El Fin de JunFan

[JunFan]

I haven't been on this board much lately, and probably won't be going forward.  About the only one I have time for is 2Gringos. But frankly my interest level in this whole deal is going down by the day. But my interest in traveling to Latin America is more for 'sport' now than anything else.  

As most of you know, I met, married and divorced a Colombiana in 16 mos.  I feel I have a pretty good grip on the brutal reality of this process, and it's a process that will overwhelm the average gringo.  

I personally knew 5 other couples that were married within six months of me.  Three of them are getting divorced as I write this.  That is four out of six.  Hey, I'm not gonna argue the merits of our little 'sample', but I think that we represented a decent cross-section of social strata.  While I think it's possible to realize the dream, the odds are not in your favor.  

Anyway, good luck to you guys, you will need it.  And another thing, don't make the mistake of feeling sorry for the girls, nothing but bad things happen.  And if you do proceed with this, take your time.  Slooooow down, there is no rush.

What am I doing now?  Hmmmm, am back to AW, and having a pretty easy go of it.  I have also been dating some latin women who ALREADY LIVE HERE.  What a pleasant difference that is!  Weekends in Monterrey or Guadalajara?  Very possibly.

The End.

JunFan out

www.sparhard.com

[Edge]

... in response to El Fin de JunFan, posted by JunFan on Jun 28, 2002

I was and still am sorry about what happened between you and Beatriz.  Hopefully down the road you will meet someone more compatible for you.  Sounds like you are looking in the domestic market versus offshore..I don't know, most of the guys at work seem to be happy with their American wives so hopefully you will find a good one.

My marriage is still going well.  People ask me how's it going with my marriage and I tell them I cannot imagine being single again.  But, I know where you are coming from with trying to tell guys that this not that simple. Anyone who does not think that there are significant challenges is not thinking right.  But the benefits are tremendous also..I am married to a beautiful woman 16 years younger than me and we have a traditional marriage where her focus is on me and our home.  And this makes her and me happy.  Of course, she is also still real focused on her family in Colombia, but I think this is a good thing.  But with not really having much face time to spend getting to know one another before we got married, we are still really becoming accustomed to one another. I cannot imagine my life without her so I guess you could say we are "really in love".

Wayne has given some of the best advice I have come across as far as being real patient and not trying to rush the acclimation process.  Also it does no good to raise your voice, at least with my wife.  She can tell when I am serious about something.

Anyway, you have raised a serious issue that guys need to know that this is no walk in the park.

Take care and good luck.

Edge

[briloop3]

... in response to El Fin de JunFan, posted by JunFan on Jun 28, 2002

I've enjoyed your posts, both here and at Two Gringos.

I hope that you continue posting to the Two Gringos board.

[robbysanjuan]

... in response to El Fin de JunFan, posted by JunFan on Jun 28, 2002

Mike,
Good luck man. I think your post were insightful and truthful. As you can see here, if you don't wear blinders and think all is great about Colombia and the women, you are the second coming of Satan. Mike, some people only want to hear what they want. No one can knock you bro, because you did it, and shared the experience. Plus you just said what others have experieneced also. I never heard you say anything negative other than be careful. Wow, you are a bad person for that! Just facts and you get attacked by a 57 year old kid. I don't blame you for jumping ship. If you feel what you are doing with women is good, go for it, it is your life. Best of luck.

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: El Fin de JunFan, posted by robbysanjuan on Jun 29, 2002

...because I can't take the heat here.  I speak Spanish, know how to approach Latin women, know how to operate in Latin America.  If I want to go play, I'll go...and have a blast.

I was just kinda saying farewell, as frankly I don't want to waste the time & energy here that I once did.  I will spend it actually meeting women, not writing about it.

Like I've said, I've been through this whole process.  I am not the all-knowing either.  I gave you guys some of my thoughts and experiences, do with them what you will.

Remember, in the end, this is not a 'team-sport'.  After you are married, these guys are irrelevent.  It's mano y mano combat after that.  And you're all alone.

JunFan

[Pete E]

... in response to El Fin de JunFan, posted by JunFan on Jun 28, 2002

nt

[Pete E]

... in response to It had been a little boring around here ..., posted by Pete E on Jun 29, 2002

nt

[JunFan]

... in response to But it was better than a flame war!, posted by Pete E on Jul 1, 2002

What?  Don't like it that I called a spade a spade?  Felt compelled to go on a rant to defend yourself?  Ha.  Proves my point.

And CaliVet is engaged to a 17 year old?  And people here are actually gonna listen to what he says?  GOOD GAWD PEOPLE!  

GROW UP!

[Pete E]

... in response to Quite Whining PETE!, posted by JunFan on Jul 2, 2002

nt

[Pete E]

... in response to El Fin de JunFan, posted by JunFan on Jun 28, 2002

Mike,
I don't fault you for ending the marriage so quickly,sometimes you know it isn't going to get better.
But I think your experience has made you pretty negative on the finding a latina wife process.Thats understandable.But of the people I know personally (6 couples)everyone is still together. I guess I'm the old timer at 2 1/2 years so
you could say you need more years for the failure rate to develop.I think your failure presumptions are a little scewed to the negative.
Another very important point.As I recall you are young,like 30 ish,tall and earn middle six figures.You have a chance with american women many of the rest of us do not.I personally had pretty much given up on ever finding the type of woman I found easily in Colombia.The only thing available was compromises I wasn't willing to make.You have a good shot at it,so maybe I'm a little surprised you ever went in the first place.
One of my friends from here went to Colombia,spent the whole time with one girl who he wasn't very interested in and came back saying he wouldn't go again,he would date American women.He joined some dating agency and had alot of dates but they were all horror stories.(wackos)He is talking about Colombia again.
It certainly can be simpler with an american woman so good luck finding one you like.

Pete

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: El Fin de JunFan, posted by Pete E on Jun 29, 2002

Well, I now know that I didnt have to go down there. But at the time, I think I was living out the fantasy.  Finding a beautiful Latina, unspoiled by American BS, who would be a traditional wife, and raise a family.  Well, the reality I found was different.

And yes, I think the profile of the type of guy who would be successful in this would be:  over 50, good money, alot of time on his hands, one who is very patient, and values companionship above all else.  That's not me right now.

Look, the latins have alot of good qualities.  They have alot of bad ones too.  I came to the conclusion that women from other cultures are actually more alike than they are different.

There are, however,bigger cultural differences than most gringos will ever know.  And if they are lucky enough to learn, it will usually be 'after the fact' when they figure it out.

I have been meeting alot of women on Match.com or Yahoo  personals, and even a lot of Latins.  It's scary to know how many of these young girls are married to gringos and are trying to develop a plan B.  Probably some on this board.

Bottom line, I like Colombianas alot, just would rather play with them down there versus marrying them and bringing them up here.

Pete, and don't take this the wrong way, but I've never figured out why you want to be on this board so much.  I know for a fact they offer you nothing here.  The reason I say this is because I too spent alot of time on the computer when I was married.  Why?  Hmmmm, was it habit?  Was I addicted to the list like you? Maybe.  Was I looking for validation from others that what I had done was right? Was it a way for me to escape her and get some quiet time?
What I do know, is spending that much time on the computer talking about latin women when you are married to one is not healthy. Had I not, maybe I could have spent that energy on my marriage.  Obviously, you are still married and I'm not, so you are doing something 'right'. But hey, I'm not trying to get you to go on one of your big rants.

and Pete, a word of advice...quit being an enabler to the newbies that don't know how tough this deal really is.  You tend to be on of the guys who adds to the 'hype' of all this.

[Jebster]

... in response to Pete & others, posted by JunFan on Jun 29, 2002

JJ, I am basically a lurker here but post on subjects which I can relate to or can provide some information based on my experiences in LA. I have read your posts here and on LWL, and have always respected and appreciated your openess and willingness to share your story.

However, you have crossed the line with your comment on Pete's posting here. I am very grateful for Pete's posts. He does not go overboard on pushing people to believe as he does. He offers many good tips based on real, and current experience. I find his posts to be dignified, respectful, informative and often encompasses ideas and insite on a wide variety of topics related to the Country of Colombia. His posts are one of the main reasons I come here.

I am sorry for your bad esperience. As they say, "I share your pain", having had a few mis-fires myself. Success in everything will never happpen. Life is a series of highs and lows. It is obvious that you are still "en reposo". I wish you well in your recovery, but picking on someone else will not make it better. I am sure, you will regret your very minor remarks. I wish you well.

As for me, thanks Pete for all that you do to sincerely offer your assistance and advice to all of us.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Pete & others, posted by JunFan on Jun 29, 2002

I'm not sure why Pete is catching so much flak here. He has always seemed honest,candid, and very courteous here. It is true that he proposed marriage on his first visit to Colombia. He has admitted that was not wise and a big mistake. That being said, he has exhibited a huge amount of COMMITMENT to his marriage and his word. His first few months with his wife sounded as bad as anyone's experience on here has been, worst than most. It was downright agonizing to read about his life as he described the problems he and his new wife were having. But he did everything he could to figure out solutions to their problems. This is especially noble in my opinion because he was telling us about the situation knowing he would be bashed here for proposing too soon, which he was. He remained courteous and calm through it all. I will always admire him for the effort and time he has spent to hold his marriage together and make it a good one. I'm sure his wife has done her part in the effort, too. During this tough time, I seem to recall that Pete was not posting here that often, which probably means he was busy trying to save his marriage. I am glad that he posts fairly often here now, his experience and the example of his perserverance is valuable to many. I am not suspicious of the fact that he has been here often in recent days, it really doesn't take that much time each week to check in here and post a few times. Heck, they probably read the board together and laugh, as my wife and I sometimes do.

  As for safety in Colombia, I didn't know that the "MOB" process was about who had the b@lls to walk the streets of Cali vs. who felt safer in familiar surroundings.

  Mi esposita was college educated and fluent in English before we met. She had visited the USA before we met. She has exhibited almost no homesickness at any time during our courtship/marriage. In spite of these advantages, the process has still been a struggle at times. I still feel like a babysitter occasionally. But the positive aspects of it all FAR outweigh the work and difficult times. My wife treats me like a king. Maybe I got "lucky" that my marriage has been good so far. It is true that all of us who take the plunge are in for some difficult times. On top of all of Pete's early problems, add to that the fact that he opened his heart and home to a young child belonging to his wife, one of the most unselfish things any man could ever do.

For you guys who are still looking, it CAN work out to be the best thing you will ever do, but it probably won't be easy at times. Count me among those who are glad they did it and would do it again. Even the best AW I have known never treated me as good as my wife, I can't imagine any of them being as unselfish and dedicated as she is.

Sorry this was long, had to speak up about the fact that this CAN be a great thing, and defend someone who doesn't deserve the bashing.
 

[greg]

... in response to Re: Pete & others-In defense of Pete..., posted by Red Clay on Jun 29, 2002

I enjoy reading his Posts, He's very helpful. greg

[Pete E]

... in response to Pete & others, posted by JunFan on Jun 29, 2002

Mike,
I guess this board is kind of a hobby to me.Its something that I'm interested in because it changed my life alot.I guess its just one of those computer things that is so easy to spend time on,check out the site,see what is going on.
I was spending alot more time and energy following my stocks untill they got killed and I had to get out of the market.That freed up alot of time.Being self employerd its easy to drift from work things to play things.I have said that is one disadvantage of being self employed,you waste your own time.
Also my wife watches alot of spanish television.I don't think that is so good but haven't tried to get her to limit it.Its like we go our own seperate ways alot.
Yes I guess I am a cheerleader for going to Colombia.To me it was an incredible change from what I was experiencing here,so I tell guys to just go.It is easy to find someone but not without risks and problems.Yes there is a big cultural difference.It doesn't have to be a big problem but it can be.The guys I know are happy with the outcome.
You had a different experience,which has given you a totally different point of view than people who are happy with the outcome.
For me it seemed the choices were accept what I could get here,which I just couldn't do.To me a woman has to be attractive or why bother.Or continue to be alone,which I spent many years doing.I wasn't lonely but I was missing something.Or go to Colombia (or somewhere else) where the choices were better.
But I do think its good to have different points of view.Its not all success and happy ever after,so its good to get that perspective.I guees if guys read the different experiences they get a more balenced perspective.
Good luck with the girls you are now pursuing.

Pete