BAQ Trip

[vallenatoman]

The problem is that when guys use money to "entince" girls into relationships, dates, sex, whatever...

it hurts the guys who are seriously loooking because these girls get jaded or conditioned to expect gifts/money.

Im hoping good girls wouldnt ask or accept it (or allow themselves to be used) but if a girl is a "good girl" but poor...who knows..peer pressure wanting to have something nice may overcome her better judgement.

[Researcher]

   That's true Vallenatoman, and the guys are just setting themselves up to be used.


   Researcher

[z_k_g]

Truth about what dude?  LOL. C'mon now....
Ray? Nah...wrong guy. I love my Latinas brotha..

Jax,

Not sure if you got my reference to Ray who posts mainly on the Asian Board, he is a truthful guy and will give you his opinion whether you like it or not, he is well respected on the P-L board, has been here longer than anyone else to my knowledge. He will often chime in on posts and will tell the truth based on his vast experience (which sometimes hurts)!

So, you probably didn't catch my little joke there.

Also, I wouldn't try to steer you away from the Latinas, I love them also!

But I really didn't have the desire to go to Colombia or learn Spanish!

So, I found a "Latina" in the Philippines (she speaks fluent English) get to travel and explore the Philippines and SEA!  :-)

Good luck in Latin America!

Zulu

[dennislevy]

once agin, i shake my head at the content of these posts.

whitey and Researcher have met me personally in Colombia; ive lived in Colombia for almost three years, I speak close to fluent spanish and I ve met a ton of women for coffee, for lunch for dinner and I ve had relationships. If I gave the numbers, you guys wouldnt tbelieve me.

Tonight Im writing from Maicao,a  city in La Guajira, 6 hours east of Baranquilla, a city that almost all of yiou will never visit just as most of you won t  visit Villavicencio, or Valledupar or Tumaco, Sincelejo or Tulua or Buga or Palmira naND i ve met women in those cities as well.
look, we call all talk aobut limiting outsleves to women between 7 and 10, personally I think that rating women in this way is pretty shallow. ive dated Colombian women who were 4 9 and women who were almost as tall as me, women who weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, women who were close to 180 pounds....fron vanilla white to coal black and from almiost every woman I ve learned something, women have been my teachers about culture, about how to say things...and what women look for ain a foreign man.

And that s what s missing in all of these posts, everyone says what they re lookign for and what they gotta have in a Colombian woman,,,but very few of the men have any clue as to what women...quality women want. Guys flash some cash and a young girl comes with them to their hotel room and they think they re james Bond.

I ve been here three years, Im 57, trust me I don t  look like james Bond..... and I ve dated and made love with women from ages 30 to 52, I n all estratos of Colombia society.....and ive never never bougt a woman anything to induce her to go to bed with me. I ve never paid more then 40,000 pesos dollars for any  present during the first couple of dates. and i do thaT RARELY
everyone talks a aobut coming to Colombia and having fun with colombian women,. But there are at least two things that unite Colombian woman, they want men to respect and value them aned thY DON T TrUST MEN! WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT , dates ahave more substance and you have a better chance of progressing to a relationship.

Hae a good n8ight everyone....

[michaelb]

Actually, I have been to Buga. Went there on the bus with my wife (before we got married). I remember there was some guy in the plaza who had three or four llamas and was charging parents to give their kids rides on them. He actually had enough customers to make it worth his while. One of them was pregnant and he was offering to sell the baby after it was born and weaned, think he wanted a million pesos for it (about $300US at the time). I have no idea why my wife wanted to take me there, except to maybe show me part of the country, but none the less it was a good time and I thought it was a very picturesque place. There is some kind of religious shrine there and I understand that feeding and lodging the pilgrims is a major source of income for the residents.

Went to Jamundí also, with her and a friend of hers who had a club cab Toyota pickup truck. Not as much fun there. For some reason they got the idea that some undesirable people were taking too much interest in "the gringo with two women and a nice truck" (or was it three women? can't remember if my step daughter was with us that time or not). Anyway, they seemed genuinely scared about it and before I could even finish the fruit cocktail we bought they hustled me into the truck and we took off. 

[ignorante]

And that s what s missing in all of these posts, everyone says what they re lookign for and what they gotta have in a Colombian woman,,,but very few of the men have any clue as to what women...quality women want.

  Then give us a clue, Dennis.

[utopiacowboy]

Actually, I have been to Buga. Went there on the bus with my wife (before we got married). I remember there was some guy in the plaza who had three or four llamas and was charging parents to give their kids rides on them. He actually had enough customers to make it worth his while. One of them was pregnant and he was offering to sell the baby after it was born and weaned, think he wanted a million pesos for it (about $300US at the time). I have no idea why my wife wanted to take me there, except to maybe show me part of the country, but none the less it was a good time and I thought it was a very picturesque place. There is some kind of religious shrine there and I understand that feeding and lodging the pilgrims is a major source of income for the residents.

Went to Jamundí also, with her and a friend of hers who had a club cab Toyota pickup truck. Not as much fun there. For some reason they got the idea that some undesirable people were taking too much interest in "the gringo with two women and a nice truck" (or was it three women? can't remember if my step daughter was with us that time or not). Anyway, they seemed genuinely scared about it and before I could even finish the fruit cocktail we bought they hustled me into the truck and we took off. 

My sister-in-law and her family live in Jamundí. It has its share of, shall we say, "unsavory" characters.

[dennislevy]

Jaimundi is a hop skip and jump from Cali, 2800 pesos by bus from Cali, there isnt much to it.

Buga has a very good hotel the Guadalajara....with a pool and you can swim there all day long for 12.000 pesos and have a wonderful lunch by the pool.

What do QUALITY colombian women want from a foreigher?
1. a man who speaks very good to fluent Spanish
2. a man who will not try to push her for sex in the first two dates, most colombian men will do that
3. a man whose phone doesnt ring when she is with him, a man who makes excuses why he won t answer his phone in front of her or who walks away from her to talk on his cell.
4. a man who dosnt look at other women when he is with her
5. A man who isnt cheap, who doesnt haggle over restaurant bills in front of her
6. A man who makes an effort to look presentable, clean, ironed clothes, a good cologne, clean manicured nails, clean teeth, who dresses as if she is a serious man, not some gringo jerk tourist in shorts, sneakers and a baseball hat
7.A man who can talk with empathy and interest about the importance of family, who will listen to her, if she talks about her family and life.
8 A man who respects Colombian culture and with his comments, shows that he undertands how things happen and work or dont happen and dont work in Colombia
9 A man, if he makes piropos (compliments) theya re personal, meant for her. Anyone can say...amor, eres muy hermosa, the key is to go past that.
10. A man who will make committmenta and keep them. from something as small as not canceling a date with her becasue hes got someone else...to showing he understands and adheres ti the signiciance of the novios realtionship.
11. a man who will treat her family members with respect and make an effort to engage with each of them on a personal level.
12. A man who will call her when he says he will call her
13. if they are lovers, he cares about her pleasure FIRST, he s not a BOOM BOOM lover, and then he leaves or snores.

Quality Colombian women dont want aventuras, they wll have them if they are lonely or need to have sex, but they prefer to convince themselves that the foreign man wants more then an aventura. Unfortunately many foreign men are perros sin verguenza, no better then Colombian men.

Oj that should be enoigh to generate some comments. and I ve got more.   

[ignorante]

Wow!   That was a lot more schooling than I expected, but thanks for posting it.   

[z_k_g]

Oj that should be enoigh to generate some comments. and I ve got more.   

Dennis,

Good list!  A good template for newbies!

Continue....

Zulu

[dennislevy]

13. A man who doesnt raise his voice, scream or yell at her
14, A man who will never hit her.
15. A man who if he takes her on, will accept )if she has them) her children (what ki9nd of acceptance has to be negotiated)
16. A man who doesnt have or can  control his voices (drinking and smoking), if you are a druggie and want a quality Colombian woman, don t  even think about it
17 A man who buys her small things to show aprreciation....not expensive, but thoughtful...flowers. chocolates. what women call un hombre detasillista-
18. A man who can protect her there is a world of meaning in the verb proteger

OK, these are the basics. and they have worked for me , but remember that I almost always date mature women. if you re a mature man  you re chasing young chicas, a lot of this doesnt apply because many young girls don t have a lick of common sense or respect or gratitude.

[Gato4Astrid]

13. A man who doesnt raise his voice, scream or yell at her
14, A man who will never hit her.

Unfortunately there are many women who stayed with that sort of men  (especially after knowing these men)

[z_k_g]

13. A man who doesnt raise his voice, scream or yell at her

Dennis,

I can't agree 100% on this one.

No one should yell and scream at anyone, that's abusive, we all agree on that.

But people argue, that's normal, and sometimes your voice gets raised, also normal.

When you see this pretty much one sided (male or female) then you have some issues in the relationship.

Keeping your voice at conversation level during a heated argument is somewhat weird and not normal.  

That would scare me!

That type of person is a passive aggressive type that will eventually kill the entire family, the dog and the kid's goldfish one clear spring afternoon right after a good meal!

Zulu

[pchip]

Jaimundi is a hop skip and jump from Cali, 2800 pesos by bus from Cali, there isnt much to it.

Buga has a very good hotel the Guadalajara....with a pool and you can swim there all day long for 12.000 pesos and have a wonderful lunch by the pool.

What do QUALITY colombian women want from a foreigher?
1. a man who speaks very good to fluent Spanish
2. a man who will not try to push her for sex in the first two dates, most colombian men will do that
3. a man whose phone doesnt ring when she is with him, a man who makes excuses why he won t answer his phone in front of her or who walks away from her to talk on his cell.
4. a man who dosnt look at other women when he is with her
5. A man who isnt cheap, who doesnt haggle over restaurant bills in front of her
6. A man who makes an effort to look presentable, clean, ironed clothes, a good cologne, clean manicured nails, clean teeth, who dresses as if she is a serious man, not some gringo jerk tourist in shorts, sneakers and a baseball hat
7.A man who can talk with empathy and interest about the importance of family, who will listen to her, if she talks about her family and life.
8 A man who respects Colombian culture and with his comments, shows that he undertands how things happen and work or dont happen and dont work in Colombia
9 A man, if he makes piropos (compliments) theya re personal, meant for her. Anyone can say...amor, eres muy hermosa, the key is to go past that.
10. A man who will make committmenta and keep them. from something as small as not canceling a date with her becasue hes got someone else...to showing he understands and adheres ti the signiciance of the novios realtionship.
11. a man who will treat her family members with respect and make an effort to engage with each of them on a personal level.
12. A man who will call her when he says he will call her
13. if they are lovers, he cares about her pleasure FIRST, he s not a BOOM BOOM lover, and then he leaves or snores.

Quality Colombian women dont want aventuras, they wll have them if they are lonely or need to have sex, but they prefer to convince themselves that the foreign man wants more then an aventura. Unfortunately many foreign men are perros sin verguenza, no better then Colombian men.

Oj that should be enoigh to generate some comments. and I ve got more.   

Priceless, and I think as well universal

[dennislevy]

Zulu

I understand your reasoning and its derived from American culture.

But if you raise your voice at a quality Colombian woman, its an indication (to her) that you ve lost your temper and she has the excuse and in her mind the right to call you mal genio...or bad tempered.

The key is NOT to have heated arguments and to try and negotiate as much as possible when things are going well...and to anticipate potnetial probems. Because many colombianas think that they are not responsbile for the consequences of their actions....and so they will make you responsible!

[fathertime]

Zulu

I understand your reasoning and its derived from American culture.

But if you raise your voice at a quality Colombian woman, its an indication (to her) that you ve lost your temper and she has the excuse and in her mind the right to call you mal genio...or bad tempered.

The key is NOT to have heated arguments and to try and negotiate as much as possible when things are going well...and to anticipate potnetial probems. Because many colombianas think that they are not responsbile for the consequences of their actions....and so they will make you responsible!

hey dennislevy!

this is where I think you start losing a grip on reality in the USA....your suggestions are good regarding conflict resolution, but it is unrealistic to suggest that a man will should never have a heated argument...they are going to happen from time to time in a marraige, if a raised voice is something more than normal conversational voice then i'm guility of 'raising my voice'...but is not the same as screaming and is not in itself an indication of having 'mal genio'...
When a man brings a woman to the USA, their is adapation on both spouces parts, if it is considered bad temper to raise a voice slightly in Colombia, that's a nice factoid for a person to know, but it isn't necessarily considered bad temper here and this is where we live!
that being said, i do agree with you observation about many of the Colombian ladies line of reasoning...once my wife thought i was screaming at her when it was only a slightly louder voice than normal during a discussion/argument. 

Dennislevy!   I found a picture I think you should consider using for an avatar!  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Besser
Fathertime! 

[Gato4Astrid]

it is considered bad temper to raise a voice slightly in Colombia, Fathertime! 

Funny thing is that many of Colombianas write in CAPITAL letters! 

[Researcher]

    There's a fine line with Colombianas. I kinda agree with not raising your voice as a bad idea but you can't wuss out either. One is just as bad as the other. With me I find it is better to err on the side of raising one's voice as opposed to being a wuss. Sometimes you have to get their attention! So the balance is like the old saying "speak softly but carry a big stick!"


     Researcher

[fathertime]

Funny thing is that many of Colombianas write in CAPITAL letters! 

Hey Gato,
please be careful how you quote people...you quoted a partial sentence of mine and changed the context of what I said!

Thanks,
Fathertime!

[fathertime]

    There's a fine line with Colombianas. I kinda agree with not raising your voice as a bad idea but you can't wuss out either. One is just as bad as the other. With me I find it is better to err on the side of raising one's voice as opposed to being a wuss. Sometimes you have to get their attention! So the balance is like the old saying "speak softly but carry a big stick!"


     Researcher

i'm going to have to agree with you ont hat point. there is a balance and i'd also rather err on the side of speaking up and with authority when it is called for.  another good tactic is to wait until there is a good quite time and then bring up a sore subject when everybody is in a good mood and cooled off, usually a conversation goes better under those circumstances.  you gotta be a world class boat captain to navigate the waters without hitting rocks every so often
fathertime!

[z_k_g]

Zulu

I understand your reasoning and its derived from American culture.

But if you raise your voice at a quality Colombian woman, its an indication (to her) that you ve lost your temper and she has the excuse and in her mind the right to call you mal genio...or bad tempered.

The key is NOT to have heated arguments and to try and negotiate as much as possible when things are going well...and to anticipate potnetial probems. Because many colombianas think that they are not responsbile for the consequences of their actions....and so they will make you responsible!

Dennis,

Uh....OK....I guess.

Maybe its strictly a cultural difference.

I'm not advocating heated discussions, but "raising your voice" is somewhat normal, I think.

Zulu

[dennislevy]

Let me make the point that in many Colombian women s minds, its OK for THEM to raise their voice, but not permissible for a man to do it because they may see it as a precursor to hitting them.

And as FT said what we might think of as raising our voices....maybe considered as yelling or screaming by a colombiana. At this point I try not to raise my voice to a Colombian woman, I have adopted tow responses....

1. if I feel as I have been provoked, i just say...me voy and I leave, with the knowledge that I may not see them again.
2. but if its someone I care aobut, ive got time invested, I may say something like. Lets finish this another day.....

[Researcher]

      This is also considered part of the leadership role. No one wants to follow someone that even appears irrational or led by emotion. Correct me if I'm wrong Zulu.

        Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

I don't raise my voice many times, but when I do, it is for a very good reason. And the last thing on my mind when I do is whether it is socially acceptable to my Colombian wife or not. If she does not like it I guess she has to lump it or leave. Just like I have to with some of the things she does.

In Colombia, at least from reports I have received from the women I have met there, there is a very high incidence of physical abuse. Much higher than in the US. So maybe if they raised their voices a bit more it would relieve a little tension rather than getting to the point where they feel the need to bash their woman's face in.

It seems to me that some of the folks on this site want to cater too much to the lifestyle and whims of the Colombianas, and not meshing with the ways of our lifestyle here in the States. And that seems a bit illogical to me since most of the women will be coming here to live, not vice versa. I am willing to meet my girl halfway or even more than that. But I am not trying to be a Colombian. And I am not going to kiss azz to the point where I am treating her like the Queen of Sheeba. If you do that, be ready to be a chump in the relationship.

[utopiacowboy]

I don't raise my voice many times, but when I do, it is for a very good reason. And the last thing on my mind when I do is whether it is socially acceptable to my Colombian wife or not. If she does not like it I guess she has to lump it or leave. Just like I have to with some of the things she does.

In Colombia, at least from reports I have received from the women I have met there, there is a very high incidence of physical abuse. Much higher than in the US. So maybe if they raised their voices a bit more it would relieve a little tension rather than getting to the point where they feel the need to bash their woman's face in.

It seems to me that some of the folks on this site want to cater too much to the lifestyle and whims of the Colombianas, and not meshing with the ways of our lifestyle here in the States. And that seems a bit illogical to me since most of the women will be coming here to live, not vice versa. I am willing to meet my girl halfway or even more than that. But I am not trying to be a Colombian. And I am not going to kiss azz to the point where I am treating her like the Queen of Sheeba. If you do that, be ready to be a chump in the relationship.

I am totally with you on this one. If I want to raise my voice, by God, I'll RAISE my voice. My stepkids' deceased father used to beat them so if you ask them, getting yelled at is a lot more preferable to a beating. And yes, the yelling is effective.