Hello

[Richard77]

I have a unique situation. I consulted an lawyer about what my rights are and given that I bought the house before our marriage and she is not on the loan, I could go in at any time and take the TV or whatever I want. Even if i broke a window to get in I would not get in trouble. Her 2008 car, It's just my name on the loan and he said I could take it without getting in trouble.

According to the lawyers i spoke with, I have her over a barrel. Now on the flip side...if she pays for half the divorce, i'll give her everything and take nothing. It's a very good deal for her because I really do want my big screen TV back.

On a side note, I believe that even a lightly high maintanence Latina would be somewhat affordable to live with because she would most likely want to live in an area that a lot of people speak spanish (cheap, but safe). If I chose to live in a place with all white people she would most likely get depressed because of having no friends and go back.

[jm21-2]

I'm hoping I'm misunderstanding you here, but...if she pays for half the divorce you'll give her a house, new car, and all the stuff in the house? That seems, uh, a little high priced...

[michaelb]

Your lawyer gives very poor advice (either that or you didn't understand him correctly). Sure, you could break into the house any time you like. But if she happened to be inside at the time, she could shoot you, claiming she thought you were a burglar, or even admitting that she recognized you but saying she thought you were there to harm her.

[Capstone]

Representing both spouses is either illegal or a very touchy subject in a lot of states

Of course representing both spouses in a divorce is illegal - but that is not what an uncontested divorce is. In an uncontested divorce one spouse must agree to become the plaintiff and the other the defendant with the lawyer technically representing the plaintiff. However the lawyer files the necessary papers based upon the pre-agreed terms of both parties. Uncontested divorces are extremely popular and can save you a lot of money if both parties can agree upon the terms of the divorce in advance. Mine was quick and easy, I signed the divorce agreement on Jan 11 and on Jan 23 of the same year the judge signed the final divorce decree - I was divorced in less than 2 weeks.

EDIT: and 10-12 consultations with good lawyers would run you almost 2 grand here.

Unfortunately I have had to use the services of about 9-10 lawyers in several different states (mostly for real estate transactions) and I have never had to pay a dime for an initial consult and never will either. Why would I pay someone for what amounts to a job interview on their part - they have to prove their worth to me before I will give them anything.

[Jeff S]

On a side note, I believe that even a lightly high maintanence Latina would be somewhat affordable to live with because she would most likely want to live in an area that a lot of people speak spanish (cheap, but safe). If I chose to live in a place with all white people she would most likely get depressed because of having no friends and go back.

You want to marry a Latina so you can live in a crappy neighborhood? The "high-maintenance" Latinas I know more than make up for the difference in rent. You also assume she won't be able to make friends with white people so will get depressed? My wife's good friends live up to 30 miles away, come to think of it, so do mine. I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions.

[jm21-2]

Capstone,

If you're just representing one client, then I'd say it's really a contested divorce and the other party is pro se. There are some states where you can help out the parties with their paperwork and act as a mediator...I think a few now you can even represent both parties...that would be uncontested. It might seem like a bit of a technical distinction, but, for example, if you were representing one spouse, you typically would not be able to accept any money from the other spouse (like Richard wants to do...it would be a conflict of interest/loyalty), and you have no duty to see the divorce is fair. I'd say the vast majority of divorces I've seen where one spouse is represented and one pro se are unfair. The client comes to you with agreed terms that are typically unfair to the other party and you say "OK" and try to convince the other party to sign off, or they want to give a lot away to end the divorce quickly and you advise them not to and revise things so they're in a better position. Calling it uncontested is really just a marketing scheme to make it sound nicer, imho.

People come in on free consults wanting a bunch of free legal advice and having no commitment. Charge $150 and the commitment level goes way up and you don't have to BS for 30 minutes trying not to give any legal advice. Really, for an established attorney it's probably more an interview of the client than the lawyer. Do they seem easy to work with? Do they bring in printouts of divorce law forums? Do they try to tell you about the law? Do they make a horrible face when you tell them your rates? Is their problem something you want to handle? Will they be able to re-fill their deposit or are they stretched to the limit? etc.

[Capstone]

Capstone,

If you're just representing one client, then I'd say it's really a contested divorce and the other party is pro se. There are some states where you can help out the parties with their paperwork and act as a mediator...I think a few now you can even represent both parties...that would be uncontested.

JM - I guess that we will just have to agree to disagree on the true definition of an uncontested divorce then. But just google 'uncontested divorce' and you will find what the general accepted meaning is.

People come in on free consults wanting a bunch of free legal advice and having no commitment. Charge $150 and the commitment level goes way up and you don't have to BS for 30 minutes trying not to give any legal advice. Really, for an established attorney it's probably more an interview of the client than the lawyer. Do they seem easy to work with? Do they bring in printouts of divorce law forums? Do they try to tell you about the law? Do they make a horrible face when you tell them your rates? Is their problem something you want to handle? Will they be able to re-fill their deposit or are they stretched to the limit? etc.

Spoken like a true lawyer - LOL!! Ok, just look at it from my point of view or from anyone else's point of view who may need the services of a lawyer. Why should I pay someone anything before any services are agreed to be rendered? And it definitely should be the client who is interviewing the perspective lawyer because whom will potentially be working for whom?
Look at all the things that the client has to consider/ask: How experienced is this lawyer with my specific type of case? Do they seem easy to work with? What is their success rate in my types of cases? What course of action do they intend to pursue (not so much the legal particulars but rather is it something which agrees with my expected outcome)? Do they seem to be truly confident or do they seem to just be blowing smoke out of their ass? How much time to they intend to devote to my case? What sort of relationship to they have with the other parties involved (other lawyers, judges, etc)?  And yes, are their rates reasonable for the services which will be rendered based upon other quotes received? Like I said only one party will actually be paying the other and so the person who is going to be accepting the money better damn well give a good first impression. I would never pay anyone (not just a lawyer) that I am considering hiring a dime before I am absolutely sure that they are the right person for the job.

BTW - every lawyer that I have ever used has had an established practice, otherwise I would not have even bothered to have contacted them in the first place. 

[Richard77]

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"I'm hoping I'm misunderstanding you here, but...if she pays for half the divorce you'll give her a house, new car, and all the stuff in the house? That seems, uh, a little high priced..."



You did not misunderstand. I actually feel really bad about leaving her because she did not want me to leave. I just want out and i'll get new stuff.

[jm21-2]

Capstone,

When you've got a good practice going (at least in my area), you might go for several months without taking on any new clients. You can only handle maybe 30-40 cases at any given time so you can be pretty selective about your clients, and don't have any reason to work a half hour for free to get a client you don't need or don't have enough time to handle. I started my practice fairly recently so I do free consults...last week I did 10, that's about 5-6 hours of free labor/week. Considering on a good week most attorneys here only bill about 30 hours, that's a pretty significant amount of time just to fish for some cheapskate clients .

Richard,

Giving away all sorts of stuff won't necessarily make things go faster and you may regret it later...

[Capstone]

Capstone,

When you've got a good practice going (at least in my area), you might go for several months without taking on any new clients. You can only handle maybe 30-40 cases at any given time so you can be pretty selective about your clients, and don't have any reason to work a half hour for free to get a client you don't need or don't have enough time to handle. I started my practice fairly recently so I do free consults...last week I did 10, that's about 5-6 hours of free labor/week. Considering on a good week most attorneys here only bill about 30 hours, that's a pretty significant amount of time just to fish for some cheapskate clients .

Richard,

Giving away all sorts of stuff won't necessarily make things go faster and you may regret it later...

Richard, I don't agree with JM concerning paying for an inital consult with a lawyer however I totally agree with him concerning your eagerness to give away just about everything just to have your wife agree to a divorce. I can pretty much guarantee that you would regret it later on in if did do this.

[Capstone]

Capstone,

When you've got a good practice going (at least in my area), you might go for several months without taking on any new clients. You can only handle maybe 30-40 cases at any given time so you can be pretty selective about your clients, and don't have any reason to work a half hour for free to get a client you don't need or don't have enough time to handle. I started my practice fairly recently so I do free consults...last week I did 10, that's about 5-6 hours of free labor/week. Considering on a good week most attorneys here only bill about 30 hours, that's a pretty significant amount of time just to fish for some cheapskate clients .

Yes, but how is that different from any other profession? I probably spend close to 2-3 hours a day answering questions from perspective clients about my services but I would never think about charging them for that time - that is just all part of doing business. Let me ask you a question that might hit home - would you pay an agency owner $150 for speaking with him/her for an hour about the possibility of using their services? Of course you wouldn't, so why would I consider paying a lawyer for the same thing?  I would imagine that a good bit of an agency owner's day is spent answering questions from perspective clients as well - but that is all part of them doing business.

[bcc_1_2]

Yes, but how is that different from any other profession? I probably spend close to 2-3 hours a day answering questions from perspective clients about my services but I would never think about charging them for that time - that is just all part of doing business. Let me ask you a question that might hit home - would you pay an agency owner $150 for speaking with him/her for an hour about the possibility of using their services? Of course you wouldn't, so why would I consider paying a lawyer for the same thing?  I would imagine that a good bit of an agency owner's day is spent answering questions from perspective clients as well - but that is all part of them doing business.

All professions are different. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about divorce at this point. If you want to chase latina tail... get your business taken care of and come down a single guy.

If the shoe was on the other foot the women would more than likely try and milk everything she could. That is if she was the one that wanted to go. Gotta treat all women equal. Get all you can out of the divorce and don't worry about it. She can work and take care of herself.

[Capstone]

All professions are different. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about divorce at this point. If you want to chase latina tail... get your business taken care of and come down a single guy.

If the shoe was on the other foot the women would more than likely try and milk everything she could. That is if she was the one that wanted to go. Gotta treat all women equal. Get all you can out of the divorce and don't worry about it. She can work and take care of herself.

WTH???
I assume that your comments were meant for the OP - I have no need/desire to chase any Latin tail.

[jm21-2]

Capstone,

The easy answer is...we can do it because we can. There's high enough demand and only so many of us. We also have a lot of restrictions on how much we can bill a client, which is very different from other professions...if we did some of the [snip] IT people do, we would get sanctioned. Anyways, this has gotten way off topic so how about we drop it.

We both seem to agree that Richard should really get this divorce done, and not give away things he doesn't have to or wait on his wife to get things started, which is the main point.

[Capstone]

Capstone,

The easy answer is...we can do it because we can. There's high enough demand and only so many of us. We also have a lot of restrictions on how much we can bill a client, which is very different from other professions...if we did some of the [snip] IT people do, we would get sanctioned. Anyways, this has gotten way off topic so how about we drop it.

We both seem to agree that Richard should really get this divorce done, and not give away things he doesn't have to or wait on his wife to get things started, which is the main point.

Agreed -we totally hijacked Richard's thread by going way off topic.

Richard - I agree with JM, get your divorce taken care of and then worry about your pursuit of a foreign bride afterwards. I think that you can manage the process on a 50K/year salary pretty easily but just don't expect the required things along the way to be cheap. Good Luck!

[Richard77]

I do want some of the stuff, but think of the below.

1. She gets pissed off and tries to get me fired from work by making up lies.
2. She is currently in the house, when I try to take it back she tears it all up inside and makes it worthless.
3. She pays someone to try to injure me.
4. She does all she can to ruin my credit.

Compare to giving her everything.

1. She keeps up with the bills and my credit is fine.
2. None of the top part happens.


She is not an insane nut, but she is the kind of person that throws stuff at you when she gets mad. She can be very unstable when she is pissed off.

[jm21-2]

Wow, and you married her?

I don't know about TX, but here you can get an ex parte restraining order (an order entered without her knowledge) that tells her to get out of the house and freezes any large purchases from your joint accounts. You come up to the house with a deputy sheriff and make sure things are handled smoothly. Give a copy to your employer with a letter from your lawyer explaining you're going through a divorce and your wife is unstable, and your chances of getting fired are greatly lessened.

I would highly suspect they have something similar in TX. Courts have been dealing with these problems for centuries and have worked out some pretty good solutions.

Now, protecting yourself from a hitman is a little more difficult, but I think that would be rather extreme...

[bcc_1_2]

Holy crap. I'd say Richard might have rushed through the vetting process with his first pick. But who knows I've seen a women go from what I thought was a great pick for a friend to completely insane.

Either way I'd take JM's advice and take care of business. Especially if you want to date latinas... you gotta Man UP.

[Bob_S]

she did not want me to leave.

Bull puckies.  A woman who wants you to stay will herself stay fit, not throw things when she gets mad, would not ever think about telling lies to retaliate to hurt you, does not associate with people who commit violence for fun and profit, and would sex you up so much you would not have time to think about chasing foreign cuties.  You need to get some of these dysfunctional ideas out of your head.  Understand what healthy is before you try again.  That woman was not normal and not healthy.  She drove you away.  Freedom, brother, freedom.  Come into the light.

[Richard77]

Not a hit man, she just sends me Texts and ect saying I should watch my ass and be concerned about adultery.


I also looked up ex parte and that is only for abused people. I am not currently abused, but she is on my house lol.

[jm21-2]

If she's sending you texts saying you should watch your ass, you may qualify as abused.

Anyways, your choice I guess. I would be pretty surprised if there was no way in TX to get someone out of your house peacefully. Just talk to a lawyer. Shouldn't cost more than 100-200 to figure out the basic stuff you can do.