Lessons Learned

El Diablo

Guest

« on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

We've had a lot of introspection on the board this past month or so. Despite a heated argument here or there, there were at least three or four stories from guys who have traveled South. Some of the stories have had happy endings, others have been down right nightmarish, and one is yet to be completed.

Anyway, this is my "top ten" for lessons learned.

1. Stay clear of 18 year old babes. As Randy found out over time, he was better suited to a woman closer his own age.
2. Wait at least six months to get married
3. Consider a fiancee visa as an alternative to DCF
4. Don't make your fiancee financially dependent upon you.
5. Cali is a fun city but there may be better places to travel these days - maybe even Mexico
6. If a relationship doesn't work out, take a breather, reasses things
7. Take advice from guys who know the ropes but ones who will be honest with you also
8. Find a women who believes as you do, someone who is as much as possible your equal or greater
9. Find a woman who is crazy for you and shows it not just in her words but in everything she does
10.And last but by no means least, never take advice from Bud. (-:


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Sol

Guest

Re: Lessons Learned

« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

Excellent list!

I'll add one to the list. Look for a stable lady in a stable situation. The young ones might be stable but do your homework. The unhappy ones might be looking to be rescued. Some poor ones want someone to fix their finances. The lady who have practice playing the victim role will attract the guys who play rescuer (or persecutor, for that matter.) I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't marry someone in a difficult situation, just think real hard about your motives and if it's just her current situation that's difficult or if she lives her life as victim.

The lady I'm off to see is close to her family, will have me meet eight or nine of them on my first trip, is well enough off that she's certainly not looking for a free ride, has been in the marriage agency scene for two years (seven guys have turned her down because they wanted someone skinny - and this lady is NOT fat), is clear on what she wants her role to be, and is a very happy person. I don't see any red flags of instability here. In fact, this lady is crazy about me, if she's anything in real life like the impression I've gotten so far I'd be a fool to not get serious about her.

Sol


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Pete E

Guest

Re: No advice from Bud?

« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

Bud has to be the main advocate of if it feels right go for it.He proposed to Adriana the second day he met her and married her 2 weeks later.He says he is the happiest guy in the world.He influenced me and also Howard to just go for it.
Bud and Howard are alot alike I think.These are not desperate guys just looking for anybody but successfull good looking guys who have been around the block,been there,done that.They have very high standards and I guess were not finding it in a woman here.I think it can be hard to find a woman where it feels right,and when it does there is the desire to just go for it.I know this isn't logical and doesn't pass the analytical test at all.From what I know it looks like it worked for these guys though,with a longer more interesting story in the case of Howard.
I miss Bud's posts.He was intensely involved when he first started Latin Love and I think just got burned out on trying to respond to all the negative posts,alot of which were instigated by disgruntled competition.His enthusiasm got me off the fence to just get off my butt and go,and I thank him for that.

Pete


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El Diablo

Guest

Re: Re: No advice from Bud?

« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: No advice from Bud?, posted by Pete E on Jul 16, 2001

Hey Pete,

Bud got me off the fence too and even went as far as helping me with some of the arrangements when I moved to Colombia last year. He gave me some very good advice when I was dating a girl who needed an annulment in order to be married in the Catholic church. Had I listened to him, I would have saved myself some heartache. Live and learn I guess.

Anyway, he's always been straight with me. I was just making a joke to kind of lighten up the subject matter. Don't take my comment too seriously.....

El Diablo


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JimSimon

Guest

Re: Lessons Learned

« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

El Diablo,

A great list and one I agree with. I am going to be married in early August to a 35 year old Calena. I would like to add one thing to the list.

SPEAK SPANISH!!!!

My novia and I find it incredible that anyone could have a serious relatioship without a common language. Another gringo met someone the same time I did. He wasn't interested in her because she was only 20 but when she held his hand and said, "No mas entervistas" he was a goner.

She spends his money like it grows on trees. Between her inmaturity and their inability to communicate, we find it hard to believe they will stay together.

About Bud. I find the story of him telling someone to get married to a stranger totallt incredible. Before going to Cali and staying at Latin Love, I spoke to Bud on the phone about four or five times. He was always helpful and honest.

Your rule about six months would have also solved that problem. So would the K-1 visa advise since that makes the process take at least that long and it also gives you some US time together to see if she will be able to adjust to life in the US.

Peace,

Jim


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SteveG

Guest

Re: Lessons Learned

« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

El Diablo,
I think number 9 should be in bold flashing print - if not moved up this list to number 1 to gain greater emphasis. Too many guys worry about hurrying down there to get her before another guy proposes and they forget all about the importance of how she feels about the whole thing. If she doesn't want you at least as much as you do her, the chances for long term happiness are small indeed. I know I ended an engagement mostly because of this, so I know how hard it is BUT that short perios of pain is nothing compared to marriage to someone who is lackluster in her feelings for you. It seems to me that this should be obvious as nobody wants to be married to a woman who doesn't love him.
SteveG


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buzzy

Guest

Re: Re: Lessons Learned

« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Lessons Learned, posted by SteveG on Jul 16, 2001

Hear! Hear!...I'd rather be single than married to the wrong person. A single guy can always jump onto one of those singles' cruises for escape and fun. The unhappy married guy can only jump into his car to the nearest 7-11 for a Big Gulp.


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H2-Oh

Guest

Re: Lessons Learned Well said!!

« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

Everyone should print these out and memorize you're list. Let me add this to you're list, the thought process, the culture, point of view in Cali are sometime so contrary to what we believe here in the states that it's sometime very scary. When you begin to understand who you are with, you scratch you're head and say I don't get it?? Now what do I do. I'll explain this comment in Part 6 of My Story.

H2-Oh


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El Diablo

Guest

Re: Lessons Learned

« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by El Diablo on Jul 16, 2001

By the way, just to be fair, I don't always practice what I preach. My novia is pretty to me but she's just a typical Calena when it comes to looks, however she is only 25 years old. That's a fifteen year difference and definitely pressing the outer limits.


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