... the "Visa Fox". Or, Greencard scammer... or Runner.
This one is really much harder. Because you are talking about a woman who is willing to trade two years of her life to be married to a guy she can't stand... just to get to America. And she plans on leaving him as soon as she is eligible.
I'll be honest... I've read about this one. But I don't personally know anyone this happened to. We've had guys drop on the board and tell us their story... but they never seem to stick around...
I don't think this is really quite as common as we're led to believe. Two years is a very long time...
There is a very famous story about this that was written in the Philadelphia Enquirer. But, I read the article... and it is certainly not clear that the Russian Lady meant to leave the guy from the get-go. (For crying out loud... he was a postal worker who still lived with his mom -- do we know that we should blame her?)
I think that many women come over hoping to make a go of it, and then it doesn't work out. Although I have no facts to back it up, I'll bet that in most of the marriages that end this way, the woman ends up back in Russia.
If she does stick it out for two years, and then leaves... you're still going to have to work pretty hard to convince me that she deliberately came over knowing that she was going to leave.
She's human. Marriages don't work out sometimes. If after a year and a half of fighting she decides to stick it out to the two year mark so she can stay... I'm not sure you can really call her a scammer.
I recently had a three year marriage end. My ex was terrific. We had a lot of fun together. But she finally ended it because our families (her kids and mine) didn't mesh the way she wanted it to. I think she made a mistake. But if she had been Russian, everyone would tell me that she married me for a green card. It's just not that simple folks. I think that most women who place ads, and meet men are really sincere. And they really want a good man. And they are willing to overlook some imprefections in hopes that it will all work out. That's not scamming...
But... do you want to know what is scamming?
Men who write Russian women just to see what response they will get. Men who talk and talk about going over -- and then never do. Men who use correspondance with pretty young Russian women to bolster their sagging egos, without ever intending of doing anything more than writing and dreaming.
That's scamming, gentlemen. Do you know what the women feel like when an American Man simply stops writing to her after months of professing his love? (Because he found someone else closer to home?)
And I'll bet if I could get honest statistics of all of the men who are writing to Russian women with no intention of going over... and stacked it up against Russian women who are writing with no intention of marriage -- it wouldn't even be close.
So... scamming really sometimes comes down to perspective...
Just a thought.
