Speaking of gold digger.....again!

[Lori]

... in response to Re: call the police!!! WHAT CALL THE POL..., posted by humabdos on Apr 22, 2001

a SIMPLE thing as pot growing....well, I think it is pretty illegal....my veiw was having it around kids. BAD!!!BAD!!!BAD!!!..and in my book, anyone who thinks it is O.K. is not O.K. . Try explaining to a 10 year old why there is pot in the house, when , in school they teach these kids all about the evils of drugs. I had to do it. And I had to choose what was right for my child vs. saving a relationship with my spouse. I gave him the choice, and he chose the drugs. now go ahead and tell me that choice was wrong.
About calling the police...well, yeah...that was probably over the "top". But I guess I read the post too fast, and she was looking how to get away from him. I did not say he was a controll freak, just because he uses pot, and nowhere in her statement did she say he used it for medicinal purposes. Obviously the guy wants to keep her under his watchful eyes, but for what reasons, we do not know. One thing I can say is that he had no right to bring her here and not let her work or teach her how to drive. He sounds like a real loser to me, and gets what he deserves. I would not put up with it. Would you??
Oh yeah....back to the TYPICAL AW issues....it really bores me...

[Carrisse]

... in response to Re: call the police!!! WHAT CALL THE POL..., posted by humabdos on Apr 22, 2001

But I agree with Lori.  Pot is pot--illegal or not.  And the Pinay has a reason to be worried.  I would be too.

[humabdos]

... in response to Easy Hum...., posted by Carrisse on Apr 22, 2001

So that means you would call the police on your husband too?

Anyone who would call the police on their spouse for such a minor thing as pot smoking is down there with dog poop in my book! What good would that do anyway? This one just blows my mind!  

    Humabdos

[Carrisse]

... in response to Re: Easy Hum...., posted by humabdos on Apr 22, 2001

I'm wallowing in it Hum.  I'm thinking maybe make some sort of perfume from it--and market it.  Wanna try a sample?

[humabdos]

... in response to Dog doo, posted by Carrisse on Apr 22, 2001

Did Martha Stewart teach you that? lol

[humabdos]

... in response to Dog doo, posted by Carrisse on Apr 22, 2001

I dont know if that is legal be careful your husband might call the dog poo police lol ;-) he he he  Let me know if you run short I will UPS you some. )

[Jeff S]

... in response to Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by Morena on Apr 21, 2001

You should bail. There's no reason at all to put up with that nonsense. Life is too short to spend worried about getting tossed in jail and to be manipulated by someone unwilling to grant you any responsibilities except maid (and I assume in-bed) services. There are real people out there interested in you as a person, willing to grant you the ability to control your world, (drive, get a job, go out with friends, etc.) Know it's wrong to stay - who cares what name some some a__hole decides to put on it. Just MHO.
-- Jeff S.

[greg]

... in response to Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by Morena on Apr 21, 2001

ABSOLUTELY NOT a Golddigger nor Greencard Shark...She did the wise thing to leave the JERK. greg

[still Jay]

... in response to Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by Morena on Apr 21, 2001

Hi Morena,

This lady is obviously not in either catagory. Everything up until the pot, could have been handled, probably. However, growing "weed" in one's house is a big time felony, and she would probably be just as guilty as he, in the eyes of the law. That would mean jail-time and/or deportation for her. She was wise to leave. She should leave again if he doesn't stop it.

My own wife took her driving schoool about 2 yrs. ago, but still does not drive because she had a little bump into a curb shortly after and it spooked her. I wish she WOULD drive! I'm tired of driving everywhere. She also has a job working about 65 hrs. a week, yet she does 98% of the housework herself. That's her rules. I only take out the trash twice a week. My daughter does the dishes eveyday and the restroom once a week. She would like more help from her daughter, but has made it perfectly clear that I am to do no more. I think she just likes her house her way. Or doesn't like my clean-up style. Probably a little of both, though I do clean when she is not here. Sometimes. Well, once in a while. O.K.!! Maybe never, but that's HER rules!

Jay

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by still Jay on Apr 21, 2001

Jay I thought the pot was minor compaired the way he is treating her!  He could quit smoking but would still be an arse hole!If he is disabled he could be using the pot for medication. Here in oregon pot is legal with a doctors order, and you can get permit to grow it. Maybe if he needs the herbs for medical resons they should move to oregon where it's not such a big deal.

There are many worse drugs than pot like cigs, alcohol, ect..  This guys problem is deeper than a harmless plant I suspect. Humabdos

[Morena]

... in response to Re: Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by still Jay on Apr 21, 2001

Jay,

That is her biggest fear, going to jail and being deported, although she want's to just go home to the Philippines IF they would get divorced.

She does all the cleaning in and outside the house, the husband doesn't help her.  He makes all the mess in the house, and get's mad when she keeps things in order, like papers/junks.  He just sits, read, eat, sleep while the wife is working hard.  She always ask her husband to help her, but his answer is just..."I'll do it later" or "don't worry about it."

[Zebson]

... in response to Re: Re: Speaking of gold digger.....agai..., posted by Morena on Apr 21, 2001

Morena, Does this guy work? Does he own the house? Does he pay the bills? He must have had some positive characteristics that she decided to marry him for..Or at some point it also becomes a reflection upon her also. And I am wondering based upon what you have related, to determine if this has been a gradual decline or if he was always this way? So let me put it this way if you had to play the devils advacate...And you were him..what would you say are the more positive aspects of his character and person. Perhaps looking at it that might shed a little light on both sides?

Zeb

[Morena]

... in response to A slightly different angle..., posted by Zebson on Apr 21, 2001

Due to his disability he is not working.  He bought the house when his wife came here. He does all the things with his own decesion.  Not consulting or asking the wife with her own opinion.  

Yes he pays all the bills because the wife doesn't have a job.  She want's to get a job and asks him if he would bring her to work and get her afterwards, but he is not willing to do so.  He complains about the gas. She could not take a bus because there is no bus in there area.  

[Stephen]

... in response to Re:  A slightly different angle..., posted by Morena on Apr 22, 2001

Just a quick observation...I may be way off base....

But it seems like he might be insecure.....afraid that if she gets out of the house and gets a job she will meet somebody else besides him.  So he keeps her at home so he can have her to himself alone.

(In effect what he has done is to drive her away.)

Stephen

[Zebson]

... in response to Speaking of gold digger.....again!, posted by Morena on Apr 21, 2001

Morena, I am first sorry to hear such a story. If a man truely loves his wife, he will be sensitive to her concerns, as long as they are reasonable towards maintaining a balanced loving relationship. Like wise she should be sensitive to his needs and ways as long as they are not endangering her or causing her harm. Naturally in a situation like you have indicated there is always another side and possibly things maybe more extreme or less extreme depending upon how accurate you have portrayed, described and defined this situation.

The first thing that needs to be clarified is this.. Does the man Love his wife? If he openly indicates he does love her, then he should listen to her concerns. If his smoking pot is a factor that's the main source of causing division in their relationship, then he should love her enough to stop smoking. And it should not just be based solely on the fact that it's illegal. It's the same with any action..wheather drinking in excess, smoking cigerettes in excess, gambling, shopping in excess (as to cause financial destruction)..etc. It's not the just the actions consequences that should be the motives for stopping the action. It should be the reality of how it's affecting the other partner and the relationship as a whole first. Another factor is, by the description of the relationship you've painted, he indeed does sounds quite controlling. This is a problem, because now the wife, who he is supposed to love is not being able to be herself. She cannot grow, learn and feel comfortable about her place and purpose in life. If he truely loves her, he will work to meet her halfway. And if he is so worried about her driving, but can't see the reality of his own problems regarding a possible addiction to pot then he is not balanced and needs help. If he is not helping in aspects regarding the up keep and sharing of responsibilities regarding the house, then once again he is being selfish and not paying attention to the balance of the relationship and the other partners needs. At this point, if I were to take what you have related at point blank and at face value. I would say this husband is strongly manipulative and is probably saying and doing things to try to control his wife. I would advise, the wife to take a stand and be frank. To directly confront and point out to the husband the actions that are causing problems. And to indicate not only the facts, but how she is feeling about what he is doing and how it's making her feel alienated and seperate because he is making no attempts to better their relationship. And then to indicate that if the actions the husband is taking are not worked on and changed within a certain time frame, she will have no other choice but to leave again..maybe forever.

Zeb