hello all

[Joshua83]

Hello all, my name is Josh, and I was on here a few years under the user name USA21 or something (I can't remember exactly as that was way back in 2004 sometime).  But I wanted that I currently have an online correspondence with a nice filipina.  She seems like a good person, though at times I have doubts about her intetions.  I just need some help/advice from you guys if possible.  Thank you and God bless.

[Jeff S]

Hi Joshua and welcome back. Looking forward to seeing you around.

- Jeff

[Joshua83]

When I was last here, planet-love had the slogan, Mail-Order Bride Guide though now it is of course just Foreign Bride Guide.  But my sitauation, I feel this filipina I am currently corresponding for the past 2 weeks now with is genuine and sincere, but I do have my doubts though at times.  I just am praying you guys here, (and ladies of course, for I assume you have some of the ladies posting here as well) could help me and give me some advice.

[Joshua83]

I read the Avoiding Scams portion of this site, where it says this

She's "in love" with you after only a few letters/emails
Until you've met in person and spent time together, any claims of love should be suspect. Even if she seems genuine about it, you should seriously consider moving on to a more rational, level-headed person who wants to take the time to get to know someone REALLY well before making ANY type of commitment.

and it's part of this site that has just given more fuel to my doubts considering what has been said between her and I for the past couple weeks now

[Bear]

Hi Josh,

I agree that saying "I love you" so quickly is a red flag but look at it from their point of view which is one of hardship and poverty.  Don't run from the connection but let her know you find it suspicious and if money comes into the discussion the you found a user.  If she thinks you are suspicious she might delay asking for money but she will if its a scam.

Ask lots of questions to ease your concerns.  If she legit and is wanting a successful relationship then she will willingly respond to most question.

The Bear Family

[Joshua83]

I just feel as though I am rushed into this.  Which I know can cause problems in a relationship later on down the road.  Within just a few days of the relationship, she was already talking to me about marriage and being mine forever, and all that stuff.  Those are nice ideas when you actually taken the time to get know someday better, over a period of a months at the very least.  I'm sure many of you have the the love story of Jeffery Lee Hollis and his beloved bride Emelda.  I would rather take the time to get to know some one as they did with each other.  But with this, I feel the need to stop, and catch my breath.  Like I said, I feel like I am being rushed into this and I don't know what to do.

[Ray]

I feel like I am being rushed into this and I don't know what to do.

Hi Josh, welcome aboard.

Never let yourself be rushed into something.

Talking marriage and love after a couple of days? 

Run away fast and don't look back!

Ray

[Joshua83]

Thank you all for your advice and help.  God bless you all...

[Joshua83]

I confess that I do not have much experience (very little in fact) with foreign women, particularly Asians.  So that may also play role in these feelings of doubt I am having.  The town I live in, doesn't exactly have it's own Chinatown or anything.  You know, we don't really have a very large asian population here in Elkhart.  In fact I had no idea there was even some Japanese living up until a year or 2 ago, and I've lived here my whole life. 

[Joshua83]

I also know that just like with any woman in this world, there are those that are legit, who are sincere and honest.  Even though we have out doubts at times, those doubts can be wrong.  As a Christian, I believe that you know will know by there fruits.  I had made a mistake in my doubting my filipina gf.  And I have just got done talking with her.  And she does realize that it can take several months at a time some cases with these international sort of romances.  She understands that.  I;m glad that she has forgiven me of my mistake.  Her name is Ginalyn, or Gina for short, by the way.  That feeling of being rushed into things, was probably me overreacting a bit.  But that is now behind me.  I am currently looking for some good employment, so that I may be able to be with her.  Her and I have discussed possibly if and when we were to get married that it would be here in the states.  Of course that is if and when.   I mean you pray that it ends up that way.  I just hope I can make some friendships here with people, getting advice from you guys and maybe even at times giving others on these forums advice myself. 

[Ray]

Joshua,

WAKE UP!

Excuse me for being blunt, but you are living in a fantasy land if you guys are discussing marriage and love after 2 weeks on the Internet. Even referring to her as your “girlfriend” sounds very strange. You were not overreacting when you felt rushed or pressured. Your gut reaction was right on.

How did you meet this girl and how old is she? Did you meet in an online chat room?

[Joshua83]

she is 24, about 5 months older than me.  It was the site, FilipinoKisses.com where we met. 

[Bear]

Josh!  Dude relax.  No one is gonna make you make a commitment or rush into marriage.  Even if that occurred how would they make you fly there and do all the paper work?  You are in complete control so chill.  Letting someone know you care and your interested is not a marriage commitment.  Slow it down to your pace and ASK LOTS of QUESTIONS.  Ask the same ones in different points-of-view.  Try hard to trip her up and if she asks if your doing it tell her the truth.  Do what ever it takes to assure both you and her this is what y'all want.

I can tell you right now, unless she's a user she can and most likely will marry the first person who comes along and do her best to make it work.  Filipinos do not use the logic we use because their experiences are are different.  They'll marry and old, bald, fat fart like me and be thrilled for life because they never thought marrying an AM was possible.  You have to decide is this what you want.  Mark my words, marriage is marriage, once her name is the same as yours she'll most likely be no different than 99% of the other women in the world.  You can only hope her upbringing is close to what you need/want in a wife.  Best way to find that out is to ask every question you can until you feel confident.

Remember you are prize here but you want her to think its her. AM's are considered to be the best husbands in the world and a chance to marry one and live in America is a dream to them.  Saying she loves you considering the situation there and the chance of a prize like you would encourage such a statement from her.  But convincing you she is compatible with you and not a user is the process.  You of course have to prove to her that she's not gonna have to give up her whole world to marry into a nightmare.  BTW, being willing to do that is a sign of immaturity.

Look for more to correspond with.  One isn't enough until you are sure.  But don't run her off either.  Personally I'd ask her how she can love anyone she couldn't possibly know enough about in such a sort time - She'd have to assure/convince me of that.  Age wise I think she's a touch old (use 1/2 your age plus 5 and mature enough to marry - which means when you find one at that age calculation that is mature enough for marriage and you're compatible with you, get married).  Even if it 10-20 years from now.

The Bear Family

[Joshua83]

Hey I have to come clean here on something though.  I have some medical conditions such as Tourette's, Bipolar, and Asperger's to name a few.  And this individual filipina I am currently corresponding with via yahoo messenger - and by the way, I have noticed the past 3 years or so how many filipinas have a yahoo account, incredible - she has mentioned to me a couple of times how alot of her fellow filipinas really like us AM's.  I mean I don't think I'm the most handsome guy on earth, but I don't worry about that.  And this girl, Gina, like you said Bear, wants to think it's her. 

[fathertime]

    Age wise I think she's a touch old (use 1/2 your age plus 5 and mature enough to marry - which means when you find one at that age calculation that is mature enough for marriage and you're compatible with you, get married).  Even if it 10-20 years from now.

The Bear Family

Hey there big bear,  I don't ever remember speaking to you before, but I find it rather odd that you would say this girl is too old for him.  She is only 24, the same as he is. That alone seems like a great match to me, at least agewise.  Keep in mind, Josh says he has Asperger syndrome.  People with Asperger's often like to interact with people older than themselves and may easily lose patience with someone young and immature. 

Fathertime!

[Joshua83]

I have always felt like I was at least 10 years older than what I actually am.  Throughout this year I've felt as though I was a 35 year old in a 23 year old body.  I don't know why I always tend to feel older than I am.

[fathertime]

I have always felt like I was at least 10 years older than what I actually am.  Throughout this year I've felt as though I was a 35 year old in a 23 year old body.  I don't know why I always tend to feel older than I am.

Don't worry about it buddy!  The fact is you are a youngster.  Keep talking to your girl online, but if you are feeling uncomfortable, just tell her that she is moving too fast for you. 

At this stage you really need some employment and the means to visit a woman.  If that is the case, you may need to think in terms of a year or 2 at a minimum before becoming marriage material yourself. 

Overall, take your time!  You have much more time than the rest of us, so use at least some of it.  

Good luck,
Fathertime!

[Ray]

Joshua,

Like fathertime, I disagree with what Bear is telling you about age.

24 is NOT too old for you. In fact it sounds just about right.

[Joshua83]

I'm 23 now, I'll 24 in 2 months from now, in December.  Her birthday is as I stated earlier 5 months before that. 

[Bear]

Fathertime,
I meant that girls tend to mature quicker than boys so using that formula should put the average guy with a girl at his maturity level.  In reality its always gonna be up to the individuals.

Joshua,
You said she "wants to think it's her".  Thats not what I said.  I said you are the prize but you should make her think its her.  Once you are married (should it progress that far) or with anyone else for that matter, she should feel like she's the most important thing in your life. But at this point, in this relationship, she has the most to gain by what you what you can offer.  Still someone with all those medical conditions shouldn't marry unless they can guaranty they won't hurt the other party (or themselves).

[Joshua83]

Bear,
I understand what you're saying.  I misunderstood what you said and I apologize for that.