SENDING MONEY CREATES A MONSTER

[Ray]

IMBRA applies to any US citizen who sponsors a fiance or spousal visa. Read up on the law.

Just to set the record straight, IMBRA applies only to K-visa petitions (K-1, K-3).
 
Spouse immigrant visa petitions (CR-1/SR-1) do not fall under the jurisdistion of IMBRA so the "marriage broker" is off the hook.
 
Ray
 
 

[benjio]

i must have zero game then...

Me too...and I live here.

Case in point, I think we all agree that IV was a great catch, but say (God Forbid) that something happens and she's back in the dating market with a kid, is she less of a catch just because she had a kid?

In the eyes of most gringos wife hunting SOTB, absolutely. And that's obviously not a personal shot at IV. The simple fact is that given the choice almost every gringo would prefer to meet a woman that doesn't already have children. There are so many single women in Latin America without children most gringos I know would choose a girl that's good for them and doesn't have kids instead of a woman that was perfect for them that did. In addition to that, from my experience, in every occasion I've seen a gringo marrying a Latina that already had children, she was exceptionally beautiful. Nothing less than a 9. Women like that usually have to bring something additional to the table.

Going back to Stevieboy's point (because I think it was one of the best that's been made in opposition to dating women that already have children), the ideas of discipline and responsibility in raising children are totally different in Latin American compared to the U.S. My father was a military man. I was forced to wake up at 6 a.m. every morning, weekday or weekend, make my bed and tidy up my room. At 6 years old I was washing dishes, doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. At 9 years old I was taking out the trash and doing yard work. At 15 years old I had a job, a car and was completely self-sufficient outside of staying in my parent's house. These things were not optional and my father NEVER hesitated to put his hands on me at the slightest sign of insubordination or disrespect. It made me the man I am today. While most of the guys I grew up with that lived in single parent homes did whatever they wanted, I couldn't meet them in the streets until everything in the house was done. Most of those guys are dead or in jail now. I have two college degrees, live in paradise and make 6 figures. Do the math.

I've dated two girls with children in Colombia. Both had sons. Neither did anything to help their mothers. They were good kids. Both did well in school. But whenever I tried to suggest their sons should help them out with a few things around the house (while they were watching TV and playing video games) it was met with strong opposition. At times these suggestions even resulted in heated arguments. Never again. This is a huge problem with the culture in Colombia. Especially along the coast. I know women in Barranquilla that work to support households of unemployed men that sit around and drink all day. These same women get off work, come home and cook and clean up afterwards. It all starts from the way men are raised there.

[bcc_1_2]

Me too...and I live here.

I've dated two girls with children in Colombia. Both had sons. Neither did anything to help their mothers. They were good kids. Both did well in school. But whenever I tried to suggest their sons should help them out with a few things around the house (while they were watching TV and playing video games) it was met with strong opposition. At times these suggestions even resulted in heated arguments. Never again.

Game is kinda a dirty word because in one sense it does mean bending over backwards to kiss a gringa's ass. But at the same time in Latin America a little hustle, flirting, and confidence goes a long ways. Maybe we just need a different word for it when it comes to flirting with Latinas.

I thought the fact that MOST men prefer Latinas without kids was pretty obvious. That wasn't just preferred but a requirement in my case too. And our culture of disciplining kids is a lot different too. A kid goes to a school counselor and says my step-dad screams at me or beats me and you've got real problems on your hands. Plus at 15 physically some kids could be a real handful. I'm good raising my own kid from a baby but that's definitely it. I know I'm not alone in that regard.

[robert angel]

Most guys here who mention considering marrying a woman who has a child or two, are older guys--many who have or may have had kids already. Compared to most younger guys, they're more settled in their jobs, have lived in one place a while and are probably more financially stable than most of the younger guys.


When I was looking, I considered women who had a child who was about the ages of my sons. I also considered a number of single women without kids. I wanted a lady with a career/education, age from 30 to 35. Having kids who are bi racial already, I didn't worry too much about another one 'blending in'. I felt that a woman with the right personality and values, certainly not a drama queen, would appreciate my giving her and her child an opportunity and that in a way, it would actually be like insurance, knowing I would afford that child the same things I do my sons--exposure to the arts, travel, education and love. I figured that's hard to walk away from. Where many see bringing in a child as a liability, I saw it as potentially extra long term security.


I did not want to have more babies. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to be 60 y/o (or even older) and be jockeying kids here and there, staying up at nighty worrying, etc. By the time I'm 60, hopefully before, I plan on being retired and financially independent--able to travel--to come and go, as we please. But I wanted an attractive younger wife, and someone of child bearing age, who wasn't going to want kids, was also a consideration for me. That in and of itself has inherent risks that might even be greater than marrying someone who's already done the 'baby thing'.


A woman may say it's "OK" not to have kids, then the ole 'biological clock' starts ticking and begins to play with her thoughts. It's become 'cool' in celebrity circles to be well into your 60's and have babies. Babies are the new celebrity status symbols--probably are, even in general circles and the media just eats it all up, big time.


Even aside from celebrity circles, the media and advertising in general, America really romanticizes having babies and children. For some reason, they don't shed much light on the fact that in America, probably half (or more) of kids morph into little monsters about age 13. I have seen kids become monsters who came from what I would call good, stable and conservative families. America and all it's distractions and the emphasis on "ME", "NOW" and materialism, can pull the child rearing rug from under parent's feet.


Certainly I was aware of the 'hostage mentality'; that some dads--even dead beat dads--actually especially the deadbeats--will apply to the situation. Also aware of the fact that it's not as easy as some think to bring a child over to the USA--some nations make you jump through more hoops than others.


As with a lot of things--things that a lot of guys don't delve into too deeply, I think how you plan to raise a child should you wed a woman with one, should be made explicitly clear beforehand. There's a lot to discuss, including your right to discipline, having a united front and how you're going to handle things like education and religion.


Life in America provides opportunity, but you have to have discipline and work to get the prizes. No, you shouldn't expect that she's going to do a total 360 and change her style of parenting--tigers, nor do people completely change their stripes. In my case, I wasn't looking for women who didn't value education, discipline and hard work to start with, so that somewhat eliminated the 'spoil the little prince' and me having to be 'hands off' pitfalls. My foreign wife has tougher standards on child raising than I do. She gives me feedback and advice in private on my (really 'our' sons), out of respect for their biological mother. You have to discuss each other's culture, what changes to expect and be agreed upon ahead of time. Kids or no kids, it's all going to be a gamble, regardless.

[Gato4Astrid]

I've dated two girls with children in Colombia. Both had sons. Neither did anything to help their mothers. They were good kids. Both did well in school. But whenever I tried to suggest their sons should help them out with a few things around the house (while they were watching TV and playing video games) it was met with strong opposition. At times these suggestions even resulted in heated arguments. Never again. This is a huge problem with the culture in Colombia.

Let me guess, you were 2nd most important to her !!! 


When I was a boy, I had to help my mother doing washing up, drying up, making my bed! 


By the way, I like your father - very discipline man.  Unlike people in Colombia!!

[Gato4Astrid]

I know women in Barranquilla that work to support households of unemployed men that sit around and drink all day. These same women get off work, come home and cook and clean up afterwards. It all starts from the way men are raised there.

It is one of the reasons I prefer women with DAUGHTERS rather than SONS!  (That's if I have to have a woman with children)

[Stevieboy]

It is one of the reasons I prefer women with DAUGHTERS rather than SONS!  (That's if I have to have a woman with children)

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I'd prefer the daughters over the sons too. But even then, what if they have 20 year old daughters? Yikes! You know what I mean... 
 
And it's not just Colombian men either. I've had Thai friends who coddled their boys and let them do whatever they wanted. I myself am a product of a lazy Mexican father who like Benjio mentioned of Col men, stayed home and drank while my mother worked all day. His lack of leadership and fatherhood taught me to be the opposite of him, and his father (migrant worker) also wasn't around to raise him because he died young in a car accident. My grandmother couldn't control him as a boy, so he basically was left alone to his devices. You can go to the grocery stores or malls, and the boys are grabbing [snip] off the shelves and tossing them on the ground, while the parents do nothing. It's true that even female dogs are easier to train than the males. But to our credit, it's the males who go to wars, invent things, got us to the moon, and take financial risks for economic improvement.
 
.   
Some of us, like myself, had a stepfather. My mother remarried when I was 12 and he was a good man who provided for us and set a good example for me, then later gave me a little brother. I was a little bastard at that time, and went to gang ridden public schools, got into fights, in trouble with the law, and had friends who got killed or never amounted to anything as Benjio's friends. He put up with me a lot, and I later straightened out thanks to him and some fear of God. I'm no bible thumper and I don't go to church, but I am afraid of going to hell, and that works for me. My daughter knows him as grandpa, yet doesn't know her blood grandfather. So, it's because of what my stepfather endured and have seen of other friends with angry teenage stepsons, that I would steer clear of women with children, especially boys.     
 
 
 

[bcc_1_2]

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I'd prefer the daughters over the sons too. But even then, what if they have 20 year old daughters? Yikes! You know what I mean... 
 

What about a teenager daughter that attracts the boys at school? You could be a step grandpa pretty fast.

[robert angel]

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.   
Some of us, like myself, had a stepfather. My mother remarried when I was 12 and he was a good man who provided for us and set a good example for me, then later gave me a little brother. I was a little bastard at that time, and went to gang ridden public schools, got into fights, in trouble with the law, and had friends who got killed or never amounted to anything as Benjio's friends. He put up with me a lot, and I later straightened out thanks to him and some fear of God. I'm no bible thumper and I don't go to church, but I am afraid of going to hell, and that works for me. My daughter knows him as grandpa, yet doesn't know her blood grandfather. So, it's because of what my stepfather endured and have seen of other friends with angry teenage stepsons, that I would steer clear of women with children, especially boys.     

To each their own, but because of him, I think I'd be more inclined to 'pay it forward'.

[Awesome]

Game is kinda a dirty word because in one sense it does mean bending over backwards to kiss a gringa's ass.

I see you make similar comments about gringas alot and I think it's a personal problem for you bro.  My buddies get hot gringas any time they want and do ZERO bending over backwards or ass kissing.  On the contrary my buddies are actually kinda jerks towards women.




And about the kids subject.  I agree with most here in that I also would very much prefer to marry a woman with no kids.  But that's due to my situation in that I'm still kind of young and I still don't have any kids.  Every guy and every situation is different.  Trust me I have some very good friends who are gorgeous, smart, hard working, single mothers who I highly doubt any guys who post on this board would turn down a chance to have a relationship with.


And about the discipline thing.  If I did marry a woman with a kid, I would make it understood very soon that if we marry I would have to treat the child as my own and that means I discipline the child as I see fit.  I was raised by my step father who is a very demanding, hard man and I know I will be the same way with my kids.  A couple of years ago my sister was having problems and I had her and my two nephews, ages 5 and 8, come live with me and go to school where I lived.  My nephews had a serious lack of discipline and I never hesitated to spank then on their butts.  One time after I spanked the 8 year old in the car he told me "I'm going to tell my teacher you spanked me and you're going to go to jail."  I replied "Good I like jail!  Then when I get out I'm going to come home and spank you even harder."  He never brought that up again lol!

[robert angel]

I.  My nephews had a serious lack of discipline and I never hesitated to spank then on their butts.  One time after I spanked the 8 year old in the car he told me "I'm going to tell my teacher you spanked me and you're going to go to jail."  I replied "Good I like jail!  Then when I get out I'm going to come home and spank you even harder."  He never brought that up again lol!

I was a hell brand kid--kicked out of probably a dozen schools and I had absolutely no respect for authority. My parents really tried, but until I went to college, I had absolutely no use for school and no fear of anything or anyone. I was the kid who was sent to the Principal's office and when the P{rincipal stepped away for a second, put a thumbtack on his chair. I was drinking, smoking and a whole lot of other things by age 12--they couldn't keep me locked up. As a young kid, I always had a few baseball cards in my rear pockets for when I'd be getting the big wooden paddle and I learned to watch my back and defend myself elsewhere.

Small wonder my older son decided to follow me in some ways, although he never saw my earlier example. I remember a few times he'd try and provoke me, then threaten that if I hit him (for good reasons) that he'd have me arrested, put in jail, have my work licenses revoked and put me in a trailer park.

Then I'd REALLY light into him! Last time I had to put the whammy on him was about seven years ago. He was really giving my wife a hard time She'd been here year a year or so and it was getting really old. He was basically trying to goad her into leaving. She'd cooked a really nice dinner for the boys and I--several courses--really nice. He was refusing to eat with us--no real issue there, but he was mouthy and playing his beloved Fender Stratocaster in the great room next to the dining area. I told him several times to take it elsewhere so we could dine and talk in peace. He just got more mouthy and played louder. Finally I grabbed the guitar and taking it by the neck, swung it into him so hard, a piece of the body chipped off from the impact of whacking his shin. He lived to play a big show the next week with a popular emo band 'Fall Out Boy', but he never gave us a that kind of hard time after that. He was a hard sell, but he really respects my wife now.

But for all the sh!t he gave me and later 'us', it was kinda of payback--maybe karma, for all the grief I wrought years earlier!

[bcc_1_2]

I see you make similar comments about gringas alot and I think it's a personal problem for you bro.  My buddies get hot gringas any time they want and do ZERO bending over backwards or ass kissing.  On the contrary my buddies are actually kinda jerks towards women.

I can relate. Care less than the girl and be a jerk. I've lived that.  While trying to make this about me you brought up a good point about negative male behavior being successful with American women. That's not a good thing in my book.

And you are still kind of young as you note. I am 30. How's a guy starting over older than us going to score a height/weight proportionate younger woman? Their best bet is overseas. Haven't you had an older friend have a WTF moment when the server at the bar calls him Sir? It will happen to all of us...

[Gato4Astrid]

What about a teenager daughter that attracts the boys at school? You could be a step grandpa pretty fast.

lol    Could have been a teenager son becoming a dad who abandoned his own child!

[Elexpatriado]

Sounds like you got stuck with my ex-"Wife" if you can call her that... Colombianas are notoriously Bi=Polar... result of a screwed up family life,,funny story..ja..ja..ja..

I am posting this more to help the guys with thier future girls and adventures or searches...  I think that it is stated time and time again guys but hear my story so you dont make the same mistakes I did.  I have recently called off my engagement to my girl due to the fact I allowed her to grow into a monster.  I dismissed many warning signs such as getting in fist fights with her sister over a pen... Telling me i needed to drop a conference call at work so she could argue with me over insignificant stuff... 

However looking back I think I caused it by sending her money...  I started with just small things but it grows and grows into this beast that has an insatiable appetite for more...  I swear toward the end her hand was always out.  To give you an idea she was getting over 600 a month... She tried to tell me that she thinks she had life better making her 120k pesos a week so 500 a month over what I was sending her.  I offered to let her go back to that life cause I would love to get some new movies for my collection and other things.  She quickly declined on that. 

My red flags came out before the 2nd trip when the stress she was putting me through put me in the hospital overnight and sent home with a catheter.  All she was worried about was how fast I could get back to the gym and if the was going to ruin the trip I was to take down there in November.  I recovered in time to go but I still was not quite myself as far as strength and energy.  While down there she was staying with me in my hotel.  She got really drunk and verbally abusive one night.  Because I have had my issue in the past with domestic violence over an argument I wanted nothing to do with the moment and was going to call her a cab to go home so I did not have to deal with local authorities.   She threw a wine bottle at me missed me but damaged the floor... The broke the two wine glasses over her head not causing damage.  At that point I was like I had to get outta here I went to go sit in the lobby and she ripped my shorts off and told me to get back here and [snip] her like a man...  I told her I would stay but please go to sleep.  She climbed in my face and tried to get me to hit her.  I never did.  I finally was allowed to go to sleep.   I am sure I owned my part as I try to laugh my way out of situations that get uncomfortable and all and that pissed her off more. 

And a friend of mine said all problems in marriage are 50 / 50. So please do not think I am playing a victim here.  I am only sharing what I went through so others know that they dont have to put up with it.  I am not going to try again as I am seeing that there's so much dependency on your life that going to work became a task in itself.  I write this as my learning experience and warning that if a girl loves you she will not need your money to survive the 6 month process of waiting for a visa.  I mean yes pay for all the stuff for her visa but when the guys tell you that she managed to live 20 something years on thier own in that infotainment they will make it another 4 to six months waiting for the visa. 

Another thing I learned is 20 something is 20 something maybe I got the most immature girl out there but I think the younger girls and thier head in the clouds behavior is beyond what I could be into.  If your not into asinine silly behavior listen to what you learned in life date something 28 to 30 something.  I didnot enjoy having to finish raising a teen age daughter again. If your gonna do this know yourself.. know you limits and dont let people convince you of difference. 

When they tell you to go on a 2nd trip before making the final commitment... do so.  You see alot of stuff you don't originally when the birds and star dust is out with new romance.  I am not jaded or bitter toward my experience but I do lend all new guys my previous words of caution. 

I would endorce Jamie's services if asked about them. 

I just think this process is high risk high reward. Do your homework while you are there dont be afraid to ask the tough questions.  If a girl gets offended then let her go.  You are about to be financially responsible for her for the next 10 years.  If she wont be open with you then she ain't worth it.  I have a ton of regrets at this point as to why I did not give more time with a couple of girls that were sweet and beautiful.. if you go through the process save the money to take a longer stay... I was there for like 2 weeks.  It was not enough time.  I would wanna be there for amonth if I were to try again. 

This year I am thinking Alaska would be nice.  Not for a date but for vacation.  Best of luck to you all and hope my story helps at least one guy thinking of how todo the process.

[Elexpatriado]

at least yer lucky you didnt get the "Clap" offa her.. or didn't end up getting her pregnant .or at least thinking you did when it was really some Barrio Boys kid you were sucked into raising thinking it was yours..


Second trip my ass.. you guys can keep on paying Russian Roulette if you want with your long-distance relationships and your "portable R&R" fiance visas. Like Benijo said- it's a numbers game, and you really have to work hard and spend the time, otherwise you really do  pay yer money and take yers chances...

I am posting this more to help the guys with thier future girls and adventures or searches...  I think that it is stated time and time again guys but hear my story so you dont make the same mistakes I did.  I have recently called off my engagement to my girl due to the fact I allowed her to grow into a monster.  I dismissed many warning signs such as getting in fist fights with her sister over a pen... Telling me i needed to drop a conference call at work so she could argue with me over insignificant stuff... 

However looking back I think I caused it by sending her money...  I started with just small things but it grows and grows into this beast that has an insatiable appetite for more...  I swear toward the end her hand was always out.  To give you an idea she was getting over 600 a month... She tried to tell me that she thinks she had life better making her 120k pesos a week so 500 a month over what I was sending her.  I offered to let her go back to that life cause I would love to get some new movies for my collection and other things.  She quickly declined on that. 

My red flags came out before the 2nd trip when the stress she was putting me through put me in the hospital overnight and sent home with a catheter.  All she was worried about was how fast I could get back to the gym and if the was going to ruin the trip I was to take down there in November.  I recovered in time to go but I still was not quite myself as far as strength and energy.  While down there she was staying with me in my hotel.  She got really drunk and verbally abusive one night.  Because I have had my issue in the past with domestic violence over an argument I wanted nothing to do with the moment and was going to call her a cab to go home so I did not have to deal with local authorities.   She threw a wine bottle at me missed me but damaged the floor... The broke the two wine glasses over her head not causing damage.  At that point I was like I had to get outta here I went to go sit in the lobby and she ripped my shorts off and told me to get back here and [snip] her like a man...  I told her I would stay but please go to sleep.  She climbed in my face and tried to get me to hit her.  I never did.  I finally was allowed to go to sleep.   I am sure I owned my part as I try to laugh my way out of situations that get uncomfortable and all and that pissed her off more. 

And a friend of mine said all problems in marriage are 50 / 50. So please do not think I am playing a victim here.  I am only sharing what I went through so others know that they dont have to put up with it.  I am not going to try again as I am seeing that there's so much dependency on your life that going to work became a task in itself.  I write this as my learning experience and warning that if a girl loves you she will not need your money to survive the 6 month process of waiting for a visa.  I mean yes pay for all the stuff for her visa but when the guys tell you that she managed to live 20 something years on thier own in that infotainment they will make it another 4 to six months waiting for the visa. 

Another thing I learned is 20 something is 20 something maybe I got the most immature girl out there but I think the younger girls and thier head in the clouds behavior is beyond what I could be into.  If your not into asinine silly behavior listen to what you learned in life date something 28 to 30 something.  I didnot enjoy having to finish raising a teen age daughter again. If your gonna do this know yourself.. know you limits and dont let people convince you of difference. 

When they tell you to go on a 2nd trip before making the final commitment... do so.  You see alot of stuff you don't originally when the birds and star dust is out with new romance.  I am not jaded or bitter toward my experience but I do lend all new guys my previous words of caution. 

I would endorce Jamie's services if asked about them. 

I just think this process is high risk high reward. Do your homework while you are there dont be afraid to ask the tough questions.  If a girl gets offended then let her go.  You are about to be financially responsible for her for the next 10 years.  If she wont be open with you then she ain't worth it.  I have a ton of regrets at this point as to why I did not give more time with a couple of girls that were sweet and beautiful.. if you go through the process save the money to take a longer stay... I was there for like 2 weeks.  It was not enough time.  I would wanna be there for amonth if I were to try again. 

This year I am thinking Alaska would be nice.  Not for a date but for vacation.  Best of luck to you all and hope my story helps at least one guy thinking of how todo the process.

[Elexpatriado]

In my opinion, from personal expeince, she needs a new dress to impress the Barrio Boy(s) she is [snip]ing back in Locombia...

Ricardo brought light to something I never paid attention to.  She kept asking for money for vaccinations and a pre check up... 

This is what made it clear that I was in trouble.  She knew I had a domestic Violence on my record.  I have to disclose it.  At one point she got nose to nose with me dared me to hit her.  When I wouldn't she told me I was a chicken [snip] gringo and said I was scared of the colombian police.

Every time I turned around she needed money for a new dress or something.  Why does she always need new dresses?  Not sure if that's Colombian tradition but in my opinion who cares I wont return this was dynamite waiting to go off in my face.  I might be turned off by the experience so dont let me turn you away.  I know there are sweet gorgeous girls down there i just do not want to run the risk of finding Satans spawn again.

I don't have any contact at this point with her.  She would have to call my phone and the phone bill is unpaid being I am no longer paying it.  I assume she only had one gringo paying. 

Things are done...I am gonna go spend a week with a friend of mine in Florida next month..  Help her coach her girls in softball and forget all about this disaster... 

Perhaps leaving her first name out here was distasteful...  to any offended I apologize. ..  I knowfrom conversations that I have had with Jamie he reads the page.  He runs a very tight ship so he will pprobably let her know that this kinda craps wont be tolerated if she is allowed to even come back.  But Jamie and his agency is the only good I got out of my trips to Colombia...I missed out on a lot of quality girls and one shines out from the rest but she was so honest that she could not leave Colombia at the time that I had to drop hope on that one.  Guys best of luck in your journey...  I put this out there for guys to learn from my experience.   My plans are to go back to the basics and live a quiet life.  I am giving up on marriage or kids after all this.  That should tell you how bad it can be if you dont get to know a girl for real and you make her your queen and give her free reign to the vault.

[Elexpatriado]

Probably the best device I have seen on this site abajo ..

Finding a marriageable woman overseas is always a risky and tedious process.  I agree with many others here that this site has a ton of valuable tips, advice and caution.  But really it comes down to the individual guy - he's always going to be face with a somewhat 'unique' situation. 

Granted, the games women (and men) play are already known and talked about on this board over and over again. 

But wouldn't you know it - each woman puts her special 'spin' on it. On top of that, once we've developed feelings for her, we're going to be reluctant to see the scam in the making. 

One thing that always 'set my teeth on edge' is common refrain on Colombian women of wanting a man who is detailista.  The term can encompass little gifts, mementos, all the way up to dresses, electronic gadgets, trips etc.  And the typical Colombiana will pout if the guy won't spend his $$ on her in a somewhat frivolous way.

It would seem that a guy has to be willing to 'walk away' from any woman or situation that doesn't sit well with him.  If the gal comes around, great - if not be willing to let her go.  With the Latinas tempestuous disposition, a lot of guys will be intimidated. 

Another factor that can make us put up with undesirable behaviour, is our investment in time and money into a woman.  It's not like we can just play the field, and date another woman.  Essentially, most guys have very limited time to travel, and date women in Colombia or Asia for that matter.  A guy who's living there would have a lot more options and could just move on having learned his lesson.  This guy Henry (reekay) from life-beyond-the-sea, lives in the Philippines and maintains that the best if not the only way to know if a Filipina is fit to be married is the live in her city/province and see here for at least 9 months.  That alone, hints at the difficulty of sorting the women out and finding a keeper. 

It seems to me that every time I hear of a guy getting scammed, he was early on focussed on only one woman, too quickly enamoured, somewhat desperate to make it work, wanted to help her (also thinking that he's dealing with a 'diamond in the rough'), or thinking that the gal in question has had a rough go of life in one way or another, and not wanting to let her down or disappoint her. 

All of the above would fairly easily lead to disaster.

I think also that LS let the 'cat out of the bag' too soon, if he should have at all, in telling her about his past run-in with the domestic abuse issue.  That kind of stuff can be held against you.  It's always best to be cautious - on a need to know basis (only after a lot of thought for any negative issues). 

I think it's always best to realize the relationship can at any time go south -  Dating a foreign woman indeed is a veritable minefield.   Do your own reconnaissance always, and have an exit strategy.

[Elexpatriado]

Sorry- from persona; experience that proves NADA- she can still be taking a dump with the door open and still fokin' all the Barrio boys when she's back in Colombia...

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I'd say it's effective in the beginning to see what transpires. Once the ring finger has developed a tan line, after a while everyone relaxes and before you know it she's sitting on the toilet with the door open while you're brushing your teeth.

[Elexpatriado]

Or just get a good hobby and fergwt about womins...

.
I thought you kicked her to the curb by now. Sounds like you're infatuated and can't cut loose. Move on LS, and do it quick. Go out and find some strange woman at a bar or club. Or maybe get an escort that's super hot and makes you feel like you're special to get over her. One night of ecstasy with a strange woman can do wonders to a man's esteem.

[Elexpatriado]

No hay guarantias.. pay yer money y takes yer chances..

Or just get a good hobby and fergwt about womins...

Okay since we are kinda looking at the game film here.. seeing where I threw that bad interception..  As I agree I was the one who pulled the trigger.. nobody else..  I am thinking of and older girl 26 to 32 to remove the immature bullcrap.  Also thinking that I would rather find a girl with a child.. Perhaps they might be more family oriented?  Am I going to conservative and over evaluating?

[Elexpatriado]

You guys better believe a woman without a kid can be a helluva lot more expensive than one with a kid, espescially if the former  is a gold-digger. Who knows, you might even grow to like the Kid? Now I am talking about if they stay in Colombia, not if you drag their asses to Canada or the US. That is a different situation, for sure..

I think Mambo Cowboy was saying a guy looking to find a wife in Colombia (or Latin America) should stay away from women with kids simply because those kids are a major cost center. Assuming it's a package deal then as soon as the guy brings her over with the kids you are financially responsible for not just one person but perhaps 2 or 3, etc.

[Elexpatriado]

Good point.. the boys are spoiled in Colombia... maybe it's not so bad if she has a girl...

Me too...and I live here.



In the eyes of most gringos wife hunting SOTB, absolutely. And that's obviously not a personal shot at IV. The simple fact is that given the choice almost every gringo would prefer to meet a woman that doesn't already have children. There are so many single women in Latin America without children most gringos I know would choose a girl that's good for them and doesn't have kids instead of a woman that was perfect for them that did. In addition to that, from my experience, in every occasion I've seen a gringo marrying a Latina that already had children, she was exceptionally beautiful. Nothing less than a 9. Women like that usually have to bring something additional to the table.

Going back to Stevieboy's point (because I think it was one of the best that's been made in opposition to dating women that already have children), the ideas of discipline and responsibility in raising children are totally different in Latin American compared to the U.S. My father was a military man. I was forced to wake up at 6 a.m. every morning, weekday or weekend, make my bed and tidy up my room. At 6 years old I was washing dishes, doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. At 9 years old I was taking out the trash and doing yard work. At 15 years old I had a job, a car and was completely self-sufficient outside of staying in my parent's house. These things were not optional and my father NEVER hesitated to put his hands on me at the slightest sign of insubordination or disrespect. It made me the man I am today. While most of the guys I grew up with that lived in single parent homes did whatever they wanted, I couldn't meet them in the streets until everything in the house was done. Most of those guys are dead or in jail now. I have two college degrees, live in paradise and make 6 figures. Do the math.

I've dated two girls with children in Colombia. Both had sons. Neither did anything to help their mothers. They were good kids. Both did well in school. But whenever I tried to suggest their sons should help them out with a few things around the house (while they were watching TV and playing video games) it was met with strong opposition. At times these suggestions even resulted in heated arguments. Never again. This is a huge problem with the culture in Colombia. Especially along the coast. I know women in Barranquilla that work to support households of unemployed men that sit around and drink all day. These same women get off work, come home and cook and clean up afterwards. It all starts from the way men are raised there.

[JasonA]

Benjio- Great story about your dad. A while back, there was heated discussion about equal opportunities for everyone in the US. I think we disagreed with each other on the subject, but it sounds like you and I have gotten where we are today because of our dads. Good stuff!

On the women with children debate...   I tried to date 2 different women here in TN that were divorced with kids. It didn't last long either time. Too much BS and not enough time for me (not that I'm high maintenance, but 1 or maybe 2 nights a week? No thanks. Also, I like to travel. Try arranging that with a mom).

In the south, women tend to get married young. Also, there are a lot of heavy duty religious freaks here. That is the biggest reason I started looking on LAC, you can find attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s that are educated, attractive, never married and no kids! Sweet!

[buencamino]

If you marry a chica with out kids you can at least start out as #1 in her life. If you marry one with a kid that opportunity ya se fue para siempre.

[mambocowboy]

If you marry a chica with out kids you can at least start out as #1 in her life. If you marry one with a kid that opportunity ya se fue para siempre.

EXACTLY!