please help, my first post

[matteo]

hello everyone.  i have a couple questions which i am sure you could help answer if you have the time. 

first a little background.  im divorced and in my late thirties without kids.  ive always been attracted to asian women and have almost exclusively dated them, although my wife was white.  ive traveled quite a bit (to around 20 countries) and enjoy meeting people from other cultures.  im seriously considering meeting a woman through a site (ive been on a few, had the most luck with FH and recommend it for others).  ive narrowed my country choices to either the Philippines or China.  on looks alone a prefer Chinese although there sure are some beautiful filipinas!.  among other things i consider, language and religion are the biggest factors.  although im attracted for some reason to women who speak another language (and accent) of course, the ability to communicate right from the beginning w/o any help is a big plus in finding compatibility.  so chinese and filipinas have a plus for different reasons.  in regards to religion i would say im more in line with chinese and its Buddhist beliefs.  i was brought up Christian but have become an agnostic over the years.  for this reason alone maybe you would suggest i dont marry a filipina.  when i weigh everything i still think it is more realistic to gear myself towards a filipina. 

i have met a few women on FH that i am interested in, primarily two, over the past month.  i was planning on vacationing somewhere in the next couple months so i figure i might as well go to the philippines.  ive always wanted to go there and i might as well meet the women i am interested in.....for all i know, they would change their own mind when they met me.

first, even though i have become close to 2 women there, and for all i know another before i leave to go there, is it wrong for me to visit them all?  i think it makes sense to since im all the way there, but i want to be honest and if they ask, wont they get upset knowing im meeting someone else?  maybe even if they dont ask they will figure it out for example.....one of them tries to send me off to the airport and then i have to say ill get there on my own. 

secondly, do they just assume that if i have serious intentions (and i do) that i will start talking fiance visa before i get home, not even considering the thought that i'd probably come visit again w/i 2 or 3 months from when i leave?  i know im serious about this but idk if im serious enough to just get married after meeting once....let me at least meet u twice,      (especially because by the time i meet them i would have only conversed for 2 or 3 months).  i could almost make the argument that i should just go visit the country (without meeting them) because of the expectations....and continue my conversations with them for another 5 or 6 months before meeting.

lastly,  whats your opinion on the rate of success with marriages that come about through this non-traditional form?  of course its a case per case basis but in your opinion is it 40-50% success rate like most american marriages?  it seems to me to be a higher success rate but am i just being naive?  if it is higher in your opinion, why?  is it because the women seem (and probably are) more committed to marriage as their culture exhibits? if thats why the woman are more committed, then why are the men more committed?  is it because we dont have to deal with the personality issues that most AW have? 

one more thing.  i dont know if this has any bearing but i am looking for a woman who doesnt plan on working much, if at all here.  maybe part time doing some volunteer work or something else with little stress....especially once kids are involved.

thank you for you responses in advance

matteo


   

[Romello]

first, even though i have become close to 2 women there, and for all i know another before i leave to go there, is it wrong for me to visit them all?  i think it makes sense to since I'm all the way there, but i want to be honest and if they ask, wont they get upset knowing I'm meeting someone else?  maybe even if they dint ask they will figure it out for example.....one of them tries to send me off to the airport and then i have to say ill get there on my own. 
   

Welcome to the site Matteo
 
     You have some good questions, let's see I can give you some incite.  First I use to be a true PLAYER, and real PIMP
I've met and dated so many AM and Filipinas I could have started my own site.  Yet after all I did I had a son, became a Sheriff, and now I'm a single  father.  Therefore I calmed way, way down.  However I do pass on what I've learned to others who desire the knowledge.

First and far most you want to get to know them a little while longer before visiting.  5 to 6 months will do the trick.  Still want to visit more then one.  Visit the least one you like first.  Now let's pause for a moment.  Lies are going to be apart of your well being when you are playing the player's game, so you have to be a good lier.  YES they will be mad if you visit another woman, and you may never hear from them again.  So visit the least one you like first.  Meet her at the airport, choose a out of the way hotel, get to meeting for a few days. 

Now you have to rush off to do business in another country.  Check out the Hotel, say your goodbyes right there and off you go to your second hotel and second woman.  Samething for a few days, then same lie.  Last one is the best one, so you will be here longer. 

Now this was the "CREEP" move I gave you.  Another move is the "PIMP" move.  YOU ARE THE MAN AND EVERYONE FOLLOWS YOUR BEAT.

Yeah, have one hotel and tell them all what days they can spend with you.  Once that day is up they will cry and may never talk to you again, but there are ways of getting them back.  I'll save that for later.  Once there time is up the have to get ghost.  Leave a day in between meetings just in case.  After all, you're the man and you may have other sites to see.  You "Bottom Girl" (least one you like) is first.  Ending with your "Queen B"(your best girl), you know what the "B" is for.

secondly, do they just assume that if i have serious intentions (and i do) that i will start talking fiance visa before i get home, not even considering the thought that I'd probably come visit again w/i 2 or 3 months from when i leave?  i know I'm serious about this but idk if I'm serious enough to just get married after meeting once....let me at least meet u twice,      (especially because by the time i meet them i would have only conversed for 2 or 3 months).  i could almost make the argument that i should just go visit the country (without meeting them) because of the expectations....and continue my conversations with them for another 5 or 6 months before meeting.  

You should give it some time before meeting, but that you.  If you want to visit without seeing them, that's cool too.  Just remember the lies you tell.  They will think you are serious just because you made the trip so pace yourself and get to know the woman before meeting them.

lastly,  whats your opinion on the rate of success with marriages that come about through this nontraditional form?  of course its a case per case basis but in your opinion is it 40-50% success rate like most American marriages?  it seems to me to be a higher success rate but am i just being naive?  if it is higher in your opinion, why?  is it because the women seem (and probably are) more committed to marriage as their culture exhibits? if thats why the woman are more committed, then why are the men more committed?  is it because we dint have to deal with the personality issues that most AW have? 
 

This is all up to you.  Don't let statistics tell you how to live your life.  You can ask Marshall K, Bear, and Dave on this.

one more thing.  i dint know if this has any bearing but i am looking for a woman who doesn't plan on working much, if at all here.  maybe part time doing some volunteer work or something else with little stress....especially once kids are involved.

Make this known I'll say within 6 months into the relationship with the one you want.  Then of course it's now up to you to take care of the family back home.

Hope I help...good luck

Romello
 

[Bear]

i have met a few women on FH that i am interested in, primarily two, over the past month.  i was planning on vacationing somewhere in the next couple months so i figure i might as well go to the philippines.  ive always wanted to go there and i might as well meet the women i am interested in.....for all i know, they would change their own mind when they met me.

que sera

first, even though i have become close to 2 women there, and for all i know another before i leave to go there, is it wrong for me to visit them all?  i think it makes sense to since im all the way there, but i want to be honest and if they ask, wont they get upset knowing im meeting someone else?  maybe even if they dont ask they will figure it out for example.....one of them tries to send me off to the airport and then i have to say ill get there on my own. 

Best not to lie about it but don't be too obvious or cute.  It should be hard but you need to be sure your making the right decision.  Usually difficult to have enough time to meet more than 2 - most never make it to 3.

secondly, do they just assume that if i have serious intentions (and i do) that i will start talking fiance visa before i get home, not even considering the thought that i'd probably come visit again w/i 2 or 3 months from when i leave?  i know im serious about this but idk if im serious enough to just get married after meeting once....let me at least meet u twice,      (especially because by the time i meet them i would have only conversed for 2 or 3 months).  i could almost make the argument that i should just go visit the country (without meeting them) because of the expectations....and continue my conversations with them for another 5 or 6 months before meeting.

makes sense to me.  But I think I'd what to spend any time in their country with them.  You've also eliminated marrying there which I think was one of my best experiences and "closure" for my wife.

lastly,  whats your opinion on the rate of success with marriages that come about through this non-traditional form?  of course its a case per case basis but in your opinion is it 40-50% success rate like most american marriages?  it seems to me to be a higher success rate but am i just being naive?  if it is higher in your opinion, why?  is it because the women seem (and probably are) more committed to marriage as their culture exhibits? if thats why the woman are more committed, then why are the men more committed?  is it because we dont have to deal with the personality issues that most AW have? 

Like everything marriage success depends on you.  Picking the right girl for me was accidental but critical in how my life had progressed.  Its been a while (9 years) but when I was researching I remember marriage to Asians had the highest success rate and to Filipinas the highest (in the 90%s) of all Asians.  I think a lot of it is because of their religious beliefs and yes they are very committed to being a great wife and mother - at least much more than any AW.  But I've seen a lot of 'stupids' marry users who took them for everything - don't be stupid.  Ask lots of questions and if its important to you ASK.  I am always amazed at the fools who like certain things or need certain things from their spouse but never ask then complain about it. 

Big kicker - Filipinas intentions are clear but the almost complete lack on "one-on-one" experiences with guys makes marriage, at least, the first few years work.  They haven't a clue on how to read your moods or even that they are supposed to and you have to teach them.  Very different that AMs who have multiple experiences with guys in the early teens.  Toss in culture/language differences and it can get spicy.  Let her know from the beginning TAMPO IS A NO-NO and totally not acceptable.  But you have to teach them what you need in these situations to satisfy their complaint.

one more thing.  i dont know if this has any bearing but i am looking for a woman who doesn't plan on working much, if at all here.  maybe part time doing some volunteer work or something else with little stress....especially once kids are involved.

This is a tuff one but my wife doesn't work and I made sure I asked before we married.  It has hurt her with both her friends and her family in the respect department.  You have to be clear what you want and why and what you'll do if she complies because many intend to help other family members once here.  But helping others could also cause problems so not working puts all the responsibility in your lap.  I preferred it so that she couldn't be controlled by family members to the detriment of our family.  Still after she got here, she to regretted for a while not working for her "own" money even though I gave her all she wanted but now seems quite satisfied to be a SAHM.

Seems your doing pretty good.  Just communicate what you are doing and what you want and you'll find that they are pretty understanding.  Success on your part is success on their part too, at least with the Filipinas - not sure about Chinese.  If any leave you over it, then consider it a mistake never made.

Thew Bear Family

[william3rd]

  Meet her at the airport, choose a out of the way hotel, get to meeting for a few days. 

Now you have to rush off to do business in another country.  Check out the Hotel, say your goodbyes right there and off you go to your second hotel and second woman.  Samething for a few days, then same lie.  Last one is the best one, so you will be here longer. 

Now this was the "CREEP" move I gave you.  Another move is the "PIMP" move.  YOU ARE THE MAN AND EVERYONE FOLLOWS YOUR BEAT.

This is the approach that I would call the Ugly American approach. Sort of stinks up the place for those that come after you. The one that just cries out "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice. . ." Just like the other one about "love at first sight, but I need a test drive first . . . . "

Works for you if you can get out of Dodge ahead of her family and friends with the torches and pitchforks. . .  If she has some n'er do well brothers with big knives with her meeting you at the airport, you may want to take her on a tour of churches and holy sites instead . . .

[Jeff S]

It seems to me you have to decide whether you've singled one or two out of the herd and want to go forward with courtin' or you want to visit an exotic country and meet a bunch of nice people and perhaps find a special someone you could woo later. Many of us here (the Asian board anyway) traveled to visited only one person who we got serious with, and in many cases has worked out well in the long term. You might also find that a really good woman won't be interested in you if you're there playing the field. (Anyone remember May 10?)

If you've acted like you're "getting serious" with women you're talking to, you've led them to believe you're getting serious, so yes, they'll be offended if you lie to them or act like a pimp and tell them you have other women on the hook. On the other hand, if you've kept it in the realm of friends you someday want to meet and perhaps in the future find someone you can settle down with, you can probably pull off visiting a number of women. In any case, lying is underhanded, cowardly, and disrespectful, so will only lead to future grief, IMO. You owe it to them, to yourself and to any possibility of future relationship to at least be truthful and respectful.

Dan's formal survey at the top of the forum gives statistics on foreign relationships, so yes, the statistics are better. Nonetheless this is about individuals, not statistics. Just because it's a one in a million chance you get killed by lightning doesn't mean you shouldn't get off the golf course when the thundershower hits. In other words, if you do your part, and you find someone willing to do theirs, there's a very good chance you're marriage to an Asian women will succeed. If either of you don't, misery is in the forecast, so choose wisely, and be the kind of husband wives stick with (and that's not namby pamby weaklings they can walk all over or jerkoffs who have to have their own way.)

[Ray]

This is the approach that I would call the Ugly American approach. Sort of stinks up the place for those that come after you.

Amen to that!

If you want to meet more than one lady on your trip, just forget all of the silly little games and be honest and open with them.

You’re going there to meet some friends, not to get married. Any mature, stable woman will not get angry or upset if you are up front with them.

Any one that does throw a tantrum over this should be summarily dismissed from consideration.

Ray

[Marshall K]

Ouch, Romellos advice made my head hurt!   I never could deal with more than one woman at a time!
I agree that you should take your time before going to meet her, or them.  You may, in your correspondence, make your decision before you go.  I met two very good women from China at about the same time, and since they both seemed serious I made a choice early on, so not to hurt the other.  It was fairly easy, in that the one I rejected seemed to be a type A business woman, which was a little too much like my second American wife.
When I went to meet my future wife, I threw in a side trip to Thailand to see my brother, which gave me an out in case things didnt work out.  Turns out I didn't need the escape route.  Good luck, have fun.

[michaelb]

Any mature, stable woman will not get angry or upset if you are up front with them.

Any one that does throw a tantrum over this should be summarily dismissed from consideration.

Ray

But if you're not straight up with them and get found out, you deserve whatever happens to you.

[creeper1]

Are you in a big rush?

Like other posters have said, it's better to take things slow. Just like at home, people will shake their head in disbelief if you decide to marry a girl after only meeting her once.

And the visa?! I don't know about were you are but in the UK, they seem to be pretty tough on the requirements and people in the embassies want to see good proof of proper relationship. If you had photos and correspondants dating back years then it will be good for your case.

Start thinking about your financial position too. In the Uk at least, the visa sponsor must submit evidence of his earnings, savings and live in accomodation suitable for him and his partner. Money is a sore topic here but in all honesty this is not a process for those just scraping by. The authorites will deny a visa to anyone who looks like they will need any recourse to public funds.

I think a good target may be 5 meetings over a period of about 3 years. You really have to get to see someone's true personality and assess compatibility. 
Religious beliefs are a big thing in people's lives and sometimes it they are not shared by your partner then it's a source of frustration.  Maybe not a big deal but you have to know in advance.

Others will differ but I'm not really a fan of yahoo messenger or skype to get to know someone. There can be no substitute for actual spent time together.

I can understand the rush when you are getting near 40. After all what you want is someone to spend your life with and not just your retirement.

However this is something you only ever want to do once.....

[Romello]

 

     I apologize for my post, but it is the cold facts.  Now days, I do recommend taking your time to find one woman.  Too many desieces, too much violance, and fare too many ignorant people.

     2 to 3 months is no time at all to get to know someone.  6 months at the least, and ask every question you can think of, good and bad.  With that much time, you can bring out the bad, or the good, in someone you want to meet.

Romello

[matteo]

after hearing the responses, i think it will be better for me to either A) wait to go visit at a later date or B) go in a month or two without meeting either of my top two (maybe meeting nobody, or maybe a couple of the distant 6,7's or 8ths just to see if it sparks an interest.  i may be able to pass it off as an introduction only to them because we are not serious when chatting).

im not gonna lie, if i do go in the next couple months it will be very difficult to not meet up with the top prospects but it may just be the right thing to do.....but its a shame that its a wasted opportunity because going soon wont inhibit me from going again in a few months.

Are you in a big rush?

Like other posters have said, it's better to take things slow. Just like at home, people will shake their head in disbelief if you decide to marry a girl after only meeting her once.

And the visa?! I don't know about were you are but in the UK, they seem to be pretty tough on the requirements and people in the embassies want to see good proof of proper relationship. If you had photos and correspondants dating back years then it will be good for your case.

Start thinking about your financial position too. In the Uk at least, the visa sponsor must submit evidence of his earnings, savings and live in accomodation suitable for him and his partner. Money is a sore topic here but in all honesty this is not a process for those just scraping by. The authorites will deny a visa to anyone who looks like they will need any recourse to public funds.

I think a good target may be 5 meetings over a period of about 3 years. You really have to get to see someone's true personality and assess compatibility. 
Religious beliefs are a big thing in people's lives and sometimes it they are not shared by your partner then it's a source of frustration.  Maybe not a big deal but you have to know in advance.

Others will differ but I'm not really a fan of yahoo messenger or skype to get to know someone. There can be no substitute for actual spent time together.

I can understand the rush when you are getting near 40. After all what you want is someone to spend your life with and not just your retirement.

However this is something you only ever want to do once.....

im not necessarily in a rush but from what ive been hearing, they will expect that if i was planning on seeing them 5 times over 3 years that they would probably consider me not serious after the 2cd time.  i havent been hearing too much about people visiting that many times, if so i would probably visit 5 times over a couple years.

in regards to correspondence over years., i have heard that it is important to have correspondence as well as photos taken together but if it has to be over years then i dont know how other posters have suggested to wait about 6 months before visiting and at the same time suggesting that i cant go back a few times because they will think im not serious.  (dont get me wrong i actually believe that it would not look serious to the woman i just dont know how i accomplish both objectives 1st) corresponding over years and 2cd) marrying or getting engaged after first meeting if i would like to meet them earlier in the process, which makes sense to me to do if i can make the time).

i am not envisioning needing public funds or i wouldnt be suggesting that i wouldnt be interested in a wife that works a lot if at all.

sorry but in couldnt figure out how to quote just a portion of a reply and then put my response.  any help on this would be appreciated as well.

thanks again

[Jeff S]

after hearing the responses, i think it will be better for me to either A) wait to go visit at a later date or B) go in a month or two without meeting either of my top two (maybe meeting nobody, or maybe a couple of the distant 6,7's or 8ths just to see if it sparks an interest.  i may be able to pass it off as an introduction only to them because we are not serious when chatting).

Huh? No comprendo. You either don't want to visit or you want to visit but NOT see the people you are making friends with? Is this some kind of game you think you are supposed to be playing? I guess I don't understand your logic at all.

i have heard that it is important to have correspondence as well as photos taken together but if it has to be over years then i dont know how other posters have suggested to wait about 6 months before visiting and at the same time suggesting that i cant go back a few times because they will think im not serious.  (dont get me wrong i actually believe that it would not look serious to the woman i just dont know how i accomplish both objectives 1st) corresponding over years and 2cd) marrying or getting engaged after first meeting if i would like to meet them earlier in the process, which makes sense to me to do if i can make the time).

If that first paragraph made no sense to me, this one makes even less. You know it's important to have correspondence and photos taken? For whom, ICE? You're worried more about the government paperwork than about your relationship? Now I'm really confused. Maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse here, but it seems to me you'd better have a relationship first before worrying about proving that that relationship is real to the immigration service.

Let me tell you about my wife's interview. The interviewer asked to see my wife's wallet and when he saw her driver's license has my last name and when the first thing he pulled out was a receipt for two size 50 extra long suits from a big and tall shop (not a common size among Japanese) and he looked me over, it was over. No photos, no correspondence, no muss, no fuss.

As for the rest of the paragraph, I'm not trying to be a dick, but what do you give a rat's azz what people think about the technique you are using to go about this and how long to wait before doing this or that? I'm really confused now. This isn't about learning some technique about how to catch fish, it's about finding a life partner. Do what it takes - don't worry about appearances or what it looks like. Strive to find someone who, for the rest of your life will be your best friend, your confidant, the one you lean on when times are tough. the one person in the world you trust holding the switch to the machine keeping you alive even though you have a million dollar life insurance policy. Appearances and techniques be damned. This isn't picking out a one of the puppies in the window, it's about your soul mate for all time. Take your time finding the right one for YOU. Is that five e-mails and one two-week visit? Maybe but probably not. Is that 5 trips in three years? Maybe not, but more likely certainty will be on both of your sides than in the first case.

i am not envisioning needing public funds

Good. I'm not envisioning paying taxes to support a foreign bride either.

i wouldnt be suggesting that i wouldnt be interested in a wife that works a lot if at all.

And I thought I was confused before.

[matteo]

let me clear a couple things up.  a previous poster wrote

"Huh? No comprendo. You either don't want to visit or you want to visit but NOT see the people you are making friends with? Is this some kind of game you think you are supposed to be playing? I guess I don't understand your logic at all."

the reason i brought this up is because it was mentioned by another poster (Bear) that i would be better off waiting to spend time with them in their country.  so i figured that if i followed his advice, why not still go and see the country.......although i agree that i'd much rather spend time with my top two or top one as long as they wouldnt be completely disappointed that i didnt propose my first time there.

in response to this "If that first paragraph made no sense to me, this one makes even less. You know it's important to have correspondence and photos taken? For whom, ICE? You're worried more about the government paperwork than about your relationship? Now I'm really confused. Maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse here, but it seems to me you'd better have a relationship first before worrying about proving that that relationship is real to the immigration service."

the reason i brought the photographs up is because of this post "And the visa?! I don't know about were you are but in the UK, they seem to be pretty tough on the requirements and people in the embassies want to see good proof of proper relationship. If you had photos and correspondants dating back years then it will be good for your case."

and lastly in response to this this was my quote ------i wouldnt be suggesting that i wouldnt be interested in a wife that works a lot if at all.

and here is your reply

And I thought I was confused before.

i agree that my sentence wast written well.  a previous poster mentioned "Start thinking about your financial position too. In the Uk at least, the visa sponsor must submit evidence of his earnings, savings and live in accomodation suitable for him and his partner. Money is a sore topic here but in all honesty this is not a process for those just scraping by. The authorites will deny a visa to anyone who looks like they will need any recourse to public funds"[/b]

so what i was trying to say was that obviously my financial situation isnt a concern or else i wouldnt have mentioned that i would rather not marry a woman who intends to work a lot in this country, or even work at all.

i think if you read through the posts you may have followed the conversation better but it would help if i knew how to quote portions of people's responses (not the whole response) when replying to a quote.

thanks

[Bear]

makes sense to me.  But I think I'd what to spend any time in their country with them.  You've also eliminated marrying there which I think was one of my best experiences and "closure" for my wife.

what should be WANT.  Sorry.  Didn't have time to proof read.  I meant you should want to be with them rather than just travel around the country.  Filipinas all over the country would try to make you change your mind.

I completely disagree with creeper1, but a lot of guys do need the time he suggest.  I wasn't one.  I want respect and honor my "ex" didn't give me not a vacation from lifes trials.

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

Ah, OK. I wasn't understanding what the poster you were responding to was really saying either, but here's the kicker in his post:

I don't know about were you are but in the UK, they seem to be pretty tough on the requirements...

Are you in the UK?

In the US, if your last year's W2 shows that you made more than $14,000 - check that requirement off the list. You'll have to sign a paper that you guarantee to support her so she doesn't have to rely on public funds for 10 years, but no one here has ever heard of anyone having to follow through, even if their wives of fiances took off after arriving in the US.

If you have one boarding pass that shows you've been to visit her, along with some correspondence (letters phone bills, emails) and some photos together when you visited her, you're fine there. I don't know anyone who had a legitimate relationship who had a Filipina wife rejected. Many guys here only visited their wives only once. A couple of guys have had problems in China, but not the PI.

I don't see the implication that you not visit the girls you're actually interested in just to build up more time for a possible future visa interview.

My recommendation is to go, have fun, meet the girls you're interested in, be honest, see if there's chemistry and play it by ear from there. Worry more about finding the right girl than meeting requirements. Once you find the right girl, then worry about what it takes to bring here here. Just save all of your letters, e-mails phone bills, and travel documents and photos.

- Jeff

[Capstone]

My recommendation is to go, have fun, meet the girls you're interested in, be honest, see if there's chemistry and play it by ear from there. Worry more about finding the right girl than meeting requirements. Once you find the right girl, then worry about what it takes to bring here here. Just save all of your letters, e-mails phone bills, and travel documents and photos.

I totally agree with what Jeff says. Take a trip, meet and spend time with one or more girls and have a good time - this will allow you to figure out if there is true compatibility and chemistry between you. You shouldn't really be concerned with anything else at this point as far as visa requirements, etc. My personal suggestion is to take a trip sooner rather than later and just have fun - this is the only way to be truly sure of anything.

[jm21-2]

I can feel the pain of trying to meet/choose between 2+ women. I have been communicating with two girls who seem good prospects...one seems to have just the type of personality I was looking for and a great body to boot, while the other also has a very good personality, has a lot of qualities I find very desirable in someone who would be a house-wife, and is beautiful. Of course, they could both just be part of some scam (not sure how much I trust this bridesinasia site :/). I tried to stay on friend terms for quite a while, said we shouldn't get too involved over just e-mail, but they mentioned I seemed cold and not very serious so I ended up going further than I originally intended. Well, I've got a while to contemplate what to do, but it's certainly not an easy decision. Much harder because they're both from the same city :/. As suggested, I think the best policy is to just be honest and to explain your situation. Hopefully they will understand.

[matteo]

thank you ALL for your responses.  i agree with most of what you said (sorry for misunderstanding you Bear with assuming that the what was supposed to be wait not want)......although i respect all of your input i especially do Bear's from what ive read from his experiences.

also sorry for the misunderstandings Jeff and appreciate your input as well.

i am going to plan a trip (as long as my business situation doesnt change and disallow me to)    and just be honest with whomever i may visit that since it is early on in my courting, i am just coming to kick start any feelings that may evolve, and hope they understand. 

i will keep you informed of any progress......thanks again!

[Ray]

Hi matteo,

Like Jeff, I was also confused by your previous response. I think you’re trying to over-analyze this thing.

There is no right way or wrong way to go about this. You don’t need a rule book to follow. Keep in mind that the advice you get here is only individual opinions based on different people’s individual experiences. You don’t have to wait so many months to visit, you don’t have to write for a certain period of time, you don’t have to meet only one lady on your trip, you don’t have to meet many ladies on your trip, you don’t have to sneak around behind anyone’s back, you don’t need to lie to anyone, etc., etc…

We have guys on here who corresponded for several years before finally getting on the plane and visiting her. We have guys who went to visit 5-6 ladies on one trip. We have guys who married her on their first trip to meet her after writing for an extended period. We have guys who went to visit her after less than a month of corresponding. You know what? All of those techniques worked for those guys.

Listen to others' advice and opinions but in the end just do what YOU feel comfortable with. Be smart and use common sense, but do it your way.

Good luck and keep us posted. We’re interested in hearing what worked or didn’t work for you.

Ray

[Bear]

I appreciate the comment but I also agree with Ray and others here.  They have some great insight just a different way of presenting it.  Considering what your doing is involving yourself in a different culture that sees a lot of what your doing from a different point of view, looking at what your doing from other persons point of view is good experience. 

I think if you can visit two ladies its awesome but don't count on it.  Visit your first choice first cause you might decide not to go further.  Still, having a few backup names and numbers is more than just smart.  This is a long process even if your rushing, it so wasting a trip is not advised.  Too many guys have gone to the R.P. to meet and marry their girls just to find out it wasn't who they thought it was. 

Tell the first one you're coming and surprise any others.

The Bear Family

[flipflop]

I would pick the one i like best and go with the intentions of having a great time on a romantic vacation. I would also have my second choices contact info in case choice one doesnt work out.

Having a good time with a fine lady would be pri 1

[Dave H]

Hey matteo,

Welcome to P-L! My computer was down for about a week, so I'm a little late. I am trying to catch up on posts. I agree with flipflop!

Dave

I would pick the one i like best and go with the intentions of having a great time on a romantic vacation. I would also have my second choices contact info in case choice one doesnt work out.

Having a good time with a fine lady would be pri 1

[Howard]

Matteo,

While I respect Romello and enjoy his posts, I have to disagree with him on this one.

A relationship that begins with deceit can only end badly.  How would you feel if you find out that your interests are corresponding with other men and hid that fact from you?  What if they could only spend certain times on certain days with you because they have a "family obligation" and actually have another Kano stashed at a different hotel with a different schedule?  How would that make you feel?

I have never been an advocate of visiting more than one lady at a time.  I think it distracts you from really getting to know any of the ones you visit.  I believe, and I know I am in the minority, that you should correspond in every imaginable way until one becomes the clear favorite.  Then devote your time toward her when you go there.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to have number two's contact information with in case things just go horribly bad with number one.  But, if you have communicated for months and feel you know enough about this lady to invest yourself emotionally and you still end up in a bad situation, I would suggest returning home because something is wrong with your method. 

Of the guys that have gone the web based introduction route and corresponded for at least six months, I can't remember any that were so shocked that they had to move on. 

The key is quality of correspondence and complete, unabridged honesty.  If you like Jiff and she likes Skippy, address it.  When the time is appropriate, be open and honest about physical intimacy.  If you're wise you will discuss everything under the Sun while making your decision on who you will visit.  The more you leave to fate, the larger the risk of disappointment for both of you. 

Anyone here will tell you, while courting it is all about you.  You are the man and you need to be clear in what you have to offer as well as what you expect in return.  Filipinas are very traditional when it comes to male/female roles.  Most are surprisingly open when it comes to discussion on any topic, as long as you have earned their trust.

I wish you the best of luck in your travels!  Welcome to PL and please keep us updated on your progress

Keep the Faith!

Howard