Having trouble understanding one of Bears old posts

[Alexi]

BTW,it is just Materazzi,back under a different name.

Ok so I was searching some older posts.I found one called "Divorce".

Bear,I am having trouble understanding what you meant by the post.You gave alot of good info on how to avoid scammers.A check list of red flags and such.It was a very helpful post.The last paragraph at the end I had trouble understanding.

You said,Just keep in mind you want a awesome wife that will be forever but she wants a chance at America and most likely a path out of poverty, you're a secondary concern - in her opinion she'll be a good wife to you, period.  A good Filipina will marry a jerk and try her best to make it work.  So do your best to satisfy yourself because from her end just chatting with you makes her a big potential winner.  Don't be a jerk either - these girl have awesome courage and really deserve that "trust" you are seeing when they go through all this and leave all they know for you.

I just copy and pasted it,I didnt change it in any way.Now did you mean,all Filippinas main thing is a chance at America and a path out of poverty,or did you mean the bad ones?

I would appreciate if you could clearify a bit.

BTW,really glad to be back guys [/url]

[Bear]

If they are looking for you then yes getting to America was/is a major attraction, but so are you (in most cases) a major attraction.  Knowing this is no different that you knowing/looking in the Philippines or what ever country of your choice) because marriages there are more likely to succeed in the manner most AMs are looking for (man I hate generalizations!).  I have seen maybe 15-20 marriages were all the lady wanted was a ticket to the states, no sooner than they got here they started looking for a way to get free from the guy who brought her here.  All but one ended in divorce or no marriage actually occurring.  The guys were "stupids" who didn't check out the ladies motivations.

I do not believe, at all, that all Filipinas just want to get out of a third world country but I do think its a major motivation if they are looking for you (meaning a guy from the USA).  I think since you can actually look up statistics showing clear successes in marriages to Filipinas that what they want is a "marriage" to a good guy who can offer more than they have a chance at there, which includes better opportunity, less chance of marriage failures with someone who'll treat them with respect a wife is due.

I've seen quite a few marriages (10+) where the guy was a pure @ss, demanding, controlling and I'd bet my paycheck that most were wife beaters.  But these awesome women, everyone, stayed married (meaning no divorces from that group), would stick with that jerk and even in a few cases defend his right to treat her that way.  I suspect that its their strong religious beliefs that divorce is wrong and probably a smidgen of that "even though he's tough on her" its no different that would she might have had at home but with a better life America offers.

Its back to you are the prize because of what you can offer and the freedom and opportunity of America isn't all, but probably a major part.  Note, my wife didn't at first want to come to America, she wanted me to move there.  Once here she doesn't want me to go back and retire there as I had planned.  Several other guys have/are moving to the R.P. as we speak. So in those cases you can see America meant nothing to them but having an American husband did.

Say HI to Jenny!

The Bear Family

[Howard]

Hey Mat,

Bear is a very good friend of mine and someone whom I have great love and respect for.  For the most part, we end up in the same place on this topic, we just take slightly different roads.  My wife didn't care about coming here either, except for the fact that she thought our children would have advantages here that they might not have in the Philippines.  Otherwise, she would be just as happy to be married to me and live near her family in Panabo City (Davao del Norte)

Here's my take...

You are the prize, but not because a ticket to America ends up in her hand, it's because you're an American man.  Most of the Filipinas I know are very romantic.  They like "pocket books" which we call romance novels and they love the way American men come off as romantic, compassionate, sensitive, etc... in American movies.  They LOVE American romance movies.  If it gives them a good cry, it's even better!  LOL

Plus one of the two stereotypes for AM is that we are whipped dogs, beaten down by Feminist AW who don't appreciate what a "Good Man" has to offer.  Just like some here will tell you "Filipinas make better wives" they are led to believe that "American men make better husbands"

There is also something to be said for the romance and adventure of an International relationship.  The Allure of a foreign land.  That helps feed the romantic heart of many of these wonderful ladies and we ALL know that everybody loves an underdog

Lastly, most of the Filipinas I know are not ashamed to be women and they expect their men to be men.  We fix the toilet, reach stuff on high shelves, carry heavy stuff, take out the garbage, make messes, handle the repairs, deal with contractors, doctors and stand up for our wives whenever necessary.  They handle things that are more traditionally "female" roles, like laundry, cooking, cleaning, child care, etc...  Not that we aren't welcomed to participate, but most I know stick to the old school "male/female" roles pretty strictly.  Again, everything is open to interpretation and each relationship is different, but that's where everything begins.

The myth that All Filipinas want to come to America is just as silly as the myth that all American women suck or that all American men are a prize or that all Filipinas are gold diggers, etc...  In my opinion, save for my closest friends and the group of gentlemen here, most people leave a lot to be desired.  Find someone who treasures you for exactly who you are and you will find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

Good Luck!

Keep the Faith!

H

[stevjulietb]

Very good post Howard.

Steveb

[Ray]

Howard, you're wise beyond your years... 

[Alexi]

Thanks for clearing it up Bear.It was a good,Insightful post that I will keep in mind when I start talking to a woman.

Howard,Damn man,that is one of the best posts I have ever seen.You guys just keep giving good info that is more than useful

[Bear]

I once encouraged Howard to write books.  The dude has an excellent way of expressing himself.  Funny I thought I said what he said but when I read it I can see I should write slower.  Thats what y'all get when I try to do a post before I leave for work in the mornings.

The Bear Family

[Howard]

Bear... I knew that's what you meant, I just wanted to expand a little   I love you man   Did Gerlie catch something I missed?  Is <gasp> Honey pregnant again!?

Steveb... Thanks bro, I am really enjoying being back and being one of the old wise dudes here  

Ray...  You of all people know how I get when you pick a topic I am passionate about   Thanks again for all you do here!

Mat... Over the years many guys have come and gone that just don't "get it"  If you knew any of our wives, you would understand why the guys here do what we do.  I see so many dudes get into this for purely selfish reasons.  You could call us "selfish" for wanting a better marriage, I guess, that's why I say "purely" selfish when I describe these "others"

We've touched on it occasionally, but I see so many - almost half of the ones I know - ladies that are simple married to guys who are tools!  They don't get treated properly, in my opinion, yet are loyal to their idiot husbands to a fault.

I think of my wife, everything she has sacrificed to marry me and it makes my blood boil to see how some of these young ladies are treated.

Obviously, we are talking about the the cream of the crop, not the scammers, gold diggers, etc...  I'm talking about the ones who want nothing more than most of us did when we started this.  The ones who just want someone worth loving to love and love them in return.

I have been through bad relationships.  Every one ended badly.  Now that I have a great relationship, I treasure every second of it! 

If you do your homework and use your head, you can succeed at this and be happier than you ever realized you could be.  Just remember that there is a human being on the other end of that webcam who, if you've done it right, has the same dreams and desires as you do.

We've definitely seen our share of scams on here, but in real life I've only seen two in comparison to at least a dozen situations where the lady is genuine and gets stuck with a turd!

Thanks Mat... your situation dragged me from retirement   It's nice to be back

Keep the Faith!

H

[Bear]

PREGNANT! Don't curse me man!  I love what I have but I wants no more.

Unless Honey changes her mind about adopting I can't see it having anymore.  You should see the effort it takes just to get them all in their car seats and the circus at bedtime!  Still dreading the go-go-go that's gonna occur when the youngest reaches 5.  Music lessons, sports, school activities, scouting, church activities, parties, more and all at different places at the same time with no regard for the things that must occur like work, grocery buying, yard cutting, house maintenance, etc.   Would miss it if I could (and I've tried).  Honey has no idea 

The Bear "Finally Finished" (at this level) Family

[Honey]

Is <gasp> Honey pregnant again!?

nope...i just love to eat (as always), lol!  gosh, it's so hard to lose weight.  i'm working on it though . 

[Howard]

LOL

You guys kill me

Honey... my wife is positive she gained weight after her pregnancy, but, as I tell her all the time, she's still just as beautiful as the day we met   If she really keeps on insisting, I just get mad and say, "THAT'S IT!  Darn dryer!  We have to get a new one because it's shrinking your clothes!  You better do some clothes shopping this weekend, Baby"  Hehehehehehe  That always makes her feel better

From what I can see, you still look beautiful and I'm SURE asawako will concur

Keep the Faith!

H

[Dave H]

Hey H,

It's great to have you back as an "old" wise dude!

We're thinking about moving back to your neck of the woods one of these days. Do people still speak English up there? 

Big D

[Bear]

Probably a touch more than they do in your neck of the woods

The Bear Family

[Materazzi]

Howard,There is no doubt that not everyone gets in a relationship for the right reason.I guess I have the selfish reason to look for a wife there is to get somethign better than what I can have here.The same as what you guys have said.I am not looking for someone to control,just someone better.I fully intend to take my time with the woman and treat her right.No wife beating,controlling or anything like that.I have wants but I dont ask for much.I like to ask,Is there something I can do for you in return?

I definantly dont think all the girls in any country are just after a green card.I am still a bit new to this whole thing.I look to you guys for advice.Dont get me wrong,I trust my gut feeling.I just know that it is better to listen to guys who know more than you,who have experience for guidance.That is why I came back.I like to know more,I like to be as prepared as possible for situations that arrise.I know you can never be fully prepared for everything though.

I hope no one took it that I mean all filippinas were bad or after something other than a man.That is not what I meant at all.That is clearly not the case.Otherwise why would you guys be talking about you wives?Seems like you guys have wonderful wives and that is all I am looking for as well.It is just that the end comment of that post confused me,so I thought instead of trying to figure it out on my own,I would ask and just get to the bottom of it right away.

I will tell you guys this.Before I came to this board,I heard alot of naysayers from guys who had been burned before.I guess they were a little bitter and that has made me very cautious.I had no proof that the stories were even true.

This one guy was telling me about this girl in Manila,who he talked to for a while,he went over,she spent the night with him,and he woke up alone with no money.It sounded to me like those early 1900's stories about sailors in Shanghai.Anyway,I told him she sounded like a prostitute but he insisted she wasnt.Who was I to argue with him.It was his story.

Before I came to this board,I had a negative view that this was probably not going to work out.Since I got here,I have mad a complete 180 turn.I am not positive that I can find some great as long as I am careful and I take my time.As long as I make sure she is right for me.

I am not a naysayer or trying to insinuate that filippinas are bad.Like I said I was just confused at the paragraph.

BTW,Bear are you trying to start a franchise?A couple more and you can have a baseball team J/K

[Dave H]

This one guy was telling me about this girl in Manila,who he talked to for a while,he went over,she spent the night with him,and he woke up alone with no money.It sounded to me like those early 1900's stories about sailors in Shanghai.Anyway,I told him she sounded like a prostitute but he insisted she wasnt.Who was I to argue with him.It was his story.

Hey Mat,

That is highly unusual behavior for a "good" Filipina. Ask anyone here...if the woman is going to spend the night with you, she will at least have one chaperon and more likely half a dozen or so. She sounds like a "thief/scam artist/ ho" to me! She took the money, so she is a prostitute in my book.

Most of the guys I know that have negative comments about Filipinas, were involved with bargirls while in the military. They have had limited contact with the average Filipina. Unfortunately, many of these guys judge all Filipinas as having the same low morals, conduct, and values.  But, I do know that some of these ladies turned their lives around.

Today we are seeing a new crop of men who are chatting with scam artists, most often met on Internet chat sites and are judging all Filipinas to be the same. Remember, "Send me money!" is often the very first Red Flag! Some guys have been very observant and thorough, finding great ladies there. But as always, you have to rely on your big head!

Dave B. "H"ead
 

[Bear]

Even a small amount of money.  If she got 10 guys to send her 20/mon she'd be making double the average income there.

The Bear Family

[Howard]

Hey Mat,

Nope, I wasn't aiming anything at you.  I think you're one of the ones who "gets it"  I guess I got off on another rant for a second

All I am saying is that, we are all a little skeptical at first.  So the usual tenor of the board is to "protect" the newbie from a "Bad" Filipina. 

What I meant in the end of that post was that, I tend - unless it's painfully obvious that it's a scam or not gonna last anyway - to give the ladies the benefit of the doubt from the expiriences I have had away from PL.  Not that I am a Stepford husband, I just think that the ones who do marry, often get the dirty end of the stick.  The Gold Diggers and Scammers are often weeded out pre-marriage and we - here at PL - so often loose touch after someone gets married and we loose the rest of the story, which is usually the best part   I know I am guilty of it myself.  I'm trying to fix it

Keep the Faith!

H

[Howard]

Hammy,

Me as an old wise dude, who'd a thunk it?  LOL

Yeah, we're still speakin' English, but the spanish is creppin' in

Come on back... I'll buy you a San Mig

H

[Materazzi]

Hey Mat,

That is highly unusual behavior for a "good" Filipina. Ask anyone here...if the woman is going to spend the night with you, she will at least have one chaperon and more likely half a dozen or so. She sounds like a "thief/scam artist/ ho" to me! She took the money, so she is a prostitute in my book.

Most of the guys I know that have negative comments about Filipinas, were involved with bargirls while in the military. They have had limited contact with the average Filipina. Unfortunately, many of these guys judge all Filipinas as having the same low morals, conduct, and values.  But, I do know that some of these ladies turned their lives around.

Today we are seeing a new crop of men who are chatting with scam artists, most often met on Internet chat sites and are judging all Filipinas to be the same. Remember, "Send me money!" is often the very first Red Flag! Some guys have been very observant and thorough, finding great ladies there. But as always, you have to rely on your big head!

Dave B. "H"ead
 

He was ex-Army/Navy/or Marine.I am not sure which one.I thought it sounded odd even back then.I dindnt know alot about the Phils.All I had to tell me anything were guys with bad experiences and it scared me a little.After being here I have a different opinion.The girl above was a prostitue in my book as well.

Lucky for me my ex didnt scar me or scare me away from Filippinas.I guess it didnt because I saw how good her cousins were to their men.One of whom was married to an American/Canadien,I dont know where he was from exactly I didnt ask.

Hey Mat,

Nope, I wasn't aiming anything at you.  I think you're one of the ones who "gets it"  I guess I got off on another rant for a second

All I am saying is that, we are all a little skeptical at first.  So the usual tenor of the board is to "protect" the newbie from a "Bad" Filipina. 

What I meant in the end of that post was that, I tend - unless it's painfully obvious that it's a scam or not gonna last anyway - to give the ladies the benefit of the doubt from the expiriences I have had away from PL.  Not that I am a Stepford husband, I just think that the ones who do marry, often get the dirty end of the stick.  The Gold Diggers and Scammers are often weeded out pre-marriage and we - here at PL - so often loose touch after someone gets married and we loose the rest of the story, which is usually the best part   I know I am guilty of it myself.  I'm trying to fix it

Keep the Faith!

H

We appreciate the protection at first.I mean if you guys would not have told me some red flags I may have been snagged on some.Except money,I am too stingy to give it to someone,especially someone I dont know.
I know alot of girls there are good girls.Loni was a mean one but I understand she was just one.

I will not lose track with you guys.I will still keep you guys up to date.

I am going to look in Japan and the Philippines when I am ready to "get back on the horse".I am gonna start looking once paperwork is done.It should not be too much longer I am hoping.


Hey guys,I was working today and a mexican came in.He told me "I looking for a ticket to Mexico."Then he wanted to negotiate the price!!!!Lots more wandering this way lately