Changing habits or giving up hobbies/activities

[william3rd]

I guess boating was a lot less important than I was led to believe

[bcc_1_2]

Coming in late but first... Woody, what happened to your girl in BAQ?

Second, JM I wouldn't make any rash decisions or changes until she got here and you both tied the knot. All she has to go on is her experiences. Those views will adjust as she adjusts to living in your area of the USA.

Women and boats... better have a cuddy/cruiser with a bathroom on board for anything other than a quick bounce around a small lake. That means something 25-29 feet with a restroom, sink, and maybe even a shower. I'm just going to tell you flat out finding a woman into some long sailing trip is going to be tough. Maybe an evening cruise or a weekend though.

I'd actually be in favor of selling the old boat to get a newer cruiser (go in with the parents) that has the features your mom and future wife would like. And this is coming from a guy who loves boating.

Due to weather (rain/flooding) I didn't get out a whole lot last summer. To broad stroke it... when you get married things change.

The partying, drinking, party girls in bikinis on your jet boat, watching a [snip] ton of sports... that all gets toned down.

If you find someone attractive, not a money waster, someone that thinks for herself and doesn't follow the crowd then some compromise is ok.

Guys getting married and eventually having kids make changes and that is ok... normal even. It doesn't mean you are pussy whipped or anything like that. Hell I could drink, bang random girls, and do whatever I want... but I decided to grow up.

[Woody]

Coming in late but first... Woody, what happened to your girl in BAQ?

Lets just say that the emotional co-dependency and daddy issues(I don't know if there was any physical trauma, but certainly emotional) only really came out in the last week or so of my trip.

[jm21-2]

Coming in late but first... Woody, what happened to your girl in BAQ?

Second, JM I wouldn't make any rash decisions or changes until she got here and you both tied the knot. All she has to go on is her experiences. Those views will adjust as she adjusts to living in your area of the USA.

Women and boats... better have a cuddy/cruiser with a bathroom on board for anything other than a quick bounce around a small lake. That means something 25-29 feet with a restroom, sink, and maybe even a shower. I'm just going to tell you flat out finding a woman into some long sailing trip is going to be tough. Maybe an evening cruise or a weekend though.

I'd actually be in favor of selling the old boat to get a newer cruiser (go in with the parents) that has the features your mom and future wife would like. And this is coming from a guy who loves boating.

Due to weather (rain/flooding) I didn't get out a whole lot last summer. To broad stroke it... when you get married things change.

The partying, drinking, party girls in bikinis on your jet boat, watching a [snip] ton of sports... that all gets toned down.

If you find someone attractive, not a money waster, someone that thinks for herself and doesn't follow the crowd then some compromise is ok.

Guys getting married and eventually having kids make changes and that is ok... normal even. It doesn't mean you are pussy whipped or anything like that. Hell I could drink, bang random girls, and do whatever I want... but I decided to grow up.

Good to hear from you BCC.

I'm thinking that I'll somehow be unable to sell the boat until she's been here a while at the very least. And I may end up receiving a lot of free moorage certificates from my family for my birthday and Christmas....

The more I look into trailerable boats the more problems I see. My current boat is very spacious for an old 27'er and an ideal boat to get someone interested in boating on. But if she refuses to go on it because of the moorage costs...

I think a 24-26' cabin cruiser with two large berths a shower would be great, but if she thinks moorage costs are bad wait 'til she sees me fill up that 100 gallon fuel tank...and get that awe-inspiring 2mpg.

Life is never easy.

[Dave H]

If she was into clothes and jewelry, or any other expensive habit, I would already be gone. As it is, she's lived in first world countries and was never tempted at all to become materialistic. That's why I'm willing to consider cutting back my own expenses.

Hey jm,

I did the same thing as you with my Latina first wife. I actually gave up all of my interests...except for my work. Unfortunately, for me the money "saved" went into thousands upon thousands and thousands of dollars for her new hobbies. (show dogs and show horses, expensive clothes, her new car every year, etc.) I never saw it coming since she came from a very frugal family. So I have BTDT myself in the past. Fortunately, I learned from my mistakes and am remarried a woman who is 180 degrees in the opposite as my first. Your lady seems like the opposite of my first, so hopefully it will alll work out for you. Just don't lose touch of who you are and what you like, like I did! It took me several years after my divorce to "remember" who I was. Now I live as "me" every day and intend to do so for the rest of my life!

Dave

[ignorante]

Lets just say that the emotional co-dependency and daddy issues(I don't know if there was any physical trauma, but certainly emotional) only really came out in the last week or so of my trip.

  Who's your Daddy, who's your Daddy?

[Ray]

Listen to yourself jm!

If you have to justify every single expenditure in your life, while your wife insists on pinching every single penny in order to avert some imaginary future disaster, I see big problems in your future, as in continual friction over financial issues.

My advice… Encourage her to get a job, anything for starters, once she is here. Pool all of your incomes into one family budget plan, and allow a reasonable monthly amount for each partner to spend as he or she wishes with no questions asked.

If she wants to buy a $500 designer handbag, or save every penny of her discretionary allowance in case the sky falls some day, good for her.

If you want to spend your allowance on your passion of sailing, tickets to sporting events, or anything else (legal) that trips your trigger, go for it.

For other “large” purchases outside of family necessities, consult with each other first so there is no tension.

Set up a family savings account to be used for vacations together, separate trips home for her, unexpected repairs, family emergencies, etc. Any additional income over and above previously accounted for expenses can be saved here.

If you think you will be happy attempting to justify every personal expenditure to your spouse from now on, then you can simply ignore this advice.   

Ray

[piglett]

Listen to yourself jm!

If you have to justify every single expenditure in your life, while your wife insists on pinching every single penny in order to avert some imaginary future disaster, I see big problems in your future, as in continual friction over financial issues.

My advice… Encourage her to get a job, anything for starters, once she is here. Pool all of your incomes into one family budget plan, and allow a reasonable monthly amount for each partner to spend as he or she wishes with no questions asked.

If she wants to buy a $500 designer handbag, or save every penny of her discretionary allowance in case the sky falls some day, good for her.

If you want to spend your allowance on your passion of sailing, tickets to sporting events, or anything else (legal) that trips your trigger, go for it.

For other “large” purchases outside of family necessities, consult with each other first so there is no tension.

Set up a family savings account to be used for vacations together, separate trips home for her, unexpected repairs, family emergencies, etc. Any additional income over and above previously accounted for expenses can be saved here.

If you think you will be happy attempting to justify every personal expenditure to your spouse from now on, then you can simply ignore this advice.   
Ray

VERY WELL SAID RAY

[CeeTeeEnn]

I agree with you Ray, save for one thing - instead of "encouraging" her to get a job, i would insist she finds a job and holds it down.
This may go against the principles of many P-L members, but there we are.

[bcc_1_2]

I think a 24-26' cabin cruiser with two large berths a shower would be great, but if she thinks moorage costs are bad wait 'til she sees me fill up that 100 gallon fuel tank...and get that awe-inspiring 2mpg.

Life is never easy.

Yea the I/Os with a 350 mag will suck gas. You might look at a cuddy with a single outboard for better mileage. From what I read you could go in on it with your parents and keep it at their place. Partly my point was about the age of your boat. I've had fun old stuff too and it just breaks too much... even if you aren't fixing it you end up spending a lot of time getting it fixed. Spending your time that way can make your hobby not so much fun for the chick you're with.

Come to think of it we are living in a townhome where dues are paid to take care of everything outside and its all pretty new so nothing really breaks inside. I buy new cars everytime now and even bargain for an extended warranty (still a rip off)... but my point is if we were living in an old home and I was still driving my K5 monster truck and towing around an old fast jet boat... things would not be as fun for her as the new townhome, new cars, runabout in a slip, etc.

Women and stuff that breaks often is a recipe for disaster IMO. BTW, the Blazer i had was rust free and very cool. I bought it from a married guy who was having his first kid with his wife.

Oh... and sorry to hear it Woody.

[Woody]

Oh... and sorry to hear it Woody.

I'm not! Better to put two months down the drain than a lifetime of hurt.

Besides, it seems to be working out so far. The current prospect is a little older (~17months younger than me) but the level of education, world view, knowledge, opinions, etc is so much higher. We'll see how things work out. I'm going to the Philippines for the month of May.

For those wondering: Over $10,000 spent on international dating in 2010. This year isn't looking much better and may end up being more. *shrug* Completely worth it.

[Ray]

Hey Woody,

I hope you realize that May is one of the hottest months of the year in the Philippines, so don’t be discouraged by the heat & humidity. The advantage of going during their summer is that you avoid most of the typhoons, which usually start a little later in June or July.

What part of the PI are you visiting?

Are you bringing a ring with you? 

Ray

[Woody]

Hey Woody,

I hope you realize that May is one of the hottest months of the year in the Philippines, so don’t be discouraged by the heat & humidity. The advantage of going during their summer is that you avoid most of the typhoons, which usually start a little later in June or July.

What part of the PI are you visiting?

Are you bringing a ring with you? 

Ray

No, didn't realize that. Oh well, I'll manage.

Cebu City is my main destination. Probably some time on Apo Island, maybe hit Moalboal as well. I'm just starting in on my geography/sightseeing research. Maybe Banaue or Puerto Princesa Subterranean Park will make the list too.

No, no ring.

[Ray]

Enjoy your trip Woody! I wish I were going with you.

If you're looking for something to do in Cebu, try the Basilica De Santo Nino, Magelan's Cross, the Carbon Market (Pew!), the Taoist Temple, and the Seafood City Restaurant in Lahug.

To cool off, there's the SM or Ayala Malls.

Also, check out Camuigan Island, a little to the South.

Ray

[thekfc]

Woody if you have time take a side trip to Bohol & see the Chocolates Hills & the Tarsiers. It was hot when we went to see the Chocolate Hills in July - my wife who is used to the heat did complain.

[jm21-2]

Listen to yourself jm!

If you have to justify every single expenditure in your life, while your wife insists on pinching every single penny in order to avert some imaginary future disaster, I see big problems in your future, as in continual friction over financial issues.

My advice… Encourage her to get a job, anything for starters, once she is here. Pool all of your incomes into one family budget plan, and allow a reasonable monthly amount for each partner to spend as he or she wishes with no questions asked.

If she wants to buy a $500 designer handbag, or save every penny of her discretionary allowance in case the sky falls some day, good for her.

If you want to spend your allowance on your passion of sailing, tickets to sporting events, or anything else (legal) that trips your trigger, go for it.

For other “large” purchases outside of family necessities, consult with each other first so there is no tension.

Set up a family savings account to be used for vacations together, separate trips home for her, unexpected repairs, family emergencies, etc. Any additional income over and above previously accounted for expenses can be saved here.

If you think you will be happy attempting to justify every personal expenditure to your spouse from now on, then you can simply ignore this advice.   

Ray

This would be fine except as previously mentioned she would want to use her money to travel around. Probably take 1-2 months and take off by herself. Not sure I really like that idea. But maybe after a few years of marriage it will sound better and better.


BCC,

You have a point about old stuff breaking. Luckily my boat is pretty low tech and not too expensive to fix usually...err..compared to other boats.

Been spending too much on traveling so wouldn't be able to afford new cars and boats without a loan and don't really want to do that...

Main thing that bothers me is she won't even give it a try. But that may be partially my fault because I pushed her too much about it.

Woody,

Hope you have some good luck in Asia. It's an expensive route but fun to see a lot of different countries.

[bcc_1_2]

You have a point about old stuff breaking. Luckily my boat is pretty low tech and not too expensive to fix usually...err..compared to other boats.

Been spending too much on traveling so wouldn't be able to afford new cars and boats without a loan and don't really want to do that...

Main thing that bothers me is she won't even give it a try. But that may be partially my fault because I pushed her too much about it.

Just my 2 cents... stay away from stuff that needs worked on a lot. That can include houses, boats, cars, whatever. Most women aren't going to be into spending a bunch of time on an old sailboat.

Well there are cheap new cars and expensive new cars... not trying to show off... just emphasizing that its probably been good that I haven't spent a lot of time or money on fixing up a house, boat, etc.

If it was me I'd go ahead and keep the boat until you get hitched. If she doesn't like it take her to a boat dealership and test drive a powerboat. As long as she'll let you get a runabout or cuddy a few years down (with your parents or whatever) I wouldn't make a big deal out of it... just sell your old boat.

I mean seriously its not like I could take any kids out on my old jet boat. Part of getting married man... it means eventually you are going to have kids with her. Trust me she'll be compromising too. Just wait til she wants kids and you gotta talk her into puting it off.

[jm21-2]

Eh, she's not really that concerned with having kids. Guess that could change pretty fast though.

A 20ish foot boat with a cuddy still gets horrible mileage. I'd be tempted to get something like a center console or a big RIB and just go camping on the islands.

Hm. I have a hard bottom 8' RIB with a trailer and newish 9.9hp. Maybe sell that to add to the boat fund. Kind of forgot about it since it's at my parent's house right now....

My brother would probably pitch in for a small powerboat too...he's in OR but would like to come up here 1-2 weeks in the summer for boating...

[bcc_1_2]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/2005-Sea-Fox-230-WAC-225-HP-Mercury-4-Stroke-We-Export-/360339977320?pt=Power_Motorboats&hash=item53e5efb468

You could get a cuddy with a Verado 200 HP 4 cylinder outboard on the back. That'd be great mileage for any 21-23 ft powerboat.

If we weren't buying real estate in Honduras... this would be mine
http://www.checkmatepowerboats.net/Checkmate-Power-Boats-ZT-244.html

Anyways save the battles for something bigger. You'll be surprised how fast the topic of kids comes up. She wanted... 3 kids and we start having them now. She got... 1 kid and we wait til i'm 30.

[Dave H]

Great advice Ray! It would work for me...accept I can't get my wife to spend any money on herself! 

Dave

[Jeff S]

You guys with your plastic boats. Here's what you need.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohXLgytcFtw

[Dave H]

You could save a lot of money by buying one of Jeff's boat plans and building it yourself! You could save even more money by building it out of recycled 2 liter plastic bottles....but you are going to have to drink a lot of soft drinks! Better make it diet so the dental bills don't eat you alive!   Sorry Jeff, I guess it would be another plastic boat.  

Dave





Here is a Chinese design of a pleasure boat.   I think Filipinos would hop aboard since it comes with a basketball stabilizer. 

[Dave H]

You guys with your plastic boats. Here's what you need.....

Hey Jeff,

Sweet! I didn't know that you didn't need a trailer and could drive it home. 

Dave

[Bob_S]

You guys with your plastic boats. Here's what you need.....

Well, shoot, he lives up near Seattle.  He oughtta see how much it is to buy one of those ducks!