Thanks for advice, and sorry...

[cc]

... in response to Thanks for advice, and sorry..., posted by JBP on Jun 11, 2001

Yeah - tell us who the Lady is, and we tell you if we met her already ;-)

Seriously, it is completely up to you how to approach this. Write her, and see what will happen. If she has been listed for more than 4 months, chances are you will never hear from her, but who knows.

Posting ones likes and dislikes sounds strange to you? How else would you go about making initial contact with someone from half-way around the World???

If this approach sounds too much like a "job-interview"to you, you could fly to the PI directly and try to meet girls in shopping malls or whatever. But let's say you write this Lady you are interested in, what are you going to put into your letter? A photo? A description of your likes and dislikes? Guess what: now it's you who is being "interviewed" and she will determine,based on your presentation, she will respond or not. That's why the term "mail-order-bride" is so completely inappropriate, cause it really is a one-way street.

By the way most Filipinas are NOT desperate to come to the US. They may be curious about it and have an interest, but desperate they are not. And those who are desperate to come here: I'd say beware!!!

Let me tell you about my favourite Filipina: I have written her since 4 years. I have visited her 3 times. When I asked her to marry me, she smiled and said "no"... (but I still haven't given up hope, in fact, I am going to meet her again this Fall!)

Good luck!

[JBP]

... in response to my advice and story for you:, posted by cc on Jun 12, 2001

CC,
Thanks for your response. I think you misinterpreted my post. What I feel uncomfortable with is canvassing several or many women at the same time.
I don't have a problem with the "interview" technique. I was asking if it was inappropriate to ask anyone here for possible references on any particular woman. I figure that most of the men here have visited the women's personals on the different websites and I wouldn't think it so removed that some men here have made correspondence with the same woman.
Actually, as far as the "interviewing" process and "reference checks" go. I was figuring on offering addresses of women whom I am friends with here in the U.S. to this particular lady in the Philippines.
I think the people one calls as friends are a good indication as to the personality and character of this same person. Matter of fact, I am good friends with a Filipino lady and her husband. I think it would only be to my credit if this particular lady in the Philippines would be able to correspond with my friend.
Also,looking far ahead, if I ever go visit a foreign lady, one of the first things I would do would see what her friends are like.
Thanks again for your response. Talk with you later.

JBP

[cc]

... in response to misinterpret, posted by JBP on Jun 12, 2001

Hi JBP, I was a bit "cynical" about giving us the address of your Lady, but the rest of my post was very serious and I don't think I misunderstood what you were saying.

There are THOUSANDS of Filipinas on the web, chances that any one of us know that particular one are slim to none. And even if, why would you still want to write her, if she is already in a relation with someone else?

You don't need "reference checks" - now YOU make it sound like a job interview! Of course you should meet her friends, and you will! I agree with you, that it is very important to see how she treats and interacts with her family and her friends. And you will, once you visit her. Most Filipinas will not go out alone with you, there will be at least one chaperone. When I met an Ilocana in Baguio this Spring (Ilocanas tend to be even more conservative) we had a minimum of 3 chaperones all the time, usually more - but it was fun!

I would not advice you sending letters to any of her friends, asking whether she is of "good character" or anything like that. You will NEVER hear from her again! Of course you can mention in your letter that you know this Fil-Am couple and that's why you yourself are thinking about this, but I wouldn't offer their address either, unless she asks, which is unlikely.

If you feel uncomfortable writing to several Ladies, by all means stick with one! There are some guys on this board who had success with this approach. Many others (myself included) find that the chances of a successful match are higher if you write several.

[tito]

... in response to Thanks for advice, and sorry..., posted by JBP on Jun 11, 2001

JBP,

Thanks for possibly clearing up some confusion about the Alex/Stephen dust up.Couldn't figure it out.But if you have ever seen Stephens picture you know he wasn't being sarcastic or arrogant,hehe.Just truthful:)I'm kidding.Also if you have ever seen Tess's picture he was being truthful about that.I'm not kidding.

I was going to answer you question about writing just one because that is what I did.My feelings were the same as yours about not wanting to play the field and all that.As far as the analogy to fishing and "Bubba",yea,well,uh OK.
That one kind of went over my head:)Anyway, I did write to just one girl and spent all my time and energy getting to know her.I think that helped and when I got there we were like old friends.I know she appreciated being the "one and only".Contrary to popular opinion not every girl has multiple pen pals.Some only recieve one response and others who are serious about finding someone special will only write to one person.

Now, the question remains.Did this approach serve me well?The truth is that I don't know.So far it seems that it has.I am well into the K-1 process and only a couple of months from being reunited.I have a good feeling about my upcoming marriage.Famous last words???Maybe,maybe not.Truth is I don't know.How many guys who post here or lurk here said the same thing in my positon.They feel good and blah,blah,blah.A whole new chapter is about to begin and the question did my approach to the "one girl" question help or hurt me will start being answered.

So, I don't think there is a definative answer.I think guys who have been married for some time could give you the best input but still,every situation is different.But you probably won't get over your negative feelings about playing the field so you might want to go with your gut instincts and do what is comfortable for you.Good luck in the process.

tito

[JBP]

... in response to Re: Thanks for advice, and sorry..., posted by tito on Jun 12, 2001

Tito,
"Bubba" is the big-daddy fish. To explain: I'm an avid fisherman. At times when I'm fishing for meat for the freezer, I'll use many poles (more bait in the water, the better your chances of catching more fish). But using this technique, I've lost fish because I can't give every pole 100% of my attention. Some of these fish I've lost have been good quality fish. But when I go fishing with the intent of catching a quality fish, I'll only use one pole. That way I can give 100% of my attention to catching the best possible one I can. Very rarely have I lost a fish when I'm using one pole and giving it 100% of my attention.
All but once have I not used this latter technique in pursuit of the favor of a woman. With that one exception, I lost them both!! :-(

JBP

[Jimbo]

... in response to Bubba, posted by JBP on Jun 12, 2001

I agree, one pole, and always invite your lady when you go fishing.  Just tell her "Honey, you can hold my pole!" )

Jim
--sorry, that was bad, I know...

[Dave H2O]

... in response to one pole, posted by Jimbo on Jun 12, 2001

Jim,

I crawled out of the gutter and look who just fell in. ROFLMAO! It's good to have you back. Did you see any long, thick, bamboo poles while you were in the Philippines? No...no...I was asking for Humabdos' nipa hut. ;o))

Dave H.

[kevin]

... in response to Re: one pole, posted by Dave H2O on Jun 13, 2001

Might they have been capped with acorn squashes?

- Kevin

[Ray]

... in response to one pole, posted by Jimbo on Jun 12, 2001

ROTFLMAO! :-)

[Jeff S]

... in response to Bubba, posted by JBP on Jun 12, 2001

Me too!

http://home1.gte.net/jspira/fishing/

Jeff S.