Questions about cutural behavior

[Justkeepthatinmind]

  Can you imagine being treated like this for the next 50 years of your life?  You'd be better off throwing yourself under a bus.

Very true,its pretty unacceptable in my book.I would not let anyone treat me like this.After the reasoning you gave,I dont think you deserved the treatment in the least.

[piglett]

I have found that i am getting better & better at selecting a foreign lady.
It is also easier for me to pick out the ones that are not rite for me.
so the good news is your next girl will probably be better than this one.
& i agree 100% with bob_s throwing yourself under a bus would be a hell of an upgrade to
spending the next 50 years with this emotional wreck of a girl.

piglett



 

[Heruamen]

  Thanks for the reply guys. I had a difficult decision to make because despite the way she acted i think she was being sincere in her intentions.  Lang Lang when you mentioned about me coming in Mid may, It was more like April for 3 weeks then I planned to come during the summer for 3 months.  She was the one that suggested I wait because i told her my daughters birthday was may 5th and her graduation from middle school was may 18.  So she convinced me to just come in the summer and not make the two trips.  She is not always moody, it just when she gets mad its like she turns into a typhoon, like she is  another person.   
   I broke up with her yesterday after i did she wanted to talk.  She said that she was wrong and she felt like since i cared so much for her she didn't think I would leave her if she acted up.  Then she said that i spoiled her and that is why she acted like that.
     She refuses to accept that we are not together anymore though.  She is a good person at heart, but i see the handwriting on the wall of what the future would be like for her.  Don't get me wrong every relationship has its arguments and problems but I just think she has special issues though

[Stagga]

  Thanks for the reply guys. I had a difficult decision to make because despite the way she acted i think she was being sincere in her intentions.  Lang Lang when you mentioned about me coming in Mid may, It was more like April for 3 weeks then I planned to come during the summer for 3 months.  She was the one that suggested I wait because i told her my daughters birthday was may 5th and her graduation from middle school was may 18.  So she convinced me to just come in the summer and not make the two trips.  She is not always moody, it just when she gets mad its like she turns into a typhoon, like she is  another person.   
   I broke up with her yesterday after i did she wanted to talk.  She said that she was wrong and she felt like since i cared so much for her she didn't think I would leave her if she acted up.  Then she said that i spoiled her and that is why she acted like that.
     She refuses to accept that we are not together anymore though.  She is a good person at heart, but i see the handwriting on the wall of what the future would be like for her.  Don't get me wrong every relationship has its arguments and problems but I just think she has special issues though

Okay i got yah..! 

that's ok you broke up with her, so she will realize what she did wrong.
hope everything getting better. if you think she would never change.
find someone new..  less drama!

You deserve to be happy and you have the power within to make it that way.

Lang Lang 

[Bob_S]

She said that she was wrong and she felt like since i cared so much for her she didn't think I would leave her if she acted up.  Then she said that i spoiled her and that is why she acted like that.
...She is a good person at heart, ...I just think she has special issues though

Dude, good person?  Seriously?  When a person treats you with a modicum of kindness or respect, what is your natural response?  Doesn't the average person respond in kind?  When someone treats you nice, don't you act nice to them?  And if they have a history of treating you with courtesy, even if you have some small disagreement or misunderstanding, don't you cut them a bit of slack?  Hear them out?  I would think that that's the bare minimum qualifications for what constitutes a good person.  But what is her rationale?  If you treat her with kindness, her natural response is to treat you like crap and take advantage of you.  That is not a good person.  That is the very definition of a sociopath, most likely with serious mental, emotional, and maturity issues.

it just when she gets mad its like she turns into a typhoon, like she is  another person.

How a person acts under stress (or drunk) is how they truly are deep down.  You saw her true face.  You (and especially your children!) really dodged a bullet.  Adjust the targeting sensors on your picker for the next one; you deserve better. (I don't like to use the word "deserve" because I feel we each deserve what we choose, but still...)

[Ray]

Good points Bob!

Heruamen, I hope you aren't feeling guilty about this breakup, because you shouldn't be. It sounds like you handled it like a true gentleman.

The best way to move on is to cut all contact and don't look back.

I wish you luck...

Ray

[Heruamen]

thanks for the replies guys and gal(Lang Lang)  Bob s your statement about under stress and showing their true face was very insightful.   I didn't think about that. you just help eradicate the last tiny bit of guilt I was feeling. Thank guy!    Right now I am having a ball on cherry blossoms and getting zero sleep hehehehhehehe

[Stagga]

Thank guy!    Right now I am having a ball on cherry blossoms and getting zero sleep hehehehhehehe

Hey Heruamen

You're Welcome!!

Have Fun with Cherry Blossoms. bring home the nice and reddish one 
  No Sleep...    Worth it..  The End ur Happy Man!!

Good Luck!!

Lang

[Dave H]

Hey Heruamen,

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes (usually) a tampo is caused by a silly misunderstanding due to our expressions or our different use of words. Filipinas speak English by the dictionary. But it really doesn't matter...a tampo is still a tampo. Fortunately my wife doesn't tampo!!! I would definitely slow this one down and keep looking.

Good luck,

Dave

[piglett]

I think i understand what your saying Dave.
I ran into a little tampo my self last night.
Sort of surprised me since my girl had never done that to me before.
i was chatting with her on yahoo & the next thing i knew she was gone.
i decided tonight was a good time to do a wipe & reload to my system,
it had been giving me problems in the last couple of weeks, but not know.
I guess I'll chat with her in a couple of days.
i didn't want to act like everything was fine so i made sure that i couldn't be online at the time i normally chat with her.
i also didn't want to in any way reward bad behavior & act like nothing happened.

piglett

[Dave H]

I think i understand what your saying Dave.
I ran into a little tampo my self last night.
Sort of surprised me since my girl had never done that to me before.
i was chatting with her on yahoo & the next thing i knew she was gone.


piglett

Hi Piglett,

It may not be tampo. This is the third world. My DSL connection goes down all the time here. It happens every time the phone rings, there is a power brown out, and for no apparent reason at all. Sometimes I can't get back online for hours and even days. I was recently off line for about a month. The Internet cafes were ALL packed with kids playing computer games. Now that summer is over and most kids returned to school on June 1, it is much easier to get a seat.

Dave

[piglett]

i had this thought at first too but she sent me an email saying she was sorry.
but i don;t know what i said to pi ss her off

[Bear]

but i don;t know what i said to pi ss her off

And probably never will unless you play the game.  Honey never tampo'd with me till she was here in the states.  I had no idea it existed.  At first I'd let her do her thing until I noticed she was dragging it out to weeks?  Refused to answer any questions so I'd understand.  So I decided that the only way to deal with it is to take charge and literally get in her face until she did.  I'd hold her hand so she'd know I was mad and assure her nothing had changed but no one was doing anything till we discussed this.  In 9 years only 3 tampos have been "my fault" all the others were language/culture misunderstandings or PMS and actually two of the others were simple "I forgot" and a small reminder would have had me apologizing all over the place.  Only one was disagreement that "I" finally gave in on and probably would have without all the drama.

Tampo to me is a rude and childish thing that doesn't belong in marriage and so stupid and ill conceived.  There is no reason in the world I can think of that I'd ever want to see her unhappy.  A few small words in a discussion would have me changing direction happily.  The tampo puts me in such a bad mood that for days I hurt afterwards.

I'd say if she tampoing - don't tolerate it.  Serious discussions about this topic are important.  Let her know its not the way a happy marriage works and if she thinks she has the right to "punish" you when she doesn't get her way does she expect the same from you?  Does she want a marriage of conflict or love?

The Bear Family

[piglett]

Bear
so you think i should get to the bottom of the problem?
i thought of this but i didn't want to open up a can of worms so to speek
i was just going to say"whatever" & move on.

piglett

[Bear]

Always.  You can ignore it and watch it happen again and again or you can never allow it to go unattended and always make it as uncomfortable for them and they are making it for you. 

It's a childish, cruel way to act for a "mature" person.

The Bear Family

[piglett]

looks like i should explain to her that i will NOT tolerate this behavior from her.
As old Barney Fife would say "nip it in the but"
if i don't lay out the ground rules now then it's my own dam fault if this becomes a problem in the future.
i have seen this time & time again with AM & AW
a seemingly small thing is not addressed & it turns into a large problem later on in the relationship.

piglett