StanB, how is it going? n/t

[KenC]

n/t

[Stan B]

... in response to StanB, how is it going?  n/t, posted by KenC on Oct 28, 2001

Aloha Ken & thanx for asking. Marina and I are getting along very well, but I, and thus we are having some problems with her daughter. She is a really smart girl, but she seems to be making no effort to learn english, or at least its not apparent to me. I think she'd be doing a little better if Marina pushed her a little, but she doesn't appear to be doing so either. We do have a computer program thats a pre-k learner and she mastered using the mouse on her 1st try, but she doesn't seem that interested in using what she has been learning, just playing w/ the computer. (I think I'm venting :-(  But otherwise they both seem to love it here, as they love the weather, the beach & pool.
Thus my question for those of you who brought children over is, how far along were they after a month? Am I being overly optimistic that I should be seeing some results after a month? And what should I expect to see during the next few months, as far as a learning curve for a bright 4 1/2 year old? Thanx...Stan

[wsbill]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

Better give her instruction on how to use floss and a toothbrush!!

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Re: What is she going to be for Hall..., posted by wsbill on Oct 29, 2001

Snow White and halloween is HUGE here, its called the Mardi Gras of Maui.
And I can't wait to get them on my insurance, as Katya's teeth are defineately in bad shape.

[Stevo]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

My daughter started KG in January 2000 (after being here just one month).  She is now in 2nd grade and doing just fine.  She has no Russian accent already, and in fact her Russian is very poor both pronounciation and grammatically.  When she talks on the phone to relatives, they are 'shocked' at how her Russian has deteriorated in such a short time, despite the fact that Mom speaks to her almost exclusively in Russian.

Stevo

[Wayne]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

Stan,

How much Russian have you learned in the last month?

Take care,

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Wayne on Oct 29, 2001

nt

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Wayne on Oct 29, 2001

asdf

[Katya]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

Is the little girl at school yet? She will not learn from Engish lessons on the pc - she will learn from wanting to communicate with you & her school chums. Also she will want to learn from TV cartoons. Get some classic cartoons for her on tape, like Snow white, Sleeping beauty etc. Let her continue to learn Russian from her mum - you will want her to communicate with her grandparents back home.

She will learn the language at a speed that is necessary for her to communicate. She may speak to you in English & her mum in Russian. You will speak to her school chums in English & she will learn this quickly. After 6 months she will be able to make her thoughts known & after 1 year she will be fine, but behind the rest of her class - nothing to worry about because she will be years ahead of her class in Russian!

Make sure she is getting English as a foreign language help at school. My daughter is 6 & she came to England at 5 years old.

Katya

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

My 9 year old stepdaughter spoke zero english when she arrived and after the first summer, spent almost exclusively with her mother (shy about neighbnorhood kids), went right into the local 3rd grade - no special schools or tutoring. By the end of the first school year she was fluent, by the end of the second, had lost her accent, and by middle school was in honors English classes. Yes, she was teased some for her pronunciation at first, but she got over it quickly. Id say just relax and have fun with her, doing kid things together. That's what will bond her to you. BTW, my step daughter started calling me "daddy" after couple of months - it just melted my heart - she still does even though she's in her 20s, and it still has the very same effect on me.

-- Jeff S.

[yoe]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

you must chill with children. this is very difficult for her. My nephew is here-my wife's brother's son, and he is leanring-at his own pace. I play 'what is this?" with him. She will learn. Most important do not let her foret her native language. The son of my wife's friends is 6 and has forgotten eveything---------------very very very sad.
Joe

[Stan B]

... in response to Yoe StanB...................., posted by yoe on Oct 29, 2001

I actually can't imagine her mother allowing her to forget how to speak Russian & Ukrainian, and being the bright girl that she is I don't imagine that being a problem.
And being that I've only worked 1 night since I got back from vacation, we've had plenty of time to do something fun almost everyday. This afternoon it will be the beach, so you can tell how we're suffering...aloha and thanx

[BrianN]

... in response to yoe  Yoe...................., posted by Stan B on Oct 29, 2001

The young of any species will adapt to their surroundings quickly, including the adaptation their new language... to leave their home language in the past.

My late 20's step-daughter is from the Philippines, and she can't speak anything but valley girl, even though she was around her mother forever that also spoke their native language.

It just happens.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: StanB, how is it going?, posted by Stan B on Oct 28, 2001

Stan,
You got some very good advice below.  Being with a woman that has a child is a very tricky proposition.  In the begining you have a tendency to jump too quickly into the role of "Dad".  At this point you are only her Mother's finacee.  Focus on that and leave most of the parenting to Marina.  Let Marina do the correcting for now.  Unless the girl is going to hurt herself, you, Marina or cause some damage, step back for now.  In time, she will automaticly turn to you for guidance.  Only then, will she think of you as her Dad.  Step parenting is very difficult and frustrating.  Concentrate on you and Marina for now.  (That is plenty)  Your relationship with the girl will develope naturally over time.  The advice to get away from it all occasionally is also very good and will save your sanity.  Best wishes for you and your new family (in the making).
KenC

[Stan B]

... in response to the "Dad" part will come later, posted by KenC on Oct 29, 2001

we've been doing. I only step in when she's doing something that 'scares' me. And I do have a pretty good relationship w/ Katya already, as we go to the pool or beach almost everyday and play. And about the only time she gets mad at me is if I tell her no when she wants candy for breakfast or her 3rd serving of ice cream. And Marina and I take little time-outs from each other regularly, she gives me my NFL games and she goes out and takes walks or studies by the pool while I'm on the computer and Katya watches a Disney video, like right now.
And last night we had a good talk and Marina understood what I've been trying to get thru to her, and that is if she doesn't ask Katya to try and start using english, it will just take longer until she does. As she shy's away from other children due to the frustrating expirences she's had. And we are talking about an exceptionally bright child here. She already knows about 100 words of english, the only problem was she NEVER uses them. In the Ukraine she was learning things that children 6-7 were learning. And I have no doubt that she will also excel here.
Thus this morning Marina explained to her that she should start to try using english a little more, so that she could start to make friends and talk to me. And so far it seems to have worked, as she's already used at least 20 words, not counting candy & ice cream :-)
So for now we seem solidly on track and its shaping up to be a beautiful day...aloha