Need advice

[elcolombiano]

I would like to find another woman as the one I have is not working out (waiting for fiance VISA 6.5 months now).

I am in no rush to get married.

I am also not a long term long distance relationship kind of guy. I don't have the time, money or energy to maintain a relationship with someone for a year while waiting for a VISA. I have read that in the Ukraine you can do direct consular filling and that it only takes a couple of months. I would perfer to find a Colombiana as I have more in common with the language and culture.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find a single woman who already has a tourist visa. At least she could visit me while we wait a year for the resident VISA.

[burbuja2]

... in response to Need advice , posted by elcolombiano on Jan 26, 2004

Several years ago there was a poster called mck.  About every third post would be somewhat outrageous, usually centering on some type of self-destructive behavior he did or was about to engage in.  He would elicit tremendous responses from well-meaning individuals who, of course, would be nearly unanimous in their advice.  Mck would be courteous and would express either hurt or sorrow when he was attacked.  After about 6 months, I exposed him with two all-star posts entitled "MCK IS A FRAUD" and "Hey, Hey, MCK, How Many Lies Did You Tell Today?"  Within hours after my expose, Patrick banned him.  Now, here we have EC writing about a very abusive and exploitative relationship, imploring us for advice.  Next, he wants to know where to buy a machina de amor (Dallas Steve's nickname, by the way, in certain barrios in Texas).  Now, EC wants to look in BF Egypt for a new girlfriend.  Do you all see a pattern here?  If EC is not mck, they certainly use the same techniques to provoke responses.  I'm surprised that no one else hasn't figured this out.  Well, no I'm not.

[Pete E]

... in response to El Colombiano-EXPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..., posted by burbuja2 on Jan 26, 2004

I have met El Colombiano and I think he is a sincere but somewhat desperately seeking guy.I think he is just at that point in his life where he really wants a relationship and has recently been severly disapointed a couple of times.
MCK was another animal entirely.He posted such outrageous stuff but seemed sincere untill he went over the deep end and even the most guilable of us had to admit he was a fraud.
Iswote was a somewhat desperately seeking guy and his first Colombiano girlfriend was a disaster.But I said at the time that all he needs is to find the right woman and shortly thereafter he did.He has gone from desperately seeking guy to happy husband and proud daddy.All it took was the right woman.And we know where to find them,we just need to make the right decisions which sometiimes requires patience,other times good fortune suffices.
And there are others of us,including myself who sometimes can fall in to that almost desperately seeking mode but maybe it isn't quite as obvious.Being in Colombia full time my attitude is changing fast.I just met a girl who could be Ms. right but I am going to keep looking untill someone shows me that they definetly are Ms right.And thats going to take a lot of showing.No more quick and chancy decisions for this hombre.No more nothing lukewarm.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: El Colombiano-EXPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..., posted by Pete E on Jan 27, 2004

The other factor here is lack of time or money.In EC's case its lack of time.He spends a couple of weeks in Latina Land,has a relationship he hopes will work and and then returns home to staring at the same walls and also finds out his hoped for relationship isn't working.Thats a
huge and disapointing adjustment to reality.
Another suggestion for EC or any of you guys for who the present route is not working.Think about taking a years leave of absence from work.You could probably do it if you really wanted to.Quit if you have to unless you are so unsure of your work credentials you think you will never get another  job.It doesn't cost that much to live here.I think I have a fair chance of covering my housing expense by sharing my apartment with guys who would otherwise pay more in the short term hotel type market.And I don't need to do that at all,but it might be fun.We will see.There can be alot of comraderie amoung us latina seekers.Its fun to watch all these situations with all these pretty girls develop.
Just a thought.

Pete

[Jeff S]

... in response to El Colombiano-EXPOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..., posted by burbuja2 on Jan 26, 2004

Mck was supposedly hooked up with the hippy chick Mexican girl who he posted semi nude pictures of. He exposed himself as a fraud, as his posts got gradually more and more outrageous until eventually he posted that his wife shot him with a gun, but it was OK, he just put on a band-aid and kept going. That's what got him pitched.

I've met elcolombiano, as I have met a number or other regular  posters, mostly from the Asian board, and I can assure you he's genuine. He may not have the suave, polished social graces that a lot of the players who often post here - few of us who work in highly technical fields do, but he's a warm, genuine person who is sincerely interested in finding true love. Mck was too cool with his outlandish stories, while elcolombiano is sincerely soliciting advice from you, those who've made their mistakes and gotten through them to find happiness.

The real trolls that seem to show up on this board seem to be  posters who pretend know everything, not those who's posts are asking for help.

- Jeff S.

[mudd]

... in response to Need advice , posted by elcolombiano on Jan 26, 2004

from what i remember, you and her were always haveing problems, time to move on, but nothing is easy, and if your looking for a "quick wife", you will be making a big mistake. if this process was easy and quick without drawbacks and risks, everybody would do it. i would hate to see you get married too soon, to a girl who you barely know, and get divorced soon after and get stuck with the financial support. maybe you should look at girls from spain, italy, france, england, where they dont need a visa.

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: Need advice , posted by mudd on Jan 26, 2004

If you do go looking in Europe, I suggest Italy. Having lived in Spain for nearly two years, I would never suggest looking there (unless it's for LA immigrants, who have more class); in general Spanish women smoke, don't bathe enough, and have really gruff manners. In England they have bad dentition and infrequent bathing as well. France? Hummm...try Italy. Take a look at match.com; there are a lot of very pretty Italian ladies who say they speak Englsh.

 I saw a snippet on TV here in Brazil last year that mentioned a lot of Italian women would consider marrying a foreigner because they consider Italian men to be spoiled momma's boys. The men there supposedly use 40% of the makeup sold annually. This has to be true; TV is second only to the internet in terms of veracity. :-)

 I met a Canadian woman in Spain who had lived near Bologna and who told me about how the women's lives there were submitted to attending to the comforts of the men. The women she knew there thought it was remarkable that she would go out and do something so self-gratifying as taking an evening walk by herself. Who knows, you might be a refreshing alternative for an Italian beauty.

[nautilus]

... in response to Need advice , posted by elcolombiano on Jan 26, 2004

Hi,

I think it is a good idea that you decided to leave this woman.  Based on what you told everyone, this is the right thing to do.  I am sure you are hurt, so try not to start a new relationship right away, give yourself time to heal and calm down.  As you said, you are in no rush to get married, and that's a very very good idea.

As for your other thoughts...  I think that if your main consideration for picking a nationality of a woman is how quickly she can get her visa, try Canada or UK  But seriously, if you are attracted to Eastern European women and realize what finding and marrying one involves, you may try that.  Since you are Latin AND an American, this is like a fantasy combination for women there.  For guys over there Latin women are usually the ultimate fantasy, and for women - Latin  men respectively.  Latin American 'telenovelas' are number-one rated shows because Russian and Ukrainian women love to watch Latin American actors (and because their typical plot of 'a poor girl loves a rich guy' resonates with them).  There are also other points in common, and in general people there are facinated with Latin people and culture, and all things being equal, that's what they will pick, and this will be to your advantage.  

Just realize, that travel costs are much greater.  Women there don't speak neither English nor Spanish, and I assume you don't speak Russian.  It is a completely different culture to which you have not been exposed.

So, whatever you decide to do, good luck!

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Need advice , posted by nautilus on Jan 26, 2004

Thanks for the kind, thoughtful words.

You are a good friend.

[bigbdm4]

... in response to Need advice , posted by elcolombiano on Jan 26, 2004

It's hot when it's hot

Hi listers, how's it going?  Fine as frogs?  The first thing I am dying to know is why just about everybody on this list but me has a pen name like Cali this, Cali dog, or hound, or advisor, or pro, or loser, or sorry excuses galore or El Colombiabigus, or some fanciful other?  I would be very interested to know.  Are all of you guys falling over each other in the same trench?  Or what?  I have the pen name that my little brother, who is in Baghdad now, calls me, which I posted before, which got no thanks from any of you all, but that's OK with me, just letting you all know the truth.  I hope that one little bit of the truth didn't infuriate any of you wonderful people too much.  I only got a few flames, so I think a tiny grain of truth is possible to live with at both ends of this wonderful list of winners and heroes.  

So this guy is asking for advice.  OK, coming from a credentialed Philosopher, here is my answer to you, Mr. El Colombiano.  My advice is that you remain a bachelor or divorcee, or whatever your marital status is now, that is to say, you stay away from the Latinas, until you learn what love is, what marriage is, what it means to have another person as close to you as you are to yourself.  

You are not close to yourself.  You don't know the fires that rage inside of you.  The problems you have with another person are the same problems you have within yourself.  That is true for all of us.  Conflicts in interpersonal relationships arise from conflicts within the self, within you, me, each one of us.  I know my words are falling on deaf ears, but what I say is true.  

I recently saw a fun movie with Selma Hiack, did I spell her name right?  And Mathew Perry, called "Fools Rush In".  A romantic comedy.  I watched it with my beautiful Brazilian wife, we both enjoyed it.  Anyway, at one point in the movie, Selma told Mathew that the difference between gringos and Latinas was that he (gringo), "tolerated family on the holidays."  But for her family was the center of her world, the most important parts of her life.  Take a clue, Mr. Colombia, from Selma.  Family is something special.  I won't write more about that, I only hope that my little posting has jogged your reasoning.  

Thank God he is leaving now, are you all thinking?  Sometimes I think that the people on this list belong on this list because they have no real life and can't manage to score on their own.  I hope I am wrong about that.  Being from Missouri, show me.  I love helping but it's a thankless task, the first thing a drowning person will do, when you try to rescue them, is to pull you under.  You're welcome anyway.

Big B  

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Need advice , posted by bigbdm4 on Jan 26, 2004

... elcolombiano is a Colombian, born and raised in Colombia, of Colombian parents. Somehow, I doubt he needs a lecture on Latino culture from a gringo, but hey, it was a great speech - and a great movie, too. My (Mexican) secretary and I (gabacho) both agree it really captures many of the differences between Latin and Gringo cultures ... "you call a bowl of guacamole and a boom box, culture?"...

- Jeff

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Unlike all the posters with Cali-somethi..., posted by Jeff S on Jan 27, 2004

This guy is about as COlombian as George Bush. Give me a break. I dont care who his parents are, take one look at his posts and you will see he has NOTHING in common with a Colombian.

[lometogo]

... in response to Re: Need advice , posted by bigbdm4 on Jan 26, 2004

Thank you for your wisdom, oh wise and self-loving one.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Need advice , posted by bigbdm4 on Jan 26, 2004

You said it all. It is good advise for this man. I have no problem with your logic.

Cho

[Cali James]

... in response to Need advice , posted by elcolombiano on Jan 26, 2004

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

Most of us on the board suggested you move on when you told your story a couple weeks ago.  I think it's in your best interest and your novia's also.  I suggest you let her know and break up with her first before you start planning your next adventure to Ukraine.  It seems only fair...

Next time, consider not buying your novia new boobs, teeth, etc. before you're sure about the relationship.  My own opinion is that buying extravagent gifts etc. for women you're not going to marry just attracts a lot of less than desirable women to the agencies.  

Also, do you see now why it's not such a good idea to ask a novia to quit her job until she's about to step on the plane?  While you're out looking for your new honey, your soon to be ex will be out looking for a new job.