9 Nursing Students Killed in Philippines Fire

[thekfc]

A fire rapidly swept through a budget hotel in the northern Philippines early Sunday burning to death 15 people — several crammed in bathrooms where they fled in panic.
Nine of the victims were nursing students in town to take a licensing exam.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/as_philippines_hotel_fire

So sad   

[z_k_g]

Tragic, my prayers go out to these young women!   

Zulu

[piglett]

man that is sad 


marily is in manila as i type this doing her 2nd days worth of exams.
she said that there are as many as 100,000 people taking that exam
man that's a lot of nurses


pig

[Dave H]

Hey pig,

Good luck to Marily!

Dave

[piglett]

Hey pig,

Good luck to Marily!

Dave

well she is finished the test, she said that sections 2 & 3 were a little hard but 1,4, & 5 were ez.
the review class that she took has a 100% pass rate & she passed all her pre-tests no problem.
she wanted to go to the province for Christmas but the boats are all booked so i guess she will have to stay in Manila .
after chatting with her tonight she said something strange
she said that once she gets her visa she wants to only visit her family in the province a week or less
when i was there in June she said that she wanted to go for 2 or 3 weeks.
i guess she must be heading off a bunch of requests for money form her "rich" husband.


pig

[thekfc]

she said that once she gets her visa she wants to only visit her family in the province a week or less
when i was there in June she said that she wanted to go for 2 or 3 weeks.
i guess she must be heading off a bunch of requests for money form her "rich" husband.

pig

Ahya said something similar.
She wanted to go to Pangasinan before she come to NYC but now she scratch off going to the province.

[Dave H]

when i was there in June she said that she wanted to go for 2 or 3 weeks.
i guess she must be heading off a bunch of requests for money form her "rich" husband.

pig

Hey pig,

That can get old REAL quickly! Fortunately, my wife's immediate family is self-reliant!  We seldom get visitors or phone calls from people who are not looking to "borrow" money. These are mostly professionals with good jobs, nice houses, and many with cars, who live beyond their means. While Filipinos want to "borrow" (never to be repaid), fellow foreigners want you to "invest" (also never to be repaid!). It is a good thing that we don't comply or the line outside our door would never end!

I recommend avoiding most expats, since the vast majority only seem to want to separate you from your money with some useless, overpriced service or an "investment" scheme! There is a kano here who takes money from fellow kanos (who want to avoid the paying the "kano price") for Chinese motorcycles that have yet to materialize. He also looks for investors in his company...I guess so he can actually buy a few of the motorcycles that he has already taken the money for...who knows where that money went? I am told that he moved to a nearby town and is still at it. I am very surprised that he is still in the area!   I bought my motorcycles from reputable dealers (all the bikes have original, legal titles) and got the actual prices that everyone pays. Not everything here has a "Kano or Pinoy Price." It just depends where you shop!

Funny, the poor pedicab driver who passes my house every day, waves, and sometimes stops to chat for a minute, has never asked me for 1 centavo in 2 years! He doesn't know it yet, but he was high on "Santa's" list!

"Santa" Dave

[piglett]

Man O Man what is up with these family members???
sh*t i work for a living , so why can't they???
due to the fact that i have 2 jobs one would think that each of them could
work "A" job .....wouldn't you
i know Bear's wife cut all but 1 niece off & at one point they were sending 1/2 the dam town to school. I thought i made it very clear to my new father inlaw that until Marily arrives here I just can't send ANY money his way unless it is a matter of life or death.I have not asked Marily exactly who has asked for cash or how often.
she has lost her best friend & like i have said in the past her sister F*cked us out of some money rite after we were married. I think my wife's eyes are starting to open so i guess there is a silver lining to this big cloud.


pig

[z_k_g]

Man O Man what is up with these family members???
pig

Pig, Its more than just family. 

When your pinays friends find out that she is dating a Kano then things can get real interesting.

Some of her friends are supportive, but she will discover quickly who her real friends are because the she "devils" show themselves.  Their jealousy is quick and resulting actions can be very nasty!

A lot of pressure is suddenly on a woman who was just looking for a good man.  Now she has to defend herself and him and risk being ostracized.  For a young woman, that's tough, because peer pressure is so strong, the basically have to cut those "friends" lose, or deal with the constant negativity.

So far the family has been pretty positive, haven't been hit up for "support" yet. 

Zulu

[Ray]

Pig,

As you are now finding out, helping out family members and sharing your "fortunes" is pretty normal in Filipino culture. Helping out your parents in their old age is almost mandatory.

A lot of these ladies that are married to foreigners or are working overseas are under a lot of pressure to send home money regularly. I even see elderly Filipina ladies here standing in long lines at the remittance centers around the first of the month, sending money to the Philippines.

I think you should expect her to want to send something home to help out elderly parents of retirement age, or to close family members when genuine emergencies or serious health issues arise, but you have to draw the line on the frivolous or non-emergency requests.

I say you because it may be very hard for her to say no. If the requests for help start getting out of hand and she is having a hard time refusing them, then I would step in and teach her gently how to say no. Or if need be, you can play the role of the cheapskate heartless husband and take the heat for her. Whatever works.

I would NOT allow her to send money on a regular basis that is going to end up in the hands of healthy, long-term unemployed siblings. Like you said, let them get off their ass and support themselves and their own families. And staking them to start a business of their own will be like flushing money down the toilet in nearly every case. You just have to be tough with some of them, whether they like it or not.

My advice is to not start sending any money on a monthly or regularly scheduled basis because that will only make them your dependent for life. Try setting up a modest savings account with your wife, where you can make deposits when you can, to be used for true emergencies back home, annual balikbayan boxes for the whole family, Christmas or birthday gifts, and/or her travel expenses to visit home every couple of years or so. That way she can help make the decision to either send a bunch of money or to be more thrifty so she can have something to visit home with.

Ray

[thekfc]

As always, great advice Ray.

Me & Ahya had a similar talk.

Also she didn't want me to send anything over this x-mas & that the family will spend x-mas the same way they spend it every year. She told me to hold off until she gets here & then she will send "individual" stuff for b'days, graduations & holiday time.

She told me that she had to "tell off" one of her nephews wife, she said that the nephew's wife told her that her baby ask for a gift - she reply to her nephew's wife "how can the kid ask for a present if the baby cannot even talk". 

[piglett]

Pig, Its more than just family.When your pinays friends find out that she is dating a Kano then things can get real interesting.Some of her friends are supportive, but she will discover quickly who her real friends are because the she "devils" show themselves.  Their jealousy is quick and resulting actions can be very nasty!A lot of pressure is suddenly on a woman who was just looking for a good man.  Now she has to defend herself and him and risk being ostracized.  For a young woman, that's tough, because peer pressure is so strong, the basically have to cut those "friends" lose, or deal with the constant negativity.So far the family has been pretty positive, haven't been hit up for "support" yet.  Zulu

Marily & i intend to send a small sum to her parents once she arrives. I was think along the lines of p3000 a month........
also her dad could use a good fishfinder , so we will probably get him one of those.
we intend to try to keep from suporting the whole dam clan over there


pig

[piglett]

Pig,

As you are now finding out, helping out family members and sharing your "fortunes" is pretty normal in Filipino culture. Helping out your parents in their old age is almost mandatory.

A lot of these ladies that are married to foreigners or are working overseas are under a lot of pressure to send home money regularly. I even see elderly Filipina ladies here standing in long lines at the remittance centers around the first of the month, sending money to the Philippines.

I think you should expect her to want to send something home to help out elderly parents of retirement age, or to close family members when genuine emergencies or serious health issues arise, but you have to draw the line on the frivolous or non-emergency requests.

I say you because it may be very hard for her to say no. If the requests for help start getting out of hand and she is having a hard time refusing them, then I would step in and teach her gently how to say no. Or if need be, you can play the role of the cheapskate heartless husband and take the heat for her. Whatever works.

I would NOT allow her to send money on a regular basis that is going to end up in the hands of healthy, long-term unemployed siblings. Like you said, let them get off their ass and support themselves and their own families. And staking them to start a business of their own will be like flushing money down the toilet in nearly every case. You just have to be tough with some of them, whether they like it or not.

My advice is to not start sending any money on a monthly or regularly scheduled basis because that will only make them your dependent for life. Try setting up a modest savings account with your wife, where you can make deposits when you can, to be used for true emergencies back home, annual balikbayan boxes for the whole family, Christmas or birthday gifts, and/or her travel expenses to visit home every couple of years or so. That way she can help make the decision to either send a bunch of money or to be more thrifty so she can have something to visit home with.

Ray

Oh i already know that I will have to play the cheep @sshole husband that doesn't want to send money every freekin  time someone over there wants to buy some bunch of crap that they don't really need.

I don't have a problem buying her dads meds or helping out her mem & dad once they are too old to work. they are in their mid 50's so i figure they have 5 or 10 working years left in them both.

Marilys 2 older sisters are finished school & her oldest brother will be done in the spring. she is paying for her youngest brother school costs & i have no problem with that , that way he can go get a job in 4 years & maybe i'll be off the hook for all of them except mom & dad i hope so


pig

[Dave H]

Exactly Ray!

Fortunately we never put anyone on our "payroll." That has saved us a lot of headaches! It is amazing how many people quit working when a family member becomes an OFW or marries a foreigner and they start receiving a regular "salary" for doing nothing! Special occasions, emergencies, and Momma are different matters! I don't ever remember Momma ever asking us for anything in 10 years...we always have to figure out what she might need or like.

Dave

[Ray]

Dave,

Momma obviously feels too shameful and proud to ask for anything.

Traditional Filipinos won't lower themselves to ask for money, even from close family members. But unfortunately, that cultural trait seems to be fading away.

Those with no shame (walang hiya) won't hesitate to milk you for all that they can get, even making up fake "emergencies" if need be.

Ray

[piglett]

Pig,

As you are now finding out, helping out family members and sharing your "fortunes" is pretty normal in Filipino culture. Helping out your parents in their old age is almost mandatory.

A lot of these ladies that are married to foreigners or are working overseas are under a lot of pressure to send home money regularly. I even see elderly Filipina ladies here standing in long lines at the remittance centers around the first of the month, sending money to the Philippines.

I think you should expect her to want to send something home to help out elderly parents of retirement age, or to close family members when genuine emergencies or serious health issues arise, but you have to draw the line on the frivolous or non-emergency requests.

I say you because it may be very hard for her to say no. If the requests for help start getting out of hand and she is having a hard time refusing them, then I would step in and teach her gently how to say no. Or if need be, you can play the role of the cheapskate heartless husband and take the heat for her. Whatever works.

I would NOT allow her to send money on a regular basis that is going to end up in the hands of healthy, long-term unemployed siblings. Like you said, let them get off their ass and support themselves and their own families. And staking them to start a business of their own will be like flushing money down the toilet in nearly every case. You just have to be tough with some of them, whether they like it or not.

My advice is to not start sending any money on a monthly or regularly scheduled basis because that will only make them your dependent for life. Try setting up a modest savings account with your wife, where you can make deposits when you can, to be used for true emergencies back home, annual balikbayan boxes for the whole family, Christmas or birthday gifts, and/or her travel expenses to visit home every couple of years or so. That way she can help make the decision to either send a bunch of money or to be more thrifty so she can have something to visit home with.

Ray

after chatting with the wife last night i am happy to announce that
SHE HAS SEE THE LIGHT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i asked her a direct question
"why do you want to go to the province for only a couple of days once you get your visa?, after the wedding you said that you would want to go for 2 or even 3 weeks to visit"

she said something about cost, but i explained that the cost for the bus & for the big boat were the same no matter how long she stayed.

I then asked her straight out if she had had requests for money from people in the province.
she said Y E S. I asked who & she said "many"
her grandparents (who have always treated her like sh*t)
aunties & uncles too

we talked & she is now getting on the same page with me
she said "they have 2 hands & 2 feet so they can work themselves"

i then brought up the big fight her & I had the night before i left Manila.
she said nothing for about 30 seconds & then she said she was so much in the wrong & that she now sees that i did the rite thing talking to her parents about money & telling them that i can't send them 1 peso till their daughter arrives here & starts working.
so at this point they are the ONLY ones that have not asked for "free money"

i took the high ground at that point & told her that i forgave her 100%
I explained that i understood that she didn't know what would happen even though i did.



pig   

[z_k_g]

Pig,

Interesting post.

But don't alienate her from her parents, they may not need all of the money they request, but she will feel awful if she doesn't send something.

Zulu

[piglett]

Pig,

Interesting post.

But don't alienate her from her parents, they may not need all of the money they request, but she will feel awful if she doesn't send something.

Zulu

I am sure that there will always be a small flow of cash going to her parents. I don't have a huge problem with that. It's the dam auntie, uncles & grandparents that will probably be SOL


pig 

[z_k_g]

Good Deal! 

Zulu