Three men stand before St Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So St Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early form work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my
apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I
looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace
that he had been there. But the last place I looked was out on the
balcony. I found the guy hanging from the edge, trying to get back in!
So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he
didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers
with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the
fall didn't kill him - he landed in these bushes! So I dragged the
refrigerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the
balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and
killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the
first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment
building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was
practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my
balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors
before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was
trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have
been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he comes out with this hammer and smashes my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in these bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last - the last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."
St Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones.
Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."
