A betrayal of trust

[Lori]

Thai wrote me a letter of confidence stating that he had lost 2000 usd of his bosses money. He begged me not to say a word to his family. They had just payed for his fathers funeral and also his oldest sisters surgery .
His letters went on to state that he had asked his friends to borrow  the money. He thought of selling his motor cycle, but how would he work? He is an english tutor, and also has a job as a salesman which he must travel by motorcycle and deliver goods.
He did not ask me for help, but I did offer. I would send him so much money a month and he would work for free for his boss, untill that amount was paid off.
He wrote back to me and said although he hated asking me for the money, that he was at his last wit and did not know what he would do to pay it back. I am highly distressed, to say the least.  I know he must be desparate to ask me for money. Remember, I tried to give him money while I was in Vietnam and he refused it.
I keep asking myself what will they do to him if he does not pay the money back that he lost?? Jail?? I don't know... So I felt I had no other choice.....
I went to his family with tears of betrayal in my eyes. Of course they called him right away and are working something out at this very minute to help him. They say that his boss knows he has family in America and is milking him for money. Saying that he is short money when he is not.
The one thing I wonder ...how will he ever trust me again?? I have not heard from him yet, but I am sure he must be very angry at me for going behind his back to his family.
Please, do not tell me he is trying to scam me...this simply is not the case.
I guess I just felt I needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening....Lori

[Dave H]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

Lori,

You did the right thing! Hang in there. It will all work out. Us men are a little sensitive when it comes to pride and self-reliance.

Dave H.

[Lori]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

First, thanks everyone for your support and advise. I know there were a few hints there that this might be a scam. But like I said, this just is not the case.
Thai's sister is going to help him. I had a meeting with them on sunday. I don't know about you guys, but this family sure likes to "beat around the bush". You know, "talk around the subject". finally, trying not to offend them, I said, "listen, I need to know everything, I need the truth".
The thing is, this is Thai's friend he works part time for. A long time school friend. The families know eachother.  Thai's family truely believes this family is milking him for money because they know he has "rich" relatives in America. Of course, I don't think Thai agrees with this.
I have asked him to quit this job. He has agreed to. He will contunue to do tutoring, and also start advanced english classes.
BTW-- he says he is not angry with me. But he does wish i would have discussed this with him before I went to the family. I agree. I flew off the handle. He still loves me, though, and that's all I care about.

[FilipinaCupid]

... in response to Re:Update, posted by Lori on Oct 9, 2001


Lori, ideally discussion comes before action.  But in this "type" of circumstance, I believe your action 1st was best.  Probably, Thai would have been stuck between needing to agree to help, and desperately wanting to save face and work out problem on his own even if that was not best choice.

"Beat around the bush" is ancient Asian art.hehehe  Yet, serious, as it way to avoid many arguments sometimes but just waste time, othertimes.  Hard to know at beginning if it best way so that why it is an art.

Like me 'bossing' Jerry around without asking for anything.  With art done correctly, we both feel in control at same time.  Please keep this a secret, OK? L0L

Actually, Jerry recognized my "art" very quickly but he still likes. Right, Jer???  :-)

I pray INS work quickly for you,

Jean

@^:^@

[Jeff S]

... in response to Discussion - Action - - - which comes 1s..., posted by FilipinaCupid on Oct 9, 2001

Beating around he bush is a highly developed art form in all of Asia. We whities are mere neophytes. Funny how it seems to be cute in women but devious when men do it. To all of you not yet immersed in your Asian adventure, you got some real learnin' to do. )
-- Jeff S.

[checkpoint charly]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

Dear Lori, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles, but I believe you did the right thing: by involving his family and together trying to help Thai, you have become part of their family and in the long run gained their trust, not diminished it, even though Thai may be embarassed for the moment.

As a side-note: if the genders were reversed, I am certain most male members on this board would scream "scam" and tell you to fish for other fishes. I sincerely hope that your judgement is right and wish all the best to you and Thai!!! cc

[Jeff S]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

I'm with the rest of the crowd, too. I'm sure he'll realize you did the right thing and only wanted to help. Sticking with you through thick and thin is what family is all about, and you've reinforced that with him. Don't underestimate the difficulty he must have had bringing that to you, either. Hang in there - If he has the character you've described him of having, he'll appreciate you for doing the right thing and realize you and his family's help trumps any betrayal of trust issues.
- Jeff

[Howard]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

Lori,

If you didn't have the money on hand to send, you did the right thing.  The most important thing is that Thai gets out from under his boss' thumb.  You know Thai and you know the situation, if you say it's not a scam, than I'm sure it isn't.  I can't imagine Thai being mad at you for handling a situation that he asked for your assistance in handling.  I'm thinking he's more embarrassed than anything.  He's probably pissed at himself for losing the money in the first place and dragging you into what he perceives to be a problem that should be his alone to deal with.  

I get into similar situations with Ayesa.  First, she doesn't want to burden me with "her problems" and then she's ashamed to ask for "my help" or to borrow "my money"  I keep trying to explain that what little I have is hers.  That the way I was raised is that her troubles are mine, because I love her and because we are married, but she doesn't always get it.  In the same situation, I would've done EXACTLY what you did.  Give him time.  Once the guilt wears off, he'll understand you did the right thing.

Keep the Faith

H

[BrianN]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

Tried to send you an email regarding this subject, but it just got bounced.  Check profile and give me and let me know where you exist...

[Lori]

... in response to Re: A betrayal of trust, posted by BrianN on Oct 8, 2001

.

[BrianN]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

This is the hardest thing in the world to deal with, for a man.  Real humility.  (Been there, done that).

Since this is what I would consider an isolated case, I'd do whatever it takes to bail the boat, and keep it running the proper course, until suspicions & conclusions dictate otherwise.

It's got to be quite difficult I imagine dealing with a person from a third world country like vietnam. Just be sure that "truth floats", and bs sinks. There is no substitute for proper logic.

Be careful, and be sure that he knows that you love him even if mistakes are made, as long as he comes clean..... (oh dear, how many times have I had to do that!!!!)

Good luck Lori,
BrianN

[Bear]

... in response to A betrayal of trust, posted by Lori on Oct 7, 2001

Yeah he had his feelings hurt but he was lost too and embarrassed that he needed help. He needed help and you got it for him, so I think he won't be mad too long.  It was a lot to put on you.  He is probably more worried that you are upset with him for getting into this mess.  

Give him a call and tell him you miss him.

Bear

[FilipinaCupid]

... in response to Re: A betrayal of trust, posted by Bear on Oct 7, 2001

n/t