Article: The War on Men

[Researcher]

 

    The War on Men

The battle of the sexes is alive and well. According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997 – from 28 percent to 37 percent. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent.

Believe it or not, modern women want to get married. Trouble is, men don’t.

The so-called dearth of good men (read: marriageable men) has been a hot subject in the media as of late. Much of the coverage has been in response to the fact that for the first time in history, women have become the majority of the U.S. workforce. They’re also getting most of the college degrees. The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women.

As the author of three books on the American family and its intersection with pop culture, I’ve spent thirteen years examining social agendas as they pertain to sex, parenting, and gender roles. During this time, I’ve spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women. And in doing so, I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same.

Women aren’t women anymore.

To say gender relations have changed dramatically is an understatement. Ever since the sexual revolution, there has been a profound overhaul in the way men and women interact. Men haven’t changed much – they had no revolution that demanded it – but women have changed dramatically.

In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.

Now the men have nowhere to go.

It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry. Heck, men have been to blame since feminists first took to the streets in the 1970s.

But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is – hold on to your seats – women’s fault?

You’ll never hear that in the media. All the articles and books (and television programs, for that matter) put women front and center, while men and children sit in the back seat. But after decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.

Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.

It’s all so unfortunate – for women, not men. Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.

It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek.

So if men today are slackers, and if they’re retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they’ve played to bring about this transformation.

Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature –their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/11/24/war-on-men/

[Researcher]

    I noticed the above article and thought I would post it. Interesting trend in marriage.


     Researcher

[bcc_1_2]

There is concensus from all sides of the political spectrum on this... not just Fox. The problem is you have men saying I am not going to get married and or settle down. The solution is clear for those that can afford it to take a trip to another country. The more men that do that... the more women can see that they can rightly fight for equality and still be women.
Women have been mistreated and put down for a long time. But in 2012 neither men nor women should have to accept it. The internet could be the big game changer in helping younger men avoid the trainwreck marriage and go overseas in their 20s an 30s (like me). The problem is many of these websites and forums are so unappealing to young men that they don't post on them.
A culture of traveling overseas and using a marriage agency to "pick" a wife is not going to appeal to young men. A forum full of very conservative (not libertarian but conservative) talk is not going to appeal to young men (especially if they are a minority group statistically).
There are a lot of barriers to men getting the information they need. Much of the problem is feminist women getting in the way and providing false information about going overseas. But there are many barriers on a site like this that put off young men too.

[Fuzzyone]

There is concensus from all sides of the political spectrum on this... not just Fox. The problem is you have men saying I am not going to get married and or settle down. The solution is clear for those that can afford it to take a trip to another country. The more men that do that... the more women can see that they can rightly fight for equality and still be women.
Women have been mistreated and put down for a long time. But in 2012 neither men nor women should have to accept it. The internet could be the big game changer in helping younger men avoid the trainwreck marriage and go overseas in their 20s an 30s (like me). The problem is many of these websites and forums are so unappealing to young men that they don't post on them.
A culture of traveling overseas and using a marriage agency to "pick" a wife is not going to appeal to young men. A forum full of very conservative (not libertarian but conservative) talk is not going to appeal to young men (especially if they are a minority group statistically).
There are a lot of barriers to men getting the information they need. Much of the problem is feminist women getting in the way and providing false information about going overseas. But there are many barriers on a site like this that put off young men too.

   As men get older and have a decent job with a good retirement it is hard to get married. Something happens and you get divorced she takes half of everything. I mean everything including your retirement that you might have worked your behind off for.


    I see that woman in the marines have filed a lawsuit so that can fight on the front lines like the the men. They claim they cannot get promoted like men. What do you guys think?

[bcc_1_2]

Fantastic... quote me... but don't address what I wrote... talk about the plight of yourself. Divorce sucks no question but there are also a lot of men in their 20s and 30s about to make a big mistake for the first time.
Let them pick up a weapon and fight. I don't want to go over there and patrol the crazy sand people of the middle east. Truth is we are going to be using troops less and less. How many women are capable of playing in the NBA? I think there could be some women capable of being on the front line... but a small percentage. They should go through the same process as the men. If they are up for it... great.

[mudd]

[size=78%] [/size] As men get older and have a decent job with a good retirement it is hard to get married. Something happens and you get divorced she takes half of everything. I mean everything including your retirement that you might have worked your behind off for.


    I see that woman in the marines have filed a lawsuit so that can fight on the front lines like the the men. They claim they cannot get promoted like men. What do you guys think

just my $.02  men with good jobs, money , assets ect do not want to get married, why should they, take the chance to lose 50% of what they worked for in a divorce. even with a prenup, soon to be ex wife can make you spend some serious $$ in a contested divorce. and many of the younger men 20 to 30 really dont want to get married either. case in point, my 20 year old son and his friends talk about women and  want nothing to do with a serious long term relationship or marriage and i dont see  their opinions changing any time soon.

on the other point, have a cousin in the army, Apache pilot, was stationed in Afghanistan  she really didnt have much of an opinion on the subject other than women in combat are more vulnerable to sexual assault by other forces which can change the mind set of a male solder.

[SkyNorth]

BC...you claim:
"Women have been mistreated and put down for a long time."
 
I disagree. 
 
I think men have been expected or challenged by society (feminism or etc.) to wear too many hats with no reward.  The reward or better lack of reward was when a woman wants to divorce, because she not been full filled (the mans fault).  Is the removable of half his assets or more and all his children.
 
What does a modern woman expect of a Husband?
Very nice Home
a vacation condo
Nice Cars
Country club/spa/gym membership
Travel to Europe (skiing in Colorado or a cruise to the Cayman's is just OK)
Lavish gifts for no reason at all
him to maintain the home inside and out plus, win lawn of the month twice a year
She expects him to split the inside cooking cleaning duties down the middle
plus he needs 6 pack abs and he needs to look like Clooney
make her laff, watch opera, etc.
and after all of that he must to listen and make her life Full Filled (complete her)
 
That is a 38 hour day
 

[bcc_1_2]

BC...you claim:
"Women have been mistreated and put down for a long time."
 
I disagree. 
 

Then your head has been buried in the sand. My great grandmother died in 2006. She earned the right to vote in the United States for the first time in her lifetime. It is like arguing with a kid that tells you Dwight Howard is the best center of all time. You clearly don't have a grasp on history.
The problem with the last election was all this talk of taking our country back and going back to the good ole days. The problem with that is for one gender and a lot of minority groups those times weren't necessarily all that great. Which is why they voted for the other guy.
But that does not mean in 2012 that men should get dumped on. You will find people on the left and the right that agree with that. But seriously google the 19th amendment or something and stop embarrassing yourself.

[Calipro]

BC...you claim:
"Women have been mistreated and put down for a long time."
 
I disagree. 
 
I think men have been expected or challenged by society (feminism or etc.) to wear too many hats with no reward.  The reward or better lack of reward was when a woman wants to divorce, because she not been full filled (the mans fault).  Is the removable of half his assets or more and all his children.
 
What does a modern woman expect of a Husband?
Very nice Home
a vacation condo
Nice Cars
Country club/spa/gym membership
Travel to Europe (skiing in Colorado or a cruise to the Cayman's is just OK)
Lavish gifts for no reason at all
him to maintain the home inside and out plus, win lawn of the month twice a year
She expects him to split the inside cooking cleaning duties down the middle
plus he needs 6 pack abs and he needs to look like Clooney
make her laff, watch opera, etc.
and after all of that he must to listen and make her life Full Filled (complete her)
 
That is a 38 hour day

 
I think times have changed.....if you aren't interested in stretching the age and appearance gap why would you ever go overseas.


Plenty of women in the U.S. would be more than happy to live with a guy that just pays half the bills.


Sure you might have to make dinner a couple nights a week and help to clean the house but what's the big deal.

[fathertime]

Let them pick up a weapon and fight. I don't want to go over there and patrol the crazy sand people of the middle east. 

although i agree with not policing the middle east, i'm amazed that you just tried to pin 'racist' on me, when you are using epitaphs like that one...isn't that a bit hypocritical? 


anyway, interesting article Researcher!  Lots of food for thought! 


Fathertime! 

[Bob_S]

I think times have changed.....if you aren't interested in stretching the age and appearance gap why would you ever go overseas.

Because you are looking for someone who blends cosmopolitan sophistication with old fashioned values.  Basically for someone from a superior culture that has not been destroyed by the war of the sexes (or the battle of the bulge).  I might point out, both Jeff S and myself married women who are older than ourselves (though when you are dealing with Asian women, they do look younger).

My great grandmother died in 2006. She earned the right to vote in the United States for the first time in her lifetime.

Great grandmother?  Wow.  Now SHE had seen quite a bit of history.  Must have had quite some stories of life back in the day.

[Calipro]

Because you are looking for someone who blends cosmopolitan sophistication with old fashioned values.  Basically for someone from a superior culture that has not been destroyed by the war of the sexes (or the battle of the bulge).  I might point out, both Jeff S and myself married women who are older than ourselves (though when you are dealing with Asian women, they do look younger).

The search for old fashioned values pushed you overseas? Really? Or did you just happen to meet your wives when you were abroad?

[bcc_1_2]

Because you are looking for someone who blends cosmopolitan sophistication with old fashioned values.  Basically for someone from a superior culture that has not been destroyed by the war of the sexes (or the battle of the bulge).  I might point out, both Jeff S and myself married women who are older than ourselves (though when you are dealing with Asian women, they do look younger).
Great grandmother?  Wow.  Now SHE had seen quite a bit of history.  Must have had quite some stories of life back in the day.

Traveled the midwest in a horse drawn wagon with the family to find work during the depression. She was an extremely frugal seamstress.

[SkyNorth]

 bc...the 26th amendment gave the right to vote to US citizens 18 years of or older. But that has nothing to do if they had been "mistreated of put down", son. (son - being a term to describe a person that is so immature they can't see further than the nose in front of them or a smart a$$ whipper snapper that has to bring attitude into a disagreement) The fact is the youth were not mistreated. The right to vote does not equal power in the US, money is the only thing that matters these days.  So denying female suffrage wasn't "mistreatment or put down" plus female suffrage came in 1920, hardly an applicable argument. Example, in the 1920s most women did not drink or smoke, especially in public. But some magic transformation happened and they got all that POWER to smoke and drink in a bar. Not a lot of power, Skippy. (see above "son" definition). Because "mistreatment" did not and does not exist.
 
Also, Read Above, I said - Simply "I disagreed" - with zero attitude. CIVIL discourse has been at the foundation of our USA since the beginning. Being a jerk is something you've added to our failing USA.

 
 Truly the only thing embarrassing is the fact you are probably a fellow Democrat that is a sore winner (Obama won DUDE - MoveOn.org & be happy) Your angry "over the top" rhetoric about the oppression of women, minorities, whales, owls, etc. makes you look like a Steven Jobs hippie. (He raised heck against the establishment in the 70s but lined his pockets with cash during the 80s 90s &00s, by any means possible and at the expense of fellow Americans (Dude like yer iPhone is made in China and there is plenty of Profit for it to be made in the USA). Plus you embarrass yourself by thinking that things like equal pay for equal work matters, free birth control pills, etc. matter. Those are trinkets like plastic beads the Calvary gave the (o-let me get this correct) Native Americans.
 
 Dude, the same thing that empower/matter to women, EMPOWER MEN (vice - versa) like; a real vibrant Economy where everyone has an opportunity for a good job, Real health care (govt or private) so that their children are healthy, Real access to Capital so they can start a new business. (It is much easier for a female to get funding to start a new biz, than a guy it’s not even funny) (but they/females rarely have the nerves to work on their own), Education (more degrees are going to ladies - just heard on radio today). I could go on but why?

 I guess what you should understand is most females lean toward subordinate jobs. I am not saying that they are subordinate but just most lean that way. Also, I am not saying that some women get don’t over looked for a promotions but so do men (sometimes because a female peer is good looking, so she gets the promotion). If you don't believe me - try to get a job in Pharma Sales - all blondes, all cute... (physicians will not talk to guys anymore)

 
 Are things between the Sexes equal? - Hell-o no, but they never have been.
 
I SIMPLY - disagree that women are "mistreated and put down". Women today get the door opened for them (by a male) and at the same time she will COMPETE against the door opener (male) on a playing field that might be skewed her way (all govt contracts for female owned biz 5-10% receive advantage over a male owned business - certain sales jobs are female dominated, swim suit model and beauty pagents are female dominated, etc.) (I think I would enjoy selling lingerie but Vicky Secret doesn't see it the same way)  So there - I have been equally mistreated by a female. (whip me, beat me - sorry wrong board)
 
Women in the USA are treated WELL – women in the Middle East is another subject.  Do you see the difference?  Skippy.  Don’t judge a females life until you have walked a mile in her high heels (you might like it). 
 
Of course I could have easily won this using TWO WORDS --- Free Drinks.

[Researcher]

    I really don't buy the myth of women being oppressed. I think we have just evolved in a way that gender roles were necessary. The "oppression" accusation is just a way of using shame and guilt to bring about social change. I don't have a problem with gender equality. I do believe a byproduct has been the suffering of relationships between men and women. Even though I didn't rule out finding a wife here in the US I am glad I looked else where as well. When it comes to the social struggles here in the US I feel like I have "dropped off the grid". That seems to be the best way to deal with the negative byproducts of social movements here. That is one of the things that is attractive about becoming an expat, in my opinion anyway.


       Researcher

[SkyNorth]

Calipro...I have dated some very nice attractive ladies that say the same thing in the US.  But talk is cheap and trips to Aruba, not so cheap.
 
Example:  Last week one (lady) outta the blue said "you know - you have been singing a lot of beach themed songs - you (meaning ME) should fly us to Cabo".  HA HA HA!!!
 
"Fly" meaning I pay the whole tab. 
 
I love this Equality.  We compete on a level field for a big sales contract, then when she wins it - we celebrate by me taking her out!  She got the sale, the comission, the cash, and WE (male) get the BILL.
 
Jerry Reed has a Country song titled  "She got the Gold Mine and I got the Shaft" ...genius!

[bcc_1_2]

    I really don't buy the myth of women being oppressed.

Then your head is also in the sand as well. Women did not rise up in a movement because things were great. As I have mentioned above there is wide support from liberals and conservatives (men) on the issue of feminism... or fairness towards men. But to pretend past generations of women were not oppressed shuts down the rational agrument that men don't have to put up with the current bs and women should be women... and if not we don't have to date or marry them.
You just can't have the conversation and win the debate with the bury your head in the sand attitude that one other poster had already shown. Hey grandma don't worry about the fighting to vote... I've got a free cocktail for you. But when you acknowledge the past... you can win the present debate. And you will find support from across the political spectrum.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw9Q6GTEPYw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C-IyOpESeE

[Bob_S]

The search for old fashioned values pushed you overseas? Really? Or did you just happen to meet your wives when you were abroad?

For me, yes.  I actively sought a spouse from a culture that still views the Ozzie and Harriet nuclear family archtype as a desirable goal, not a throw-back to primitive days, an oppressive obsolete institution, or at best a necessary evil.

[Researcher]

 

Then your head is also in the sand as well. Women did not rise up in a movement because things were great. As I have mentioned above there is wide support from liberals and conservatives (men) on the issue of feminism... or fairness towards men. But to pretend past generations of women were not oppressed shuts down the rational agrument that men don't have to put up with the current bs and women should be women.and if not we don't have to date or marry them.
You just can't have the conversation and win the debate with the bury your head in the sand attitude that one other poster had already shown. Hey grandma don't worry about the fighting to vote... I've got a free cocktail for you. But when you acknowledge the past... you can win the present debate. And you will find support from across the political spectrum.

     I don't care how many Youtube videos you post, especially from those Hollywood idiots, I know enough about history and have enough of my own life experience to know better than to believe in this myth. You can say "closed minded" and make references all you want but whatever you want to call it my belief is an informed belief and not something I was spoon fed by media idiots or some liberal out of touch college professor. I don't have a problem with "women's equality" because I am smart enough to realize it helps society.  I also know that a side effect of the women's movement is they have became selfish and lousy in relationships. Because I figured this out I have met and married a foreign woman who is not brain washed to believe because I am male I am her enemy. I have been happily married for over 5 years now and am certain I did the right thing. If you want to believe in myths and fairy tales fed to you by these folks then more power to you.


             Researcher

[Brazilophile]

A sociology professor who wrote books such as "Guyland" and "The Guy's Guide to Feminism" wrote an article in CNN.COM in response to the article that inspired this thread.

The mythical 'war on men'.

Personally, I agree with the criticism that in the past men in powerful positions, (who were ALL middle and upper class White men as opposed to working class White men, Blacks, Hispanics, and Asians), believed themselves to be entitled to certain 'relationships' with women regardless of women felt about those 'relationships'.  To a somewhat lesser extent, that sentiment still exists today. To wit, the "binders full of women" phrase, and the lack of any women in the House committee chair positions.

However, I also agree that the feminism of the 50's, 60's, and 70's is markedly different from the feminism of the 90's, 2000's, and 2010's.  It has made an "Animal Farm"-like metamorphosis.  Women in powerful positions now believe themselves to be entitled to certain 'relationships' with men.   

[fathertime]

I know this much, I like having a woman mostly focus on the home/kids.  I like a woman that doesn't worry too much about receiving 'fulfillment' from stocking shelves or shuffling paperwork.  I am just fine with some other man's wife that wants to do these things, and obviously they should have a choice to have a career.  I would just prefer that my  wife's career plays second fiddle in our house, at least during the childhood phase of life.
I agree generally with Reseracher's point that a lot of American women have decided a relationship/kids will be second fiddle to a career.  Some women have bought into this being very important but then later around age 35-40 or so they realize it may not have been a wise decision. 



Fathertime! 

[SkyNorth]

 This is the SILLIEST thread ever on the board. Silly is what happens when you get accusations that have ZERO merit. Examples would be (statements like): women are mistreated in the USA, the word son is a racial slur, Michael Moore is a credible source for feminist views, etc.
 
 Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But it is obvious that these silly opinions have an agenda of more than educational type fellowship or enlightenment. The attacking manner in which BC delivers his opinions as well as the content of that opinion, leads me to believe he is only concerned with slandering, mocking, and childish bickering with members of this board, to a degree that he is wasting everyone’s time and resources.
 
 I welcome a thread about an encounter with a nice lady from where ever that is chock full of information about foreign culture, intrigue, intriguing ladies, a car chase, a knife fight ( sorry - I digress). And if the thread started on a positive note and ended on a positive note without any one Hijacking it that would be OK as well.
 
 Remember in the immortal words of M. Jackson "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl"

[Ray]

But it is obvious that these silly opinions have an agenda of more than educational type fellowship or enlightenment. The attacking manner in which BC delivers his opinions as well as the content of that opinion, leads me to believe he is only concerned with slandering, mocking, and childish bickering with members of this board, to a degree that he is wasting everyone’s time and resources.
 

 
BINGO!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[V_Man]

I think it is a weak claim to say that women were more oppressed than men in the past. However even if one allows this, western women have certainly not been oppressed since the 1970s. I.E. for more than 40 years.

Men on the other hand are descriminated against and disadvantaged. Perhaps in almost every important facit of western life.

[Bob_S]

A sociology professor who wrote books such as "Guyland" and "The Guy's Guide to Feminism" wrote an article in CNN.COM in response to the article that inspired this thread.

The mythical 'war on men'.

Phft.  Effing crap from an emasculated male at the Communist News Network.  Basing his book on interviews of young brainwashed males that know crap about life.  There's 5 minutes of my life I want back.