I know i am new here but could you spare some time to help me?

[Steven]

Hey everyone what's up.I feel a little sleepy while writing this so if i mess up forgive me.I just got back from my last single friends wedding today and I have been wanting to get married for a year or so.I am only 24 and I have never been married.I see all my friends married to American women except one who is married to a Filippina lady and he is the only 1 left happy.I have seen my other friends relationships have the fun sucked out the day after the honeymoon is over.
 Anyway I find myself looking on these dating sites at all he beautiful women in SE Asia and thinking to myself "Why Not?".Most other guys on here from what i have read had been married to American women and found it to be not so pleaseant.Well I am thinking on skipping that part all together.I need as much info as I can get about SE Asia.I have no country in mind but I find myself really attracted to Filippinas,Indonesians,Vietnamese,Malaysian,Thai,and Cambodians but as I am new to all this I am open to suggestions.
 Im not a bad looking guy,not a model but I have no trouble getting dates.I am an up and coming Author and I have thought this through my head over and over and I decided that taking my chances of getting scamed there is better than marrying a woman here and knowing that I will be miserable.
 I am glad I am not the only one who has done this and alot of guys here are older and know the ways of the world way better than I do.I asked my friends wife if she had someone she could introduce me to in the philippines but everyone she knows is married or i wasnt attracted to them so I am venturing on this alone.I am a nice guy and I think I deserve a nice marriage.So anyone that can give me info on the culture,women,and anything else I need to know would be appreciated.

[william3rd]

First word of advice is to focus on where you are thinking of looking. It is a big world out there. Sounds like Philippines you are looking at. In that case, the Fil-Am relationships can steer you from here.

[Jeff S]

Welcome Steven. You are about to embark on a great adventure. Enjoy it. I'd spend a few hours reading all of the archives. Many of us have been posting here for 8+ years and have amassed a huge amount of advice

You certainly don't need good looks to land a beautiful Asian lady. If you want living proof, see how well Bear, Stephen, William and I did. (I didn't even have to mention Dave H.  )

- Jeff

[Bear]

Okay, don't mention Dave 

I've made several posts to newbees in the last few months.  Read the entries below yours in the tree.

The Bear Family

[fourholesn1]

Hey Steven, is religion important to you? Each country has different religions, the Philippines are mostly Catholic whereas Thailand is almost all Buddhist. I chose Thailand largely for that reason. Like William said, I think focusing on one country is the best and since they all have fantastic women this could be a deciding factor for choosing a country.

[Steven]

No religion is not important to me,since I am not religious I dont care what her's is or even if she has one.Its a little hard to narrow down the countries based on looks because they are all too hot.So I am trying to find out cuture in these countries but so far dont know anything about the culture or how the women there look at foreigners and relationships with them.

[william3rd]

Then you need to read a little bit about the country and culture that you are looking at.

Do you like the food of any particular country?
Have you BEEN to any particular country?

[Jeff S]

I agree with William - if you're trying to decide which country to go to based on the looks of the women, you're making a big mistake. Spend some time immersed in the different cultures. You can start here (well at least if you live in LA or other international city) but really need to visit the countries to find out what it'll be like. If I was married to a Mexican women and was served beans, rice and tortillas for every meal while listening to Norteno music played way too loud, I'd commit suicide within a few weeks I'm sure.

[Steven]

I have only been to the phils and from what you guys just said maybe looking for a filippina is not such a good idea.I didnt like the food or the music and found that not many of my interest are done there.I have been reading up on Buddhism for a while,i know i said in my previous reply that I am not spiritual,i meant im not christian so my aplogies I took what I said out of context.Possibly Thailand or Cambodia would be a good place to read up and learn about?

[william3rd]

Maybe Laos might be a country to consider.

Simpler life than Thailand. . . .

[Jeff S]

I've found that being around Buddhism if you're not religious, is easier than being around many other religions. It's because it's more a philosophy of living than it is a dogma that needs to be subscribed to.

- Jeff

[fourholesn1]

I completely agree with Jeff. Buddhists treasure peace and harmony and strive to have that in their homes and relationships I think. It also seems like they make great Mom's although that's my observation, I have no experience with that.

[Bear]

Steven I tend to be extreme in my warnings because I don't like seeing so many guys be stupid and get hurt/used.  I'd say in the 8 years I've been on this board about 20-30% have made stupid decisions.  The majority have married and left the board, hopefully happy because they rarely visit and give us updates.  All the Fil-Am marriages I know locally are awesome.  Since I try hard to meet and visit a lot of guys here and on other boards and my wife is active on so many internet venues, we see lots of things that don't get posted here - one of the reasons I hang around.

It really doesn't matter what method you use to meet a girl - what ever floats your boat.  Just don 't be stupid.  Ask lots of questions and try hard to trip them up.  Tell them you are because it will run the scammers off but the serious girls will see your serious and you'll have a normal courting relationship.  I posted some redflags just the other day, look at them and see if the girls your chatting with are like that.

As for what country to look in I will always perfer the R.P. because ...
1) most people speak English
2) most people there want to be Americans and have voted it several times.
3) most are Christians
4) most of the girls get higher degrees
5) A Filipina will marry a jerk and make it work - I guess I mean few divorces.
6) AW standards mean nothing to Filipinas (hair, weight, age, job, etc.)
7) most don't come with children (read lots of stuff into that).
one of the lowest divorce rates to Americans.
9) whereas I am clearly prejudice about my wife, I don't think girls anywhere are as pretty in such large numbers and so easy to start a conversation with. 

Oddly enough when my wife is in a crowd of Hispanics I can't see much difference.  But then when she is with other Asians she is clearly oriental in appearance?  So many people are jealous when they see her with her size, shape, skin color, long hair and attitude towards me.

I know most guys here have beautiful wives but I'd say the commonality between our countries, age, looks, religion, language and desire to be devoted wives puts the R.P. way up there.

If you are not a stupid and are serious, you'll be fine.  You'll never regret the trip - but it will be more than you expect.  Differences in culture can be overwhelming and totally irreversible.  Arguments can start over things you never knew existed or even pondered before.  Expecting they speak our language means they think the same way will get you into problem after problem.  Then when you see some of the ways they'll make you feel loved it won't matter anymore.

If the Filipina you know does know anyone I am in shock!  My wife doesn't want to help anyone and still knows 4-5.

BTW, this board is for asking questions and learning from the experiences of others, don't share it right away with those you chat with.  A cousin who caused my wife all kinds of problems used to read my posts and then quote them to my in-laws out of context.

The Bear Family

[Steven]

Thanks for the advice guys