26 M in USA (iowa)

[Martin]

Hi all,

I just saw your forum and decided to join, probably like most here.

I am a 26 year old professional who is interested in learning more about international dating services. I make a good living and am looking for "the one", unfortulately cant find one that meets eye to eye with mere here in Iowa, so I am expanding my search. I am planning on a trip in the next couple of months and am looking foor general guidance as to where are the best places to meet potential brides in or around Thailand. Any help would be greatly  appreciated.

Best regards,
Martin

[Dave H]

Hey Martin,

Welcome to P-L! Sorry I don't know much (more like nothing) about Thailand. William is your best source for info. I believe jm is currently there visiting a non-Thai lady.

Dave

[robert angel]

Hey there Martin,

Welcome. Do you have a general idea of what characteristics you're looking for in a woman? I wouldn't focus too narrowly on Thailand. It's a broad generalization, but I have found that while Thai women are perhaps the prettiest in the world, it was harder--a lot harder in fact, for me to find one who wasn't high maintenance, or women who had often been through a lot of guys and worrying me that between all that and the cultural differences between there and here, that they quite possibly wouldn't last long in a marriage here in the USA. I liken a lot of Thai women to being like cats--very attractive and alluring, but prone to being cold, calculating and opportunistic--capable of turning on a dime, or on a satang, if you will. There are exceptions to everything of course.

I found Filipinas and Philippine culture more compatible overall with my needs and lifestyle overall. I think that Filipinas and Thai women (heck, virtually every woman, everywhere) both want a better life--to 'marry up', so to speak, but that Filipinas tend to be more 'into' the notion of love, romance and sentimentality and are perhaps overall more likely to stay loyal longer with the right guy through thick and thin as long as they're not abused.

Using a broad generalization once again, I've found that women who were raised in the provinces (country side) tend to have more loyalist values than women born and raised in the city. Seems to me pretty much everywhere I've been that big city women tend to be more jaded about life in general. I'd be leery of taking a gal from Manila, never mind Bangkok, and relocating her into the heartland of Iowa.

Anyways, sounds like you're just getting serious about your search, but I'd suggest that you stay open minded about other areas of Asia too. There are wonderful women all over the world, I feel--it's just very, very hard finding them. The wider you throw your net, the more fish you'll have to choose from, until you get that best 'catch'.

And, as the old quote goes: "In matters of the heart, nothing is true except the improbable"

[jm21-2]

After visiting Thailand, I imagine it's one of the harder places to find a true and decent woman. I'm sure they exist there just like everywhere else but meeting one who is interested in more than money and/or a greencard sounds much more tricky than most places. Just seemed like the culture there made it very acceptable, encouraged really, to take advantage of westerners, so you'd probably have a ton of bullets to dodge. If I wanted to find a Thai girl I would take a very long time to really get to know the culture through and through.

[Jeff S]

Welcome to our little corner of the internet Martin.

Yes - as William has posted, you have to go through plenty of bad girls in Thailand to find a sincere one. It's doable though. He did it as did my cousin.

As someone else asked - just out of curiosity, why Thailand? and what are you looking for in a spouse?

[Dave H]

but I have found that while Thai women are perhaps the prettiest in the world,

Using a broad generalization once again, I've found that women who were raised in the provinces (country side) tend to have more loyalist values than women born and raised in the city. Seems to me pretty much everywhere I've been that big city women tend to be more jaded about life in general.

Hey Rob,

That is certainly true of my wife! I am not a big city guy. Besides I think there are more brown ladies (look like Thais) in the provinces or at least more ladies not interested in bleeching their skin white at the first opportunity to look like a Filipina celebrity.   

Dave

[bcc_1_2]

all the 26/males from Iowa head down to Honduras. Trust me... I'd know. 

[Jeff S]

Not sure what you mean by jaded, Robert, but some of us much prefer a city girl, one who is educated, worldly and sophisticated, though I'm thinking I may be somewhat unusual on this board for that having been a prerequisite. Fine dining, fine wine, cultural events, classical arts, international cultures, and similar, more urban based activities have been a part of my life since I was a little kid, and I wanted a wife who appreciated them as well. My outdoor activities, offshore fishing, hunting, and others need not have been a shared passion with my spouse. In fact, it's nice to have getaway with the guys time, that she has no interest in participating in. I can't imagine my wife on a three day offshore tuna trip - it would detract from the fun. Each of us has his own lifestyles and needs to figure out what part of that you want to share with your wife and what he's fine in not sharing.

[robert angel]

Jeff, I hear you--most definitely. I was born in Manhattan and have seen, actually spent years, or at least months at a time in Chicago, Detroit, Toronto and other big cities. there is no place in my opinion like NY, NY--just getting off the plane there picks up my IQ ten points. But if I lived there though, I think it'd also take ten years off my life. I love the people there, although New Yorkers are a tougher 'crowd to work' than are people in other cities. In my opinion, It's very hard to BS most New Yorkers.

There are no absolutes--as May West said about men: "I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported." I like women from all over (but have thus far stayed faithful to one at a time pretty well) and naturally the same extends to liking women from both the country and city. Maybe Will Rogers should've said "I never met a WOMAN I didn't like".

I've noticed though a special charm that I find in my wife, that I really like. While she was born and raised way out in the country side, both her parents are university graduates and made sure that their children attend, or attended, universities in Davao, a city of about 1.5 million people and growing very quickly. They've always felt that education and eventually (at age 16) being sent to live and attend college, largely w/o supervision, in the big city, was good for their children. She and her family in general, while far from being 'cosmopolitan' are sophisticated in ways I'm familiar with and wise beyond my own ways in certain other realms that are beyond my pale.

My wife never had a lot of general reading books, magazines and other materials like I did growing up. Today, she reads more than me and reads good stuff, although different than my tastes. She sometimes comments on how although she enjoys reading books, she feels a drive to read to 'catch up'--I think she's already quite witty and intelligent, but hey--if it makes her happy, I'm all for it. I'm always scouting for books I think she'll enjoy. She excels, as most engineers do, at things like calculus and sciences.

Having slept through, avoided or otherwise disrupted, all my schooling from kindergarden through high school, I missed the boat completely in math and science, but loved to read and did well in college, although algebra and statistics (sadistics) about killed me, until I found ways around them. Her math and science education was sort of front loaded, her arts and letters on the back end and gaining. I am merely fairly versed in arts and letters and like most of my family, largely aside from, perhaps in spite of, any formal education. I love a good Art museum while they pretty much bore her.

We're very different people who for now at least, are 'growing into' each other in a delightful way, more and more.

People say 'opposites attract' and sometimes that's very true with people.


Our differences largely add to things I enjoy about our relationship. I have always enjoyed sharing places, knowledge and experiences with other people. Seeing the same things I've seen, done and enjoyed through the eyes of others makes me happy and often adds new insights and new perspectives to what I've already done and seen to my own mind. My wife and her family have shown me things and experiences that were and still are very new and different to me. Honestly, sometimes I find them, in comparison to many 'big city' types of people, to be kinder and I may sound patronizing or even condescending here, but also to be more innocent (but not naive or stupid) people. Certainly honest, but sometimes diplomatically evasive in a way that many Asians tend to be most adept at.

I have just seen enough New York, Chicago, Manila, Miami, London, Dublin etc women who were smart, sophisticated and tough, capable of working angles and manipulating people and situations to their own ends---people who I would consider 'jaded' in my own narrow definition of the word. Just as the song that states "There is a Rose in Spanish Harlem" suggests, there are many exceptions and few absolute rules here. Life is beautiful, and it comes in many colors. It just depends on how we choose to view it and we all see things differently. And for me anyways, therein lies the rub.

[Henry]

This is interesting that Midwest women arent wife material. All over people recommend going into the US South and Midwest to find women. These women are supposed to have values that are vastly different from coastal women. hahahahaha

[Dave H]

Hey Jeff,

Can you imagine me enjoying fine dining, fine wine, cultural events, classical arts, international cultures...   Actually, my dad was an automotive executive and I did when I was young.

Dave

[Jeff S]

Sure Dave. So long as fine dining = Ballpark franks instead of Oscar Myers, fine wine = Thunderbird instead of Miller light, and cultural events = swamp buggy races instead of tractor pulls, you're good to go.

We already know you know international culture, like pointing out that you're not gay if you're pitching instead of catching in Latin America.

[Dave H]

Sure Dave. So long as fine dining = Ballpark franks instead of Oscar Myers, fine wine = Thunderbird instead of Miller light, and cultural events = swamp buggy races instead of tractor pulls, you're good to go.

We already know you know international culture, like pointing out that you're not gay if you're pitching instead of catching in Latin America.

Hey Jeff,

You nailed it!  Ballpark franks in Tiger Stadium and fancy restaurants (they would send someone out to get it for me). Dad drove T-birds and Lincolns. When we moved to Florida I used to go to the swamp buggy races in Naples, instead of tractor pulls in Ohio. We got free tickets to everything from tractor pulls to the opera. In Miami we went to many Latin cultural events and private parties of Latin American entertainers and artists...many of whom were gay.  No wonder I now avoid "culture" like the plague. 

Dave

[Bob_S]

One of the best ways to find a good marriage-worthy gal from S.E. Asia is by friend or family introduction.  If you have any Thai or Vietnamese friends or wives of friends, they must know some single girls who are husband-hunting.  Just going on your own can be problematic since, in these traditional cultures, good girls, the type you hope to meet, would not be caught dead talking to some strange farang for fear of people getting the wrong idea and ruining their reputation and bringing shame to their family.  That's not to say impossible, just more difficult than you may be expecting.

[robert angel]

I had some Vietnamese neighbors who were wonderful people, but they often tried to hook me up with women back in Vietnam--and some were very, very pretty, and who if I petitioned to marry, I might 'expect $10-$15,000 after things 'stabilized'. Poor as dirt, they nonetheless had very nice studio pictures.

In a lot of places, the nail shops are run by Vietnamese--even dominating that niche market. You can go in and get your feet massaged, get your back, ears or eyebrows waxed--ha ha--and if you're 'presentable' and nice, may have a good chance of making some online connections leading to a gal you might like. Just be aware of the stakes and take your time.

[arriaga]

Hi all,

.... am looking for "the one"....

Hi  Martin,
Just one piece of advice, don't treat any of the girls that you meet, especially in the early stages of your search, as "the one" even if you fall madly in love with her. If the saying "plenty of fish in the sea" is particularly true anywhere it is in the foreign brides area. It will save you heartache.
Why am saying this? it is the nature of the beast. When looking for a bride abroad you need to establish a relationship/correspondence with at least four girls (I say five is better) so that you may end up with one where the relationship will work in the end.
The girls are removed from the equation, one by one, as follows (in general):
- One will turn out to be a time waster/good time girl/scammer - you need to eliminate her quickly.
- One will decide she doesn't really want you at some point
- One you will decide you don't really want her at some point
- One will change her mind about finding a foreign husband and moving abroad (not an easy decision to make)
- One will hopefully be "the one" where the relationship works

[jm21-2]

Writing to a bunch of girls at first is probably a good idea, but I don't think I would suggest going to meet multiple women in Thailand or most Asian countries for that matter.

As an example, I was friends with my current girlfriend (Taiwanese) for a long time and didn't know she liked me as more than a friend. I dated a girl while I thought she just wanted to be friends and she is absolutely convinced because of that that I like too many girls and will eventually leave her. If I had visited her and went on a date with another girl while there, holy crap would she have been gone fast.

[Jeff S]

I agree jm. You might be able to get away with in in Latin America or the FSU, and perhaps Viet Nam, interviewing and dating lots of women, but in Asia, if you're dealing with sincere women, you'll turn off the best ones quickly if you're playing the field. Better to sort out the insincere ones.

Most of the regular posters here now happily married, only visited one woman when traveling there to meet her.

[robert angel]

Regarding:

>>Most of the regular posters here now happily married, only visited one woman when traveling there to meet her<<


Yes, because they did their 'homework' and took their time doing it. All the same, I bet most guys had met enough gals on line or even in person over a long period that if by chance, the clear 'number one girl' imploded, they could still call a few others.

Even when you know someone, until you've actually met in person and spent enough time together, I think it occurs to most guys that it's still essentially one very expensive 'blind date'.

I'm glad I didn't need to call others once there, but I can understand having a back up plan to some degree. On my first trip especially, I really didn't know as much about the area as I do now and I was afraid that I might possibly be flying halfway around the world, risking it not working out. I had bought nonrefundable tickets and then had a 'chill' occur between her and I about 6 weeks before flying there. Nothing immoral, just a realization.

I was worried I might have to stay in a hotel room, watching weird TV in a weird place for three weeks.  Things had really gotten quite 'iffy' before I got there, even though we had chatted for over a year. That gal actually still honorably took time off from work (classy lady) and toured me (platonically) knowing that I was going to pursue another lady who I met after the first one and I agreed things had pretty much 'gone south'.

We'd agreed that as our plans had been made well in advance that despite the chill, that we could still be friends, that she'd honor her commitment to host me for as long as I needed. As it turned out, she showed me all the Manila I cared to see over a few day period (plenty) and we parted ways as friends, then free to concentrate on the other person, not being deceitful to either.

So you can be in a 'delicate' situation and not crush another's heart and hopes.

I was fortunate in that I stayed with one gal each trip, although it didn't lead to marriage until my last two trips.It still didn't stop us from having a wonderful time when I was there with the first ladies, not even from staying respectful friends later on, even after we all were married off. Kind of amazing, really.

[evoltnvii]

I found Filipinas and Philippine culture more compatible overall with my needs and lifestyle overall. I think that Filipinas and Thai women (heck, virtually every woman, everywhere) both want a better life--to 'marry up', so to speak, but that Filipinas tend to be more 'into' the notion of love, romance and sentimentality and are perhaps overall more likely to stay loyal longer with the right guy through thick and thin as long as they're not abused.

I totally agree...... Generally i have found with filipinas especially if college educated and from out side manila in one of the provinces are very family oriented and romantic. From personal and friends experiences they tend to have a co-operative mindset when it comes to a relationship she wants to contribute not follow. Very hard working and eager to be accepted by everyone they meet especially your family.

[robert angel]

Evolt., regarding your comment:

>>Generally i have found with filipinas especially if college educated and from out side manila in one of the provinces are very family oriented and romantic. From personal and friends experiences they tend to have a co-operative mindset when it comes to a relationship she wants to contribute not follow. Very hard working and eager to be accepted by everyone they meet especially your family.<<

Some Asian women really are into working hard and giving their best.

My wife's really adapted well here. She loves her work and was just named instructional support person of the year at the large school she works at in her first year of eligibility--It was voted on by the entire school staff.

At a second job that she insists on keeping so she can send more tuition and money for other things home, she took 13 exams in a single year and became the fastest person they've ever had advance into management.

l almost forgot-- she's also taking engineering classes to refresh her degree in that field (Five year Bachelors in Computer--software and hardware engineering--all credits USA accepted) and once she feels totally confident (well, she always has healthy doubts--they make her try harder) she'll put in applications with some of the big tech companies in our area.

Plus, the house looks better than it ever has, and she cooks, bakes and irons! We help, and I do the gardening and outside stuff.

My family love her and she works circles around the AW, but even when they get resentful and catty, she stays out of the fray and they almost always end up loving her--not that she really cares about 'them' though...


Oh--and I think she's sexy as all get out too....

[evoltnvii]

Evolt., regarding your comment:

>>Generally i have found with filipinas especially if college educated and from out side manila in one of the provinces are very family oriented and romantic. From personal and friends experiences they tend to have a co-operative mindset when it comes to a relationship she wants to contribute not follow. Very hard working and eager to be accepted by everyone they meet especially your family.<<

Some Asian women really are into working hard and giving their best.

My wife's really adapted well here. She loves her work and was just named instructional support person of the year at the large school she works at in her first year of eligibility--It was voted on by the entire school staff.

At a second job that she insists on keeping so she can send more tuition and money for other things home, she took 13 exams in a single year and became the fastest person they've ever had advance into management.

l almost forgot-- she's also taking engineering classes to refresh her degree in that field (Five year Bachelors in Computer--software and hardware engineering--all credits USA accepted) and once she feels totally confident (well, she always has healthy doubts--they make her try harder) she'll put in applications with some of the big tech companies in our area.

Plus, the house looks better than it ever has, and she cooks, bakes and irons! We help, and I do the gardening and outside stuff.

My family love her and she works circles around the AW, but even when they get resentful and catty, she stays out of the fray and they almost always end up loving her--not that she really cares about 'them' though...


Oh--and I think she's sexy as all get out too....

Ahhhhh......... gotta love them pinay's hehehehehehe

sounds like you got a great one there like my girl