BAQ Trip

[Woody]

I am totally with you on this one. If I want to raise my voice, by God, I'll RAISE my voice. My stepkids' deceased father used to beat them so if you ask them, getting yelled at is a lot more preferable to a beating. And yes, the yelling is effective.

The key is use only when needed. I have only heard my dad raise his voice in anger once in my life, that was scary. Now, he will escalate his voice for effect when needed, but only ever once in anger. I look at my dad's methods as a model for good order and discipline.

I guess that is really the difference. There is a big difference between using a controlled, powerful voice and unmitigated rage.

[z_k_g]

This is also considered part of the leadership role. No one wants to follow someone that even appears irrational or led by emotion. Correct me if I'm wrong Zulu.

Researcher,

Yes that's correct logic, so I will agree somewhat.

I'm really wanting to make sense with this entire idea of whats proper.  Not just with a Latina but with an Asian woman as well. 

I will not lead anyone by bullying or intimidation.  But its also equally unacceptable for a woman to scream and holler at me, period.  This is indirect bullying if she already knows you will not return in kind.

Honestly, I'm just not sure that I can reasonably maintain a nice calm voice when the situation may demand a bit of authority in my voice, which I think that is normal for any man.  Women and children should expect as much and know that at that point, the debate is over and the leader is now rendering the final word on a heated subject.

My last relationship with my American woman got to be pretty bad and resulted in lots of anger and shouting.  I will never do that again for any reason.  Its not healthy for you or your family.

Emotions should not rule your demeanor and if you are a man, the decider, emotional outbursts are a sign of poor leadership regardless of the other parties behavior.  Hard lesson learned.

Let me conclude with this idea.

Asserting your authority verbally, raising your voice, is not the norm, its a tool in your chest to be used at appropriate times, primarily to end an issue because you, the leader, have the final word.

If you HAVE to continually assert yourself to no avail, then possibly you have the wrong woman.  I am neither in the business of making another adult do the right thing and obey me nor forcing them to follow my leadership. 

So, If I find myself needing to raise my voice often (except of course if you have teens or rowdy kids of course) it's time to seriously reevaluate the marriage or relationship and consider taking a walk.

Zulu

[fathertime]

Researcher,

Yes that's correct logic, so I will agree somewhat.

I'm really wanting to make sense with this entire idea of whats proper.  Not just with a Latina but with an Asian woman as well. 

I will not lead anyone by bullying or intimidation.  But its also equally unacceptable for a woman to scream and holler at me, period.  This is indirect bullying if she already knows you will not return in kind.

Honestly, I'm just not sure that I can reasonably maintain a nice calm voice when the situation may demand a bit of authority in my voice, which I think that is normal for any man.  Women and children should expect as much and know that at that point, the debate is over and the leader is now rendering the final word on a heated subject.

My last relationship with my American woman got to be pretty bad and resulted in lots of anger and shouting.  I will never do that again for any reason.  Its not healthy for you or your family.

Emotions should not rule your demeanor and if you are a man, the decider, emotional outbursts are a sign of poor leadership regardless of the other parties behavior.  Hard lesson learned.

Let me conclude with this idea.

Asserting your authority verbally, raising your voice, is not the norm, its a tool in your chest to be used at appropriate times, primarily to end an issue because you, the leader, have the final word.

If you HAVE to continually assert yourself to no avail, then possibly you have the wrong woman.  I am neither in the business of making another adult do the right thing and obey me nor forcing them to follow my leadership. 

So, If I find myself needing to raise my voice often (except of course if you have teens or rowdy kids of course) it's time to seriously reevaluate the marriage or relationship and consider taking a walk.

Zulu

Jaja your post cracks me up zulu,…I get a kick out of all this leader, the decider,  and tool chest talk,  What else is in that tool chest, Old Bear’s favorite marital experience ‘Tampo’?   

I actually agree with some of what you said regarding shouting…I’m just chuckling about all this ‘leader talk’…I do make most of the decisions around here but if I were to proclaim to my wife that I was the ‘leader’ and ‘decider’ she would probably try to dethrone me, or brain me with a frying pan…like they are doing with quadaffi…does your lady know that you are the ‘decider’?  to be realistic sometimes after a while I would think that would build resentment…not that I’m trying to change your thinking, maybe just moderate it a bit!  It would be nice to always be the supreme decision maker but most of these young babes only buy into that for a while, maybe that is different for somebody who is truly an exceptional person/leader…
Fathertime!

[euforia51]

So now that we know what's in the decider's tool chest ... let's see what the decider's woman is keeping in hers...