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Author Topic: New wife  (Read 18258 times)
cdrab
Guest
« on: November 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
Following advice from many on this list who have stated from experience, when you bring your new wife into your house you must remove all traces of your previous wife.
I have removed the pictures, thrown out the x's cloths that had been left, removed any paper trails including the divorce affidavits and all related paper work.
I sure hope I haven't forgotten anything, I would hate too unneccesarily fire up my Latina.
Anyone else have any suggestions what else I should be removing or doing to make her more comfortable?
What about the food, any problems, is there some latin cook books available?

Clint
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beattledog
Guest
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to New wife, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

I have read the comments on the new wife with interest. My thoughts are as follows; Over 7 years, I lost my life in a car accident and left with two children to raise (the last one will be graduating from college in two years). I decided that I would always leave 3 pictures of my wife and our family in the house. They have always been out since her death and always will be. There is no discussion on this matter. Also, my wife did a little of nettlework and these items are displayed over the house and if any future wife objects to them, then she will be no more. This is the woman who was the mother of my children and who I dearly loved.

I have not yet found anyone to be my future life and I have really started looking hard and thought I would try and finally make the trip to Colombia with Nelson's agency. I wish that all of you are are arguing or disagreeing over such petty issues as pictures and memories should stop and think that are other individuals who would like the opporturnity to cherrish them.
have a great day and God Bless
Beattledog
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Pete E
Guest
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: New wife, posted by beattledog on Nov 29, 2001

Yes,Colombianas tend to be jealous.They don't want your past relationship displayed in front of them.I don't think any wife,and particularly a Colombiana,is going to want to look at pictures of your ex wife displayed around the house she is going to be living in.
I'm not saying you can't have them,or cherish them,but displayed in several places around the house?Won't work.You need to rethink this and if you are ready for a new relationship.You have a past,and you can cherish it,but you can't have a new relationship work with one foot stuck in the past.Really,its not only a  deal killer for the new relationship,but its a deal killer for you moving on in your life.Do you want to keep reliving the past or have a new life?You really can't do both effectively.
Question: I don't mean to be unkind,but did you do grief counseling?Even if you did I think you may want to  revisit it again before seeking a new wife.
I Hope I don't seem harsh here,but these aren't petty issues
for a new marriage.They are Elephants in the room that need to be dealt with first.
I really hesitate to post this.I hope you don't think its an attack.I do wish you well,and yes Colombia is a great opportunity when you are ready for it.

Pete

Pete
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Edge
Guest
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to New wife, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Clint - I kind of took a different route than some of the other guys.  I did not throw out or remove any items from my past life.  She looked through all of my past photos and was laughing a great deal at either me or my old girlfriends.  I saw photos of her old boyfriend as well when I was with her in Cali and did not expect her to get rid of them.

Also, luckily, she has been careful about what she has thrown away when she went about organizing the house.  She basically put everything in bags so I could sort through it.  Thank God.

Lately, she has been trying to rehabilitate some of the old stuff like stereos, cameras and things that I have and possibly either carry or send them down to her relatives.  This girl is always thinking about what she can do for someone in her family, which I think is great.  She is not overly focused on herself, but what she can give to make someone happy.

Food has been somewhat of a challenge.  She misses much of the comida tipica.  So she is getting ready to start to make some empanadas.  We found a small colombian grocery store where she can buy ingredients.  She has looked up many recipes on the internet.  Even so, when she was in Cali, she ate a variety of different foods from Italian to Chinese so she enjoys much of the same food I do.  We have not been able to find a full blown Colombian restraunt here in Denver.  One place has some a few Colombian dishes and a poor imitation of empanadas.  

In a few weeks we are heading to San Francisco and San Jose and Carmel area for our honeymoon and to see my friends and relatives.  I hope to take her to some Colombian restraunts in San Francisco and San Jose.

Good luck....
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Pete E
Guest
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: New wife, posted by Edge on Nov 29, 2001

Try "Reconcito Colombiano" on Almaden Rd.south of Curtner ave.,San Jose.Very authentic.We went there on Sunday and I was the only gringo in the place.

Pete
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Edge
Guest
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: New wife, posted by Pete E on Nov 29, 2001

Thanks Pete - I actually found this restaurant you mention listed on the internet.  Good to know it is popular.  Do you know anything about "Restaurante El Majagual" on Valencia in S.F or any other one in S.F. (maybe in the Mission District)?  My best friend lives in S.F. now, so I have him scouting around.  I am going to have our reception at the Cliffhouse in S.F.

I am looking forward to heading west.  If you were going to be around, I would look you up, but I understand you are going to be in Cali.  

Take care...
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JunFanTX
Guest
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to New wife, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Clint,
You are absolutely right about de-batchelorizing the pad.  I didn't throw away all the pictures I had from days gone by, but I boxed them up and stored them at my parents house.  Cleaning the house is the main thing, and of course removing all the land mines.  I thought I had cleaned my house out pretty good, even had professional cleaners (highly recommended) come in to really get the place clean. But she still would find stuff from my past life. Under the couches, between the cushions, backs of drawers, etc...If you get the major things out of there you should be OK.

My experience was that they will begin organizing their stuff during the first few days, then it seems there is a period that they are adjusting to their new home, and the don't change things.  The next phase is they want to put their personal touch on everything.  First it's the kitchen, then the bathroom goes, the closet follows, and pretty soon the garage is the only place left unmolested.

Make sure you have a gameplan regarding how you two will allocate closet space.  We don't have huge closet space in the bedroom, so we only keep those clothes that are in season in that closet and store the rest in another.

Later,
Mike
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Patrick
Guest
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to New wife, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Clint,

Every woman is unique, and it's a mistake to assume that because Joe X's wife was a certain way that your's will be the same.  I still have some photos of my ex-wife that I would never throw away (they contain other family members) and even have some wedding shots.  My wife has seen them and does not complain.  I'd just relax and wait for her arrival and see how things go once she gets here.
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Pete E
Guest
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to New wife, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Clint,
Just get rid of the old evidence and don't worry about fixing up the house.She will do that for you to her style.The cook books might be a nice touch though.
I suggest monitoring what she throws out carefully.My wife couldn't tell the difference between garbage and my personal treasures.One item that came up missing soon was the address book I had for 30 years.The cover was torn off and I know she just tossed it.She says she doesn't know.I believe her.It looked ugly and it was gone without a thought as to what in the hell it was.
Just last week,after telling her 10 times at least not to throw out anything off my desk,I was digging notes phone numbers and E-mails out of the garbage.Magazines hit the garbage the day they arrive.My wife is the opposite of a pack rat.She loves to throw things away.

Pete
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cdrab
Guest
« Reply #9 on: November 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: New wife, posted by Pete E on Nov 28, 2001

Pete
I have discussed with the wife about fixing up parts of the house, mainly the room for her 1 year old daughter but she said she wanted to paint it, look for the furniture,  and pick the carpet. She also commented that from the pictures of the inside of the house that I had shown her that it looks very plain. What can I expect? Am I in for a expensive and major over haul. Also what have you experienced with your wife on how she handles money and how much access have you given her. I hope these questions aren't too personal.
Thanks
Clint
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Pete E
Guest
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to major overhaul?, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Clint,
The first thing my wife said about my house was "much disorganized".She has a good taste for decorating and does it in her style.Lots of plants,figurenes,little Colombian house wall decor,ceramics from her sister.She likes a bargain.Her biggest find was the dollar store,followed by Ross.She came home with a new pair of sweat pants the other day.$4.It kind of blows her away what major items cost so she lets me decide what I am willing to do.
Money in more detail I have commented on before(like 2 weeks ago) and promised not to do it again(she read it ).

Pete
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cdrab
Guest
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: major overhaul?, posted by Pete E on Nov 28, 2001

Too bad I missed your post about money. It is a very important subject for me. Would I be correct in saying that many women live from paycheck to paycheck and have never had an opportunity to save money given the different economic situation in colombia. So when they are in a position to get there hands on more money they have problems controlling there spending . I am speaking in general just looking for opinions.
Thanks
Clint

Pete,
I have followed your story with your wife from the beginning and have to congratulate you for making it work where many have thought you would fail. I can only hope to have the same success you seem to be having.
Best wishes for you and your wife
Clint
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Kenfer8
Guest
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: major overhaul?, posted by cdrab on Nov 28, 2001

Those who live paycheck to paycheck in Colombia are the privileged few. They have a job to begin with.

I think you should be more concerned about credit and debt than money itself when you bring your Colombian wife. Most people in Colombia don't have big debts because they don't have credit the way we know it here and because of the astronomical interest rates.

Here is just too easy to obtain credit. Make sure to address that issue.
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cdrab
Guest
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Debt vs Money, posted by Kenfer8 on Nov 29, 2001

OK
That is probably a good place to start but how about some information from guys who have brought there woman home. How have they handle the finances?
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Patrick
Guest
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Debt vs Money, posted by cdrab on Nov 29, 2001

See my first reply to your original post.  Everyone is different and it's a mistake to even ask how "they" handle finances and expect to get something applicable to your wife. Each Latin woman is a unique individual.  Sure, there may be cultural trends, but something like "how they handle finances" is going to vary with each woman.

I have to practically force my wife to spend money.  She tries to save gift wrapping paper even.  Some other guy's Latin wives have gone on spending sprees maxing out credit cards.  Each woman is different.
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