Exchange with a Cousin

[Phoenix]

I said:
"If you met these women your view of foreign (Colombian) women would change dramatically.  My lady has a degree in accounting.  Another lady I met is a few months away from a law degree.  She is just as intelligent, just as articulate and just as driven as you are and she is fiercely proud to be a Colombian.  She lectured me about how she is angry that the US took Panama away from Colombia.  She's not some poor desperate gal looking for a green card and neither is my lady.  These women have standards and are looking for decent men and know one when they see one, unlike many of your sisters here."

She said:
"Now – since you made that last comment – I have to express myself.  I am glad that these women have it going on and have their own…..however, you still had to pay a tremendously amount to be in their company (if just the trip itself).  You had to go to extremes to meet these women and they truly do not recognize a “good” man, they are going by what they have read about you….they don’t know you.  They don’t know that you are a good man…all they know is that you are an American wanting a wife.  They really don’t know your character, integrity, ways, moods, behaviors, morals, standards, etc.   They truly will not know that until they get here with you.  I hate the fact that you always seem to criticize American woman because we have choices and we like to make our own choices based on what we want and not because someone has presented something to us.  If we were on a website looking for marriage and one of the men that used the service came to visit us, we might be more prone to marriage as well – because we know exactly what he wants and he knows what we are looking for as well.  I’m sure it happens, but not as much.  Many American men shy aware from marriage – it’s not like they walk around advertising it on their sleeve.  And, many American women don’t want to marry for (whatever they marry for when using these services) – we want to marry because we like the person and that we think we will provide a stable, secure home in which we can grow together.  Sweetie – you don’t really know what you are getting……..all you know is that you are going to have a wife.  So, on that note – I would rather not marry the way you are……but, we all have choices and that is what makes America what it is – the freedom to make and live them.  But, do me a favor – stop putting down women just because no one you have encountered has wanted to date you.  And one more thing – you complain about the gold-digging women here….but I see it as being hypocritical….you spend just as much money on going to all of these places to find your wife….if you spent that money on an American woman – she might want to marry you too…….but you have double standards.  You want someone to date/love you because you are a good man, but in all honesty – the women you are meeting from other countries don’t love you……they probably don’t even really want you….they are just ready to be married (whether they have their own or not) – they still want a piece of what America has to offer and if that means having to marry an American, then by God – they are going to do it………love or not.  Sorry sir, I don’t want that kind of marriage.  We all may not like what America has or does, but there are so many good things in America that one would be a fool not want their share.  And, there are a lot of decent men out here….but that doesn’t make them father or husband potential."  

[Cali James]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004


I suppose I'm picking on Clay but cousin made some sense to me.  Not everything she said mind you, but she hit the bullseye in at least a few places.

"You had to go to extremes to meet these women and they truly do not recognize a “good” man, they are going by what they have read about you….they don’t know you. They don’t know that you are a good man…all they know is that you are an American wanting a wife. They really don’t know your character, integrity, ways, moods, behaviors, morals, standards, etc. They truly will not know that until they get here with you"

There's a lot of truth to this.  Clay's woman hasn't a clue about her new guy and she might not discover the real Clay until her arrival should they get married.

"But, do me a favor – stop putting down women just because no one you have encountered has wanted to date you."

No comment necessary, speaks for itself....

"And one more thing – you complain about the gold-digging women here….but I see it as being hypocritical….you spend just as much money on going to all of these places to find your wife…."

It does seem hypocritical.  Clay complains about American women being out for money but when in Latin America, where his money actually means something, he uses it to his advantage too.  Gee honey, want to see a picture of my house? My car? You need not worry about anything, I'll take care of all your needs!!

[Phoenix]

... in response to Cousin makes more sense than Clay IMO......, posted by Cali James on Oct 5, 2004

Cali James, my cousin is cute.  I would like to fix you up with her.

What makes you think that my girlfriend doesn't know the real me?  She fell in love with the real me.  The real me is not good enough for the nutty American Black female but the real me is appreciated elsewhere.

I do totally despise the American Black woman. I won't deny this. I despise them because most of them wouldn't know a good Black man if he bite her on the ass.  No further comment necessary.

This same women that you are defending will reject a man if his shoes aren't perfectly shined, no matter how good he is.

Yes, I want my girlfriend to know that I can take care of her.  You said she  should know me right?  I think this is particularly important for a Black man.  I want her to know I live in a nice neighborhood and in a decent house, not in some slum area she might have in her mind after watching Good Times.

Yes, my girl will have her needs taken care of, maybe not her wants, but her needs are covered and she should know that upfront.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Cousin makes more sense than Clay IM..., posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

Geez, I've always thought it was the ultimate in sexiness to see a 350 lb sista in bright green stretch pants, hands on hips, head rocking back and forth, while screaming in ebonics, "NUH HUH - NO WAY - YOU AIN'T TREATING ME LIKE NO HO - DON'T GO DISRESPECTING ME BY SHOWING UP HERE WITH THEM SHOES NOT SHINED!" Are you SURE you want to find a wife in LA?

- Jeff

[Hoda]

... in response to Cousin makes more sense than Clay IMO......, posted by Cali James on Oct 5, 2004

in regarads to some of his cousins comments. But Clay seems hell-bent & head over heels with Lola. I want every man to find his lifemate in this quest. It's just that some of Clay's contradictions (hypocritical tendecies) will lead him to another train wreck. Clay knows how some of the women in his family feel about his quest & about his attitudes towards AW. Clay seems to want to throw things in the face of people (ie:Lisbeth in Panama & his cousin)in his life, to piss them off. He seems to dwell on drama. Lola, if she makes it here, will bear the brunt of this for no reason at all....

[Cali James]

... in response to So true CJ..., posted by Hoda on Oct 5, 2004


I agree completely HODA, Clay is his own worst enemy. He should leave his family out of his crusade against AW but he doesn't have the sense to know when something isn't appropriate.  Clay should be thinking about creating the best family environment possible for his novia's arrival, assuming they do get married.

[Phoenix]

... in response to Re: So true CJ..., posted by Cali James on Oct 5, 2004

This cousin is a lost cause.  She has stated that she will not even speak to a future Latin wife.

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: So true CJ..., posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

[This message has been edited by Hoda]

Your cousin & possibly others don't wanna meet Lola? Well tell'em to kiss yo azz! Better yet...don't tell'em shiit! Like CJ said, you should be laying the ground work for making life as "Drama-free", as possible for Lola, and OMG...her son! The adjustment problem(s) for them alone, will cause enough drama! But knowing you, you can't, you won't resist "in rubbing it/flashing Lola", in the faces of the very woman you despise! You Clay, will be completing a self-fulfilling prophecy in allowing the same woman you despise....to destroy your relationship with the woman you're suppose to be in love with...

Then what Clay?! After Lola & her son flee from the drama-filled atmosphere you created & leave your bitter behind to return to the peace & POVERTY that you err, umm SAVED them from, what are you gonna do then? GO POSTAL on all the woman, who ruined your marriage?!! Then come after those on the boards, that made your enemy list?!! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!....your profile, is really coming into full form, after all these years...

You need to keep your family out of this, if you have ANY hope of making a good life for Lola & her son, when/if they get here

[buster40]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004


"Another lady I met is a few months away from a law degree. She is just as intelligent, just as articulate and just as driven as you are and she is fiercely proud to be a Colombian. She lectured me about how she is angry that the US took Panama away from Colombia."

I hope you told her to get over it.

[Phoenix]

... in response to Re: Exchange with a Cousin, posted by buster40 on Oct 5, 2004

No, I didn't.

Her personality was a bit strong for me so even though she was an impressive gal, there was no way I was going to pursue her.

Personally, I'm glad that Panama is a separate country.

[Hoda]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

[This message has been edited by Hoda]

once she gets here! Picture this scary scenario. Your lady, all alone, if only for 30 to 90 minutes with your female relative(s). You shudda chilled until she got here. You better believe, that since one sistah knows of how serious you are.......THEY ALL WILL KNOW!!!! Don't say another Gat dayyum thang to these women...

I've already seen some sistahs in action on this....not pretty, if you and your lady aren't ready for it!

[roadken]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

Your conversation with your cousin should be considered
an affirmation of your decision to go LA.You seemed to have found a good woman.Don't let anybody stop you now.Stay positive.Buena suerte!

[markxport]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

It's interesting that she brought up money twice...First, the amount of money your spending to get there to meet these women....Second, that if you spent that money on AW you might find a wife here....  Not putting your cousin down, but it's interesting, although not suprising, that she is using money as a measure of interest and committment.

Thanks,

Mark

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Exchange with a Cousin, posted by markxport on Oct 5, 2004

I thought the same thing about her references to money.

She tries to compare the money we spend on trips to money spent on an AW golddigger. Trip money is necessary to pursue the long-distance relationship at all, impossible without it. Money spent trying to buy an AW's affection is probably counter-productive to a legit sincere relationship.

[Calipro]

... in response to Exchange with a Cousin, posted by Phoenix on Oct 5, 2004

HeHeHe !!!