The traditional house-wife

[jm21-2]

Now you could say you are going to seek a women that has a career of her own.  That could solve it but, most of these career type women are not going to have the looks you seek.  I guess you could say they don't "float your boat." 

Uh, there are plenty of great looking career women. In fact I'd argue that the percentage of good looking women is higher among career women because there's usually more pressure on them to keep up their appearance.

So, what is the solution?  Easy, don't get married.  Sounds to easy dosen't it.  Just live with the woman.  If she decides to be completely unreasonable then, let her know it's is time for her to leave. 

You do realize this is a forum for meeting women from other countries who 99% of the time you have to marry for immigration purposes?

Not sure what you're selling but I think you're in the wrong place...

[fathertime]

 
So, what is the solution?  Easy, don't get married.  Sounds to easy dosen't it.  Just live with the woman.  If she decides to be completely unreasonable then, let her know it's is time for her to leave. 

But Jack, how does a man live with a woman that is in Taiwan, PI, or Colombia without picking up and moving there?  Legally we have to get married or the relationship is a non-starter.  Using your plan with an American woman is a reasonable path to take, but I don't see how this can happen in the US, if the man plans to live here he is obligated to marry his fiance within 3 months.

Fathertime!

Fathertime!

[Dave H]

But Jack, how does a man live with a woman that is in Taiwan, PI, or Colombia without picking up and moving there? 

Fathertime!

Sorry Fathertime,

But I think you will have to buy the book for the answer! 

Dave

[Woody]

Anyways, I know some guys here have traditional wives and some have wives who work. Just wondering what people's thoughts are on the subject.

Well JM, I think you want what basically every man wants.

Look, it is NORMAL for the man to be the provider and protector, just look at human history.

What you are searching for is a woman that will occupy herself during the day while taking care of the home. Someone who, as her portion of the team: cooks, cleans, takes care of the little details, raises the kids, is not only a friend and lover, but also an intellectual equal(Hey, I don't expect her to know the finer points of satellite orbital mechanics. She wont expect me to know the finer points of her field of advanced study. A pleasant discourse on subjects that we both know and can bring our individual strengths to would be fantastic).

I have this simple theory: There are hundreds of thousands of women out there from every region of the planet that I would be perfectly content with as a life partner, but only a thousand or so of those women will be happy with me as their life partner. The reverse is true. The difficult part is for any of those overlapping thousand to find and recognize each other.

Hell, you think you have it difficult, try me:
I want everything you want AND I also want someone that will be adventurous and a bit of a daredevil. I love extreme sports. Even to the point that I wont even bother going on a date with local women unless they are a skier/snowboarder or willing to give learning a try. The fact of the matter is that I would spend pretty much zero time with them when I'm not working because I would be on the mountain(I snowboard every weekend during the season). I love camping(2-3weeks a year), water sports(2-3 weeks a year), snowboarding(4-6 months a year), riding my ATV(7+ months a year), and fishing(3-5 months a year). How much luck do you think I'm going to have finding someone that likes at least HALF of the things I like AND be in that select group of compatible people? I know that my search will probably take many years.

As for divorce and asset loss: I know the feeling. The last thing I want is what I put years of work into to be ripped away from me by some judge. What am I going to do about it? Protect myself the best I can and pray for the best. I really have no desire to lose my shirt, financially or emotionally. But the fact of the matter is that if I don't expose myself to that risk, I will never have the reward. Besides, I am open to the idea of retiring in South America(OK, actively pursuing the idea), so I may not have to worry about getting bent over by a judge after all.

What am I doing about my particular situation? I'm going to jump off this diving board of fear, into the pool of uncertainty, and hope I surface relatively unscathed. That is why I am going to Medellin, Colombia for thirty days beginning the first week of March. My Spanish sucks, but this is the best way for me to improve it at a rapid pace. I know enough right now to get me around, not starve, and carry on very basic conversations(with plenty of fumbles). I will just increase my vocabulary and comprehension that much more by being forced to communicate exclusively in Spanish for a month.

[Bob_S]

I want everything you want AND I also want someone that will be adventurous and a bit of a daredevil... I love camping(2-3weeks a year), water sports(2-3 weeks a year), snowboarding(4-6 months a year), riding my ATV(7+ months a year), and fishing(3-5 months a year). How much luck do you think I'm going to have finding someone that likes at least HALF of the things I like AND be in that select group of compatible people? I know that my search will probably take many years.
...I am going to Medellin, Colombia for thirty days beginning the first week of March.

[]
Um, in Colombia?  I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess ZERO luck unless you are focusing on the ski towns of the northern Andes.  To find someone compatible, assuming you'd want her to join you in these activities, you'd have better luck searching in Argentina or Chile where most of the ski resorts are, or better yet Scandinavia or central Europe (Germany, Austria, Switzerland).  You don't go fishing in the ocean if you are looking for river trout.
Plus you're probably not going to want any children.  Seriously, how often do you see someone skiing with an infant in one of those baby backpacks?  Or is it your intention to leave the wife at home every weekend with the babies while you go off on ski/fishing/off-roading weekends?  If that's your plan, expect your passionate but lonely Latina wife to get regular visits from John Redcorn for, ahem, massages while you are away.  Babies really do require a major rearrangement of your life's priorities and greatly limit your recreational activities.  Have you any idea how many diapers a baby goes through on a daily basis?  These little bundles of joy are constantly pooping and peeing!  So if you can't see yourself putting your fun activities on hiatus for many years till the kids are old enough to join you, you'll either want to avoid having children altogether (a Catholic Latina who believes in zero population growth?) or find someone who's had her children already that are grown up and out.

I don't want to discourage you from taking the plunge.  But to enhance the success stories around here, it helps to give serious consideration to you current situation, what you want, and what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve it.  One of our complaints about AW is that they unrealistically think they can have it all.  But us guys are supposed to be more practical, right?
[/]

Uh, there are plenty of great looking career women. In fact I'd argue that the percentage of good looking women is higher among career women because there's usually more pressure on them to keep up their appearance.

Agreed, depending on what you consider good looking.  A professional woman will use make-up modestly and have a better sense of style.  You don't often see a woman who wants to be regarded respectfully for her career talents all tarted up with caked on make-up.

[robert angel]

I think almost all of us want to have our cake and eat it too and no matter who or what we marry, we'll always look and wonder what other 'flavors' would be like. I've been able to stay physically faithful in marriage, but I think it's part of a guy's DNA to at least wonder about wandering, and I certainly don't claim to be any saint. All too often, we don't realize how good we've got it till we've screwed it up beyond repair.

It all looks so rosy going in, then we tend to get bored and if we don't do the work, the maintenance to keep our marriages alive, things unravel, sometimes so slowly you don't see it, sometimes a lot faster.

I used to be a regular on a popular US--Filipina match making site's chat function and there were a couple of guys who, while I didn't agree with or condone their ways and methods, I had to admire their brutal honesty. One guy was a real colorful character, having made and lost fortunes and served time in the slammer for tax evasion. He said that the 'way to do things' was to bring a pretty young Filipina over here, have her cook, clean, take care of you in every way for several years and then break up--that after three to four years, the cost of their services rendered made the cost of bringing them over cost effective--that it was cheaper than paying for the same with AW and the 'service' was a lot better.

The other guy works 70-80 hours a week so he has 4 or 5 months of the year off to go between 4 or 5 cities in the RP, banging women. He makes no false pretense about his intentions, telling one and all, (including of course the women) that he has no intention of getting married, but wants everyone to have a good time.

Both of these guys are up front about where their heads are at and I find that a lot more acceptable than all the guys who go to the RP and after chatting up a list of women before getting over there, go and travel from town to town, trying to bed and deflower as many women as possible, moving along, working their way down their sick list, as they leave human wreckage behind and in the process, ruining things for the guys who have honorable intentions. They've scammed women out of their bodies and even their self respect.

Is it any wonder that some of these women turn around and try and scam guys? I know it works both ways and there are women who don't get this treatment who scam guys nonetheless, but anyway you look at it, whether you feel the chicken came before the egg or vice versa, there are a lot of losers in the game, and I don't think many of the players in thse 'games', male and female alike, ease well into the role of 'traditional wife'--or husband, for that matter.

[Woody]

So if you can't see yourself putting your fun activities on hiatus for many years till the kids are old enough to join you, you'll either want to avoid having children altogether (a Catholic Latina who believes in zero population growth?) or find someone who's had her children already that are grown up and out.

I am fully conscious of my situation. The fact of the matter is that I would only need to cut down on snow sports and ATV riding for a few years. Water sports and camping would be unaffected (annual family reunion for 2-3 weeks where we camp along the beach and take the power boats out a lot). Fishing would get cut back, but that is not a huge loss for me(fishing is more to relax than anything, we can always find another avenue of relaxation).

Do I want children immediately? No, I would prefer to wait about two years. I definitely want children though. Once they are old enough (four should be fine), I'll teach them how to ski and take them riding with me(no more sport quads, but I'm OK with that). I do realize that Colombia is not the ideal place to look for a snow sports enthusiast, but damnit, this Tennessee boy fell in love with snow sports at age 24. I have snowboarded more this season(17 days) than most casual skiers do in ten years. I don't need to marry an expert skier, just someone that wants to have fun and is willing to try new things.

[robert angel]

Well, Woody, you're not deceiving yourself when you said:

>>Hell, you think you have it difficult, try me:<<

A gal from Columbia who's a traditional wife -- who's also into extreme sports...
I know you didn't use those exact words, but it's going to be a challenge. But a lot stranger things have happened.

I think the most important thing is that you continue to be up front and expose her to what she's in for--before hand.

Regardless--sports or not, camping or not--all too often people marry someone who doesn't really like certain things about the other. telling themselves 'Oh well, I don't like THAT, but I'm sure I can get that to change down the line'. All too often it doesn't change and instead, it grates on the other person more and more.

You are putting some good thought processes into action here and although life involves compromises sometimes (especially after you have kids) sounds like you're on a good path.

"My wife said it was either her or fishing--I sure am gonna miss her"

[Dave H]

Water sports and camping would be unaffected (annual family reunion for 2-3 weeks where we camp along the beach and take the power boats out a lot).

Hey Woody,

All the Latinas that I have known over the years were OK with recreational boating.

In the Philippines boating is viewed mainly as a necessity for fishing and transportation. Filipinas may be a bit timid at first, with so many un-seaworthy  boats and ships sinking in the Philippines, and most Filipinas not knowing how to swim (afraid of getting more brown in the sun). Just mention fishing and she will enjoy recreational boating! Again, as to fishing, Filipinas would probably let you fish anytime you wanted, since most love to eat fresh fish!  

I personally have not known many Latinas (only 1) who enjoyed camping, unless you have a large, luxurious air conditioned motor home or trailer. Make sure her cellphone has coverage! If you don't have a full electric hookup, how is a Latina going to plug in her hair dryer...just a thought.

Filipinas don't seem to understand the thrill we get out of camping. It is sort of like daily life there. You have a nice, comfortable house...why would you want to sleep in a tent and rough it? But, they are tough, industrious, and can handle anything, but just don't get it. If it is a family reunion, they would understand.

Dave

This would be acceptable!  


You might consider an electric stove!  

[robert angel]

I agree with Dave regarding his take on Filipinas. Seems like they have a simplistic, but pretty consistent take on 'logic' on many topics, such as along the lines of 'why camp out and rough it when you have a perfectly good house?' Why risk life by going out in a boat?

My wife never fished before we met--certainly not with a rod and reel. Now she usually catches more than me. She tried learning how to swim and can swim marginally now, but she won't come out to the swim pool, as there's SUN that might make her lovely skin a bit darker.

When we went back to her home, even though she was about the same shade of skin tone as when she left, she got a lot of comments from people who assumed because she was coming back from the USA that she was expected to have skin that's a lot lighter as a result. Weird.

About the only time she loses logic is when it comes to shoes. She doesn't go crazy so much with high heels, but she does have too many pairs of shoes and unlike me, she doesn't put comfort and arch support over fashion.

[Woody]

I personally have not known many Latinas (only 1) who enjoyed camping, unless you have a large, luxurious air conditioned motor home or trailer. Make sure her cellphone has coverage! If you don't have a full electric hookup, how is a Latina going to plug in her hair dryer...just a thought.

That one wont be a problem. While all the men love to camp and rough it, we made the compromise YEARS ago to keep the women happy. Full electric hookup in the camp sites, hot showers and full restrooms (public facilities, good condition since we pay $60/night/site there), living accommodations are what you bring. I'm just fine with a tent, but a pop-up camper will be purchased when needed(I enjoy the comfort of a camper, but I wont spend that money on myself). Air conditioning is out of the question, but when you consider that the daily high is only around 90 degrees, it is not needed. The beach is, at most, 500 meters away in furthest sites, less than 50 from the closest. Full cellular coverage, I think that 3G is now available too.

I now realize that I may have come off as a little bit on the extreme side when it comes to outdoor activities. That was not my intention to give that impression. Most of my recreational activities are just that, recreational. The whole skydiving/paragliding/white-water rafting thing is not a monthly activity for me(OK, paragliding may end up as one), but rather once or twice a year thing.

Snow sports is something that I will try to do at least once a month when I'm living relatively close to the slopes. I could live with condensing ski season into a solid week on the slopes. When my friends and I go, we split up into groups as ability goes. I hang with the crew doing double-black diamonds, some of my friends are green/blue runners. Even the diamond-runners enjoy a green or a blue as a relaxing break from the diamonds. We ran a 1 kilometer long, steep, and deep carved mogul field on a snowboard yesterday, we ran greens and blues for the rest of the day after that hell-hole. All of us had aching feet after that. Not bad considering we ran diamonds for three hours and spent WAY more time on the lifts than on the slopes. My first run of the day took under three minutes to cross over two miles of terrain.

[robert angel]

Skydiving? I'm 'up' for it, but my wife could never be convinced that jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, never mind paying to do so, makes a single iota of sense....

[Woody]

Skydiving? I'm 'up' for it, but my wife could never be convinced that jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, never mind paying to do so, makes a single iota of sense....

I should be taking my first jump next month. Assuming I can find a decent skydiving operation in Medellin, I may have to fly up to Bogota.

Whomever I marry does not need to be an avid skydiver, but I would like her to at least try it once. Does the prospect of jumping out of a plane scare me? Hell yes. Does the prospect of going to a foreign country with little knowledge of the language scare me? Hell yes. Does flying down a ski slope at well over 40MPH scare me? Hell yes, but it is so much fun! I'm still doing it though!

[jm21-2]

I imagine camping will be much more difficult than any of the other items. You could probably get her to compromise on an inflatable matttress, hot showers, and normal toilets...but that's not really camping...I'd probabl just save it for a guy trip once or twice a year. I've talked with plenty of girls from various countries who want to try snowboarding and I don't think ATVing would be too hard of a sell.

FYI I'd want to spend my weekends sailing, hiking, camping, etc...so not in too different of a boat. I had no problem finding Chinese girls who were into everything but camping. That said the Chinese version of hiking seems to involve a lot of concrete and kiosks along the trails .

[robert angel]

I think being scared, having some fear-- is good for survival. Fear is good, fear is healthy--it makes you sharp and prepared, as long as you're not scared s___less and stupid!

Properly managed, fear teaches respect.

I haven't been to Columbia (yet), but it, Costa Rica, Peru and Patagonia are on my list.

I've been around Mexico a few times, and seeing police in the countryside with machine guns mounted to their trucks gave me appropriate pause.

I remember the first time I flew into Manila, with about three grand stuffed into a money belt beneath my underwear. I had read every govt. advisory and even had General Motor's (then a thriving concern) give me their most in depth security report that they had.

Chinatown's Tutuban mall was the only place and time in Manila where I really had a 'sixth sense' telling me that maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I told my then GF, 'We're outta here' and off we went--to escape the feeling that a million eyes (half of them unfriendly) were watching us. I should have known it was 'odd' when our driver had to pay off a couple shady looking guys to pass through certain neighborhoods to avoid incurring unnecessary 'vehicle damage'.

But readying to go there and even for the first day or so, tales of kidnappings, beheadings and Muslim extremists spun in my head -- never mind that they were talking about a few incidents involving Americans over five or so years time, while I had just got done reading in my hometown USA newspaper "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar" and my city had registered more killings in a year than all 90 million people in the RP were tallying in the same amount of time.

It didn't matter--in my mind, I was going as far from home as was geographically and culturally possible and I expected to be bewildered.

My, what a guy will do in search of women--traditional or otherwise!!

All this made me think that it was quite possible that I was going into a very bad place from which I might never return. Some guys I knew from on-line told me not to read too much into govt and corporate reports, but I didn't listen.

If I was going into South America--and I tend to take the paths less traveled on my journeys --  I'd still read up from a variety of sources but I think I'd do a better job at balancing them out. And I do have to say that in parts of Mexico, the murder rate is said to be almost unbelievable lately and I don't think I'd go to those areas--even if I suspected the rate was half of what they were quoting. And I don't take the narco trade lightly in any country.

But then, I know some USA neighborhoods Chaldean Arab and Yemenese neighborhoods in Detroit and areas of Queens, NY controlled by Russian and Albanian mobsters come to mind -- they probably aren't any safer than Mexico for white boys like me.

Heck, I had some white buddies who went into all black Harlem once (don't ask) and they not only got strong armed robbed, but the thieves made them strip buck ass naked and  left them on the street like that--swinging in the wind--in January! My--they certainly had some explaining to do to the cops, who eventually happened by in their cruiser.

Manila and most certainly the RP in general, wasn't remotely as bad as they made it out to be--actually, I think I had, and rightfully so, more reason to fear for my life and general safety in parts of New York, Chicago and LA. But hey, I was stoked and ready for whatever.......

[JackSprat]

Great reading folks but, you really have to consider the glue that keeps the relationship going.  I got some emails from Melinda Maximova.  I never used her service but, I think she makes some good points.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j53f2ok4LV8


[url][http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j53f2ok4LV8/url]

 I know there are many guys (on this board) that will say sex is secondary.  However without active sex in the relationship there is no real point.  Without sex you can forget getting married to the woman, just be friends. 

At any rate the filipinas might be the best match for a permanent mate.   If you wake up in the middle of the night on the edge of the bed and she is all over you, it is a good thing.  Your first thought is; "How did I get on the edge of the bed?"

[Dave H]

Hey Rob,

I never went to LA specifically to look for chicks like the guys on the Latin Board (but I had friends with go fast boats and Cessnas)...only to relax or work. But, I could tell you about a few less traveled paths in LA...I did some cargo flights to LA in the 70's (aboard DC-3's to Super Connie‎s), a little “cargo kicking” in the mid 80's (they didn't give me a parachute), and a "camping trip" in  "southern" Honduras also in the 80's. That was some very scary she-it!

I used to jump out of a perfectly good helicopters (also no parachute) as a rescue diver for the fire department and offshore racing (not very high up)...does that count?   That was some very fun she-it!

We had a pretty high daily murder toll in South Florida in the late 70's and 80's. My mottoes were "Start your day with a DOA" and "End your day with a DOA!" I think 8 was the highest murder death toll I had at any one incident, but came close numerous times. I think most parts of Mindanao are pretty calm in comparison! OK, the Maguindanao massacre (57+) was extremely bad! But not somewhere that I have any need or desire to go.

Sometimes she-it happens. But, I think most of the danger in the Philippines occurs from being a complete dumbazz! Also from involvement with some foreigners, including fellow countrymen!

Dave

[Dave H]

Melinda Maximova didn't mention the "8th F"...FOOD! 

[robert angel]

Yup, never mind about what ya got between the sheets if ya ain't got EATS!

[Dave H]

Yup, never mind about what ya got between the sheets if ya ain't got EATS!

Thanks Rob,

You reminded me that I forgot the "9th F." FARTS  

Dave

[JackSprat]

   I think you guys are incorrect.  The last "F" actually is word ending with "K".   

[Woody]

  I think you guys are incorrect.  The last "F" actually is word ending with "K".   

No, that was number seven if you watch the video that you posted. The curent last "F", number nine, ends with a "T".

[Bob_S]

I am fully conscious of my situation. The fact of the matter is that I would only need to cut down on snow sports and ATV riding for a few years. Water sports and camping would be unaffected (annual family reunion for 2-3 weeks where we camp along the beach and take the power boats out a lot). ... I definitely want children though. Once they are old enough (four should be fine), I'll teach them how to ski and take them riding with me(no more sport quads, but I'm OK with that).

It sounds like you've given it some thought, and that's good.  But be warned, kids come with their own personalities that don't always mesh with our schedules for them.  My kid is 4 and no way is she ready for overnight outdoor trips yet.  But my brother has a couple kids about the same age and they've been RVing for a couple years now and the kids love it.  In a year or two when my little girl is ready, I'll also look into getting a pop-up camper and introducing her to real nature outside of a manicured garden.

I do realize that Colombia is not the ideal place to look for a snow sports enthusiast, but damnit, this Tennessee boy fell in love with snow sports at age 24.

Then, why Colombia?  What draws you there?

Filipinas don't seem to understand the thrill we get out of camping. It is sort of like daily life there...

Sounds a bit like Japan, at least in my better half's home town.  Daily life at home is roughing it, sleeping on not-too-comfy tatami mats in uninsulated homes, huddled around a single-room central heat-producing unit, cooking over a portable gas burner, washing dishes by hand, storing your food in a dorm-room fridge.  When you go on vacation, you go to escape that.  Roughing it on vacation means staying at a motel instead of a hotel.

[Dave H]

Sounds a bit like Japan, at least in my better half's home town.  Daily life at home is roughing it, sleeping on not-too-comfy tatami mats in uninsulated homes, huddled around a single-room central heat-producing unit, cooking over a portable gas burner, washing dishes by hand, storing your food in a dorm-room fridge.  When you go on vacation, you go to escape that.  Roughing it on vacation means staying at a motel instead of a hotel.

Hey Bob,

  Very similar here in the Philippines, except not very cold in most areas.

Living in a nipa hut is similar to a tent. When it rains the roof leaks.  Most people also sleep on woven mats.  Like camping, many people still cook on firewood, with more fortunate people using a small gas single or double burner. "Fridge what's that?  Not a lot frozen or refrigerated food here. I'm amazed when meat gets delivered to grocery stores and meat markets, unfrozen, in unrefrigerated trucks, with flies all around. Most Filipinos can only afford to buy only enough food (including rice) to eat for a day. They leave leftovers on the dinner table overnight, covered by a fly screen.

When it rains, the sound of the drops on the roof puts me into a coma. My spoiled American azz sleeps on 16 inches of Dewfoam. When we have an earthquake I usually don't even feel it, unless the house rocks back and forth, with the walls and floor trading places. I'd better stop before I sound even more like the candyazz that I am! 

Dave