Take #2

[CyberGlitch]

Obviously more a lurker then a poster but have posted about a previous girl from the Philippines. Well, that one lasted another month or 2 after I started looking on here and asked a few questions. Was hard to let go though after about 4-5 months of chatting, webcam, calling and all that then all of a sudden started having problems and needing money for internet and phone so we can continue the relationship. I played stupid for a bit and did send like $10 maybe 3 different times before it got to be too much and let her go.


After that I stopped actively looking since I was still going through the end of my divorce at the time. Well, about 6 months ago started looking again on CB. It seemed to come out of nowhere and unexpected. I was chatting up a few girls at a time and most wouldn't last more than a week. I get a wink from this girl and at first ignore because she wasn't overly gorgeous or super model hot like I was trying to stupidly look for. Couple days later she sends me a very odd message, very honest about a few things and it enticed me to reply which I did. At first it was just friendly chatting here and there about random stuff. Nothing committing or serious. After a month I start to realize I'm enjoying talking to her more then the other girls I was trying to go after. So I stopped on CB and continued on with her and now 3 months later I've got that feeling again and starting to think about taking a much needed vacation. The timing works out perfect b/c I lost my main job last year but now am self employed as an IT Consultant. So I can go down there for a month and still get some work done. Would give us plenty of time to make sure we fit.


I'll just ask the question but I think I'll know the answer when I'm on the trip if I end up going to see her. Spending an entire month down there with her. Would it be too much to propose at the end of that month if things were still feeling good? Would go back 1 more time but that would be to fly her back here if things worked out.

[Howard]

Really it depends on you.  When I went to visit my wife - just pal then, obviously - I went with the intention of simply seeing if we were as compatable in person as we were on the phone and internet.  When I got there everything just felt "right".  There was really no akwardness, no uncomfortable feelings.  We had a blast, got along even better in person and in a short period of time I KNEW that it was very real.  After a few weeks we had a serious discussion about our future(s) and decided to go looking for a ring at a friend who owned a jewelry store in a mall nearby.  We chose the ring together and I propsed to her in front of her family later that evening.  Luckily for me, she said yes and the family council approved of me
 
The rest has been the best 8 years of my life!
 
I met my wife in a very similar way - except I was not looking for hotties, one just found me - when you find someone you can truly talk to, you have hit the jackpot.  The only way to realize it is for it to happen.  No one could have prepared me for the deep communication I found when I started talking to my wife, but when it happened everyone else disappeared.  There was just no competition.
 
Just keep your eyes open for red flags and follow your best instincts.  All you can do is your best.
 
Good Luck and welcome from the shadows
 
Keep the Faith!
 
H

[robert angel]

Obv


After a month I start to realize I'm enjoying talking to her more then the other girls I was trying to go after. So I stopped on CB and continued on with her and now 3 months later I've got that feeling again and starting to think about taking a much needed vacation. The timing works out perfect b/c I lost my main job last year but now am self employed as an IT Consultant. So I can go down there for a month and still get some work done. Would give us plenty of time to make sure we fit.


I'll just ask the question but I think I'll know the answer when I'm on the trip if I end up going to see her. Spending an entire month down there with her. Would it be too much to propose at the end of that month if things were still feeling good? Would go back 1 more time but that would be to fly her back here if things worked out.

It says a lot that you got off of CB after you became serious about this girl. Most guys don't have the will or maturity to walk away from the 'candy store'. Getting past the beauty queen, supermodel search mindset is generally a smart long term move too. The prettier they are, the more makeup and 'glamour pictures'--pics of them in sexy swim suits at various resorts, etc--the more likely you'll be buying into a 'high maintainance woman situation'. Once they get to the USA and see that they get even more looks, you might end up on a slippery slope. I think it's all proportionate.
 
I love that corny old song, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life--never make a pretty woman your wife". Not anywhere near 100% true, but there's some wisdom in there somewhere!

 
The only thing that I'm not too clear on is the : "I'll just ask the question" part. Alot of us go over there and it's basically a foregone conclusion that we're 'going to pop the question'. If rushed, that mindset can lead to a hasty decision made under pressure--pressure on you and especially on her, her family and friends. Like SERIOUS.

 
I'll plead guilty to risking that--unlike after a few overseas 'get aquainted visits' where I never popped 'the question' with the women I fancied (one per trip), it was different with my current wife.  I her knew for an absurdly long 4 years (first few as regular chatting friends) before getting truly intense and asking her in person. She for sure didn't have a great profile picture, but when eventually we went cam to cam, even with no make up and T shirt and jeans, I was saying "too young, too cute" in my head for years, before I finally took the plunge and went to meet the family and all that.

 
So by the time I WAS ready to visit her, it wasn't really a question so much of 'if' but more like 'when'. By then, we'd all but discussed what color the picket fence and roses out in front of the house should be. Not a best case scenario, but 7 years later, we (and the roses) still are doing great--with just a few thorns we've learned to avoid along the way

 
That said, if you have known her a good six months and have a good month to 'get aquainted' in person. I'd suggest you show a bit of reserve just yet on a formal proposal. You may have already tipped your hat--'shown your hand' pretty much to her already--if so--so be it. It's easy when you really 'click' with someone you love, to have things move in a such an irresitible, magnetic way. Like Frank Sinatra called it "Witchcraft"! Check this out, if you get my drift--- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

 
Hey--that 'second trip' idea, isn't unthinkable. Sure the paperwork and timing would be a challenge, but it's going to be a challenge no matter what--you sound smart enough to work it--so you've got plans and options! And BTW--most good Filipinas who are pretty but don't overdo it, don't let it go 'to their heads'  at least not TOO much!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg
 
 

[CyberGlitch]

I haven't let my true intentions known. I mean obviously most people go to the site looking to get married but I've kept the conversations to "I don't know what the future holds but can't wait to find out".


At first I was just thinking a 2 week vacation there. Then I started to think about my current situation and what I would prefer the most. So I started thinking, instead of maybe 2 trips for 2 weeks each, I thought a full month living down there with her would be much better. That way we truly "live" together for that month and I'll better know where we stand relationship wise. Besides, the last 2 years of my life have been hell fighting a nasty divorce and I could use a month off and out of the country! 


I'm by no means in any rush. Good things come to those who wait.




She even had a good chance to try to take a stab at me the other day and didn't skip a beat. I was talking to her about me getting a new phone line so I can call her more often when she can't get to the internet cafe. Vonage Philippines is unlimited to Globe #s. So I asked if she had a Globe # but she said no. She then said if that's what she needs for me to call her she'll go out tomorrow and get a Globe SIM herself, not even asking me to get it for her. Told her to not jump so quickly, right now was just asking. I am looking at ordering it and once I get the equipment let her know then so she can get a new SIM.

[fathertime]

I'll just ask the question but I think I'll know the answer when I'm on the trip if I end up going to see her. Spending an entire month down there with her. Would it be too much to propose at the end of that month if things were still feeling good? Would go back 1 more time but that would be to fly her back here if things worked out.

no it is not too much...if after a month you both are feeling real good about things and want to propose than i think that is just fine...and if you want to wait a little longer that is also just fine...i'm more the fast mover type, but others aren't..depends on you.   


Fathertime!