Can an American woman hope to compete?

[cc]

... in response to Re: Because contrary to general misconce..., posted by Jeff S on Jun 15, 2001

I don't very often agree with Michelle, but this is a good one!!! I especially like her line: "How on earth will Ms. Manheim teach her son to be a good father when she has made such a mockery of the concept?"

[cc]

... in response to Thanks, all!, posted by katy on Jun 15, 2001

I hope you are a little flexible in your plans ;-)

[Carl]

... in response to Can an American woman hope to compete?, posted by katy on Jun 14, 2001

It is nice to see an AW that desires to have a traditional life with her husband to be. You ask where can you find a man who wants a lady like you. I think most all the men on this board are looking or has found, this kind of wife. It is well known, Asian girls for the most part, are this kind.
You are definately in the minority in the USA. Most of us have been married to an AW before. Do not wish to repeat it.I had an uncle who had married a Filipina years before.After my last wife died, I gave it my priority to find one like his wife who has been very devoted to him even though he is 40 years older. I have found that girl. A Filipina who simply is wonderful. She is young,pretty and very intelligent. There are men who have found the same here on this board. Some, who have been devestated by a Filipina. The bad ones are in the minority. Just the opposite here in the USA. If you are sincere, you have come to a good place to let it be known your values. But, you will have stiff competition with the Asian ladies. Here is the mind blower. I am 47.5 years older than she. yet, she is a happy camper over 15 months now. She is not a gold digger, I am retired and not much savings. She went to work after a year here to help her family rebuild their house. She gives me her check and only ask for a little cash. God was behind our marriage and it is a wonderful life. My God bless you and help you find the right man. PS: look into church also. Many men go to find one like you.
Carl

[AirForceVet]

... in response to Can an American woman hope to compete?, posted by katy on Jun 14, 2001

Hi Katy,

Hope this doesn't get too long-winded, but here goes.

Yes, there is certainly someone out there for everyone.  I am not a hopeless romantic - I think there are "several someones" out there for everyone.  There are lots of good, decent, warm, gentle, compatible men who would be glad to find a lady like you.  The trick is, don't LOOK for one.  They just pop up when you are not looking.

I'm married to a lovely young Filipina.  My 4th marriage.  First one was to a Spanish girl, then 2 American women, then to my current (and hopefully LAST) wife.

Before my last marriage, I tried the newspaper ads, but never felt comfortable with the phone calls.  I've swapped e-mails on singles sites, but never went to actually meet a lady.

My best luck was with a singles group here in WV.  They had picnics, meetings, dinners, dances, etc.  You could see people face-to-face and get a feel for what you were getting into.  We had a couple of hundred people show up for our dances, and singles drove in from 2 or 3 hours away to attend them.  It was fun, and you might try to find a club in your area.

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to meet you before I met my present wife!  After my 3rd divorce, I gave up on American women and started writing letters thru Cherry Blossoms.  Got a lot of letters from lovely young ladies.  Then I happened to meet my future wife thru a friend of a friend, and she was already here in the USA, so that made my job a lot easier.

Just be yourself - be happy - guys hate sour-pusses.  Attend events, and some guy(s) will find you.  Listen, I have to get back to work.  Lunch hour is over.  If you would like to chat, feel free to e-mail me.  Good Luck !!

[Bear]

... in response to Can an American woman hope to compete?, posted by katy on Jun 14, 2001

Nothing more absent or rewarding, bringing more happiness or sadness, more pleasure or pain than the merging of souls but so few give it enough thought and take it for granted.  I think if you look through the archives you'll see there is probably not one on this board who has not suffered through at least one cruel, hard loss of a mate.

Yet here I am narried to the most wonderful woman God made Starting all over again pledging not to make the same mistakes and to try harder, be smarter, more attentive.  And happy.

Can we blow it again?  Too often it happens. And two or three posters here will tell you all about it if you ask them - well maybe even if you don't.

You'll live Katy and you'll find someone for you.  Work it out in you mind.  Decide what you want.  Then go get it.  When you find it make sure you found it (this is where most people mess up).  Then act like its all up to you to keep it.

You'll never work harder and you'll never be happier.

Bear

[spunky1]

... in response to There's someone for everyone, posted by Bear on Jun 14, 2001

nt.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Can an American woman hope to compete?, posted by katy on Jun 14, 2001

I'll take a flyer and assume you're being honest. You're exactly what most of the men here say they are looking for. Don't be fooled into believing what we Asian wife seekers are looking for or what we find are utterly submissive little women who stay home and do our bidding. None of the Asian wives I know fit that bill. In fact, most are intelligent, strong women. If you look over the posts of Carrisse, May10, Tess and a few others (sorry if I forgot you) in the archives, you'll immediately recognize whhat I'm saying. I'll include my wife in that list also, though she doesn't post here. What they DO seem to recognize and what many American women have forgotten in the past generation or so, is that men and women are different. They're not interchangable, though yes, it's true many women can do just as good a job at certain things as can men. It's that each gender has a different but complimentary role in the family relationship, equal but opposite. You seem to understand that.

What you need is a REAL man - not a chest beating macho guy, but rather one who will accept his responsibility to support you and care for you and your children together - one with the strength and moral fiber to do the right thing, no matter how difficult it may be. I can't offer any suggestions on where to look, but I'd say the internet, like singles bars, is pretty chancy. Churches, charitable organizations, and introductions from friends who you know to be upright and good ae some of the best places to start. I wish you the best in your search.

-- Jeff S.

[Dale]

... in response to Re: Can an American woman hope to compet..., posted by Jeff S on Jun 14, 2001

Katy wrote"

"but where do I find men who want a traditional wife and partner?

I've thought about Internet personals. I suppose that I could plainly state what I've said here. I'm just worried that I might attract only pigs and insecure men who will expect me to be utterly submissive. I may want to devote my life to his comfort, but I still have a sharp tongue and some attitude... and I'm quite intelligent.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice you men could give me. I've decided to just ask men what THEY want."

I am sorry to say this is the typical AW mentality: Where do I find a such and such man? Men are insecured pigs... I want to please my man BUT I am such and such... Do men know what they want? etc, etc.

If you really want to know what men think, browse through the russian board. You will see every man is sincere in his quest for marriage and family. Contrary to the myth, these men are not losers or insecure or lack of social skills. They are just fed up with AW who want both Bill Gates' money and Mel Gibson's looks.

Start by showing you are an equal partner to the man you love. In just the way you like to be treated, treat him in the same way.

[katy]

... in response to Re: Re: Can an American woman hope to co..., posted by Dale on Jun 16, 2001

No, I don't believe men are insecure or pigs. I do believe
that such men exist, however.

If I believed that of the men on this board, I would not
have asked for their opinions!

That said, however, I have read through the archives, and I
HAVE seen some posts by men who are clearly screwed up. They
are not typical of the men who seek foreign brides, but they
do exist.

To say that "all people who look for love via this or that
method are losers" is silly. Remember, a lot of people
thought that personal ads were "for losers" too, until more
and more success stories were heard!

I have met men through Internet personals, and they have
mostly been very nice men. I HAVE however, been contacted by
some who seem to be undesirable. Not a big problem - I just
weed them out and move on with my life!

I am considering posting an ad that states that I am looking
for a man who believes in the traditional family roles. I
honestly do not know what to expect.

But, I will keep yo

[Jeff S]

... in response to Typical AW attitude?, posted by katy on Jun 17, 2001

.. do you fear? You seem very reluctant to state you believe in traditional values in an ad, worrying about the kind of man you'll attract. Hey, did Ward Cleaver keep June chained in the basement and smack her around a bit when she got too uppity? NO! Traditional men know how to treat their women, with respect and they KNOW their job is to care for and protect them. Will you attract a-holes? OF COURSE! By your own admission, you attract them now, with the kind of ads you're runnning, don't you? Likewise many of the men who seek a foreign wife attract golddiggers, visa whores, and scammers. We just have to spend time sorting through the riff raff to find the diamonds. This is life - we have to use our best judgement to reject the things we don't like and only accept the things we do.

Best of luck to you and remember, it's not like you're playing statistics or hiring a big workforce - you can afford to be as picky as you want. You're only looking for ONE person here (at least you should be) and you'll know it when you eventually meet him. Don't delude yourself into accepting less. But as other others have said here - to attract a traditional guy, you'd better be a traditional gal. June Cleaver also didn't constantly nag Ward about the neighbors having better toys, about his poor taste in clothes, etc.

It's been a while since I was single and dating AW, but the thing that irritated me the most was that AW (at least the ones I dated) generally thought of men as a project that somehow needed considerable work to become suitable for her. My wife loves me just the way I am and wouldn't change a thing (even if she were dense enough to think she could.)

-- Jeff S.

[katy]

... in response to What about traditional family values..., posted by Jeff S on Jun 17, 2001

And, even the model nuclear family upon which the Cleavers
were modelled was probably far from perfect. I'm sure the
women nagged sometimes! ;-)

I don't know what I'm afraid of, but your response was
inspiring - I'll just have to sift through the drek until I
find the one person who is right for me.

thanks!

[Jeff S]

... in response to June Cleaver wasn't real, posted by katy on Jun 17, 2001

... but I bet your grandparents (or maybe great grandparents) have the kind of relationship you want - each helping each other through the good and bad times, raising a family the best they could and even if they got on each other's nerves, they were consumed with "doing the right thing" rather than "feeling fulfilled" and that made all the difference. It seems to me, when people focus on the end result, like, "let's not keep score so the children will have more self esteem," or "I want to have a fulfilling relationship" they miss that self-esteem comes from putting effort into the fundamentals and using it to win games, and feeling fulfilled is a RESULT of putting work and effort into a relationship and having it blossom People seem to forget that you DO first and FEEL later, not the other way around. Modern thought would have you believe you have to feel first and have the feeling lead you to the doing - this is simply, as you put it so well, drek.

-- Jeff S.

[alex]

... in response to Re: Can an American woman hope to compet..., posted by Jeff S on Jun 14, 2001

Wow, sounds like your talking about Alan Alda. All American ladies are sincere, deserving, helping, etc. Until they eat the wedding cake, *rim-shot*. Does any guy really want an equal? Do men really want to share or be in control? Look at the threads on the board about Prenupts, divorce, and support issues. Sharing and caring are not top bananas.

I was caring, loving, and trusting of my wife, until she decided to split the sheets with the nieghorhood Gigalo. Mutal responsibility and respect for you Vows are what is needed, and yes men cheat too. But ask around and really hear some stories of Good men, who treated their wife with respect, nurturing, chocolate hearts and candlelight, and you can see the result.

Better yet, visit a City Park or Mall on Sunday and see the Dad's carting the kids around on visitation, that is what being man is about.

PIECE.

[Patrick]

... in response to Allen Alda has a wife., posted by alex on Jun 14, 2001

other than negative insults, then please refrain from posting.  I'm not going to disable your account at this point, but I'm asking you to at least engage in conversation rather than posting rants.  If your interest is in Asian women, then post stories, questions, or answers here rather than going to the Latin board to label all women who wear "belly shirts" as morally inferior.

I'm sorry you were the victim of infedelity.  Perhaps you'd like to share your story.  Was it a foreign woman you were married to?

By the way, I know a guy who's paying $1,600 per month to his ex-wife (American) after she was caught sleeping with a foreign exchange student they had living with them.  Since they were married over 10 years, the alimony is permanent.  The bill would have been higher, but their teenage son chose to live with his father rather then his drunken mother.  And you know what?  This guy is not bitter about it.  He simply moved on with his life and now has a girlfriend (American).  Better to get over the trauma rather than wallow in hatred.  The hatred is going to consume you and you won't be able to lead a normal life with normal relationships until you get past it.

And I don't think nice guys finish last.  I think it's weak guys who grovel at a woman's feet constantly who finish last.  There's a difference between being nice and being needy and it's generally the men who don't love themselves, who feel inferior and think they need to constantly shower a woman with gifts and cater to her every whim because of their fear of losing her who are dumped.  These guys have  got to respect themselves before anyone else is going to respect them.

[greg]

... in response to If you have nothing to contribute, posted by Patrick on Jun 15, 2001

Hi! Pat..I'm in Philippines smile..It's always a pleasure to read your posts..take care..greg