Serious Question

[Bob]

If your fiancée says can only spend several weeks with you before she has to return home, what are the visa repercussions?  Is she allowed to travel back to the states within the 90-day window?  Or, will she not be permitted to return?  This situation is a bit more complicated than the actual question.  But, I would rather not go into details at this time.  

Ya I will.  What would you guys think if your fiancée said she could only come for three weeks, because that is all the vacation time from work she has coming to her.  In other words she has to go back to work.  Ya I know.  I already have those misgivings.

Thanks,

Bob

[Aaron]

... in response to Serious Question, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

Bob,

What's up? Well, from some of the past exchanges... I guess all I can say is to slow down a little... be patient. It will all reveal itself to you for the best or for the worst; utimately for the best though because if you two marry and are happy then what could be better? Or if you two do not marry, then what could be better? The worst things that could happen is 1.) you give up on a really nice person that is truly interested in you; or 2.) you try to force something with this woman, and she doesn't care about you. Do you think it's unreasonable for her to get the flutters about coming to a foreign country to live with a guy that she has known for 11 months, met with two times, and fallen in love with through telephone calls and emails? It's hard to build a lasting relationship that way. Take your time and go slowly with her. Also, be loyal and do not chase other mamacitas. Be a gentleman... most of all be a friend. Take this time to show her that you are willing to stick around even when she may be a little unsure. This will greatly help your relationship by building trust, friendship, and loyalty. That's what you want right??? Or do you want the quicky... the K1 Visa express and nights of passion??? It's up to you. One good thing is that this woman has a decent job, pulling her own weight, and not necessarily looking for a MEAL. These are definitely good traits, but the premarital flutters are a common occurrance. So give it a little more time to test the waters. If she is playing games; then you know what to do. However, one thing I would start doing is don't invest too much in her financially at this point until she shows a serious committment and devotion for you that she is ready to change her life to be with you. If she loves you she wont expect you to always spend money on her, but she will show you other ways for you to show your affection for her. So take your time, and learn about her, and the way she feels.  

Take Care,
Aaron

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Serious Question, posted by Aaron on Jun 18, 2001

Aaron,

It runs a little bit deeper than you know.  For the past two months she says very little when I call.  The telephone converations are totally oneway.  I'm lucky to get three words out of here no matter what the topic.  Ever talk into dead are and carry on a conversation?  

When she got the visa package last week she complained of how effort she would have to put into the process.  Then the 3 week vacation period came into play.  A couple of days later I asked here if she had a game plan, so to speak.  Her answer was no.  Then silence again and I was talking to myself.

I think she just plain changed her mind over the past 2 months and waited me out.

Bob

[DallasSteve]

... in response to Serious Question, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

Bob

I'm sorry to hear about your experience.  It sounds like you would consider bringing her back.  My advice is don't.  If she was here for 3 weeks and didn't want to stay, then you are probably not the one she is looking for.  When a woman finds the man she wants she generally moves mountains to try to be with him.  And vice versa.  She could have turned her "vacation" into a "permanent vacation" if she wanted to.  She didn't.

Steve Gaines

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Serious Question, posted by DallasSteve on Jun 18, 2001

Steve,

I believe this women just plain changed her mind.  She became totally passive and no-interactive in our relationship.  Period!

Well she got the ring and a few hundred dollars I left with her last time for additonal expenses.  It could have been much worse by reading some of the recent posts.

I haven't called her since last Friday.  She has never called me once in the 11 months.  The last email I received was April 24.  She said it was too difficult to take off work and go to the shoppping center.

I sent the adios letter yesterday.  Doubt I here from here again.

There it is!

Bob

[Houndog]

... in response to Serious Question, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

There are many good women in Colombia that desire to commit more than vacation time to a relationship. My suggestion is you keep looking until you find a woman willing to commit as much time, energy, effort and love to the relationship as you are.

Believe me, they are there. I found one and so have many other guys. The key is to set your standards for the quality and type of relationship you want and stick with them. Of course if you lower the bar far enough, every woman will qualify.

Regards, Houndog

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Serious Question, posted by Houndog on Jun 17, 2001

I know your right.  It sure does hurt.  I have already composed a letter this evening putting a stop to this.  I just haven't had the courage to send it.  That is why I poised the question to the forum.

Bob

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: Re: Houndog, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

Listen I know it hurts. Been there done that. That's the whole point of raising the bar to exclude ones that aren't compatible on many different levels. Especially the level of "feelings". We have a chance here to raise the bar high enough to exclude all the ones that will hurt us. It's up to us to take a stand, and decide once and for all if we are willing to risk having our heart broken, for lack of resolve to raise the bar high enough to prevent it.

I made my 3 lists and stuck with them...and I'm glad I did...I was rewarded with a woman as wonderful,sweet and kind as I dreamed for.

The Lists...to be filled out completely !

1) Have to Have

2) Would Like to Have

3) Refuse to Have

Don't leave home without them

Regards, Houndog

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Houndog, posted by Houndog on Jun 17, 2001

TX,

Bob

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Houndog, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

Bob,

Of course there is another possible explanation.

The girl is not sure of her true complete feelings about commiting to marriage. In that case she may be afraid to quit her job in Colombia in advance. And wants to wait until she is here and more sure of her ability to make the complete commitment. IOW's a reverse test drive. Of course none of us can know all the details, but put yourself in her position for a few moments and maybe you can see her point of view. Perhaps not agree with it, but at least see it.

HD

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: perhaps ?, posted by Houndog on Jun 17, 2001

I do not believe I have left any doubt about my feelings for her.  I call her every evening.  Believe me, she knows.  I have torn the house apart for her.  Had it painted in her favorite colors.  Selected furniture she liked and much more.  This was not to buy her.  It was to make her feel as comfortable as possible in a strange place.  Lately she seemed like she could care less.

She knows my feels and my committment to her.  There can be know doubt!

[Houndog]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: perhaps ?, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

Bob...try to calm down..I understand this is painful. I have been betrayed in the past and understand how distressing it is and can be.

Now...reread what I wrote...I did not talk about "Your Commitment to Her" , of course it was strong if you were bringing her over.  I was talking about "HER Commitment" to you and marriage.

HD

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: perhaps ?, posted by Houndog on Jun 17, 2001

I read into it what it wanted too.  All I can say is that she was committed in February when I slipped the ring on her finger.  Since may all the little endearments have all but ceased for some reason. I know it is not another man.  I also know she was burned by a couple of Columbian married men.  Unknown to her at the time.

There has just been a change and I can't figure it out.  And she's not talking.

Bob

[Ralph]

... in response to Serious Question, posted by Bob on Jun 17, 2001

A K1 visa is good for only one entry. Hard to guess what is up with limited info. Maybe as you are unsure of her, she is also unsure? Good jobs are hard to come by in Colombia. maybe she isn't willing to jeopardize that?

[Bob]

... in response to Re: Serious Question, posted by Ralph on Jun 17, 2001

Ralph,

You are correct in you assumption.  She has a good supervisory job that she works at 7 days a week.

It is a question of priorities and committment.  She knows how I feel about our relationship.  We have spent enough time together that she knows that I want her to stay.  That is a given.  If she has changed her mind then I need to find out before she comes.  Not during her Vacation.

Bob