The Border Efffect

[Nico]

I run across many latinas in this country on 2 different fronts because:

1) I have some rental property and have mainly Mexican tenants

2) I frequent salsa clubs which attract Latinas

If you were to run into one of these girls in their home  country one would probably stand a halfway decent chance at landing one of them. However once they cross that border;once they set that 1st foot on U.S. soil,..... Forget It! You don't stand a chance. Its just amazing that when I run into attractive Colombians,Peruvians, Mexicans here in the U.S. I might as well be the invisible man. However in their respective countries everything changes. All of a sudden I become a prospect. Interesting huh ?

[Bueller]

... in response to The Border Efffect, posted by Nico on Sep 13, 2002

Guys who come to LA talk about the "candy store mentality", where they start turning down women they´d have killed to date in the States. In part this explains the women´s attitudes you´ve described. The same thing happens to the Latinas who go to the States: suddenly they´re getting all sorts of attention from quality (and otherwise) guys, and they start thinking the way you do when you find yourself plunked down in CaliLand or wherever.

 When I lived in Denver, I got a lot of attention from Mexicanas I worked with, not that most of them were particularly pretty. There were probably three reasons: 1) though I´d sqarely lose a Brad Pitt lookalike contest, I have never been accused of looking like Quasimodo either; 2) out of hundreds of employees I was the only Spanish-speaking gringo, and 3) I actually did talk to them instead of treating them as second-class citizens. The few really pretty and English-speaking ones I saw around did treat me like I was invisible, though.

 So, why do they often wind up dating Latin men? My theory is that once they are in a foreign land, feeling homesickness and a bit out of their element, dating Latin men gives them something comfortable and familiar. It´s similar to the reason some restaurants have begun shipping food across the country to transplanted people, e.g. someone who moved to the West Coast can have his favorite Philly Cheese Steak joint send him specially packed sandwiches at his new home in San Francisco. It´s not that the shipped food is better per se, but it´s familiar and reminiscent of "back home".
 
  Nico, you´ve told us about the effort you´ve put into dating local women, and as an ex-Denverite (ever notice how many of those there are?) my experience tells me you´re not alone or necessarily doing anything wrong; it´s a fool´s venture there. As Jim Rohn says, "some people are always analyzing the root, while others are busy picking the fruit." He continues, "Which end of that do you want in on?" C´mon down!

[denvermike]

... in response to The Border Efffect, posted by Nico on Sep 13, 2002

Hi,

Just a couple of comments, when I was living in Denver. I dated a couple of very attractive women from Colombia who lived in Denver.  Both were considerably younger than me.  Both had been in the USA for five years or more, speaking near perfect English. Of course, they were good friends of my best friends wife from Cali.  So maybe it helps to be introduced by a trusted friend, I'm not sure. I spoke good Spanish (for a gringo) and had a good understanding of the latin culture (my salsa lessons at Arthur Murray didn't hurt either).

Just another comment, once they are here, look at what their competition is, American Women?? I don't think so.  They are probably highly sought after by the American male. Face it, in this situation they can pick an choose, tough luck guys.

The lure of coming to the EEUU is great, but once here maybe they would prefer to stay in the own culture?

Have any of you guys been in Miami, especially the malls near the airport, there are some of the prettiest Cuban
women, I have ever seen.  I noticed all were with Cuban or hispanic men.

Just some thoughts,
mike

[sb25]

... in response to The Border Efffect, posted by Nico on Sep 13, 2002

That's funny. Totally interesting too, because I have the opposite. My luck with a PL from TLC yielded 2 responses.
My writting to address' yielded one response, and I am beginning to think she is uninterested.

Here...I totally get the eye from them. I work in an office but when I go out to the plant they stare. When I visited California, I had no problem. When I lived in Florida, no problem, but in my letter writting endeavors I have pretty much failed. In the states I am a Latina magnet.
I have seen a few older guys with young chicas
and they are eyeballing, usually smiling and letting go of the guys hand. I like them, but want an unspoiled one so that is why I chose to look in Colombia.
Anywhere outside, they aren't diggin' me.
I guess I have the opposite problem?

If it fails with the one I am writting to now then I am just gonna make the trip.

[Georgina]

... in response to The Border Efffect, posted by Nico on Sep 13, 2002

I think is the novelty factor. A gringo in Colombia, Peru, Venezuela, etc will get more attention than here because it's not everyday thing to see one even if he is not that attractive. It is kind of exotic, but once you get here and live here for a while we get use to it. It is not a novelty anymore. Of course, we can see a very handsome guy and think God he is handsome but if you got a good one that's it.

Pick a good one and be kind to her and she is going to stay with you forever.

[Pete E]

... in response to The Border Efffect, posted by Nico on Sep 13, 2002

Nick,
Its a whole different market in the US vs.in most latin countries,particularly in singles bar type settings.
Here,as most of us have experienced first hand,elgible guys are a dime a dozen.You go to a singles bar and there may it may be 3 to one guys but its more like 10-20 to one guys to
very attractive women.So being a guy with a good income and livestlye is not unique,its ordinary,so women will go to the other factors,like age,attractiveness(including height,a problem for all short guys),assertiveness to select the one guy out of 20 she will give some attention to.
In her home country there are much fewer "elgible" guys,meaning anyone who has much going for him in his future.So the odds can be just the reverse.Maybe one gringo or affluent Colombiano for 10 or 20 girls.These girls have never experienced the ego inflating odds of their sisters in the US.They are mostly unspoiled,except for a few extremely attractive ones.Move them to the US,put them in the US scene,and they can quickly adjust to the new market and odds.Its not about fairness,its about reality.So for those of us who have taken the initiative to search other markets we get a whole different reception.What a difference a plane ride makes.And we can quickly adjust our thinking to the new better situation and become spoiled and selective like the girl comong here.Most of us have witnessed guys who couldn't get a date here thinking they are king of the hill and becoming players and users in their new found situation,suffeling between a number of attractive girls.
An important question is will your fiance or wife make the adjustment in thinking when she comes here also?I think if you pick a good woman not likely.She will be loyal to you and will not even get involved in the market forces single women here do.My wife gets hit on all the time in grocery stores,ect. and she considers it an annoyance and aggressive guys kind of scare her.She just runs.
If you pick the wrong woman,more of a player/user type,she might quickly start to take advantage of her newfound odds here.
I have to laugh when guys say why travel,there are lots of latinas here.Its not being latina,its the different market we experience in foriegn countries that makes all of the difference.Is it just money and wanting to come to the US?That is part of it but what it boils down to is we have a
higher social position in their market.We become as desireable as a celebrity might be here.We are different in a good way to them,and much of that is because we have the economic and social power that comes with being an American and having  a good life style and future.We are interesting and different and offer much more to a potential mate.
We can try to understand why the difference,but you really have to experience it personally to fully belive that it is so. What a deal for guys with the guts to hop a plane.

Pete

[2bit]

... in response to Its the market,not ethnicity, posted by Pete E on Sep 13, 2002

I agree with allot of what you have to say, after 30yrs old or so most of are a .10 a doz. to many AW. However I have spoken a few Latina's who have made it here or atleast for a visit, further I went to Gloria blakely's 2000 spring latina tour in Miami. I find that many of them end up in a cocoon because we as American’s don't accept them or they so perceive, or they are too lazy to breakout of their own culture barriers. Although I'm sure they can to any "bar" and complete any local "AW" and get action if so desired but "long term" commitment...that's different...Bars are bars they are bad barometer of the singles scene here.

Anyhow what these trips give "any" guy desirable or not is more opportunity then he would have here. He'll have a chance to at least get up to bat giving him the opportunity to then decide for himself to further a special relationship or not. At home there is no decision because there's pretty much no getting up to bat.

On the celebrity thing my take is we get treated more like a local celebrity as it would be here in the states "noticed but not swooned" I mean really what would happen if Tom Cruise walked into your local mall it would be pandemonium. But for your local sportscaster or weather person it would most likely mean getting acknowledged with a glance, smile or a little better service/attention from the locals...

[pablo]

... in response to Its the market,not ethnicity, posted by Pete E on Sep 13, 2002

Good last sentence Pete E.  I have looked at enough photos of foreign women on various web sites to make my head spin.   A person can write to the ladies, read various boards for advice but in the end what really matters is just to "GO"!

[Pete E]

... in response to Its the market,not ethnicity, posted by Pete E on Sep 13, 2002

Women here can get sort of like guys in Colombia,going for what they think is attractive.As I mentioned before height can be a big thing for AW,a source of annoyance to 5'7" guys like me.Are they looking for Daddy or what?
A woman friend of a friend of mine met this guy in a local country western bar.I guess he fit her definition of hunk.To me he didn't look that special but being 6'2" helped alot I guess.She was a nurse.She quit her job to move with him to his home state,North Carolina I think.She had a pickup and a horse(hard core CW wanabee).She picked up her horse from my friends place who was bording it for her and she was never seen again.The guy killed her.They found him in North Carolina driving her truck.He had sold the horse.They brought him back and he got convicted and sent to prison for life.
I always wondered how many good guys she might have passed on before choosing a jerk who fit her height requirements.

Pete

[chevy]

... in response to women here, posted by Pete E on Sep 13, 2002

Being 6'6" I do not get immediate interest from women.
I wish I was 6-2. Then I could go after the women I like who are 5-2,5-3. I have had those women tell me I am too tall for them. I do not become interested in a woman just because she is tall or pretty. I can understand why those shorter women would fell uncomfortable with me.
  They can't slow dance with me.People think we would look
like mutt and jeff, etc. So, I have less of a pool to select from. I have a friend who is 5-5 and his wife is 5-10.
 They have no problem with it. Almost everyday someone remarks how tall I am. It does not bother me anymore.
 Height should not have anything to do with love but people
do judge each other by how they look, at first anyway.

[Bueller]

... in response to women here, posted by Pete E on Sep 13, 2002

I've heard this thing about a "daddy complex" before in relation to women being attracted to taller men. I wonder if men would accept their attraction to larger-breasted women being defined as a "mommy complex"?

[Michael B]

... in response to That "Daddy" thing, posted by Bueller on Sep 13, 2002

Go back 30,000 years, 50,000 years, a million years, what ever. It's a genetic thing, even if we don't admit it or are not even totaly aware of it. To women, a tall and/or broad shouldered men look like he can defend and provide for her better. To a man, a women with wide hips looks like she can bear children easily, a women with big breasts looks like she can adequitly feed the baby.

[papa suave]

... in response to genetic coding for survival of the speci..., posted by Michael B on Sep 14, 2002

Call me baby!

[pablo]

... in response to That "Daddy" thing, posted by Bueller on Sep 13, 2002

Jajajajajajajaja!!!

[Pete E]

... in response to That "Daddy" thing, posted by Bueller on Sep 13, 2002

That seems reasonable,probably alot to it.Makes more sence than the Daddy/height thing.We could have a strong  attraction here from unconscious memory.
I used to work with a guy who had a great sence of humor but was extremely religious.We were always playing jokes on him.One time a guy held up a playboy fold out and said"hey Craig".Craig turned around,saw it and said"they took you boys away from your mommies too soon."
I saw this picture/joke recently.It showed a baby with its eyes wide open amazed expression on its face.The caption was"those are for me?"
I have always been more of a butt man myself.I'm not sure the significance of that except it turns me on.I used to laugh about Hefners choice of women.Big boobs,usually no butt at all.Not my style.Large but not huge boobs ok,medium better than huge,but a nice butt a neccesity.Another reason to shop Colombia.You can see more nice butts on a walk through Chipi Chapi than at a party at the playboy mansion.
Latinas from northern Mexico seem lacking in this area.Broad shoulders,narrow hips.I call it Aztec A--.

Pete