My trip to Cebu....with a shocking surprise

[thekfc]

When we pass judgement on Jaystone's Mira and their 'situation', we have to remember that we're applying our mindset to another mindset that really is very different from our own.

Very true.

Jay, if you aren't going to dump her right away, and if you are going to take time to think it over, I recommend you spend as much time as possible with your future step-child.  In fact, spend time with just the little girl and your gf's dad as chaperon, without the gf around, to see how you get along.  If you don't get along with the child, whether the child comes with you and mom to America or not, things will go bad between you and the mother.  I just see it getting ugly years down the road.  If you're looking for an excuse to patch things up with the gf, clicking with the child as she finds a place in your heart may just be the ticket.

+1

[fathertime]

What pings my radar is her attitude that of course she will find a job to send money back home, as if her duties as a wife to Jay are just another job she must endure to support her real family back in the Phils.  It feels as if she's just using him.  I'm well aware that it is common for Pinays to want to work and send money back to her parents.  But that is in addition to her duties as a wife that come first.  But with this one, I don't know.

 

Your points are well taken Bob!


Your point about what she mentioned about a job also 'pinged my radar' as well.  Maybe that is the bigger issue...although to me lack of truthfulness and leaving the child behind issue is the one that would be more difficult to overcome.


Fathertime! 

[Researcher]

   I agree FT. That would be the biggest issue to me.My hat is off to him for trying to make a go of it though. Meeting the fam. is a good idea so you can get a better feel of the situation but to me it would be easier to find another woman but it may be far enough into it to either try and make things work or at least see how things go from here.

    Researcher

[braziliangirl]

Jaystone,

I know I may be not qualified to give you my opinion, since my picker is totally broken and I spent 11 months with a guy that began with lies. But I know how it feels to want to be forgiving and I know how it may cause you problems. I guess after you're married, you're in for good and it's worth to do your best to forgive others flaws. But before that, everything is a input for you to judge if the other is good spouse material or not.

What she did was not a white lie. Even though there are cultural issues involved, lying about a kid and being ashamed of her, and even willing to leave the little one behind raise a major red flag, in my opinion.

I remember reading in this forum that most relationships end up not working exactly because of the red flags people decided to ignore in the past. (That's a good reminder to me, as well.)

I will say what the others said to me on my thread. You are not forced to go on with this and you have a lot of other options.

You are a good guy, with a great heart and I wish all the best to you, whatever you decide. But please, think throughly and ask yourself if you could live with this in the future.

[z_k_g]

Stone,

I read most of the comments on here, I'd like to chime in and give you my viewpoint, least significant first.

1.  There is absolutely no significance to this young woman leaving her child in the Philippines while she works overseas.  In fact this is pretty normal and would be akin to an modern American female working 9-5.  That mere fact would be horrible for a 1950's
American housewife to even think about right?  Well, same difference.

I respect my fellow posters, but our world cultures and norms are so utterly different and "normal" has such divergent definitions that its really not fair to render our opinions without understanding the Philippines and whats normals for them.

This is a non issue.

2. Taking care of another man's child is not an easy thing to do.  I raised 2 children for 10 years who were not mine.  Takes a lot to do it and god will bless you....later. 

Your initial acceptance to this circumstance is noble and generous;  Maybe this is why she was attracted to you, she ultimately knew it was ok and you would accept the child? 

3.  She lied.  Thing is bro, she didn't have to lie.  Now we have some posters here who seem to think that you should ignore that simple but glaring fact.  They opine that she didn't really mean to LIE all this time (MONTHS) and you should think of the child and all of the other assorted reasons for her DECEPTION.

Ok, let me repeat this so we don't get lost in all that political, self righteous bulls*t-

She lied and bro she didn't have to lie!

Stone.....If you want to risk the rest of your life on this babe, hey, that's your call. 

But....bro, you are in for a lot more of the same. 

Be prepared!  hint: Train Wreck

Dude.....You were warned.

Zulu

[piglett]

good to see you back here zulu
i have already layed it out but the poor OP is love sick.
he may or may not roll the dice & marry this chick.
 
let me say this, my wife & i have 1 rule
no lies ever
even if it's not what i want to hear , don't lie to me.
 
 
 
pig

[Bob_S]

Zulu!  Great to see you back posting!

Jay, if this is serious enough to bring Zulu back from lurker status, it is well worth listening to.  He has a very fair point.  You say you had in your profile that you were okay with women who already had children, so she lied when she didn't have to.

I'm sensing a vibe that you may want to patch things up.  Just be aware of what you could be getting into.  Caveat emptor and all that.