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Author Topic: From her standpoint...  (Read 8734 times)
Cali vet
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« on: September 08, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
A word of caution…

I thought I’d share (with her permission) part of a recent communication I had with a calena friend who is married and living in the Midwest. In it she is  speaking of the typical Cali girl who has no idea of real life in the US.

“… entender que la vida aqui no es nada facil.....sino fuera porque yo estoy con mi esposo hace rato me hubiera ido, porque la verdad lo unico que me tiene aqui es el....Vivir lejos de la familia y su propia cultura no es facil......ademas muchas muchachas piensan que porque los americanos les rinde el dinero alla , no es lo mismo que vivir aqui, aqui las cosas son al doble y no pueden tener la misma vida como si vivieran en Colombia.......”

Translation:

“…to understand that life here isn’t easy…if it weren’t that I’m with my husband I would have left a long time ago because the truth is the only thing that keeps me here is him…To live far from your family and your own culture isn’t easy…besides, lots of girls think that Americans lavish money on them there, it’s not the same as to live here, here things cost twice as much and they can’t have the same life as if they lived in Colombia….”

This comes from a calena who has been in the US for three years now so she isn’t expressing the home sickness of first arrival. Point being that despite the beleif some guys hold that they are “rescuing” these girls from their home country it isn't always realistic. Not all Colombian women are enamored with the “American way of life” or the culture here in the US. Some do it just for love.
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Pete E
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« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to From her standpoint..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 8, 2002

I think there is an impression Colombianas can get of the US from movies and television that doesn't really describe the lifestyle most people live.
When she says"can't have the lifestyle she had in Colombia"She is probably reffering to family and friends plus activities that are available.Cali is a bustling city even if most people are poor by our standards.Compare that to a town in the midweast where they roll up the sidewalks at 5.00 PM(just joking but it seems like it).Life could be very boring by comparison even if the financial situation is better.These girls that move to out of the way places better love their husbands.Even then as Georgina points out they can resent it after awhile.
I think most Colombianas would love to live in Florida,particularly Miami.
A friend of my wife lived there for awhile and really loved it.
We live in San Jose California,which has a large latin,mostly mexican population.My wife has met a number of Colombiana friends here.Some herself and some wives of gringos I know,mostly from this board.She was very homesick at first but now likes it here very well.She is off to San Francisco today ,taking a friend to the Colombian Counsolate and then to the Oakland area  to visit another Colombiana.She was a little apprehensive about driving new freeways in the east bay but I think she will do fine and will come home proud she did it.She loves to visit San Francisco but prefers San Jose to live.Her friends that work at the counsolate say the same thing,they wish they could live here.
The other factor in lifestyle is if there is sufficient money so she is not limited to just the basics of survival.Fortunately we have been able to afford a pretty good lifestyle.She has her car,her friends and money to shop and do things.This could be much different from subsistance in the midwest.
Also my wife and her Calena friends have little love for things rural or remote.Small towns don't impress them at all.I took her to my home town in Idaho,population 5000.I dont care if we had a mansion on the hill I know she would never want to live there.The wife of one friend said she missed hearing music playing at night.Not me.I can do without the noise of Cali.
Also,Georgina,my wife did like Seatle when we visited there last year and she even met 2 Colombianas when we toured the aquarium.We stayed at a hotel on the waterfront and the weather was good.The city has the size an activity for her but I don't think she would like the weather most of the time.
If we ever move from here it will probably be to Florida,which my wife has said she would love to do.
Bottom line,a guy better be aware of the difference in the town he is taking his wife to compared to where she lived before.It can be a big problem.But one of my wife friends lives in rural Oklahoma(about as far from Cali as you can get)but has a good marriage and seems happy.I think it helps if a woman has struggled as a single mother. If she  is giving up a college or somewhat higher class lifestyle to come here might be a tougher comparison.

Pete
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Cali vet
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« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Location and lifestyle of new home., posted by Pete E on Sep 9, 2002

Obviously those of us who go to Cali, Barranquilla or Bogota are meeting "city girls" who've rarely left the city to visit a pueblo or spend time in the countryside. I had a relationship with a campesina for a while and boy was that a breath of fresh air, no pun intended. She loved to hike along the mountain trochas and could walk me to death. If she'd had a better figure (pretty shallow huh?) I might have ended my search right there. Problem I've found is there really aren't many good looking girls in the pueblos and the pretty ones are all taken by the time they're sixteen while Cali of course is full of "super models" by comparison. However all too often the "hot" city girls from the lower strata, 2,3 for example really aren't any more intersting beyond the bedroom than a campesina. The only difference is, instead of knowing about coffee plants and platano they know about the discotecas in Juanchito.
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LouieB
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« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Location and lifestyle of new home., posted by Cali vet on Sep 9, 2002

good post
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DavidMN
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« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Location and lifestyle of new home., posted by Cali vet on Sep 9, 2002

Pete or Cali Vet:

Would you mind giving a brief description of what "strata" means in Colombia?  Strata 2 or 3 was mentioned above and I've heard about strata 6 before...Is it income level, cost of a home, personal income tax rates???  Thanks.

David
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Cali vet
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« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Location and lifestyle of new home., posted by DavidMN on Sep 9, 2002

Sure, It's a socialistic system in which utilities and phone charges are graduated according to barrio. A household in a strata 2 barrio might pay $10 a month for public utillities while a household in strata 5 might pay $40. There are six strata. The wealthy barrios of Versailles in the north of Cali and Ciudad Jardin in the south are strata six for example.
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DavidMN
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« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Location and lifestyle of new ho..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 9, 2002

Thank you, sir.  That "progressive" payment system seems to make sense, especially for the poor.  The communists in Minnesota who established our tax system must have learned from the Colombians.  We have zero tax on food, clothing or shoes but the state income tax is very progressive (i.e. steep).  It tops out at 8.5%, although those in NY, CT and CA would probably be happy with ONLY 8.5%...
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Cali vet
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« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Location and lifestyle of new home., posted by DavidMN on Sep 9, 2002

There's talk of reducing the number of strata to only four but I don't know where that stands.
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Georgina
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« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to From her standpoint..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 8, 2002

only love is not going to make their marriage lasting and strong. With time she will become resentful and bitter and will take it on her husband.

After 3 years living here and she still don't like it.

If she doesn't find any other thing she likes about living here they are not going to make it.

I can't imagine waking up everyday in a place she doesn't like.

Maybe she lives in a little town with not much to do?
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Cali vet
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« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Unfortunately..., posted by Georgina on Sep 9, 2002

Actually they are very, very happy together and they plan to move to Colombia in a few years so it should all work out fine.
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Georgina
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« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Unfortunately..., posted by Georgina on Sep 9, 2002

I like it here a lot. I like living in West Seattle. Just 10 minutes from Alki Beach. 20 minutes from downtown.

I have been in other cities in Washington. I like having so many beautiful places to go and show family and friends around.

Contrary to most people believe. It does rain a lot, but is not that bad. And we have had a beatiful and warm summer. I think if you have the one you love around Seattle becomes a very romantic place to live.

The winter is coming and I think how wondeful is gonna be having a cup of hot coffee or chocolate in Starbucks in front of the beach with my husband.

I prefer rain to snow. I don't want to move to a place where it snows the whole winter.

I have accepted the fact that maybe I am not going to have as good friends as I had in Peru, but there are other many things to be thankful to God.

Most people in South America think Americans work everyday of the week and they don't know what is to have fun. I don't know how it is in other places of the United States, but here it seems people have time to enjoy family and friends.

My husband and I and our little one. Oh. I forgot. We have a 7 month-old baby now. We always go to some place during the weekend. We don't spend our weekends in front of the TV.

It was hard in the beggining. You know, once the novelty wears off, I got deppressed and missed my family and friends. I won't say I have overcome the fact that I miss family and friends, but if I have to choose. So far, I choose living here with all its bad and good things.
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Pete E
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« Reply #11 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Unfortunately..., posted by Georgina on Sep 9, 2002

Ken,
I think all Colombian cities have their share of poverty.You notice it in Cartegena because there is a public beach where vendors can work and make themselves a real nuisance.I walked down the beach in Bocogrande(sp?).Vendors would see us coming a 100 yards ahead and get in possition to try and pedel whatever they were selling.They would follow us along,not wanting to give up.It was the most uncomfortable thing I experienced in Colombia,but not unsafe I don't think.Finally we had enough and walked across the street to a hotel.We asked the door man if any of the cab drivers spoke english.He asked them and 2 did.We choose one guy but another very aggressive guy tried to crowd in.The driver was great and I paid him about
$40 I think to drive us around most of the day and show us the sights.
I had experienced beach vendors in Mexico,and they are agressive enough,but they were much worse in Cartegena.We stayed at the Las Americas hotel and spent our beach time on their private beach after that.
Actually I think Cartegena is one of the safest cities in Colombia,but San Andreas is safer yet and no problem with beach vendors where we went.San Andreas has nicer beaches but Cartegena more history and things to see.I spent 4 days in San Andreas,2 days in Providencia and 3 days in Cartegena.I wish I had skipped Providencia(Nothing much there) and spent more days in Cartegena.

Pete
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denvermike
Guest
« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to From her standpoint..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 8, 2002

Hi Guys,

Hey let's face it, most of the ladies from around the world have unrealistic expectations about life in the good old USA.  Unless they have friends or family in the States, the only impression they have is what they see on TV and the movies. As we know most of us don't live that way.  Combined with many areas of the US having a less than latin subculture, combined with no family for emotional support, life is not what they expect when they arrive. You are not doing yourself or her any favors by not discussing in detail what her new life style will be like.  Her entire world  will be different than what she knows. Some will handle it well, and some will not.  

mike
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Craig
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« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to From her standpoint..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 8, 2002

Great post. I often feel fortunate that I live in Florida. It was estimated from the last census here that approximately 400,000 Colombians live in Florida legally and probably the same number illegally. My novia has a friend who is married to a gringo who lives in the Florida Keys, which I'm sure we will visit many times. I think all these things help. Her culture must invade her new home until she gets over the culture shock. Try Colombian restaurants in your area. For me Miami or Orlando, or even a side trip to Queens Jackson Heights, New York I've decided to tackle the K-1 Visa on my own with a little help from a K-1 Visa kit. So I will update for those who may ever go through the same.
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Red Clay
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« Reply #14 on: September 08, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to From her standpoint..., posted by Cali vet on Sep 8, 2002

....."they can't have the same life as if they lived in Colombia"....

I don't get that part.
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