When you're feeling stupid, read this !!!

[thekfc]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." 
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC .
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
And
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP
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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[Jeff S]

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
- Christina Aguilera

Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.
- Ivana Trump

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.
- Britney Spears

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
- Greg Norman

I think war is a dangerous place.
- George W. Bush

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future.
- Yogi Berra

And now the sequence of events in no particular order.
- Dan Rather

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
- George Gobel

I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.
- Jessica Simpson

I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.
- Tara Reid

[Jedironin]

Thanks! I feel smarter already! 

[Gato4Astrid]

 

[Bob_S]

"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle

Actually, that one kind of makes sense.   

[Ray]

Hey Bob, that’s what I was thinking too!

Actually, if it weren’t for the Zonies spending their dollars here in San Diego every summer, we would be all the way down the freaking toilet like most of the rest of California.

Come on Zonies, we welcome you to San Diego, and Obama can stuff it up his arse if he doesn’t like your excellent Immigration Law.   


Ray