SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Diego A.]

Just got back to usa (sadly) had the time of my life in Cali no problems in the city no problems
in the airport if your thinking about going go! be street smart be cautious with your money but
I had no problems at all. I met the woman of my dreams and plan to marry now begins the
paper drive so any advice from veterans is welcome.  Gary Bala worth the money or no?
I highly recommend LATIN ENCOUNTERS owned by Margareth Mayorca she is the best.
She has a big house/office in a very good location plenty of resturants, the mall, even blockbuster
is a walk down the street, atms (ath in colombia)  
she speaks english and is a great person the best in the business and has so many bueatiful
girls in her agency every day more would arrive my mind was blown.  She really helped me
find my Maria and is very wise.  Most of the other agencies are run by men but she is like a
mom to the girls they can trust her and she is my new mom in Colombia!!!!!! My friend Larry
went there and he is now married and on his way back today with his new wife.  You can do it
too.  Thank you American Airlines thank you Avanca!
GO COLOMBIA COPA AMERICA 2001!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D.

[Wayne]

... in response to SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Diego A. on Jul 24, 2001

Hi,

Congrats on your success....

I'm going down for the 1st time in Sept. after I finish my intensive Spanish class.

I did the same thing you did in Moscow my friend.  Fell madly in love with the girl of my dreams.

I know your not going to listen to me, but take it slow my friend.

My marriage of 4 years broke up about 6 months ago, and it has been the most miserable time of my life getting over this.  I have truly been broken.

It's easy to make a snap decision on the fly when you meet those sparkling eyes and kind face.  But can you live with this person?  You can't know this in such a short period of time.

I say for the sake of your fragile heart, be careful...it's easier to get into one of these marriages then to pick up the pieces after it falls apart.

Mine was not a 90 day disaster, it was a 4 year long slow painful struggle leading to failure.  She was young and grew into a person that I no longer wished to be with.

You have nothing to lose by being careful.  You have much to lose by making a mistake.  Life is a really long time, if it's quality, it can stand a little waiting.

Take care,
Wayne

[El Diablo]

... in response to SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Diego A. on Jul 24, 2001

Diego,

I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation in Cali and met a woman you really like while you were there.  I'm not trying to rain on your parade but at least consider taking a bit more time before committing to matrimony.  I recognize that I'm overly cautious myself nevertheless it's sometimes good to step back a bit, test the relationship over a few months and then make a decision outside the infatuation period that generally occurs in the first few weeks.  

If it's meant to be a few months won't make any difference.   Anyway, good luck with everything....

El Diablo

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by El Diablo on Jul 25, 2001

ED(or my friend JH),
What you say is very logical and makes perfect sense,which I do not fault.
The problem is emotionally,when you have found what you are looking for and there she is in front of you,feeling the same about you and then someone councils go slow,its kind of like putting a fine meal in front of a hungry person and saying,here it is,but you can't eat it yet,you have to wait.
Going on gut feeling is risky,thats for sure.But I certainly understand and can identify more with the person who wants to go for it than the person who wants to take it cautiously over a number of  months.
Yes,I jumped in and did this myself.It wasn't smart I will admit,and even though we have had problems to work through it is working well now.I have been told I got lucky and that is probably true,but my wife had a quality about her that made it easy for me to just go for it.
OK,so if what I did wasn't smart what would I recommend here?Ideally to me,if you can,mail and talk alot,go back and see her for as long as possible as soon as possible.Maybe spend 30 days together before you actually get married,and 1-3 months of seperation in between might be a good idea.This is much faster than what many would recommend,and much slower than what I did.
When I told my story in December 99 about how I was going back to marry my novia in 5 weeks after spending 14 days with her on the first visit alot of people got on me about moving so fast,and I was trying to explain myself.A story I had been told came to mind and I repeated it.I am going to repeat it again here,for those of you who were not following in December 99,which I presume is most of you.
I met an old man in 1989.I was standing out in front of my business at the time and he came out of a nearby business and stopped to talk to me.He was a retired deputy sheriff who had spent 40 some years in that job,I think he said he was 73.His wife had just died and he wanted to tell me about her.They had been married just over 50 years.He met her when he was a rider in  a rodeo in Montana in 1939.He thought he was a confirmed bachelor.He told her"I have riden wild horses and wild women all over the west".She told him,"we shall see about that".He said "in one day I was broken". He married her the second day he new her.Logic and planing are fine,but sometimes something else takes over,you might call it fate or destiny.Which also reminded me of a chapter on love in "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran."and think not you can guide the course of love,for love,if it finds your worthy,shall guide your course".
Good luck Diego.I got a good feeling about this.Its your life and your choice.My mothers solution for every thing was always wait.Perhaps your family is saying the same.They are not the ones who are missing this special person in their lives.

Pete

[Tai]

... in response to Re: Re: SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Pete E on Jul 25, 2001

Pete,

Many of us have experienced that "high" of the first magical moments with a "dream girl", but the reality is that it is a HIGH.

Making life changing decisions while "high" is not something that should be promoted.

Granted, I am happy that Diego found someone that has captured his heart, interest, focus, and imagination. But at such an early stage, imagination is a most prominent factor.

By that I mean, early on a person is who someone THINKS & HOPES he/she is...then after knowing someone a little better, a person reveals how he/she ACTUALLY is.

With the proper mindset, selection criteria, and with some luck, who the person actually is will be the same person that you believed them to be initially.

Sometimes the reason for putting a fine meal in front of a hungry person and telling him he has to wait, is because the food is hot and you fear that the person may burn their mouth in haste. -Let it cool down a little, then eat it, and you'll enjoy it all the more.

just .02

Tai

[KADAMS]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Cali Success..uh..Pete?, posted by Tai on Jul 25, 2001

Congrats and best wishes, but you are correct. Daddy always told me never make big choices when I was excited. Keep the post coming.

kevo

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Cali Success..uh..Pete?, posted by Tai on Jul 25, 2001

I'm with El D ...excellent the way you put that. You descibed the whole situation so well. In fact, can I trade you the broken clock saying for the hot meal saying...LOL..just kiddin ...you've given excellent advice.

Regards, HD

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Cali Success..uh..Pete?, posted by Tai on Jul 25, 2001


I've been trying to say something similar ever since I joined the board but man you "nailed" it with one shot.  Great post!!!!!

El Diablo

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Cali Success..uh..Pete?, posted by Tai on Jul 25, 2001

Tai,
I agree a person shouldn't move too fast,say 2-3 months minimum.What do you think is a good time line?

Pete

[Tai]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Cali Success..uh..Pete?, posted by Pete E on Jul 25, 2001

Pete,

Clearly a timeline cannot be set in stone because there are so many variables to be considered with each case, but there should be enough time as to allow for the stabilization of perspective/reality...a.k.a. the "cooling off" period.

2-3 months as in accumulated face to face time? -perhaps.

2-3 months as in ask her to get married in January and then come back in April for the wedding?...during which time the sum of the conversations amount to: "hola mi vida, mi amor lindo, te quiero, te extrano, me haces mucha falta" and "Yes my princess I love you too, I miss you terribly, I have created a shrine of your photos, and I am counting the days until I see you again."  -bad idea.

2-3 months as in: spent 2-3 weeks with her, together all day every day talking about things of substance and importance in developing a strong relationship and real perspective of who each other is, meeting and talking with her family and friends, then talking & writing CONSTANTLY building on the foundation for a future....and NO RED FLAGS are discovered. -perhaps.

2-3 months as in: same scenario described in #3, and the K-1 route is the plan of choice. -Sure, why not?

Tai

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Pete E on Jul 25, 2001

Diego,
In my post above I was picturing getting married there.There is also the fiance visa route,also sometimes refered to as the 90 day test drive.This is what I was thinking when I went down.Why not take the 90 days to really check out the girl,the relationship and also her reaction to the US before actually getting married to her?
It seems like a great idea,and a safe course for a guy.There are some drawbacks.
1.Many of these girls,or their families,do not want their daughter to go shack up(sorry about that term if it offends) with a guy while he is trying to decide if he wants her or not.
2.The spousal visa process is much cleaner and quicker.You can get it 2 weeks after you are married(some guys have reported quicker recently).She gets her green card about 6 weeks after she gets here,and can get her social security card 2 weeks after getting here.She is a conditinal permanent resident,with most of the rights of a citizen.2 years later you(the husband)file a paper,the #751 sticks in my mind ,and she becomes a permanent legal resident.I am told you don't even have to go in,just file the paper.I need to find out for sure.Our  2 years are up 2/5/2002 and I need to file 90 days before that.
3.She may need the commitment of marriage to come here.She can have her wedding with her family and friends and go off to the states a married woman,not just going to live with a guy.There is alot of pride and honor in latino cultures,this is important to her and her family.
4.Without the commitment of marriage you may not make it through the tough times you are almost certain to have.Its easier to just say"hasta la vista baby".Our marriage might not have survived our early problems if we hadn't yet made a commitment of marriage.
I didn't think it would be appropriate,in the case of my wife to ask her to do a fiance visa.She told me later there is no way she would have done that.
I don't mean to critisize people for whom the fiance visa has felt appropriate and I know it has worked for alot of you.I think it is overwelmingly to the mans advamtage.
One other note.I talked about the 90 day test drive,but you really get a 2 years test drive.If the marriage does not at least 2 years she is supposed to be sent back.I know that can get complicated,but it is a huge protection for a guy,if you needed it.
No offence intended here to anyone who has chosen the fiancee visa route.

Pete

[Diego A.]

... in response to Re: About the fiance visa alternative, posted by Pete E on Jul 25, 2001

Thanks Pete,
   I agree. I had thought of using the K1 but instead I am now going to do the paper process for the spousal/DCF because the biggest thing is the family of your fiancee.  They have a hard enough time seeing their daughter leave the country to go live with a gringo they don't know that well save having her leave for to be "test driven" no, no, no. (no offense to anyone who has used this way) Whatever I can do to make my future parents in law feel good about me I'm going to do it.  I want them to have no doubts that their daughter will be loved, honored, respected and cherished and that they will be very much a part of her and my life.
Good post thanks.
D

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: About the fiance visa alternative, posted by Pete E on Jul 25, 2001

Nice post Pete,
I ran into problems relating to step 3, OUR solution was to have the engagement reception which technically a 'benedicion de los argollos (sp?)' or blessing of the rings.  It was administered by a Padre from the Church and it served to legitimize the relationship in the eyes of her family and the Church, to the extent that it can be done without marriage. Looking back on it, sure I was very nervous but I am so glad that I did it because I truly feel alot closer to my new family, especially 'la madre'.  I know it meant alot to them, especially my fiance.  It will be a night she will remember and cherish forever.

Mike

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by El Diablo on Jul 25, 2001

Good advice, Diablo. If she really loves you today, she will still love you 5 months from now. If she DOESN'T love you five months from now, it hurts, but it doesn't hurt nearly as bad to postpone (or even cancel) a wedding as it does to be married to the wrong one.

[Tai]

... in response to SUCCESS IN CALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Diego A. on Jul 24, 2001

Diego(or anyone who knows),

Is Margareth the lady where the agency was in question because of the split with the husband? If so, did she already relocate and regroup? Has the service changed? Did the ladies go(stay) with her?

If she isn't the same lady, or I have confused her with someone else, let me know.

Tai