QUESTIONS?

[pack]

i have recieved several emails and one person on the board also mentioned it...why im not asking for responses or advice. ok i am now...please by all means if anyone has any questions for me or advice or just a comment please feel free to fire away. thanks ..pack

[FenixRises]

... in response to QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

Back in part 10 of your report Sol posted this reply.
"Pack,
I don't know if you've been told this but look real hard for your role in this dysfunctional relationship. I had a five year relationship with an American girl. When I got out of it I did soul searching, counseling and other things to get my stuff together. It helped a lot. When I started my search in Colombia I had enough self esteem and good enough radar that I was able to quickly screen out the ones that weren't mature enough, or didn't really love me, or weren't really available for getting married.

The first lady I met, in Medellin, was very nice, very pretty, a great hostess but had some qualities I didn't want in a wife - she was moody, opinionated, and needed to always have the last word. I had picked my last girlfriend all over again but in a prettier Colombian body. Well, I figured that out quickly enough and moved on.

The lady I'm about to propose to is sweet, home oriented, wants to be a wife, lover, mother, friend, she is pretty, but not a model, is crazy about me, comes from a good home, has never even hinted at my giving her money, is very patient, appreciative of what I bring to the relationship, passionate, romantic, a great dancer, has very compatible values, and is emotionally very STABLE. Plus, I'm very clear that I have a tremendous amount to offer to this sweet lady.

It is my experience that we attract people into our lives who are at the same emotional level that we are. Until I *emotionally* cleaned up tons of baggage that I got from my mom and past relationships I kept looking for women who needed to do the same cleaning up that I needed to do. It wasn't their fault that they showed up in my life - I drew them to me! Had I not done my homework I would have kept finding the same kinds of crummy relationships in Colombia, with the added danger that these women might use me to come to the U.S. or to seduce me into giving them money.

If you've read old posts of mine it might now make sense why I am partial to letter writing first. I want the comfort of developing a common base first so I'm not as easily seduced by these gorgeous women.

So, I agree with everyone else who says that there are way too many attractive women who are sweet and good marriage material but until you can see past your patterns you'll never notice them.

Something to think about!

Sol"

Although I might have rearranged the words a bit this is IMO the best advice to you that I have read.
You did indeed have a "heart-attack" in the same sense that disease is really "dis-ease".
Fred

[Jes]

... in response to QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

Pack

You need to move on and kiss this friend of yours good-bye-
You've been pursuing her for 3 or 4 years and always yearning for a hint of affection from her. Post after post you let this be known. She kisses you "on the mouth" only after you buy her a mattress. Well, this is hardly sincere true love.
She has absolutely no affection for you except that of a convenient friend to go out with and spend some quality time on material entertainment. Also, the overall theme of your posts is that you did not go to Cali to really pursue true love but to revive a lost hope.
Girls like your friend are best described in spanish as "ataconas and lagartonas" hardly the type that will make any good man's wife. This is a different type of a shark. This is one is not interested in a green card but on your wallet-This is a wallet shark.
I learned from your posts, and I thank you for being candid but the world is still full of good women, so, move on friend and pick out a better hunting ground.

Jes

[pack]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by Jes on Aug 21, 2001

thanks for your comments and advice.

[buzzy]

... in response to QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

OK Pack you asked for it. It's hard to top what's already been said but I'm curious. In all due respect.... are you in love or merely infatuated with L?  Does she encourage you to stick around?  If she's the one...then have you asked for marriage?  If she responded "No" or, "Maybe later," wouldn't that free you from pursuing her?  Why did you give her top priority on your trip? Is she that special? If you could go back in time and redo the Cali trip what would you do differently?  My last question, will you do things differently on the next Cali trip?  If these questions are uncomfortable disregard. Thanks and good luck.

[pack]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by buzzy on Aug 21, 2001

hmmmm ok. #1 i dont know. #2 in the past years yes she encouraged me to stay around. this trip no. #3 we have been talking marriage for years. i asked her twice she accepted twice. #4 i dont know. #5 stay out of that taxi cab. no really...i guess i would have talked it all out with L the very first meeting and come to a definite decision. i wasted a lot of valuble time and emotions. #6 absolutely!!

[buzzy]

... in response to Re: Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

Thank you for your candid answers.  No more questions...You may now step down from the witness stand.  LOL.

[Craig]

... in response to QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

Hi Pack it's easy for any of us to be arm chair quarterbacks, and give advise. I know that most of us have been blinded by love, or the promise of the same. So no lectures from me. I can only say that for me, the best cure for a lost love is a new one. I have met so many wonderful women in Cali, I'm sure you can, and will find the right one, as I did. Don't give up Pack. Next time try going with a group of friends 4 or 5 guys. Go to have fun, dance, food, wine, see the sites. No, expectation's Pack. Then watch, I bet you find what your looking for. Take care of yourself...Craig

[Viajero]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by Craig on Aug 21, 2001

Craig, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I once went to Odessa with some similar advice in the back of my mind "Go to have a nice vacation with the possibility of meeting someone." I did, I met someone, and although it didn't blossom into anything I had a ball, mainly because I kept my expectations realistic.

As for me, meeting my novia was unplanned. I was in South America on business, and when we met it was instant mutual attraction. Big surprise to both of us!

Pack, my 2 cent's worth is to go and enjoy Colombia and you'll see just how surprising your future will be if you're open to the possibilities.

[pack]

... in response to Good advice, posted by Viajero on Aug 21, 2001

i think you are right. if the doctors give the go ahead i plan to return in november. i have two friends that want to go with me and i have recieved several emails of people i dont even know that want to go down the same time as i do. we may just end up with a party in cali come november.

[pack]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by Craig on Aug 21, 2001

good advice! i think you have something there.i wanted to go with friends i couldnt find anyone that wanted to go with me at the time. i am happy i met cali-vet, ken , mr x and others to hang out with for part of the time there, those guys are a blast.

[ecos]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by Craig on Aug 21, 2001

It seems to me you are trying too hard maybe.  I read a few days ago a guy went to Panama and found a girl but was real agressive and the trip ended on a sour note.  

what Craig said about enjoying yourself was great.  visit some of the country.  17 days is a pretty good time to do a couple of things besides go from agency to agency.

seems you may have let events control the trip rather than you controlling the trip.  on a related note, it also seems your main romantic interest was the one controlling the situation.  you should be in charge.  I think women respect this more.  

also, it probably would be a good idea to set up a few contacts prior to the trip not just one.  

most importantly, I hope your health situation improves.  

I will probably making a trip in November, but I plan on going to Cartagena, Cali, and Bogota.  If something happens while I'm there fine, but if not I'll be enjoying some of the attractions the country has to offer.  No great expectations.

[pack]

... in response to good advice Craig and my two cents, posted by ecos on Aug 21, 2001

more good advice , thanks. yea i landed in cali unsure of myself and my feelings and before i knew it i was running in circles getting nothing achieved. i had some good times this trip and met alot of nice folks but i still concider it as a failed trip.

[markxport]

... in response to QUESTIONS?, posted by pack on Aug 21, 2001

Hi Pack!  Thank you for your posts.  I found them to be fascinating and educational.  Hope your feeling better!  As for the ladies, whether it's L or someone else, just remember that your the one that will have to wake up next to her every morning, not anyone else on this board.  Good luck and I sincerely hope you find what your looking for.  Thanks, Mark

[pack]

... in response to Re: QUESTIONS?, posted by markxport on Aug 21, 2001

thanks mark,i hope maybe my experiences can help others in some way. you are right when all is said and done i will be the one who will have to make the final decision.