Basic Questions / Insights from members wanted

[xcited]

     This seems to be a great group with people that to have lots of "real world" experience with the subject matter.  I am hoping that you will be willing to share these experiences and opinions in regards to my questions.

     I am in my mid-30's (never married) and am interested in meeting a Filipino woman for a long term relationship.  I live in the Midwest and have a college education.  I'm not rich, but would be considered middle-class.  No criminal history or problems with women etc...  I'm not perfect, but certainly not a bad guy.  Hopefully this background info will help when considering my questions.

Questions
1)  I have looked at the archives and other posts and it seems that there are VERY different ideas about meeting these women.  Some people seem to think using web sites (on line services) are good and others bad.  Can someone please let me know why they think that way and if there are good ones which ones they would recommend?

2)  On multiple sites (not dating sites, but sites like this one and Mag-Anak) I have seen "real" women that men in the US have married.  Most of the women I have seen are VERY beautiful.  I am not an ugly guy, but these women seem extremely attractive.  I guess what I am wondering is, are these photos I'm seeing the exception (or guys bragging) or is this common?  Also, it is hard to believe that many of these women would need/desire a man from a foreign country.  I would think they would have men lined up around the block wanting to date them.

3)  As stated above, I live in the Midwest and we get very cold and a decent amount of snow.  Since these ladies have grown up in a tropical climate are they even willing to consider someone from this type of environment?  Does anyone here have first-hand experience with this type of situation?

4)  Finally, I read a little bit about the "International Marriage Broker Law".  I don't know how that can be legal, but how has it effected men's ability to meet foreign women?  Has anyone experienced any issues with this?

Thanks for reading my questions and I appreciate anyone willing to help.



Regards,

xcited

[TurboSS]

The only question I can really answer would be #3.   I read multiple stories of members on here who lived in colder climates and brought filipino wives there.  I dont remember any of them saying it was really a problem.

[el capitan]

Xcited - Welcome!  All good, valid questions.  I know there are men much more qualified to give you the details here, but I'll try to give the generalities a crack;

1)  I have looked at the archives and other posts and it seems that there are VERY different ideas about meeting these women.  Some people seem to think using web sites (on line services) are good and others bad.  Can someone please let me know why they think that way and if there are good ones which ones they would recommend?

A - I've always been one to believe that there is no replacement to actually being there.  It's quite difficult to experience the essence of a person via an electronic forum, but with a bit of diligence, and education on your part, I think that you can discern a "red-flag" woman, from one that might deserve more of your attention.  If it's an electronic forum that you'd like to try, I would say Australia based http://FilipinaHeart.com is as good as any.

2)  On multiple sites (not dating sites, but sites like this one and Mag-Anak) I have seen "real" women that men in the US have married.  Most of the women I have seen are VERY beautiful.  I am not an ugly guy, but these women seem extremely attractive.  I guess what I am wondering is, are these photos I'm seeing the exception (or guys bragging) or is this common?  Also, it is hard to believe that many of these women would need/desire a man from a foreign country.  I would think they would have men lined up around the block wanting to date them.

A - In all honesty, it isn't all that uncommon.  Filipina's are known for their beauty; a mixture of Hispanic, Asian, and Pacific Islander, you'll most likely suffer from whiplash your first night in Manila.  Most Filipina's are very open to meeting a foreign man, let alone an American.  One good thing MacArthur did for us in the Pacific.  Read up on your history!

3)  As stated above, I live in the Midwest and we get very cold and a decent amount of snow.  Since these ladies have grown up in a tropical climate are they even willing to consider someone from this type of environment?  Does anyone here have first-hand experience with this type of situation?

A - I have friends that are married to Filipina's and live in Washington State, Colorado, Montana, the Dakota's.  Not to say that it won't require some acclimation, but it's not uncommon.

4)  Finally, I read a little bit about the "International Marriage Broker Law".  I don't know how that can be legal, but how has it effected men's ability to meet foreign women?  Has anyone experienced any issues with this?

A - If you use an agency to meet your prospective wife, that could be an issue.  If you just go to the Philippines and enjoy it as a new place to know, and end up falling in love...well...c'est la vie.  If you end up finding someone that you want to share the rest of your life with, then you'll most likely want to be represented to get the documentation done, so you can cross those "t's" and dot those "i's" when the time comes.

Hope this started to shed some light on the subject for you...and once again, welcome, and good luck!

[Jeff S]

You should search the archives for minnesota guy. He brought a very attractive Filipina to the US and she arrived in the autumn. He was a nursery guy and lived a fairly simple lifestyle. He didn't even have indoor plumbing. Can you imagine a girl from the tropics having to make that 50 yard run to the outhouse in the middle of a 40 below winter night. Well, the next summer he built a bathroom for her but she was a trooper and made it through that first Minnesota winter. I lived there growing up so know how cold it can be. The summers are great, but if you're sick that day, you miss out completely. Also there are posts in the archives by Febtember, actually her name is Raquel, a model in the PI who married an Illinois farmer. I think there on their 3rd child. She has some good stories of her first winter here.

Yep, even if you're ugly here, you're Kevin Costner in the PI.

There really are no good or bad sites. There are plenty of Filipinas on the big sites exempted from the IMBRA laws too, like match.com, yahoo personals, etc. too.

- Jeff

[xcited]

Thanks to everyone who replied.  Jeff S., I will check the archives for Minnesota Guy and Febtember as well.

Anyone else who has some insight or opinions I would still like to hear from you as well.  The more information the better.

I know I will need to travel there, but it seems that most people recommend a decent amount of time writing/chating/talking to a few women to make the journey successful.

Also, I would be very interested in reading anything from a Filipino woman, do many of them post here or is there somewhere else they post?


Thanks all.

[Bear]

Welcome xcited

Don't get fooled.  THIS NOT AN EASY ROAD!!!

1) Like all things in life there is a choice.  When you go the easiest or most well known paths you can have the most problems.  I met my wife on Dalnet using a program called pIRCh.  I was corresponding with 13 other Filipinas there of which maybe 3 were good possibilities.  There were a few that blew me away by saying they "loved me" on the first chat.  The one I thought would be the girl, she went wacko on me and started threatening to kill herself if I didn't send money for her to go to college.  Of the other two that I thought were good possibilities, one ended up lying about having a child and the other found someone else before we could meet.  So you can see keeping your senses about you and constantly be aware of scams when using this method.

Another guy I know literally went to the R.P. to find a wife.  He traversed the country till he saw the girl he wanted then swept her off her feet.  Just to find out later she married him so she could divorce him here and to marry her long time boyfriend to bring him here.  Unfortunately for her she met Honey and I and we made her husband aware of her intent/actions.  The last I heard he was some where in the R.P. watching Filipinas cheat Kanos in on-line chat rooms.

There is nothing easy about this path.  So don't get lax but truly enjoy the trip, be smart and not foolish because they'll eat you alive.  They are not really what I would call desperate but they are really motivated and if your a "stupid" expect to get hurt, cause you will.

The best and safest method, maybe with the least choice, is to walk up to any Filipina you know in your area/home/job whatever and let her know your interested.  She'll have you married to her best friend/cousin/sister in 6 months and you'll be happy for the rest of your life.   If you made sure the Filipina introducing you was a good person you'd find her "peer pressure" would help you stay married and her involvement would help ease the concerns and transition of the Filipina she introduced to once she came here.  Filipinas are very susceptible to peer/family pressure.  Stay in control of who her peers are and be clear on why and you'll be okay!

Make sure you know this Filipina doing the introducing because I have a friend here at NASA who's wife introduced a guy to her best friend and then helped them divorce 8 months later.  Admittedly he was a jerk but why have them marry - to get her to the States!  Honey would let me criticize the girl because it would make everyone mad (like I care) because he was "stupid" (and he was).  THEY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR STUPIDS!!!  Please if you understand nothing else - get that.

2) I look at my wife and I'm in shock I was so easily able to met/date and marry her.  Until a few months before I married her I truly thought most girls found me unattractive.  Just before I married I through a odd coincidence conversation I found two AWs who said I was considered very handsome, just that my weak confidence and shy demeanor hurt me?  My wife happens to be identical - weak confidence in herself but quite beautiful to me. 

While I was in the R.P. Filipinas found reasons to come up to me and talk.  Honey was constantly arm-in-arm so she could steer me away from the "competition".  I am amazed at how easy and willing to meet and talk they are yet still quite appropriate in actions (read "good girls").
 
A lot of Filipinas actually think/believe/promote the attitude that only the ugly Filipinas get picked to come here to the U.S.  Filipinas also have some serious issues about ridiculing each other's looks and actions - I call this the "worse Filipina trait".  I guess another name for it would be "chikka" or gossip.  They have a cast system over there, insist they don't, but yet you attend a Fil-Am event and all the women are trying to jockey for "positional herachy" in the group.  They will literally put each other down face to face without the AW's cat fight.  Many times I find that these girls were from higher positioned families in the R.P. 
We recently met a Filipina at the Mall we hadn't seen in 6 years.  We originally met her through her husband on Mag-anak and went to dinner with them a few weeks after Honey came to Houston.  The reason we hadn't continued any relationship 6 years ago was she did was constantly tell Honey how to live her life.  Well now this Filipina had a whinny 4 year old "in diapers", drinking a bottle and looked like a tooth pick with expensive clothes on.  First thing she did was to start insulting Honey on having 2 boys (even the 2 year old is potty-trained and bottle-broke) and another on the way, being fat (read pregnant) and not taking care of herself (huh?)!  The next thing I know they are all trading polite insults?!  I always wondered why my wife wouldn't go to the Fil-Am events and I got to see it first hand - for many its just not pleasant.  And I ask my wife why she puts up with it (she really doesn't she just doesn't participate) and she responds (like several other Filipinas I've asked)," They're just telling the truth"!!!  Got to be something with the honor/caste system.

Beautiful but capable of viciousness like you've never experienced.  Be very aware of it.


3)  Filipinas love snow.  My wife is constantly jawing at me to take her to see snow.  The last time it snowed in Houston it snow all around me and a hundred miles to the south, melted that day and not one snowflake in my part of town.  I guess I'll have to break down and take her to up to visit Howard and Girly in Detroit. 
She knows Filipinas all over the country and chats with them daily.  Never once mentioned one complaining about living in a cold/snowy area.

4) Don't have a clue.  If you haven't broke any laws I guess all it really does is add another procedure.


The Bear Family

[xcited]

Thanks for the advice Bear -- I have read some of your other posts and you always seem to have good insights and experience.  I like the idea of meeting someone through a filipino woman who is already in the States, but unfortunately I don't know any.

In the meantime I will keep my radar up for scammers while looking.

Thanks again!


xcited

[el capitan]

Nice Bear!  Very Nice!  Great Web Page as well, I appreciate the level of honesty you set forth in your writing.

Have a great weekend, and all the best to the Bear Family!