Colombia Round Two: La Costa!

[Gato4Astrid]

My parents have already said that they want to be at my wedding, even if it is in Colombia.

Your lucky, because my mother never approves me with a girl that not from my own country!   She made bad comments against my ex-girlfriend without ever knowing her!  My father has NEVER looked at my facebook !!    I would appreciate some support from my parents ....... so, Woody, your the lucky one!

 

[whitey]

your wrote - " I have completely fallen for this girl "    Wooow now cowboy. These expectations do not serve your interests, or hers.   If there is as much chemistry as you presume, that will be a problem enough on your good judgment  ( remember almost all marriages - even failed marriages - had chemistry and good intentions in the beginning).

Enjoy the passion and the fun ... just try to be sober through the whole affair.  Give it some time and some distance.  It is almost impossible to begin to know someone for real in under 180 days.  Just my opinion.

Woody, I'm going to offer some different advice.  But first I'm going to preface it by saying not to make any long term decisions with this girl for at least 6-9 months more and 2 - 3 visits more.

If you two hit it off in person the way you have so far online, DON'T HOLD BACK.  If she is a typical barranquillera, she will give herself entirely to you once she decides she loves you.  She will smother you with affection, make you feel like a man, like a king, much more than in any relationship you've ever had before.

If she hasn't already, she'll probably say "te quiero" within the first day or two, and "te amo" a day or two later ... and if she's a good woman, she'll MEAN it!

It's intoxicating and I urge you to allow yourself to feel every bit of it.  If you're starting to feel the same way about her, don't hold yourself back ... give yourself to her too.  Be affectionate, be romantic, say all those things that latinas love to hear, the things that the spanish language can express so well.  She will be a mirror that reflects everything back to you.

The problem with most North American relationships is that it is a competition.  I will meet you half way ... you give 50% and I will give 50%.  You do this for me and I will do that for you.

Relationships don't have to be that way.  With the right colombiana, she will give you 100%, everything that she is.  Try your best to do the same for her.  It's unbelievably liberating.

That doesn't mean to think only with your heart or your little head.  You need to keep your eyes wide open.  But don't let the necessary rational examination and observation of her and your relationship hold you back from giving yourself fully to her ... you will be rewarded many times over.

Suerte amigo ...

[utopiacowboy]

Don't worry, I am not getting married this trip. Even if I wanted to marry her by the end of the trip, I would not. My parents have already said that they want to be at my wedding, even if it is in Colombia. I would be looking at March-ish 2011 at the earliest, probably September next year would be more likely.

When I met my wife for the first time in the airport in Bogota, I would have married her right then and there. It was like being back in high school and in love.

[vallenatoman]

Don't worry, I am not getting married this trip. Even if I wanted to marry her by the end of the trip, I would not. My parents have already said that they want to be at my wedding, even if it is in Colombia. I would be looking at March-ish 2011 at the earliest, probably September next year would be more likely.

Woody you sound like a lucky man. TIME will tell for sure and your trip will tell you loads....

This is the kind of girl  i have been dreaming of for years after i almost caught a perfect one. I met a sweet colombiana in college. we dated awhile but that was before i had a clue....i was just a regular American gringo. When she left to return home i was still in my 5th senior year of double major university, young (24), and i decided i was too young and needed to finish my degree. So we agreed to end the relationship and go our ways.... OH BAD mistake....

Our meeting was like something out of Aladin disney film, just by chance...magical...fast but good... she was smart, sexy, fun, total package....i was just the guy who thought there would be MORE like her in the future WHY marry now.... again BAD IDEA to think that way.... in the end i wound up regretting losing her and still am because girls like her and being COLOMBIAN with ALL the good things that means without the bad.... wow i lost big time. She came from a good family too.


So yea dont get blinded by love...but think clearly....if its good thing...take the bull by the horns and evaluate the situation but go for it.

[bcc_1_2]

If she hasn't already, she'll probably say "te quiero" within the first day or two, and "te amo" a day or two later ... and if she's a good woman, she'll MEAN it!

Huh, my wife didn't do that. It is the first two freakin' days. I guess some folks really get into this internet romance stuff.

I've always thought the net was great for making contacts... but nothing more. You chat for days and days... hour after hour... and expectations are set too high. Then in 24 (or 48) hours after landing you've already got a girl saying I love you (meaning it or not)... damn.

Making contacts over the net and then meeting them all in person during your first 48 hours on the ground is the best use of your time... and then you aren't setting her our yourself up for a big fall once you get on the ground. 5 minutes in person can tell you things that 3 months on the internet can't.

I know folks have had success doing it this way (mostly in asia), but I highly prefer much lower expectations of a first date.

[whitey]

Huh, my wife didn't do that. It is the first two freakin' days. I guess some folks really get into this internet romance stuff.

I've always thought the net was great for making contacts... but nothing more. You chat for days and days... hour after hour... and expectations are set too high. Then in 24 (or 48) hours after landing you've already got a girl saying I love you (meaning it or not)... damn.

Making contacts over the net and then meeting them all in person during your first 48 hours on the ground is the best use of your time... and then you aren't setting her our yourself up for a big fall once you get on the ground. 5 minutes in person can tell you things that 3 months on the internet can't.

I know folks have had success doing it this way (mostly in asia), but I highly prefer much lower expectations of a first date.

BCC ... I can't really disagree with anything you've said ... it's good advice not to set your expectations too high online.

Not sure how much time you spent getting to know your wife online before you met her in person.  Also, I don't believe she's Colombian or from Barranquilla.  They are different "animals".

For me it was 9 months online, and when we hit it off in person it was "te quiero" within 2 days and "te amo" the next day.  I'll be honest ... while I loved hearing "te amo" it also made me feel uncomfortable that she would say that to me so quickly.  For me, this isn't a phrase you throw around like candy.

While my feelings for her were also very strong at the time, I wasn't ready to tell her I loved her until I had returned home and had a chance to think and reflect more.  Maybe that's just the gringo in me!   

[jm21-2]

Phrases like "I love you" have much different meanings in different countries. I don't know about Colombia but definitely in Asian countries the phrase is not nearly as loaded as here in the US.

And I think it depends what type of relationship you're both looking for. I think some people have a relationship on a more intellectual level that is easier to develop online. Some people think in-person 'chemistry' is absolutely essential to a relationship while others think 'chemistry' doesn't exist or is something that you build up over time. Depending on your ideas about relationships you will look at internet dating differently.

[Woody]

I think some people have a relationship on a more intellectual level that is easier to develop online. Some people think in-person 'chemistry' is absolutely essential to a relationship while others think 'chemistry' doesn't exist or is something that you build up over time. Depending on your ideas about relationships you will look at internet dating differently.

Well, that intellectual chemistry is something that I am always looking for, and I have it with her. I think that is what makes her stand out so much. She certainly has a gift for languages(simultaneously learning English, French, Italian, and German) and in so many things we are cut from the same cloth. I can really see her as my best friend, that is how intellectually stimulating she is. Maybe it helps that we both approached this as friends first. During the first few hours of conversation things were very much plutonic. Later on in the night, I started to realize the value of what I had stumbled across. I began lighthearted flirting and intentional mistranslations to move the conversation to a back and forth flirtation, it worked.

I would say that I have her eating out of my hand, but she could say the same about me at this point. It is completely irrational and emotional, but I am not about to do anything to temper this. I make sure that I email her on days that we can't talk online. Just simple emails, but they let her know that I am thinking of her.

 You know that whole laundry list of things that I was looking for and never expected to find? (Well, I still don't know about a few of them, but they aren't very important)
She meets and exceeds all of them in the important ways. If we are the same in person, I will not allow her to become the one that got away.

[Capstone]

Phrases like "I love you" have much different meanings in different countries. I don't know about Colombia but definitely in Asian countries the phrase is not nearly as loaded as here in the US.

You definitely have a point there. If a Chinese girl ever were to tell me that they love me shortly after meeting, I would run and not look back. Its just not something that they do so easily in their culture - they would rather prove their love through actions rather than words.

[jm21-2]

You definitely have a point there. If a Chinese girl ever were to tell me that they love me shortly after meeting, I would run and not look back. Its just not something that they do so easily in their culture - they would rather prove their love through actions rather than words.

With both my GFs there was no romantic talk whatsoever until a few days after we met in person. But I think they both decided on me before meeting me in person. Once thigns got started they went pretty quickly though. I think my current girlfriend and I started the 'I love yous' quicker than if I was dating an AW....but I guess that varies from which part of the US too and how you were raised. And my girlfriend is a lot more westernized than mainland Chinese in any case...

Anyways, getting a bit off topic now.

[vallenatoman]

Well, that intellectual chemistry is something that I am always looking for, and I have it with her. I think that is what makes her stand out so much. She certainly has a gift for languages(simultaneously learning English, French, Italian, and German) and in so many things we are cut from the same cloth. I can really see her as my best friend, that is how intellectually stimulating she is. Maybe it helps that we both approached this as friends first. During the first few hours of conversation things were very much plutonic. Later on in the night, I started to realize the value of what I had stumbled across. I began lighthearted flirting and intentional mistranslations to move the conversation to a back and forth flirtation, it worked.

I would say that I have her eating out of my hand, but she could say the same about me at this point. It is completely irrational and emotional, but I am not about to do anything to temper this. I make sure that I email her on days that we can't talk online. Just simple emails, but they let her know that I am thinking of her.

 You know that whole laundry list of things that I was looking for and never expected to find? (Well, I still don't know about a few of them, but they aren't very important)
She meets and exceeds all of them in the important ways. If we are the same in person, I will not allow her to become the one that got away.

After reading the responses , i agree maybe some more caution is advisable. I understand wanting to find the ONE is a big thing for us... but seems we rush things especially on internet....im sure here you can even see lots of marriages that failed.....its not worth it really..... take more time Woody... i wouldnt rush it..

If shes for you...then shell be for you next month too... why rush it unless its physical .... you need a pareja not a toy i learned that and am looking for my pareja.

[Woody]

I understand wanting to find the ONE is a big thing for us... but seems we rush things especially on internet....im sure here you can even see lots of marriages that failed.....its not worth it really..... take more time Woody... i wouldnt rush it..

No rush here. There are plenty of ONEs out there, but it is a bitch to find one. I will reiterate what I said earlier: My parents wish to be at my wedding, I will NOT get married this trip. But, if I feel that she is the one near the end of our almost two months together, in person, then I will ask her to be my fiancée before I depart Colombia. But like I said, a marriage is a minimum of another six months after that, more likely almost a year. So it may seem as though I am rushing into things, and to be fair, I kind of am. But there will be a cooling period and there will be a MINIMUM of knowing each other for over eight months before a wedding.

Mainly the engagement would be my signal to her that, yes, I am absolutely serious about you and am not about to leave and never come back.

[braziliangirl]

No rush here. There are plenty of ONEs out there, but it is a bitch to find one. I will reiterate what I said earlier: My parents wish to be at my wedding, I will NOT get married this trip. But, if I feel that she is the one near the end of our almost two months together, in person, then I will ask her to be my fiancée before I depart Colombia. But like I said, a marriage is a minimum of another six months after that, more likely almost a year. So it may seem as though I am rushing into things, and to be fair, I kind of am. But there will be a cooling period and there will be a MINIMUM of knowing each other for over eight months before a wedding.

Mainly the engagement would be my signal to her that, yes, I am absolutely serious about you and am not about to leave and never come back.

Way to go, Woody.

We know that you are smart and will not propose the girl if she is not everything you are thinking she is.

I deeply wish that she is that wonderful and you will come back as an engaged man!

[robert angel]

Re:

>>Way to go, Woody.

We know that you are smart and will not propose the girl if she is not everything you are thinking she is.

I deeply wish that she is that wonderful and you will come back as an engaged man!<<

Stranger things have happened! Our man Woodrow seems to be falling hard!

[bcc_1_2]

But, if I feel that she is the one near the end of our almost two months together, in person, then I will ask her to be my fiancée before I depart Colombia.

Interesting... the possible exception to the rule of not getting engaged on your first trip. Your trip happens to be a really long one.

I personally am not a fan of the build up and huge expectations that's created with a long internet romance. It just makes it harder to do the right thing... if the right thing is walking away. Just don't settle...

[Woody]

Interesting... the possible exception to the rule of not getting engaged on your first trip. Your trip happens to be a really long one.

I personally am not a fan of the build up and huge expectations that's created with a long internet romance. It just makes it harder to do the right thing... if the right thing is walking away. Just don't settle...

Well, it is not really a long buildup, just a fast one. I am totally into this girl, I know it, I just try to temper my feelings around others(I have a reputation as a cold-calculating-somovabitch to maintain). When I am talking with her, I can completely open up.

There are a few annoying things, but they are a result of her English and environment(The fact that Colombian cell service generally sucks in voice quality doesn't help). It wouldn't be an issue if she didn't speak English, but her level of English is what made getting to know her so well possible for me. I can deal with the flaws and have even talked to her about some of them. She was much better about the usage of the word "man" in every sentence during our phone conversation this afternoon. She picked up some bad habits for her spoken English, things that would not be acceptable for a professional translator (That's kind of what she wants to do). I am intent on helping her correct those habits and she wants me to help her.

My favorite thing about talking with her is when I use idioms and I can see her facial expression change as she tries to figure out the meaning. I go back, give more examples of usage as well as an explanation of the roots of a phrase and its meaning. Last night I used the phrase, "I hope XYZ isn't a crime, because I'm guilty as charged!" There was a long explanation and lots of examples after that one.

I also found out that she is from a strata 2 or 3 (She isn't sure, go figure) neighborhood. That is good, because I was getting the feeling that she was from strata 5+ and I try to stick to strata 3 or 4. (Strata 4 is pretty close to the lifestyle I intend on living, plus international travel.)

I started to probe a little more about her education and such for some clarification. She first became interested in learning English during her first few years of formal education. She said that she had always been the best in her classes with English. Language seems to come naturally to her. She is also studying Italian, French, and German. She loves Italian and French (Romance languages, go figure) but she hates German. The only reason she is studying German is that it is a degree requirement for her(I didn't bother asking why it was a requirement).

Oh, and it looks like Wednesday morning I am getting sized for my sombrero vueltiao. She said that we can't have a relationship if I don't get one! Not that I mind, I had researched them a bit last month and wanted to get one anyways. If the cost is not prohibitive (Around $200mil COP is what I would like to stay under for the hat), I will get a veintisiete.

[bcc_1_2]

Well, it is not really a long buildup, just a fast one. I am totally into this girl, I know it, I just try to temper my feelings around others(I have a reputation as a cold-calculating-somovabitch to maintain).

interesting, I am a cold calculating jackass myself. Making some cold calcuating decisions in my dating life in the United States and in my travels has worked out well for me. My girl knows I don't believe in "the one", religion/marriage being sacred, and that if she was treating me like many of the gringa wives/gfs treat my friends I'd dump her fast. Actually it kinda turns her on.

There are a few annoying things,

Those can snowball in person. 15 minutes into meeting her you could want to check out. Just my opinion but I think a lot of guys who have talked/ used webcam a lot online with a girl tend to drag things out more than they would a girl they briefly chatted with and set up a date with.

I'm just staying the cold calculated approach served me well.

[Woody]

Those can snowball in person. 15 minutes into meeting her you could want to check out. Just my opinion but I think a lot of guys who have talked/ used webcam a lot online with a girl tend to drag things out more than they would a girl they briefly chatted with and set up a date with.

I'm just staying the cold calculated approach served me well.

Nothing like that. These are items that are easily dealt with if you have a bit of patience and an open channel of communication. These are easily corrected with a little time. My mother was an English teacher, so things that some people do not notice may really grind my gears.

[whitey]

Hey Woody ... if things go well in person, something you'll want to do as soon as possible is visit her family in their home, and meet with her best friends.

My novia was 33 when we met in person, and I was only the second guy she had ever brought home to meet her parents.  Asking to meet her friends and family will let them all know that you are a decent and serious person, and not just a party guy looking for a vacation fling (although they will still have their suspicions - too many gringos and latinos too have played Colombian women and they have all heard the "horror stories").

Also, you'll gain valuable insight into how she's been raised and who she chooses as friends.

If for any reason she's reluctant to present you to friends or family, or is very selective about who you can see ... this is a big red flag and could indicate she's in another relationship or doesn't have good intentions with your relationship.

[Woody]

Asking to meet her friends and family will let them all know that you are a decent and serious person, and not just a party guy looking for a vacation fling (although they will still have their suspicions - too many gringos and latinos too have played Colombian women and they have all heard the "horror stories").

Also, you'll gain valuable insight into how she's been raised and who she chooses as friends.

If for any reason she's reluctant to present you to friends or family, or is very selective about who you can see ... this is a big red flag and could indicate she's in another relationship or doesn't have good intentions with your relationship.

The only people I won't be seeing are her friends and father. We will be in Cartagena for the first month, come August I will meet all of them. She WANTS me to meet her family, they all know about me, except for possibly her father. She mentioned that her mom would have to talk to her father before I met him, I have the feeling he is a little protective of his baby girl. I'm OK with that and her mother will have known me for a month and be able to make and informed decision about me. Hell, it was her mother that insisted that she send me the pic of her from last week. No makeup, just her sitting in a food court, smiling. I love that pic.

I will be meeting her mother and sister before the end of the week, I know that. I have already been invited to try some of mom's home cooking! I complained about antioquian arepas and she informed me that antioquian arepas suck and have no flavor, she says that they do things differently on the coast. She says that her mother's arepa con pollo is great, so I am looking forward to that.

[Gato4Astrid]

Hey Woody ... if things go well in person, something you'll want to do as soon as possible is visit her family in their home, and meet with her best friends.

Yes, I would also suggest him to meet her family in her home, and to meet with her best friends, but I do not think Woody would want to spend too much time with her friends.  1 day, especially the 1st day will be enough to spend time with her friends.  If she wants to spend time lots of time with her friends, she can do it when Woody is back home!

In December 2008, during my 5 days trip to Bogota, my ex brought her best friend 4 days out of 5!  I wasn't very happy because she could have spend time with her when I am back in England!  1st day was enough .. but the other days, especially the last day!  Got to be joking!

[vallenatoman]

Well Woody

The good news seems to keep flowing for you.

I am jealous!

Yea i think if she introduces you to family and friends as her "new" boyfriend and they dont show the "OH NO *ANOTHER* ONE" look on theirn faces....youll be in good shape.

Sounds like you got lucky.

Altho happy for you ... im getting sad

[whitey]

Yes, I would also suggest him to meet her family in her home, and to meet with her best friends, but I do not think Woody would want to spend too much time with her friends.  1 day, especially the 1st day will be enough to spend time with her friends.  If she wants to spend time lots of time with her friends, she can do it when Woody is back home!

In December 2008, during my 5 days trip to Bogota, my ex brought her best friend 4 days out of 5!  I wasn't very happy because she could have spend time with her when I am back in England!  1st day was enough .. but the other days, especially the last day!  Got to be joking!

Well, Woody is going to be in Colombia for a couple months, so he doesn't have to get everything done the first day.

But you've raised a good point - what you experienced is another red flag and a sign that she's probably not that interested in you.  And if she's expecting you to pay for dinner's etc. for multiple outings with her friends, that's not respectful.

My first trip was for two weeks.  I was over at her house for lunch on the second day (I arrived late afternoon the day before) and several other times during the trip.  Of course, several relatives and neighbourhood friends "just happened" to pop by too.
I invited her best friend out for dinner one night, and I know they both appreciated that I wanted to do that ... we had a great time. 

I make a point of inviting at least one new friend of hers for dinner or lunch each trip.  I enjoy it ... they've all been great people ... and frankly she enjoys showing me off and how happy she is (although I can't imagine why ... hahaha).

It never takes more than 2 or 3 hours, we enjoy ourselves, and there's always PLENTY of alone time left.  ;-)

[Woody]

Yea i think if she introduces you to family and friends as her "new" boyfriend and they dont show the "OH NO *ANOTHER* ONE" look on theirn faces....youll be in good shape.

We'll see! I leave for the Memphis airport in a few hours and I will see her face to face in 16 hours!

I don't really see any of that happening, we're on each other's Facebook, I have seen her sister on webcam(Once on accident, in her underwear, haha. She was really embarrassed and both Daniela and I had a great laugh about that one.). Hell, I talked to her sister on the phone two days ago(She was in the shower when I called).

Yeah, I'm tired of talking around her name. It is Daniela, she usually goes by Dani. Kind of funny considering that my name is Daniel and in Colombia I usually go by Dani. This has made for some very fun and humorous moments in conversation.

[Dan Las Vegas]

Good luck Woody, have a great trip and I"m looking forward to the trip report and photos!!!!!

Dan LV