I have been thinking lately how the best way to handle the household finances. I am a stockbroker so I have a pretty good grip on finances but, I have never been married before, much less to a Colombiana. I am however, gonna want to somehow regulate how much money she spends while at the same time giving her financial freedom, savings and the opportunity to learn how to be fiscally responsible in this society.

I know people (non MOB types)who give their wives an allowance for the month; I know people who keep control themselves.  To be honest, I have not decided which will be the best way for me to go.  I would like to just give her a set amount that she can spend, money for household items, and money that she sends to Colombia to the family. I will be making her set up an investment account up to, or at least a little IRA or something. Or I may just set up a new savings/investment account in joint name.  

BTW, I will be using a prenupt. I am not trying to be greedy, but rather just trying to protect the assets that I have built in the time before I met her.  Do I feel guilty about it?  Not really.  I mean, I am sure one day I may dissolve it but I have worked too hard and seen too many of my buds get screwed that I feel compelled to enact the prenupt.  I feel if I don't protect myself, and the worst case scenario comes to pass, I wouldn't be able to get rid of the 'I told you so's'. My thinking is, we should split everything accumulated after we are married 50/50.  I haven't heard alot of guys on this board talk about this.  Any comments, ideas or experiences are welcome...

later,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

... in response to Money & Marriage, posted by JunFan68 on Jul 16, 2001

I had the same question myself and what I decided to do is open up a new joint checking account that is basically her account. I did this for a couple of reasons. One is that her mother has an ATM card for this account in Cali so that if we need to send money (as we do each month) that it is easy. This way she has to manage the money her mother takes out and since they do not have access to my larger account the worst that could happen if the card was stolen or other problems is I am out $500 (worst case).  All of my household bills are paided directly via electronic check via quicken and come out of the larger account so the only other expenses she has a need to pay are household and personal. We sat down and did a budget not only for those items but all items and so far (and it has only been this month) that seems like it will work. When presented that she was the administrator of the other account and responsable for her families use of the other ATM card she had no problem with that.

I love and trust my wife but she has never had access to the type of money that I make and to me it is like her learning to drive her. She knows how to drive but not her so we do it together in the evenings where I am there if their is a problem. Some time down the road when she is comfortable and I am comfortable she will drive on her own. The money for me is the same.

I also live in the State of Texas and can echo the same. What is yours before is yours no problem. It is the comingling of funds that causes problems and a prenup ain't gonna help you their buddy.  Open all new accounds do not put one dollar more in them after you are married.

The guy I work for is going thru the process of having to prove he did not contribute to those accounts over the last 10 years they do not have to prove he did contribute.

... in response to Re: Re: Money & Marriage, posted by Pete E on Jul 18, 2001

My bank must be different because I already asked and verified the same question. The max it can ever be overdrawn is $500 and then it is simple interest. I think it costs about .25 a day if I remember right. If there is a problem I would just close that accound or just as easy report the ATM card as lost.

Also the family in Columbia has an ATM debit card it is not a Visa Card as well. I did that on purpose. With a Visa and ATM card you can't draw out more than you have in the account plus your overdraft.

... in response to Prenups, posted by Patrick on Jul 16, 2001

I've got a very good estate attorney that happens to be a client of mine that I'm working with.  He basically told me what you say about Texas in terms of what is yours before marriage will be yours after a divorce...as long as it's documented and doesn't get co-mingled. Co-mingling is the biggest and most frequent mistake.  Nothing protects you 100%, but a prenupt makes everything very clear, spells it out, and it is signed.  But, you still have to make sure not to co-mingle.  Most guys I see out there title their investment accounts 'community property' for joint accounts and 'seperate property' for the individual accounts....

Later,
Mike

www.sparhard.com

... in response to Re: Re: Prenups, posted by Richard Smith on Jul 17, 2001

Richard,
The point is to not co-mingle assets you had before marriage.Half of the appreciation of the house is hers.If you put her on the title half of the house(not just the appreciation) is hers.The idea is to be able to identify the assets you had before marriage,and not mix them up so much with assets after marriage that the value before marriage cannot be determined.I think the marriage has to last a period of time(which may vary state to state)before you even have to get in to this exercise.
In my case I just happen to have an appraisal of my real estate about the time we were married to establish the value at the time of marriage.

Pete

... in response to Money & Marriage, posted by JunFan68 on Jul 16, 2001

Mike,
I checked in to a pre nup before I got married and found in my case there was no reason to do it.I live in California,which is a community property state,so every thing we accumulate after marriage is considered both persons.All of my assets,except some cash is in real estate and I kept it in my name.She could still get half of the appreciation I believe,from the marriage forward.What you don't want to do is "co mingle" the assets.If it can't be determined the value when you got married its considered half hers.I'm not a lawyer(even though I did talk to one),and I don't live in Texas,so you may want to get some advice there.I was relieved I didn't have to ask her to sign one,but I would have if there was a good reason.If you check you may not need to either.
About money for her.She doesn't really know exactly where we are financialy and I kind of like it that way. I can do things my way and if I screw up she won't be telling me about it.I kind of like this traditional role where the guy makes the money decisions.Of course she gets to have her imput on purchases.I got her a bank account,one visa card(low limit)and she has one Dept.store card.She is pretty carefull how she spends money so it hasn't been a problem.I just put money in her account when it gets low.We agreed to send some money to her family,and I suggested an amount,but she doesn't ask for it regularly.I thought we would send it every month but it more on a need basis.She wants to get a job so she can send money to her family and have her own spending money,not getting it from me.Her english is about 50% so I don't think she can get a good job yet.Her favorite video store asked her to apply for a job(she didn't ask them)That could be OK for a part time job.She loves movies and  likes the idea of getting free DVD's.
Most guys would probably want to set a limit on their wifes spending.I just take it as it goes and so far OK.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: Money & Marriage, posted by JunFan68 on Jul 16, 2001

I am married to an American man. I spend three hours  reading these letters almost every day.  Before I wanted to answer but I am afraid to write English.  

I agree with the idea of JunFan68 to give her money each month because Colombianas are used to have our own money and we are too proud to ask a man for money.  I think the men should think about what the woman needs for her personal belongings.  Fortunately, when I arrived in the US I did not have this problem with my husband.  But I realize that many woman married to American men have felt frustrated because they do not have any money to spend.  Maybe you could understand that they decide to go back to Colombia or work here in something.

... in response to Re: Re: Money & Marriage, posted by JunFan68 on Jul 16, 2001

Mike,
My wife is just fine with letting me handle the money,except for what I give her for her use.Actually,even though she is pretty carefull with money I think she thinks I am a bottomless pit of money,which is not true but she hasn't seen any bottom so far.I kind of like my role here so I have to make sure I can continue to provide.I have thought of the scenario where we run low on money and I have to tell her,"sweetie we are out of money so we need to sell the house."What?Sell my house?"Being in real estate I have always considered houses saleable assets more than homes.With her I'm sure its different.
Actually the new tax laws let you make alot of money tax free on houses and I used to move every couple of years but that has ground to a halt.I don't think she wants to live in one of my renovation projects.
I think letting the man handle the money and be responsible fot it is part of the Colombian latin culture.You are the provider so you better provide.
God,I think I will digress a little.When I had been married to my first wife about 4 years we were looking for a new car.We came up with a budget that we thought we could afford and went looking.We couldn't find what we wanted and then one day we went in to this showroom and there was my perfect car sitting there .It was late in the model year and the salesman said he would make us a great deal.It came down to $13 a month over our budget and she said no.(of course this was lots of years ago,$93 a month vs $80).I don't ever want to get myself in that position again.

Pete