GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING

[James B]

I post here occasionally as I am engaged to a woman from Ukraine that I met in June of 2000.  I write to give advice to those who have are in the process of divorce and looking for a wife.  I suggest that you finish your divorce first or at least know that the divorce is imminent.  I proposed to my Ukrainian woman after I had been separated for 16 months and thought the divorce was to be finished soon.  My ex-wife then started the delay game and wouldn't sign papers that were sent to her.  It was extremely stressful for both my fiancee and myself as we wanted only to be together.  Lawyers don't mind keeping the issues going and the divorce at bay, because it's dollars for them.  After much difficulty and hardship, the divorce was finally signed by the judge today.  It took 2 1/2 years.  Don't assume that your divorce will be quick and thus make your relationship difficult with your foreign wife.  My fiancee told me of a woman that stopped into the agency and told her that she had written a man for two years that had the same difficulty finishing his divorce.  The process went on and on, until the woman finally lost her will to continue and quit.  If it takes too long, your fiancee will often question your sincerity, because there are many men who write women forever with no intentions at all to marry.  Most of these women don't want to put their lives on hold forever and will start to receive advice and sympathy from friends and family to encourage them to move on, because they don't want them to be hurt or disappointed.

I have found a woman that is strong and our love is immense or we would not have gotten through all of this.  These women completely depend on and trust the American man to do everything that he says he is doing and it's totally on faith because they cannot see what you are doing with you paperwork.  Just my three cents.  Jim

[BubbaGump]

... in response to GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 22, 2001

The emotional bond between me and my wife was very strong and the divorce screwed me up for years after the divorce even though I initiated it.  It took me at least 5 years to get over it.  Don't jump into any relationships like this if you're not over your last marriage yet.  

Also, in a divorce situation they spouse with the stronger bargaining position really likes to take advantage of the situation.  You should not have let her know you wanted out of the marriage to get married to some good looking Russian chick.  You showed your hand and she knew how to play you from there on out.  That was dumb!

At least my wife's second marriage had a happier ending.  She was so desperate to get out her husband took her to the cleaners.  He got joint custody and didn't even have to pay child support.  He got his half of the money from the house and moved around the corner just to bug her.  Then he met a prettier wife through the internet.  All's well that ends well and what goes around comes around.  

[James B]

... in response to Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 22, 2001

Bubba,

Guess the way I posted the message would have led you to think my ex found out about my Ukrainian Fiancee.  Actually she didn't know anything about it, but was just dragging the marriage on and on, even though she initiated the papers when I got stationed with the Navy in Iceland.  No way it would take me five years to get over a lousy marriage.  I was over it long before the divorce papers started.  Thanks for the post though, as it does give some additional insight to add to what I wrote.  James

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 23, 2001

Sorry, I thought you started crowing too soon.  I wonder if a lot of ex-wives would go nuts like our angry troll woman that bothers this board.  That would be satisfying.  A happy follow up marriage to a sexy Russian woman would be the sweetest revenge.  

[BrianN]

... in response to GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 22, 2001

I had this problem also, being separated for FIVE FRIGGIN YEARS!  But subsequent relationships were always with AW!  

Sometimes, life just sux.  But separation is fun - (ah the memories), and then dealing with divorce in the realistic sense... sux all over again.

Can't live with'em, can't live without'em.

Me, I'm so happy that my divorce was final 4 years ago....

If not, then I'd be in heap big sheeeit right now.

Great post James.

[yoe]

... in response to Re: You are one lucky SOB...., posted by BrianN on Oct 22, 2001

can't fee'em to the Dog.

[KenC]

... in response to GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 22, 2001

Jim,
Good post.  I believe that one should not attempt to find a woman in the FSU until he gets back into dating AW.  A freshly divorced man (or woman) has no idea of what it is they are looking for in another mate.  Date many AW and get your life back in order (emotionally).  Explore what character traits you like and dislike before you search for another wife.  It may take more time than any one woman is willing to wait.  You should KNOW what it is your looking for before you start looking.  Going to the FSU and "winging it" is not a good idea.
KenC

[James B]

... in response to Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by KenC on Oct 22, 2001

Thanks for the post, but I disagree with the suggestion that a man date an AW first to find out what they are looking for in a woman.  I am 42 years old and for years while in a bad marriage, thought about the qualities I would like to find in a woman. Made my own checklist before I started looking.  I dated several women here in Iceland where I am stationed.  Two Icelandic and one Polish gal.  I then wrote for several months, two women in Sumy, Ukraine and spent two days with each of them before focusing on the one I have now that absolutely jumps off the page in what I consider the ideal woman for me.  I had been reading these posts and entered the whole process sober, although I could feel and sense that we were very compatible and strongly attracted to each other.  She has almost completely learned the english language in only 16 months.  We have written every day for the last year and I have visited three times for two weeks each visit.  She walks through the snow and rain to get a letter to me and our greatest time of the day is when we are receiving or writing letters to each other.  The agency director and all her friends say that they have never seen two people so perfect for each other.  I know that caution is extremely important to avoid future pitfalls and hurt.  My fiancee has told me about the women who exploit men for money, talk to many to find out which has the most to offer materially before starting a relationship, or the Agencies who reply to men's letters, even though it's not the woman that the man thinks he is writing.  I did have champaign and party twice at the agency with five of the women who were looking though, and I must say that all these women were genuine and honest from what I could ascertain.  Fortunately, I found a good agency where the woman pays only a total of 4 grivna to send and receive a letter.  But my fiancee wouldn't even talk about expenses until after four months when I demanded she be upfront about it.  Unfortunately, she was a couple months behind on her flat payment as a result of the sacrifice of writing to me.  You can see our pic on Slavicladies.com.  Located on the left side of the main page as a reference for the agency.  Wow, much too long a post.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING and ..., posted by James B on Oct 23, 2001

James,
My point was to get back into the dating scene.  I assumed that the board members would have to date AW.  You avoided that by being in Iceland.  I have seen some pictorials of the beautiful women in Iceland too!  As for your UW, it sure appears as though you have found a good one.  Best of luck to you.  
KenC

[James B]

... in response to Re: Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING and ..., posted by James B on Oct 23, 2001

Forget the Pic part of my post.  The agency has totally changed this week and pricing different.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Re: FORGET THE PIC, THE AGENCY WEBPA..., posted by James B on Oct 23, 2001

http://208.56.96.251/cgi-bin/misc/responses.pl

[spyke]

... in response to GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 22, 2001

Best post I read this board in a long time!!!

[Quasimoto]

... in response to GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by James B on Oct 22, 2001

Excellent!

One of the dumbest things I have ever seen (repeatedly) is a guy who broadcasts his new relationship to his X or where she can get wind of it. Often, the X will do everything she can to screw up his life. She don't want ya, but she also does not want anyone else to have ya either! Ever heard of a man being accused of child molestation when it goes to custody hearing? It is about vindictiveness.

Steve

[scaught]

... in response to Re: GET DIVORCED BEFORE LOOKING, posted by Quasimoto on Oct 22, 2001

I was told by someone at INS recently that if you were previously married to a foreign national, you must wait five years after your divorce to have your application approved. I couldn't find anywhere where this is written, but she told me this policy is followed. Thankfully, my divorce was about six years ago. Note: of course this doesn't apply to our being married to an American citizen-- just when we marry a foreign national.