New guy needs advice

[Frank64]

Hey guys,

Basic Statistics:
Age: 44
Height: 5',7"
Weight: 165lbs
Looks: Average
Personality: Introvert intellectual non-pickup artist type
Occupation: Manager at a Biotech company in SF Bay area
Divorced: 4 years ago
Kids: One daughter from previous marriage (lives with her mom)
Relationships: Had one serious (1.5 yrs) relationship since divorce and a few short (3 mo.) ones.  Dated a couple of Chinese women in US.

Favorite Quotes from women:
"You're too much of a gentleman"
"You're the most real guy I ever dated" (as she was breaking up with me)
"Do you cook?"

Goal:
Finding a wife between 27 and 30 yrs old from Asia
Current preference is China, but I like all Far-East Asian women even though they can be quite different from each other.  In reading this forum, I'm now seriously considering filipinas more.

Preferences
While this is huge generality, I prefer women from Asia because:
- they tend to culturally accept traditional man/women roles
- they are less likely to gain huge amounts of weight as they age
- tend to look younger than they're Euro/American counterparts
- I love exotic lands, cultures, food, customs and accents

Experience:
I have met some women socially and at work which resulted in one serious relationship, but that didn't work out.  I've tried online and speed-dating extensively and have met (not dated) more than 50 women in 4 years.  Had a few short term relationships, but nearly all of the women interested in me have been over 40 years old.  I dated one women under 30, but that was a fluke because I haven't cracked the 39 year old barrier besides her.  I nearly convinced myself that a 40+ year old women is a better option than a young woman, but I was lying to myself.  The fact is, when I walk down the street, I turn my head to look at younger women.  I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I want a younger wife who accepts traditional man/women roles.  I love my guy pals as friends, but I don't want to marry one of them.  I enjoy treating someone nicely and being a gentleman, but I also deserve to be treated well and I won't accept disrespect or man-like behaviour from women.

Next Steps:
1) Joined this forum to review archives and seek advice from experienced guys.

2) Going to China for business/vacation for two weeks.  I'm lined up to meet a woman who I contacted through match.com.  Although she's a little over my age limit (33), she's well educated and speaks perfect English (she's an English professor).  Her non-glamour photos look good, but I'm not placing my life hopes on this.  It's a great first step experience and ya never know.

3) I'm likely to join a foreign online dating service and will likely try one of the foreign bride tours.

That's the story.  Any comments or advise are welcomed.

Thanks

Frank
 

[Jeff S]

Hi Frank and welcome. My only comment is that you fit in the mold of most Asian wife seekers just fine. My suggestion would be to avoid romance tours, and stick with online dating sites to start out. Do some chatting and find out the personalities, culture and habits of the different potential countries. If you can possibly make friends in the communities of the different countries, and visit their homes to see how the families interact, sample the lifestyle, culture, etc. it'll help you decide.

Here's something I wrote about deciding on a country recently: http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=2968.msg29019#msg29019

- Jeff

[william3rd]

Foreign bride tours to asia is the worst mistake you can make. Doesnt fit in with the culture. In most countries, no decent women would agree to be so marketed. Southeast asia-the only girl that would go to a cocktail party to meet men is a girl that gets paid to get laid.

One agency was running trips to Bangkok.

I have it on good authority that their trip is nothing more than a thinly disguised sex tour except that you pay for the bar girls to be brought to you. Same agency that has stunk up Europe in recent years.

HINT- if you go to where the bar girls are, then you dont have to pay the agency for anything.

[Ray]

Welcome aboard Frank.

It seems that your plan is well thought out. The age range you are seeking sounds about right. Do you want to have more children?

For English speakers, you can also look in the Philippines, Singapore, and Hong Kong.

If you want to consider the Philippines, I would get some addresses of Filipina women and start writing/phoning. There are no legal personal introduction/bride tour agencies in the Philippines.

If the China trip doesn’t pan out, start planning another trip soon to meet some ladies in person.

Remember to keep any mention of money or finances completely out of the equation and you should do fine.

Let us know how your trip to China goes.

Ray

[Frank64]

Jeff, William

Thanks for the comments on the tours; you just saved me about $1.5K.  That's also a great idea on checking out the cultures via friends.  I'm somewhat familiar with Chinese and had one experience with a Thai woman that corroborates William's comment about South East Asian cultures, but I don't know squat about filipinas.

Ray,

Yes, I would like to have children which is another reason for seeking the age difference.  I've be been to Singapore on business and it was a wonderful experience with great people and great food.  Given the general higher standard of living than China, I'm just not sure if there are as many options in Singapore.  However, I'll definetely investigate further.

Frank

[Jeff S]

Hey first world women have just as much trouble finding good men as third world women. Don't necessarily go to poor countries just because you think the women may be more desperate and you can do "better" in terms of looks or age. That seems to be a common belief around here, but it's ridiculous IMO. If you're over matched, she'll wake up and realize it some day. If not, it doesn't matter if you find her in a nipa hut dozens of miles from the nearest road, or strolling the streets of Ginza.

The Singaporean women I've known were very attractive, sophisticated, educated, and speak English very well. If that's the kind of women you're looking for, go for it.

[Bear]

If you're looking for a Filipina your age range may be a touch high (but in line with the 1/2 age plus 7 theme).  I was along the same numbers when I started at 45 and ended up marrying a girl thats 26 years younger.  Different cultures have different needs and place different weighting factors on things that are important.  Not completely sure about other Asian counties but in the R.P. age, weight, hair, income mean far less to a Filipina than you might expect.  They're more likely to fall in love with an "ugly" AM than a gawpo Filipino because of opportunity - and they'd seriously make it work (if you stay away from the major metros).  They are more interested in security and coming to America than looks and also will honor the marraige vows meaning if they marry a panguit (ugly) guy they will love and honor a panguit guy and never let him he's panguit.

As for how to meet them.  I used an old chat program I hear is still being used (but not sure).  It was called "pIRCh".  I think its associated now with "Eyeball"?  I also hear that a lot of chatting is occurring on Yahoo Groups.  Just harder I guess to get noticed on Yahoo than pIRCh.  Be very careful in the chat rooms - they lie!  But it is possible to meet awesome ladies.  You have to watch for the red flags like money, love statements, and I would think hre lately any mention of sex too soon.

Still if you know a Filipino/Filipina then you have access to an awesome library of available ladies.  Every Filipino has 3-4-5 ladies they are wanting to introduce to someone here.  I think one of my wife's old best friend asked her if she new someone just last week.  Peer pressure works for you in this case.

Another method thats a little scarey for us but you'll never believe how plauseable it is and that is if you just to go there and walk up and start a conversation with someone you think is pretty.  Most approchable girls I've ever seen.  You can see the interest in their eyes from a mile off.  One guy did that here!

This is a tough road as I've said in the past.  IMHO much harder to develope that with AWs but more satifying and successful.  Don't be a "stupid", Filipinas want a successful marriage but they do not respect idiots so if you don't go in there like a man with confidence and a plan to secure their future it could come back and break you up (I don't mean your marriage I mean you - your marriage already failed).  They want a successful marriage so if you have a question, concern, need, expectation ASK for suffer your fate.  Users will run if you ask a lot of questions because they aren't serious and they know that this method will catch them.  A good girl will answer honestly when they know, not answer when they don't know or believe this is your responsibilty.  You have to push some times to get an answer when they don't think its important to them.  Seriously try to trick them and mislead them in your quesstions to see what they are hiding and then honestly answer your own questions after hearing theirs to get discussions going.  They will respect you for trying to secure their future and confidence wins.

Archieves are full of info.

P.S. Yesterday was the 8th anniversary of the day I first chatted with my wife - honesstly do not know how I could be happier.  It was a hard start and some obvious man/woman conflicts but wow!  Way over my expectations.

The Bear Family

[Marshall K]

Hi Frank,
It's great that you are going to China on business and can meet a lady there.  A Chinese woman who speaks fluent English is not very common.  You may also find that age is not a big deal since most Chinese women look at least ten years younger than their white American counterparts.
If you are looking for a good wife, avoid the tours.  Those are just meat markets.
Have a good trip!  If it doesn't work out, I know some good Chinese women in South China looking for a good husband.  Remember, Halle Berry just had a baby at age 41.
Marshall