How come everyone gets married like a week after meeting the girl?

[TurboSS]

Ok so I was looking through alot of the old threads.  There are some really good and inspirational stories on there by the way.  Anyway,  it seems like everyone talks to the girl for like a year with email, phone whatever.  Then they go over there, hang out with her for a week or two and get engaged.  What is up with that?  Not criticising anyone but it just seems SO FAST.  To me it doesnt feel like you would get to know the person well enough to know if you could spend the rest of your life with them.  All I can think is that its severe infatuation. 

So I guess my question is why does this happen so much? Also, anyone who did that, is it still working out?  (disclaimer, I realize its expensive to travel overseas and you may not want to go multiple times)

I also read about some member named Howard and he did this and then things seemed to turn upside down once she got here and she went back home at least temporarily.  I never found the conclusion to that story though and I was curious as to what happened.  It was like 6 years ago.

[william3rd]

Once you have spent a year in communications, there is a certain predestination about the whole thing. You have talked about lots of things. You just havent touched each other yet. Words are the windows to the soul.

However, I spent 8 months emailing/telephoning with a girl in Kazakhstan. After 2 weeks together, we found out a few things that we didnt like and broke up. SO, there are still failures.

Spending a couple of weeks after lengthy communications is usually enough time to make a decision if you want to spend your life with a person.

Beware of short term communications/meetings and marriages- that is the key to disaster.

[Ray]

FYI, Howard ended up getting an annulment. He then met another lovely Filipina from Davao and is now happily married. If you ask him, he would probably tell you that if he hadn’t gone through that painful learning experience, he wouldn’t be where he is today. But I’ll let Howard tell you himself… 

Writing, texting, chatting, e-mailing, phoning regularly for a long period of time can tell you “almost” all you need to know about someone. Good communications and open honesty is key. After you get there and catch her scent, it’s often all over and you’re hooked.

Many of those seemingly quick engagement/marriages have been among the most successful. There is no right or wrong way to do this. In any case, marriage is always a gamble and whatever you can do to increase your odds is what you should be looking for.

Ray

[Bear]

Fast - not mine?  We communicated 3 to 6 hours a day for eight months before I went to meet her.   I think it was probably the most significant difference of the experience between the courting of my first wife and Honey.  Around 3 AM my computer would say "Honey's online!" and we would chat till I left for work, then when I got off work I'd call her to wake her up, do my household chores and then logon and chat with her till she had some function where I'd got to sleep until I heard my computer say "Honey's online!".  Then we'd start all over.  It was 8 months of some pretty intensive communicating.

We asked more questions and learned more about each other than we ever would have in a face-to-face, touching relationship.  Touching tends to bring up other aspects of a relationship that usually would not be a problem in either regard but when your doing all that touching you forget to communicate your wants, needs, desires, etc. or find out if her wants needs, desire, etc. conflict with yours.  Not to say the physical part isn't hoped the end result but don't you want it to be with someone who has your best interests at heart?  And how are you gonna know if you don't communicate and how do you do that if you can't get pasted the touching part like most American relationships.

If you have met the right girl or at least have narrowed it down to 2-3 you can go visit, and you have been chatting, calling, emailing for a long period of time, then why would it take more than a week?  You already know many times more about each other than an American style dating relationship.  The meeting is pretty much to confirm if it was all a lie and if there is some real physical attraction.

Bonus!  I kept a file of the chats to give her as a history of our dating relationship which twice now has gotten me out of a bind. I pointed what we had discussed was not what was occurring.  Seems sometimes we forget  .  When I gave it to her (900 pages) it was so romantic, how she hates it that I can prove she "changed".  (Hope it doesn't back fire on me some day!)  The old cliche' that women marry men thinking they can change them and men marry women thinking they won't change is true.  Neither get what they expect but at least I can say, "You said it here?".

8 Months of communicating, marriage and 11 more months of communicating and waiting for her to get here - nah that ain't fast.

BTW, marrying her there was also the best choice too.  Most guys bring Filipinas here on the faster Fiance Visa and have a cheep ceremony with the guys family that probably cost more that the wedding would if it happened there.  And the girl who has has dreamed for years of her marriage didn't get that "closure" in front of her family and friends that would occur if the wedding had occurred there.

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

Not mine either. That was pre-internet, but we spent nearly thirteen weeks together over four trips in a span of almost three years. She here twice and me there twice.

Howard  pops in on occasion to update everyone. http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=663.0

- Jeff

[TurboSS]

ok, thanks for clearing that up guys.  That makes more sense to me. I am curious because I am considering this route in the future.  Right now though i am in school getting my mba so it will be some years before i am financially able to do anything.    I am just doing some research now.

I have dated plenty of western women and I am sick of the same old crap from them.  I went to China to visit my friend last march and the girls were so different.  They were hot but they were also down to earth, more conservative and so much more feminine.

I am still working on the chinese girl that i posted about that lives here btw.  Things are actually looking better.  she is letting me touch her more and she actually kissed my cheek the other day when i dropped her off at home *gasp* haha.