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Author Topic: Craigjjs Vietnam  (Read 4111 times)
stefang
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« on: July 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM »

Craig if you ever get a chance tell me more about Vietnam and how the women are differnent than what you have met in America. I would appreciate it and do you know any culture books that does a good explanation? Thanks in advance
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Hamlet
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« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2005, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Craigjjs Vietnam, posted by stefang on Jul 8, 2005

Craig's observations were trenchent.  Here are some more observations sent to me by a friend who has been living in Vietnam for the last four years dating around, admittedly with a class of women lower than that from which Craig has chosen a wife:

"What I see is a bunch of flighty little birds who think we shed money like dandruff, and have little concept of reciprocity. Damn they have nice asses though, but the percentage who know how to use it is also dismally low.  You can marry one if you are comfortable playing second fiddle to her ma & pa, brothers & sisters, 2nd cousins, etc. etc., and being perceived as little more than an ATM (and a stupid one at that). These people are like children, which has some virtues, but if you are looking for a relationship with an equal, forget it. Look at more like an adoption."

I have read some excellent books about the history of Vietnam and particularly of our involvement in the war, but none particularly about the culture.  The most notable of these books is Pulitzer Prize winner "A Bright Shining Lie" by NY Times reporter Neil Sheehan.  This book necessarily includes some culture.  One review says of the book: "Masterly...a compelling, graphic and deeply sensitive biography and one of the few brilliant histories of the American entanglement in Vietnam."  Another says, "A brilliant work of enormous substance and ambition.  It sets out to define the fatal contradictions that lost America the war in Vietnam."

Hamlet

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Craigjjs
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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Craigjjs Vietnam, posted by stefang on Jul 8, 2005

Hi Stefang,

It is always hard to speak in generalities.  I will try to stick to impressions I received from the majority of the women I came to know.  There are, of course, exceptions.  There are Vietnamese women who are quite similar to western women, but they are in minority.  It is also easy to fall into the "cheerleading" mode because I met such a wonderful woman.  I will try to avoid that.

I think that Vietnam retains more of the Confucian family-centered cultural influence than most, if not all, Asian countries.  As a result, there remains extremely powerful motivation for women to marry and have children.  Family is the highest priority, by a very great distance.  In my experience, the women are genuinely, honestly happy to have a relationship.  They receive their fulfillment from marriage and family.  The benefit to you is loyalty, unfiltered, unrestrained love, a great mother for your children, and a wonderful partner. But, you will also shoulder more resonsibility for her happiness than with most western women.  She won't tell you that, but it is the situation.  A decent guy will realize that this is a significant responsibility.  So, you should be prepared to invest a great deal of your time and energy in your relationship and family.  If you are a guy who has many outside interests and a wife's role is rather limited, a relationship with a Vietnamese woman will be difficult.  She will understand your outside responsibilities and interests, but will wish she had more of your time and may be unhappy as a result.  If the thought of a woman putting her happiness in your hands is not comfortable, Vietnam is probably not the best place for you.  When I look back, the common themes I found were genuine concern for my happiness and health, willingness to give a great deal to a relationship and extremely strong family orientation.  I guess the positive things that I find in western women that I did not often find in Vietnamese women were independence, interests outside of the family, and the willingness to say what they are thinking.

I am not sure what you are looking for in terms of culture.  There are websites with useful information about customs, etc.  Try www.loveofasiavietnam.com to start.  If you want to read about history or cultural issues there are a couple books I can recommend, but they are pretty academic.  The language is very difficult.  Fortunately, they use our alphabet.  But verbal communications are very tough.

Obviously, this is the tip of the iceberg.  If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me (craigjjs@nospam.com).

Craig

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stefang
Guest
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2005, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Craigjjs Vietnam, posted by Craigjjs on Jul 9, 2005

Hi Craig I will probably email you later. I am working 7 10-12 hour days and need some time tonight just to wash. I proably won't be going for a trip for at least a year, since I just started this job a month ago.

For now I am trying to find out more about Vietnam and Philippines. Thanks for the response.

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david hagar
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« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Craigjjs Vietnam, posted by stefang on Jul 8, 2005

I have worked with a lady that was from South Vietnam. She was one of the sweetest, most family oriented woman that I have every seen.  She loves her husband with all her heart. Her husband is so lazy that he will not work, but she will not divorce him due to her Catholic upbringining , her love for him, and that her children need both a father and a mother

Beattledog

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