Thailand

[bcc_1_2]

At one time it's kind of funny, but at the same time definitely makes a young guy feel kinda dumb for not chasing some hot-bodied 18yo.

This sentence really caught my eye as it always seems to be one of your common points in regards to your travels and the women you meet. I just have the feeling that this is going to be a stumbling block going forward.

With us guys timing is key. There is no such thing as Miss Perfect or love at first sight or any of that for men... until they are ready to settle down. What worries me is that you haven't dated that prissy high maintenance Shanghai Princess yet. If you had I think your current relationship would be a no brainer.

Ethically it would seem suggesting you go behind the back of your current girl to meet "Shanghai Princess" would be bad advice. But in terms of recognizing what you currently have and meeting the ready to settle down prereq. it almost seems madatory.

But what do I know my wife be FINE as hell.   

[jm21-2]

This sentence really caught my eye as it always seems to be one of your common points in regards to your travels and the women you meet. I just have the feeling that this is going to be a stumbling block going forward.

With us guys timing is key. There is no such thing as Miss Perfect or love at first sight or any of that for men... until they are ready to settle down. What worries me is that you haven't dated that prissy high maintenance Shanghai Princess yet. If you had I think your current relationship would be a no brainer.

Ethically it would seem suggesting you go behind the back of your current girl to meet "Shanghai Princess" would be bad advice. But in terms of recognizing what you currently have and meeting the ready to settle down prereq. it almost seems madatory.

But what do I know my wife be FINE as hell.   

Yes, this has been something I've been thinking about quite a bit. The Chinese girl I dated was a PITA and relatively high maintenance...I probably would not have even noticed WM romantically if not for having that dating experience.

I guess I have not had enough [snip]ty girlfriends, gone through the divorce, etc., to truly appreciate the thing I have going on a real base instinctual level. But at the same time on an intellectual level I know that I should feel extremely fortunate to date a girl like WM.

I think I'm ready to settle down but just didn't date enough party girls, princesses, and so forth  when I was younger. At the same time, if I had dated those types of girls I'd be a different guy and probably WM wouldn't be that attracted to me. Odd situation to be in.

Probably I'm just at a point in my life where I have a lot of "what ifs". I was really focused on my education and career and now that my practice is doing decently and I can slow down a bit I sort of think "wow, I'm almost 30 and I never did practically any of the 'young' things guys are supposed to do." Same for my work situation as for girls...just have trouble appreciating what I have. A few months ago I complained to a friend of mine who's a manager at Hewlett Packard about not making much and turns out I made quite a bit more than him, worked fewer hours, and took about 4 times the vacation. I probably have pretty great things going on as far as work, finances, and WM go, but just can't seem to appreciate them like I should.

[robert angel]

Jm21-2,

It sounds like to me that you've approached this relationship and the trip with a 'Hey, if I don't expect too much, then I won't be disappointed' attitude and you've found that she's exceeding expectations, including her having some characteristics that perhaps you didn't fully realize were so important to you. It sounds like it's even a bit unsettling as it is attractive to you. What a strange fire. Sounds to me she has more pluses than takeaways and that was from when you sort of put your relationships 'out to vote' (#1 or #2) and even more so now. You seem cautious and still a bit 'on the fence' about whether you've had enough experience before marrying & settling down and yet you're somewhat concerned as age 30 approaches. Sounds quite normal.

Only you can know if it really seems right for both of you and of course you know perfection is impossible--the most elusive butterfly. It's often man's nature to have something in hand and wonder what's been left in the bush, so to speak, but we're often indecisive beings and in such situations, prone to being left disappointed, empty handed or both. You're intelligent--but I just hope that you don't 'out psyche' yourself in these sort of situations. Comes a time where we need to stop thinking with our brains so much and trust our gut more (and not that lower anatomy spot too much either) and as the old saying goes, fish, or cut bait--or if I may add--reel her in. Or move on and not waste too much of each other's time. Sometimes we need to 'eliminate the 'anal' from 'analyze' a bit and trust ourselves! Good luck!

[jm21-2]

We are both pretty cautious...it's actually kind of comical (and a bit frustrating to each of us I think). I had loaned her some money during the trip because she found out she couldn't use her ATM card, and she just repaid me last night, and we talked quite a bit. I think we're both very honest/loyal/trustworthy people but are having a bit of a hard time just letting go of our fears and making that leap of faith in trusting each other. She thinks I've liked too many girls in the past (despite not dating most of them) and that I will just move on in a bit when I got bored with her, while I had some serious problems trusting her enough to loan her a chunk of cash after being ripped off by the Chinese girl I dated. I think we'll trust each other more as time goes on (hey, we've only been dating for a few days...) and if I book a trip to Taiwan a lot of her worries are going to go away. I think I've seen enough that I feel fairly comfortable putting my faith in her already, but I don't think she will stop worrying until I actually buy a ticket to come visit her and her mom in Taiwan.

[Dave H]

To each their own, but personally, I think big boobs are highly over rated and a good pair of nipples under rated..

Hey Rob,

I'd have to agree! I also believe that more than 6 teets on a woman are a waste! 6 are plenty enough to keep you busy!
 
Dave

[robert angel]

Dave--Just when I think I have the Planet-love award for "Mr. Incorrigibility" down pat--you go and trump me again!
As the kids say: "You be the man!" ha ha....

If all goes well, we might be in Mindanao and Bohol for a month or so around July--IF they renew my work contract or I don't 'go postal' before then, that is....

Then again, if I'm not unemployed, I might just put 55 inch TV's in every room, the wife wants wooden blinds for the windows and an electric hot water heater that we need, (unlike in the RP, where they're however uncommon, still cheap), costs about $900 here.

So maybe it's dried fish, bologna sandwiches, hot water and bad TV time this summer. We'll see. I rarely plan things, as they seem to happen on their own, regardless!

Best wishes to you and yours--don't let the burning bastards smoke ya out!

[robert angel]

Jm21-2,

When I read:

>>We are both pretty cautious...it's actually kind of comical (and a bit frustrating to each of us I think). I had loaned her some money during the trip because she found out she couldn't use her ATM card, and she just repaid me last night,<<

When I read it the first time, I was geniunely touched by the timing of the situation. It would be a great part of some kind of movie, where a guy goes to the other side of the planet for what is essentially one VERY expensive 'blind date' (in that you've never actually met in real life yet) and an event of near crisis proportions tests your will, resolve, trust and dedication. What a test and how fantastically you two worked things out! A damsel in distress and a guy put to the test...

What a potential movie!  "The Oriental Oregonian"

Take 15 years off of Tom Hanks and  Lucy Liu, cast them, placing them as two people from two very far apart and very different places, living hugely different lives. Both leading successful, busy lives--seemingly having it all, but inside both feeling as if something--or is it someone--is missing in their lives, resulting in both looking for love and after some 'give and take' and 'lost in translation' moments, agreeing to meet in some exotic Thailand settings, which serve as a marvelous movie set backdrop, one where neither has secure footing or 'homefield advantage'.

He's the dry, cynical guy with a wit that'd melt ice in an even dryer martini, but deep inside, he hides a hidden heart of melting gold within. He finds her a bit hard to read, but she's really smart, but she doesn't want to appear as some 'brainiac' and hides her, or at best 'guards' her mind, heart and soul, as like him, she wants to avoid being 'hurt' but longs for someone.

In a subtle, yet brillianttly strategic move, before they even get to Bangkok, she says it's OK for him to have sex with the 'girls of Bangkok' testing his mettle (hey--we've got to make it PG13 movie and show the 'tempatations', ya know) then from the word 'go' they're challenged in finding even a decent hotel, then are pursued relentlessy by blood sucking locals, looking to take them left and right. Thow in some wisecracker online buddies to confuse the guy even more, some with sage advice, some who tease and tell the guy where to go and what to do and to 'bring lots of condoms' to add some some 'supporting' actors to the script.

Then one has a ATM debacle, threatening to spectacularilly ruin everything, leaving one potentially broke and stranded alone, forcing the other's hand. They pass that test and slowly get past the wry reality of what they've been through ayet have somehow survived and they realize ''Hmmm--maybe--just maybe we've got something here!"


That'd be WAYY too easy, short and predicatble, leading up to a quick, obvious and unsatisfyingly shmaltzy ending, so then, how about we get them lost and seperated in 'Bangkok dangerous' on motorcycles?, That'd add extra drama and pathos (make sure she loses her cell phone--an Asian woman without a cell phone--oh the horror and inhumanity) THEN he almost loses HIS stuff by leaving his backpack at some fruit stand (we'd have to have your passport in the back pack, Jm)

Throw in a hilarious, romantic, over priced rubber lobster meal (for which you don't have enough money to pay, due to a misunderstanding on price), with the waiter from hell, and voila! We have a great romantic comedy movie script! Maybe we'd just have your luggage disappear in Sydney so you had to buy ill fitting, funny looking clothes Jm, but even if you just scripted it as it actually fell out, it'd be a hoot. Heck after the last few days where the unluckiest lucky couple have bonded to the point where some think they're truly 'in love'--they have to hop back on planes and rush back to their very different lives--so there's even a sequel we can work in here! "Jm meets the parents in Taiwan"? Do we have a potential script here or what boys? You can't just make stuff like this up, you know....

Anyways, regarding:

 >>and we talked quite a bit. I think we're both very honest/loyal/trustworthy people but are having a bit of a hard time just letting go of our fears and making that leap of faith in trusting each other.<<


It's SMART to be scared sheetless! I was to an extent with my first marriage at age 30, (and I sort of thought 'maybe age 30's a ripe time, if not a bit late to marry, plus she's  NURSE--so she'll save me from myself!..') and on my second, current marriage, I was scared to the point of paralysis. I knew this 'one' for years, before I first met her in person. We started out as friends who each dated other people at first--and then after we fell in love, met in person and got engaged, I dragged my feet on the USCIS paperwork--it took over a year--and she had quit a dream job at Coca Cola for my procrastinating ass!

So perhaps I'm hypocritical in even being in this box, but I was for sure scared of a second marriage after going through a divorce--one that was a millions time worse than many because their were kids involved. You see that sort of wreckage in your line of work and it can only give an intelligent man appropriate pause--'food for thought' if you will.

If you do tie the knot with this likable sounding woman, I bet you'll have some lively, yet quite survivable and livable 'conversations' about finances as the years go by. She sounds like a smart cookie. She's generous about paying her own way, but from what little that can be gathered, it seems she's a smart cookie who'll want to work and have a say in how and where the money goes. It's sort of part and parcel of a marriage and discussing as much beforehand, as is the case with many matters, is just good practice. I told my wife all my bad habits, even exaggerating some to a degree beforehand, so she would hopefully know what to expect. Of course she got more than she ever expected nonetheless, both good and bad, but I tried.

You were sort of 'thinking out loud' about the charming, somewhat anachronistic (here anyway) idea of having a wife who's a 'home maker'. I am sure that if that's something you think is important to you--and if you have intentions of having kids and clear preferences on how you want or don't want to do that, you've discussed it.


As Madame de Stael said back in late 1700's France : "In matters of the heart, nothing is true except the improbable."

Let's hope she was WRONG when she also said : "Love is the whole history of a woman's life, it is but an episode in a man's."

[Bob_S]

About the only complaint I can come up with is that her boobs could be bigger .

Yeah, that's part of the package that comes with a Far East Asian woman.  But look at it this way, in my experience, a woman's boobs is where she keeps all her issues and troubles.  The bigger they are, the more of those she will bring to the relationship.  (My first wife was a well-stacked blond hottie.  My gawd, I couldn't get rid of her fast enough! )  If you need your fill of boobs, go with some buds to a few local strip bars.  Enjoy your time, then ask yourself if any of those girls would make a good wife.  It'll actually make the Taiwanese girl look all the better.

[robert angel]

My wife's modest in the bust dept. and too often, even though usually just half heartedly, mentions it, she'll sometimes say she'd like a boob job. I tell her how much I'm against that--how I love her 'just as she is' and it fades, but she's a bit self concious in that dept.

I like how they're 'gravity defying' boobs! There's always Victoria's Secret "Bombshell Bras", which could put curves on a wash board. I've heard in the RP, the 'Triumph' brand bra is made by and is the same as the Vic. Secret ones--just sold for less, under a different name....

[Ray]

Robert,

Since marriage is all about compromise, why don't you compromise on the boob job?

Tell her she can get one boob done. You guys can flip a coin to see if it's the right or the left boob... 

[robert angel]

Ha ha, Ray---

You ever 'been' with a babe who had  'boob' job? It's been a while for me--so maybe they've gotten better. But when I was rolling with a few I dated for a while, they felt weird. They were too firm or too jelly like. Symmetry often off and the body temperature even seemed different.

I'm more into the 'points' than the hills and yea, while a good sized rack and low cut top is impossible not to notice, it's only a few seconds before my imagination shifts to imagining what gravity's going to do in a few years. Seen it's sad effects in gals under 20 y/o, back 'in the day'.

To each their own, but when it comes to the female form, I say 'the thinner the bone, the sweeter the meat', although I'm not into anorexia and skeletal types---more into lean n sweet, a tight body and sweet, but not too big butt.

A good buddy of mine has had an on and off again friend in Thailand--he spends two months there every year--well--actually they're always friends--just sometimes the 'benefits' vary. Anyway--and I guess it's not uncommon there to get 'two for one' boob jobs, or otherwise get huge discounts for referring friends. 'Nook's pretty close to going for it, but my buddy's against it and I don't blame him.

Don't want no tupperware queen!

[Jeff S]

I'm with you robert - no "bolt-ons."  They look and feel terrible.

[evoltnvii]

"She definitely seems to be a keeper. About the only complaint I can come up with is that her boobs could be bigger "


You know what they say, "More than a handful is a waste." 

I thought the term was more than a mouthful? 

[robert angel]

Regarding:

>>I thought the term was more than a mouthful? <<

                             "Let him go--he's on a roll..."

(referring to John Belushi's somewhat disjointed, but nonetheless effective speech intended to inspire the ranks in the movie "Animal House")

[jm21-2]

Mention boobs and get so many responses....

Anyways...some of the posts I made were while I was jetlagged and buried in work. Having almost a week for things to settle down a bit I'm feeling extremely positive about this relationship. Flying out to Taiwan on May 12. Fortunately found a non-stop flight by eva that was pretty inexpensive but damn these costs rack up. Between taxes, the bimmer I bought, Thailand, house downpayment, ticket to Taiwan...my savings are going down...

[Jeff S]

...my savings are going down...

Just wait til you get married!

[jm21-2]

I am beginning to understand why so many people are sucked into credit card debt and financing...

If only there were a way to do away with taxes and student loans.... 

[Bob_S]

Mention boobs and get so many responses....

Good thing you didn't mention virginity!

Whoa, what big fights that starts.

[robert angel]

>>Mention boobs and get so many responses....
     Good thing you didn't mention virginity!<<


or "slut"--egads.....talk about 'much ado about nothing!'......

[robert angel]

Re:

>>If only there were a way to do away with taxes and student loans.... <<

You just have to die, then assuming you have something left to leave, let the living worry about the inheritance taxes!

As Jm21-2 was alluding on an earlier post, home mortgage rates can be less that student loan rates.

Nobody has longer arms, more laws in their favor or sharper teeth than the student loan people. If you don't pay, they will garnish your wages, even take away your professional license to work.

Much to his annoyance,  I wasn't about to send my college freshman son to Germany to study over the summer and he was ready to go out and get student loans. I put the kabosh on that....

Yea, 'credit' can really get you into some screwy situations that are hard to get out of.

I try to pay cash for everything. I just missed out by 3 hours on a local car I would've loved to have bought, paying cash. It was a 2005 Lexus L430, with 85,000 miles, 2 owners, perfect carfax. always Lexus serviced, including the big cost timing belt and all 90K services, never even been 'curbed' new tires, brakes--with the 'Ultimate" luxury package--Mark Levinson sound system, heated, cooled, massage seats, even had doors that open by power (ridiculous) and air suspension and drop down power window blinds. It was $78,000 new, retail (and they weren't discounted by Lexus dealers) and they sold it for $20,800.

imagine taking a $57,000 depreciation hit over five years? (not including taxes paid when new)

Oh well, you snooze you lose and so I did--maybe another Lexus, or gently used BMW M5, M6, or Infinity G35 or 37 will come my way. Lordy, my wife would look sooo fine behind the wheel of a white or fire engine red G37....

The moral of the story "Everyone out there on the road is driving a used car!"

[jm21-2]

My student loan payment is $60 less than my mortgage and at a higher interest rate .

No 'first time student' tax credit either .