My buddy is about to marry a 19 yo.  He is 32.  She has big breasts, looks like a model, wants to work in the US to buy her mother a house, support her non working mother, 12 yo sister, 23 y.o. non working brother.  Also wants to bring the brother over to the US.

What ya guys think?

Wayne

... in response to My buddy, posted by Wayne1 on Sep 17, 2002

Maby when he "is" her family, and they have there own children, then she will have the same concerns for him.

... in response to My buddy, posted by Wayne1 on Sep 17, 2002

Wayne,
There are several parts to this,plus you don't give us any imformation about the quality of the relationship or character of the girl.
First,alot of Colombianas,I presume she is a Colombiana,want to help their family.That part is admirable, but how much help does the family need and is it the sole or main motivation for her marrying the gringo.The problem is her desire to help the family may be much more important to her than her husband.She may not even care for him that much at all if he can help her with her goals.So thats the big question we don't know,how does she feel about him and there is the risk she doesn't care for him all that much.A marriage of convenience they used to call it.
Second he is getting in a situation where the family needs alot of help and it will probably be him doing it before she is able to.
Third,even if she really cares for him,which may be seriously in doubt,she is putting her family before him.If he is thinking he will ever have anything like a 2 income family it may not happen.Her's will go to her family,not the marriage.If a guy can afford this it may not be a problem.If his income is limited so will be their life because of all her money going south.
Actually just the mention of these things she wants to do a seems to make it unlikely  the desire to marry this perticular guy is high on her objectives.That seems  secondary at best.This situation is common I think to some extent,all Colombianas want to help their families and some need it more than others but her goals here seem pretty big.
The real problem is if she doesn't care much for him.It will come out.So this is crucial,the quality of the relationship.I think it raises a huge question if it is good.I think he should take some time to determine that.
I think a much better off when the womans motivation is marrying him and being with him and building a life and family with him,not looking back to constantly help her family.
I say proceed with caution.
Wayne I get the feeling you don't approve,you said nothing good about her but her body.If she really seemed to care about him I think you would have told us that.
About the age difference,thats not huge in years buts its more important she is only 19.19 years olds are not that good of a bet in my opinion.
To much we don't know here,but he better be carefull.Probably better to forget the 19 year old,big boobs and all and go for an older girl who seems to really love him.

Pete

... in response to My buddy, posted by Wayne1 on Sep 17, 2002

Sounds like "all the usual suspects", a typical latina/gringo age ratio and she has laudable and reasonable expectations. No cause for alarm. He should go for it.

... in response to My buddy, posted by Wayne1 on Sep 17, 2002

It seems like a little bit of a set up question, given how limited the information is.

The parts about helping her family, nothing wrong with that.  Wouldn't it be a bigger red flag if someone didn't care about their family.  The issue should be can they agree on what to do to help.

The age difference, it's going to be another stress on the relationship.  Add that to cultural differences, man/woman differences, and maybe differences in education, maturity in thinking, financial decisions, and another hundred or two differences that cause stress and strain on a relationship.

Also, how much face time have they had, and subsequent time in as an engaged couple.  IF they see this as a life long commitment, it wouldn't seem unreasonable to take some time to make sure everything is worked out between them, so that the stress of coming to the US and leaving her family behind will not be too great a strain.

Also, if the description of her is given as "She has big breasts, looks like a model", doesn't this seem like a GIANT RED FLAG that someone is making decisions with the little head?

The other issue I see, as a friend of this person, is how to say your piece without damaging your friendship.  Try to be really careful that you don't force your opinion on someone that doesn't want to hear about it.  Maybe you're right, and maybe in a couple years they will need a good friend to stand by and watch them pick up the pieces of their life, but if they aren't open to what you have to say, you'll only damage your friendship.

In my mind, the number one factor is the character of both of them.

Hope that helps.

... in response to I think he's insane, posted by Patrick on Sep 17, 2002

I think he should marry a fat, homely 50 year old woman.  How dare he think that some attractive, young woman would really care about him.  I think there should be a law that you have to marry someone your age or two months younger at the most.  Goodness gracious!

... in response to Re: Re: I think he's insane, posted by Cali vet on Sep 17, 2002

I believe that was sarcasm.  He's upset that someone is intruding upon his fantasy of marrying a georgous sexy young woman who's going to be 100% dedicated to him and the family they start forever.  

I think he forgot to read past the part about age, breasts, and model looks to get to the part about buying her family a house and supporting her mother, brother, and sister (and bringing her brother up to the States).

Is Mck back in the house?

... in response to Hmm...., posted by HappyInBrazil on Sep 17, 2002

The part about supporting the mother, sister, and brother, and buying a house for them, and moving the brother up to the States......  The young part is a bit off as well. My wife's 40, though she's definitely still sexy.