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Author Topic: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt pt2)  (Read 19979 times)
The Mog
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« on: October 26, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
Hello my friends, sorry my second installment has taken so long..
Three trips to asia have send me into financial destruction, though the memories will remain priceless to me forever.
This trip especially, I have learned more about the Philippine people, and about myself, and what the differences between what I thought I wanted, and what I need, in a lifelong relationship.
I thought that once I was engaged, I would jumping in the air, and happiness would be overwhelming me.
but I feel none of these things. After spending three weeks with my beautiful young girlfriend, I came to the realization that I need and want more in a marriage than a girl whose days will consist of watching MTV videos, looking at herself in the mirror, and eating. Even though her English is quite good, she finds the constant hassle of translating to be tiresome I guess, and is content to stay quiet most of the time. I felt like a guy with a young child, responsible for feeding and clothing and shelter, yet unable to communicate or find the support or conversation, or excitement or fun that I thought I would be guaranteed me. I realize the girls must think Im shallow, and the guys think Im crazy, but I really just plain dont like her. And I am engaged to her. A girl most guys would die for. But looks and body dont seem as important to me as they once did. I feel like I have gained ten years of self-knowledge in a single three week trip...I envy those of you who have found someone that you truly have feelings for.
My feelings for her are as a friend only. And I cant bear to think of the day that I must tell her my true feelings. Did any of you guys have any apprehensions or can anyone relate to what Im going through? I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was bored stiff with her. When I first arrived I spent some time with a few of my other (gro) girlfriends, and though they seem a little more bohemian and wordly, there was not that magic feeling with them either. On the contrary, one was even more immature and childish. Which is what I thought I always felt comfortable with, I wouldnt say Im intimated by strong, outspoken women, I just dont like them.
Id like someone like my friend has. Someone who is smart, respectful of men, interesting and yet strong and has opinions, yet has an open mind and doesnt shoot down other people. Its all in the delivery. sorry for the rambling...to be contd..
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Don J
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« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

It seems that perhaps your parameters where a bit narrowed when you started your quest. How did you come to know this girl? What are your ages?.

To many times I read of how people find a young beauty from the RP by picking their picture from a Website or catalog, without considering compatibility. To many people fall in love with an image and think that they can mold that person into someone they are not. It is good that you have come to the realization that this girl is not compatible with your idea of a life partner and I hope that you find someone who does. My suggestion is to broaden your parameters to include inner beauty and not but as much emphasis on physical appearance and your goal may be easier met.

Communication is very important, however consider what may be going through the mind of your potential partner as you spend time together. It's a two way street, both parties will be making sacrifices in a marriage and hers will undoubtedly will be greater than yours.

Best of luck to you in your quest, don't let this situation discourage you.

Don J
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FilipinaCupid
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« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001


You have learned much from your trip and such realizations are not uncommon,,, just uncommon that people frank enough to share with others.  I have talked with many men & women that learned many insights during their 1st visit.  It is really hard to know many issues before you actually make 1st visit, and 1st personal romance is even more of a learning experience.

Letters and phone calls help tremendously but not same as face to face.  Others may find your "Quiet" friend very comforting & loving instead of boring.  For both man & woman it is matter of finding right match for you as individuals.

Blessings on your search for true love,

Jean

@^:^@
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cc
Guest
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

Dear Mog,

Few have the wisdom and introspection to realize and admit truths about themselves, even more so, if uncomfortable and not fitting societal norms. Do yourself and your fiancee a favour and put this relationship to an end. The sooner, the better it will be for both of you. Don't lie to her! tell, her, how you felt during your being with her, tell her how bored you felt and how little in common you had. She may take you for a jerk. She probably will cry. She will however get over it, and be able to find TRUE LOVE with a partner who is a better match than the two of you. Learn from those who found out too late and had to pay dearly for it. Meanwhile, enjoy your newfound "freedom" and GRO friends with (a little less, now I hope) guilt ;-)
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DonaVictorina
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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

To the MOg,

It sounds that you didn't know what you were looking for when you came to meet the girls...more so at communicating with them at the start.  It seems that you were so engrossed at having someone on the onset overlooking some things. You should have considered that these girls are not articulate with their english and if you cannot cope with this deficiency...then it was for you to have considered them as red flags.  COmmunication is a key to a good relationship...so it was bothers you that you have to translate everytime...then perhaps i would say there are deficiencies on both sides which have to be dealt with.
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Mars
Guest
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T..., posted by DonaVictorina on Oct 27, 2001

Deficiencies on both sides? I don't think so. At least Mog recognized his error in time. Even better yet, thanks to his quick mental stealth, he will be able to escape in one piece.
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Jay
Guest
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T..., posted by DonaVictorina on Oct 27, 2001

Hey Donia,

Mog said it bother's HER to have to tranlate everytime. I don't think they were speaking Tagalog. Maybe you should read these post's a second time before posting a reply.

His is one of the most honest and "need's to be considered" post's I have seen on this board, but as usaul, you must find some fault with the foriegner. If you are who I think you are, my question to you is, why did you even marry an American if you despise us so much? Or is it just men you don't care for? Or just the MOB thing, think these guy's are somehow using Filipina's?

Whatever it is, I think your hateful opinion's stink. They are worthless.

Jay
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The Mog
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« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T..., posted by DonaVictorina on Oct 27, 2001

Dona, perhaps you misunderstood me. The girl of which I speak, after 9 or so years of English in her school and college, is quite capable of communicating in English. I just think she finds it gives her a headache and therefore uses it sparingly, at best.... I am rather adept at understanding all but the most off-base attempts at the English language, with a great deal of patience and understanding too, I might add, as I have quite a few non-English speaking people that work for me. Along with gestures and body language I can usually understand almost anyone with even rudimentary English skills.
Its simply that after spending 3 weeks with her, I found her very dull and boring.
I would certainly hope that the Filipinas on the board do not feel a need to come to the defense of their countrywomen on this issue. We are speaking about one particular person, not the entire population of Philippine women here.  I am merely sharing my personal experiences with others, and trying to find out if anyone else has come across similar situations.
I have a very clear and distinct idea of the Filipina that I am looking for. And it is not her.
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Jimbo
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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

Mog,

Thank you for that very candid post!  Great honesty with a key point:  after all the wonderfully sincere letters, lovely photographs, heart-to-heart phone conversations, and long days together sharing dreams for the future... you may respect her, admire her, and desire her.  But if you don't find her an interesting person, she's probably not the right one for you.

Jim
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Minnesota guy
Guest
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

Thanks for the enlightening information. You sound like a really smart guy who has figured out a lot of stuff that many others have not. Sorry to hear it's been such a financial burden for you. I feel very fortunate to have met the woman of my dreams on my first trip. However, if I had met a woman like yours initially, I may of been in the same boat.
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The Mog
Guest
« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T..., posted by Minnesota guy on Oct 26, 2001

Minnesota Guy, I am a Minnesota guy also, I am in the Twin Citie's. Perhaps someday when I have finally found my love and brought her here we can meet up and go out on a double date.
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Minnesota guy
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« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinciyan..., posted by The Mog on Oct 27, 2001

Hey Mog,
   Sounds like fun to me. Meantime if your ever going to be down in the Winona area drop me an e-mail. I'd enjoy swapping stories with you.  Bill
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The Mog
Guest
« Reply #12 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: ...Of sampaguita and provinc..., posted by Minnesota guy on Oct 27, 2001

Minnesota Guy, I also met a guy on my second to last trip from Alexandria MN., he was on his way to Maganilla by Cebu to meet a girl a co-worker had fixed him up with. It did'nt work out with her and he met another girl there, I guess they hit it off pretty good, when he got back he started the 1-29, and in about 5 months she is already here! She just arrived a few weeks ago I guess, I'm going to call him today and see how she is adjusting and how things are working out. That would be cool if our girls had some fellow Filipinas to talk to so far from home! Stay in touch!
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Mr Kabalaka
Guest
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

Someone closer to your own age.  Mr Kabalaka
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shadow
Guest
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to ...Of sampaguita and provinciyanas(T.Rpt..., posted by The Mog on Oct 26, 2001

than later. Try to back out politely, that's the best you can do for her AND you. Anyone worth marrying is worth waiting for!  Wait at least until you are sure. I understand the maturity issue you refer to, and others too. Good luck, don't give up!  Larry.
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